


Dribbles and Drabbles

by ollie_oxen_free



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 16+, Actual death, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Violence, Multi, Shitty Smut, Too Much Rottenberry tbh, a metric shit ton of fluff honestly, and memes, bad brother au, bad times are rather prominent, because im a fucking idiot lmfao, but there are good times too, cute dates, enjoy yourself, ha ha SEXUAL TENSION, im fucking awful at ship names, just a series of oneshots and funny things that ive written just for fun, just go, just go you crazy kids you, memes as well, oh no, so if u see a ship that i dont have labeled correctly then please let me kno, some are prompts and some are just shit that i come up with myself, that's not even me being self-depreciating it really is shitty, warnings for each that are suited are in the notes at the beginning of each chapter so, youve read the tags this far so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-10-16 01:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 104,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ollie_oxen_free/pseuds/ollie_oxen_free
Summary: this is all full of absolute bullshit, do NOT readI'm warning ya(im not even half as funny as i'd like to think i am)((hey yall, do yourselves a favor and like. skip the first 15 or so chapters lol))





	1. Rad To The Bone: The Sequel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off this work by CrushingOnSans
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8585845/chapters/20773912
> 
> (i dont know how to link or tag people im sorry but u gotta read this first my dude)

Stretch tensed as he felt every eye in the room turn to look at him. It was dead silent, the only sound that was prominent was the ticking of the clock, and even that sounded muffled in his embarrassment. As if from far away, he heard his own voice: a quiet, broken thing.

 

“Blue… Why…” Apparently, that was all that was needed to snap the others out of their silence. Sans and Red immediately burst out laughing, as did Fell, and it was obvious that Papyrus was trying to hide his chuckles. Blue, thankfully, looked almost apologetic, the little bastard. He felt his face heating up and he pulled his hood over his head, pulling the string tight so that no one could see his embarrassment.

 

Through the hole in the front, he could make out the barest hints of Fell crossing his arms and smirking and Papyrus bouncing up and down excitedly. Nope. No. He wasn’t doing it.

 

He heard Red’s gravelly voice. “Come on, Stretch. You gotta.” Similar voices of assent were heard from around the room.

 

Fell piped up. “You know, this entire situation is  _ your _ fault, so I think you kind of owe us.”

 

He sighed heavily, giving in. It would all be over soon if he just went with it. 

 

“Fine.” His voice came out muffled from the cloth covering it. He blindly walked to where he knew the bathroom was, ignoring the cheers and peals of laughter from behind him.

He locked the door. Stood in front of the mirror, sweating. His gaze travelled to the window in the bathroom. Maybe he could just-?

 

As if able to hear his train of thought, Red piped up from the couch. “Yo, Stretch! Don’t bother trying to jump out the window in there because it’s got metal bars over it and shit.”

 

He sighed, turning back to the mirror. So much for that plan.

 

As if he was burdened by a gravity 10,000 times stronger than that of the planet, he painstakingly peeled his signature orange hoodie over his head. Then, off came the shorts. He looked over his reflection in

the mirror before pulling some items out of his discarded hoodie pocket on the floor: a hat and a pair of gloves. His shoes stayed the same, but mostly just because he was too lazy to change them.

 

He opened his eyes to look at his reflection in the mirror. He was wearing a cutoff pair of sweatpants (they had used to be full length and say “juicy” on the back, but the Annoying Cat had clawed the bottoms of them up, so he decided to give them a trim) and his normal black hightop converse, the ones with the cartoon and video game characters hand-painted on by none other than himself. His shirt-  _ if you could even call it a shirt with how little it covers _ he reprimanded himself- was actually just an open jean vest. On the back there were various iron-on patches attached. He had a pair of fingerless leather gloves pulled on his hands, and the knuckles on the left and right of them had “COOL GUY” stitched into them. His hat- beanie, actually- was almost entirely plain black, except for the words “Stay Woke” stitched on the front it white, surrounded by tiny star decals and a doodle of an alien spaceship.

 

Essentially? He looked cool as hell.

 

And he would never hear the end of it. Stuffing all his discarded clothes into his hoodie pocket (and then tying the thing around his waist, the finishing touch to his cool outfit) before steeling himself. He stood in front of the bathroom door. And then he decided that he didn't want to see what everyone thought of him, so he pulled the top of his beanie down, blocking his sight. He opened the door, stepped out, and shut it behind him in one fell swoop, leaning back against it with his arms crossed.

 

He was, once again, met with stunned silence.

 

“Wowie!” Papyrus piped up from where he, too, was standing entirely in his cool dude clothes. “You look really cool, Stretch.

 

He lifted the corner of his beanie, glaring over at where Fell was trying his hardest to hold back his laughter. 

 

“Just hurry up and fix your damned armor so I can go to Muffet’s and drink to pretend that this-” he emphasized the word by gesturing to the entire group of skeletons gathered in the room. “-never happened.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i actually have read the original so many times just beacause i thought it was literally THE funniest shit i have ever seen and i was so excited when Crush said that anyone could write a second chapter/some ideas for their stuff so HERE YOU GO!! im honestly supposed to be writing for my other fic, but i walked by forever 21 today and i was just like “,,.,.what if,.,....”


	2. StonerNos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between Sans and Stretch is the difference between apathy and bitterness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off of an idea from CrushingOnSans

Stretch woke up in a familiar manner, jerking awake and shooting up, like the entire world was pulled out from underneath him. His hands started to shake a bit, and an all-too-familiar emotion of anger burned low and heavy in his soul. He inhaled, looked at the clock beside his mattress, sitting on top of the box that had the table still inside it. The numbers flicked over, continuing their count as if everything was  _ fucking dandy _ , and he counted to three before turning to look at his door.

 

Two successive knocks, heavy, like the reaper himself was standing at the door, filled the silence. His brother’s chipper voice sounded out, none the wiser. “Papyrus!! Get up you lazybones! You’re going to be late for your sentry duty!”

 

He couldn't remember how many times he had heard that voice and been relieved, rushing out with tears overflowing his sockets and sobbing into Blue’s chest, reaching up to grab the back of his skull, the back of his neck, reminding himself over and over again that his brother was  _ here _ , he was  _ alive _ , the world had reset and his dust was no longer blowing on the gentle breeze of Snowdin, discarded like it was nothing.

 

“Coming, bro.” He got up, staring at the place on his chest where he had felt the burning heat of a blade just moments earlier. He lit a cigarette- Blue hated him smoking, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and it was in his own damn room so it didn't really matter- letting the smoke sit in his chest for a while and slowly breathing it out helped relax him. 

 

He finished it, snuffing it out on the side of his mattress where he had always done before. There used to be more scorch marks dotting the side, but recent…  _ circumstances  _ changed that. Standing, he opened the door and walked downstairs to where his brother was waiting. Everything was so set, so  _ familiar _ , and he found himself hating every single second.

 

Blue was standing by the door, bouncing in place at a perfect three bobs a second. He would always stop the bouncing two into his sets of three before pulling on his gloves to adjust them-  _ left, then right, and a final tug on the left _ \- before turning to Stretch, grinning at his brother. His hands would come up to rest on his hips and he would lean forward-  _ 32.5° exactly _ \- giving his best chiding glare.

 

Stretch smiled and nodded in all the right places, just wanting to get this song and dance over with so he could go to his station and chain smoke. They went their separate ways once they left the house- Blue always  _ always  _ taking five steps before turning around and giving an exaggerated wave- Stretch turning and walking towards his station near the ruins.

 

He looked up exactly two seconds before the fresh snow began to fall over the town. When, exactly, had seeing his brother after watching him be dusted stop being enough for him? Was it when he had stopped keeping track of his dustings after they began numbering in the hundreds? Was it after he had memorized every single action, no matter how slight, of his once seemingly quirky and unpredictable mannerisms?

 

_ Or maybe _ , the dreaded voice in the back of his head whispered,  _ it was when you realized that he would never understand your pain, your knowledge, and the  _ **_reason_ ** _ he was so damned happy was because of his blissful ignorance. Ignorant of how many times he's died, ignorant to the repetition of the same few days over and over again. He's even so damn ignorant of  _ **_you_ ** _ , his  _ **_brother_ ** _ , that he's unable to notice just how little hope you really have. _

 

He sat at his station with a heavy sigh, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and waiting for when the kid would inevitably walk through the forest.

 

He’d started killing them before they reached the bridge, his promise to that old bastard behind the door be damned. When first meeting the man he now knew as the former King Asgore, he was relieved. Here was someone who understood what it was like to see those you love butchered mercilessly without being able to do a thing to stop it.

 

Then he realized, after hearing the same heavy sigh and regretful tone dozens of times in a row, hearing the heavy words and the quiet, strained “Promise me”, that he knew  _ nothing _ . People he loved had died, sure, but ages ago. This man had time to mourn, had time to lay them to rest and weep and come to terms with it. Even if a reset had happened, he wouldn’t know. Every time watching was his first, and he knew nothing different. 

He hadn’t had to watch over and over again as the  _ one person _ he actually gave a shit about in this entire damned underground was reduced to dust, repeated and replayed like it was some scene from the next blockbuster movie.

 

For Asgore- no, for  _ everyone _ , each scene being played was the first, and when the curtains fell at the end it was over, and they were none the wiser. He opened his eyes, snuffing out his last cigarette on the counter in front of him. He checked the time. About ten more seconds now. The familiar sound of the ruins opening  prompted him to stand.

 

“Alright kid,” he said, flames of orange magic trailing out of his eye and licking up the side of his skull. He teleported in front of them, looking them over. They were clutching a small stick, a dirty bandage placed on a scrape on one of their knees. They had no killing intent whatsoever, and appeared afraid, hunched down and trembling silently.

 

He checked their stats, Judging them, as he always did.

 

**Chara**

**HP** : 20/20

**LV** : 1

**AT** : 1

**DF** : 1

_ They’ve come a long way. They’re here to help. _

 

 _Verdict:_ **_Innocent_**

 

He chuckled darkly, summoning an arsenal of blasters behind him. The kid gave a small sob.

 

He never said he was a fair judge.

 

“Let’s get this over with, Kiddo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not sure if this is what you meant, but this is the idea that i ran with, so
> 
> now i'm sad


	3. I Had To Google 90s Lingo For This And Even Then It Still Really Sucks So I Apologize In Advance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> error has a dictionary  
> lust has a DICK-tionary  
> fresh has a game system

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this at 1am and i refuse to go back and fix it OR apologize for anything
> 
> HA

Error was frustratingly tugging and pulling at the small wad of string in his hands. Recently, Lust had found a thesaurus in the dump. Normally, this would be considered a good thing, what with learning new words and expanding your mind and whatever. However, when it became apparent that Lust was using it solely to look up various synonyms for words exclusively relating to sex, Error had had enough.

 

For fucks sake, just how many different words are there for butt?

 

Eventually, it came to pass that Lust had used up almost every synonym available, and Error was almost relieved. Until, that is, he realized that synonyms for “dicks” weren’t the only thing on the menu anymore. Now, every word was up for modification, and Error had to get a small dictionary to keep in his pocket once the words got to be too much for him.

 

(A majority of the time, he didn’t even use the words in the correct context, leading to many frustrated groans after he flipped through his dictionary and a snort from the  _ wordsmith _ himself.)

 

He grumbled at his thoughts, messing with the strings attached to his fingers, making various shapes and patterns with them in vague boredom, when he heard the door to the skeleton brother's house in Underlust slam open. Faint 90s music followed soon after, and he stopped the motions with his hands, balling the strings up in his tightly clenched fists. Dear god, why. He looked over to the side to see Fresh bobbing up and down to the music, standing on a skateboard and sending fingerguns in Error’s direction.

 

He felt his eye twitch, a few glitches making his vision a bit sketchy before they cleared out. “What the [FUNK!] are you doing here?”

 

Lust chose to walk into the room at that moment. “Hey, I heard Take On Me playing in the other room and I just wanted to know what-” He stopped, seeing Fresh standing and still pointing Error’s direction. “...Am I missing something?” He smirked, pulling out the thesaurus and flipping through the pages, stopping on one and trailing his finger down the page.“Or, should I say, am I  _ vacuousing  _ something?”

 

Fresh ignored the question from both parties, as well as the odd bit with the weird tiny book, taking off the backpack that was slung over his shoulders and removing a N64 from it, proudly holding the game console above his head. “Yo! I brought some Smash Bros for us to all up and play man!”

 

“Why the [HECK!] would you come to ask me.” Fresh rode his skateboard over to the TV and started hooking the system up.

 

“Well, I asked Ink, but you know how that bro is, always up and trying to save all the different AUs and keep them from falling into that good ol’ utterly destructive chaos. No fun at all. Then I went and decided to bring my game of good times to Blue, since he’s the most rad dude who likes to have a good time, but he was all up and busy doing downright  **s i n f u l** acts with spiky emo Sans. So  _ then _ I went to go ask PJ, but he was also up and busy with some of that teenage angst jazz he seems to be all about these days.” 

 

He had finished setting the game up and was fiddling with a tamagotchi that was attached to one of the loops on his shorts. It had already died ages ago, and he was just pressing the buttons on the device at random. Error was rubbing his temples- having looked up to word to see that it was the  _ wrong fucking context _ \- and Lust was poorly holding back his laughter. “So, I decided that I’d just have to settle and deal with your untubular ‘tude if I wanted a dude to play my game against.”

 

Error waited a few seconds to see if the other would continue. When he didn’t, he sneered at him, talking over the music that was still going on in the background. “And why would I agree to play… whatever it was with you in the first place?”

 

Fresh laughed, adjusting his shades- which switched from saying SW AG to HA HA, in an unnecessarily extra way to show his amusement- and nodding his head in Lust’s direction. “To impress your smooch buddy over there with your rad gamer skillz, of course!”

 

Lust swallowed more laughter, putting on the most serious expression he could muster and nodding solemnly. “Oh yes, I would most definitely be impressed, or shall I say,  _ snowed  _ by your skills.”

 

Fresh whooped, chucking a controller to Error, who caught it in his general face area, before skating to the couch, ollieing over the table. Lust walked over to the side of the couch that was furthest from Fresh and closest to Error, waiting until the latter gave a nod before he sat down beside him. He nudged the angry skeleton, who was still rubbing his face where the controller had “landed” and gave a small smile. Error looked away with a huff and a blush. The game loaded with a bit of music before they went to the character selection screen.

 

Fresh chose Sonic while Error picked random selection. They played multiple rounds, Fresh picking the hedgehog every time and Error continuing to have randomly generated characters. He lost every time.

 

By his fifth failure, Error was ready to fling Fresh, who was now standing on his skateboard on top of the back of the couch, into the void before Lust tapped his shoulder, motioning for the controller with a small grin. Error relinquished the device with a huff.

 

Fresh noticed the change in controllership and laughed. “Well, my dude, are you prepared to get all up in that total ownage, dawg?” Lust just looked at the other with slight annoyance, selecting Jigglypuff and starting the round.

 

They each had three lives, Lust knocking Fresh out due to damage for two of them, and the third just due to the sheer carelessness of falling off the edge. Both of the other two parties seemed shocked by this development. 

 

Lust smirked. “Well, it seems that you have been completely discomfited, my comrade. Or, if I were to use words of a looser grammatical weight and of similar contextual value, I suppose I could say that you have received ‘total ownage, dawg’.”

 

Error laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> annoying-roomate-who-needs-constant-attention-and-validation! fresh


	4. Those Damned Rabble Rousers, Always Getting Themselves Into Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue has an Idea  
> Papyrus has heard this all before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is not at all the direction i wanted this to go, but [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9EwBNm1Uhs0) song came on and it just kinda... went in this direction

“Nope! No way!” Papyrus shook his head as best he could while still keeping an eye on his boiling pasta. Blue was standing beside him, occasionally checking the toasting taco shells that were sitting inside the oven.

 

Blue huffed, turning to the taller. “You know, I bet they totally would!”

 

Papyrus sighed, turning to his brother's more energetic counterpart. “I know that they both may be violent and sometimes kinda scary, but they still are part of the guard, which is now  _ basically _ the monster equivalent of the police! God  **_forbid_ ** , but if we killed anyone, they would most definitely  _ not _ help us hide it!” He stirred the pasta, pausing and turning to look at the other. “How did we get on this line of questioning again?”

 

Blue patted Papyrus on the legs, getting him to step back so he could open the oven to get out the taco shells. “I was talking to Alphys, and she said that true best friends would help the other get away with murder.”

 

Papyrus waited until the other stepped back and closed the oven to continue stirring his pasta. “Yes, well, I believe that is just a Your Alphys Thing.” He stopped stirring the noodles, leaning forward and turning off the pot heat and lowering the sauce to a simmer, before going to drain the noodles into the sink. “Granted, my Undyne often does and says things of similar caliber. For instance, just the other day we were playing minigolf, and she got angry and threw the windmill across a field. She asked both me and Frisk to not tell anyone.”

 

Blue had started putting meat in the tacos, beginning to plate them. “Did you tell anyone?”

 

Papyrus paused, thinking. “Well… No. But only because all she killed was a mini golf windmill, which isn’t even as good as a regular windmill.” He plated the pasta, pouring some sauce over it before nodding, satisfied. “Besides! She went and got it and put it back on! And you can hardly tell it was ever gone! Except for the huge, jagged crack in the bottom of it and the fact that we couldn’t find the top of it.” He set the plates of spaghetti on the table, thinking. Maybe it  _ was _ a lot more obvious than he had originally thought.

 

He heard a snicker from Blue and looked over. Papyrus narrowed his eyes. That face. He didn’t like that face at all. That was the face that would goad him into doing something that he was skeptical about, and often end up with the two of them in a very sticky situation.

 

(The last time he had trusted that face, it had ended up with the two of them hiding in a tree at a nearby Walmart parking lot at two in the morning, being searched for by angry humans and him holding a large pillowcase full of soap, with Blue wearing almost nothing but a princess crown and a fairy tutu.

 

That had been a crazy New Year’s Eve.)

 

“I don’t know what you’re planning, but you need to stop it immediately.”

 

Blue laughed. “Come on! They pull pranks on us like this  _ all the time _ , Papyrus. It’d be fun to get back at them with a taste of their own medicine!” With that logic, he clenched both his hands into fists, shadowboxing at the air in front of him.

 

“Yes, and if we stoop to their level, they would continue to do that stuff all the time.” Blue stopped his assault on the oxygen and looked at Papyrus. He grinned, puffing out his chest and placing both his fists on his hips. 

 

“What, are you chicken?” 

 

Papyrus paused, having almost sit down to eat. He looked at Blue. “I will not be goaded into this.”

 

Blue held up his hands appeasingly. “Fine, fine! I know I’ve gotten us into some…  _ situations _ in the past, but hey! If you do this one thing, then I  _ swear _ I will never make you do anything like it again!”

 

Papyrus sighed heavily, pushing some of the noodles around on his plate. Blue sat down and started eating his tacos. Granted, the other had sort of promised not to include him in things of the sort again but… Never breaking promises wasn’t one of the “Sans” things, as he had come to call them. It was one of the traits that came with being the Judge, and Blue most  _ certainly  _ did not posses it, despite how innocent everyone seemed to think that he was. Regardless, even if Blue hadn’t made such a promise as incentive, he would end up giving in anyways. He could never resist Blue’s persistent grin.

 

And Blue knew this.

 

A heavy sigh. “Fine. But you’re taking the blame for this one!” He waved his finger non-threateningly, and Blue whooped, shooting up in his chair to grab his phone.

 

Papyrus blinked, startled. “Wait, you're calling them now?”

 

“Yep! Before you chicken out!” He cleared his throat. Papyrus wrung his hands anxiously. This would not end well.

 

He heard the sound of a voice coming through the speaker and Blue sent him a wink before dropping it, shifting into a terrified looking posture.

 

“Fell? Oh god, please, we need your help.” If Papyrus didn’t know any better, then he would think that Blue was actually panicking. Blue’s acting abilities, unfortunately, weren’t lost on him. “Th-There was a human and I think that we killed them because they aren’t breathing and we don’t know what to do and-”

 

Papyrus heard the sound of two voices coming over the speaker, and the slight grin that Blue had on his face dropped. He started saying something before he stopped, pulling the phone back and looking shocked. Oh no. Papyrus knew that face as well. It was the face he made right before the trouble started.

 

Blue chuckled nervously. “So, uh… Fell and Razz are coming over here.”

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

“You can’t be serious! DId you tell them it was a joke?”

 

Blue grinned anxiously, looking at the other. “I didn’t get to because they hung up before I could say anything?”

 

Oh man.

 

Papyrus was going to say something, he didn’t really know  _ what _ honestly, when a loud banging came from the front door. They both winced, and Papyrus sighed. This sadly wasn’t his first time dealing with the police. He stood in front of the door, looking at it nervously before opening it. Fell and Razz stormed in, brushing him aside and throwing back words and phrases that Papyrus was barely able to follow.

 

“Did you call them?” Razz asked. Papyrus winced, realizing that he was either talking about the police of their brothers. He glanced over at a sweating Blue.

 

Fell scoffed. “Of fucking course I did, dumbass. They didn’t pick up so I told the assholes to call me back as soon as possible.”

 

Razz rolled his eyes, tossing a bag of unknown contents on the ground and going through it. He pulled out a small handheld saw and a bottle of hydrogen peroxide. He glanced up at Papyrus and Blue. “Do either of you have any blood on you?”

 

“N-no?” Papyrus said.

 

Razz continued pulling items from the bag, and Fell finally seemed to notice it.

 

“What, you’re going to try to dispose of the body?” He sounded annoyed.

 

Razz glared at the other. “No, I was planning on taking it on a date. Of course I am, what else are we supposed to do with it?”

 

Wait. What? Papyrus looked at the two skeletons in front of him nervously before looking at Blue, who seemed to realize what was going on as well.

 

Fell sneered. “You can’t just hide a body and hope that no one finds it!”

 

“Well, there’s not going to be any  _ hoping _ involved. No one is going to ever find it.”

 

“Eventually, someone is going to notice that they went missing!”

 

“Well, that’s what you called your guys for. They’re going to erase any trace of his existence.”

 

“They wouldn’t do something of the likes, because it offers too much risk of leading back to them.”

 

Razz stood, brushing off his pants. “Then what, pray tell, were  _ you _ planning on doing?”

 

“Change his history slightly. Pay a few ‘witnesses’ here and there to say that they were an anti-monster human, and that these two,” he gestured to Papyrus and Blue, “acted in self-defense.”

 

Razz scoffed, opening his mouth to snark back before Blue startled everyone with a loud shout. “IT WAS A PRANK!”

 

They both stopped arguing and turned to look at the two. Papyrus covered his face with his hands. Oh goodness.

 

Razz and Fell made eye contact and nodded slightly, Razz beginning to pack up his duffel bag again and Fell making another call. He said something into the phone about the ‘situation taking care of itself’ and hung up, with Razz slinging the bag back over his shoulder.

 

Papyrus managed to find his voice. “W-what, uh… What were you planning on doing?”

 

They looked at each other before looking back to Papyrus. He shuddered. “Hey. Don’t worry about it.” Fell said, before going to the door and walking out, with Razz following close behind. 

 

Blue laughed nervously. “Well, uh. At least we know that they’re… true besties, right?”

 

Papyrus shook his head, walking back into the kitchen. He just wanted to eat his spaghetti and forget this ever happened.

  
At least this time hadn’t ended with him putting out a fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i figured out how to link stuff!!! whoop!!!)


	5. I Played Paintball Once And It Was By Far The Worst Experience Of My Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not what Red thought would happen when he agreed to a "outing with friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is really stupid but i have been CRAVING some blackcherry

When Red had agreed to a “fun friendly outing”, the last thing he expected was for them to reenact a war with paintball. But honestly. What else had he been expecting?

 

Another round of shots was fired off, hitting the place where he and Razz were hiding behind. He sighed heavily. He was sweating under all the heavy padding, he was tired from being dragged around here and there by his ravenously murderous lover, and honestly? He just wanted to take a fucking nap.

 

Razz gripped his shoulder, pulling him over to whisper more “battle strategies” in his ear. Red smirked, turning his head to try and catch the other in a kiss. He was stopped by Razz’s hand pressed against his teeth, the owner of said hand looking slightly annoyed.

 

“There isn’t any time for makeouts! We are in the middle of a war!”

 

Red huffed. “A paint war. Which, if I can add, can be found at any preschool in the world during arts n’ crafts time.” 

 

Razz sneered, looking like he was about to retort when his eyes widened slightly before shifting into what Red liked to call “murder mode”. He yelped as the other grabbed him by the front of the shirt and dragged him across the field right before a splatter of paint hit right where he used to be crouching. He was thrown roughly on the ground behind a stack of tires that were chained together, watching as Razz turned and lifted his gun, firing a few shots into the trees. Blue had been leaning out of the branches, but screamed and jumped back in when the paint hit the trunk.

 

Razz lowered the gun and looked back over his shoulder at Red. Not for the first time, he was struck by just how cool his boyfriend was. He looked back up from Red to scan the area, turning back to him and talking in a hushed tone. “Stay here and defend yourself. I’m going to go after Blue and Fell since they’re the main threats at this point.” With that he looked up, glancing around before darting to the other side of the field, taking cover from the various shots of fire behind other things set up.

 

Red watched him go before plopping down with a huff, leaning back against the tires and closing his eyes. The perfect place for a nap. At least, it would’ve been if Sans hadn’t gone flying to land beside him, hitting the tires with a small “oomph”. In the background, he heard Razz’s triumphant yell and Blue’s panicked retort. The latter dashed away from the paint flying at him, impressively managing to dodge them all.

 

Red looked down at Sans, who seemed just as miserable as he felt. Sans met his eyes and he snorted at the misery in the sockets. “This was a terrible idea.”

 

He shook his head with a chuckle. “Honestly, what else did we fucking expect when we brought them here?”

 

Sans moved his head to Red’s lap, sighing and linking his fingers over his chest, like he was talking to a therapist. “I just. I had no idea Blue was that strong. He threw me clean across the field like I was some kind of javelin.” Stretch and Slim appeared soon after.

 

They fell onto Red in a similar manner. He grunted. “Oh my god, you guys, get the fuck off me.”

 

Stretch and Sans started fake snoring, while Slim sighed and looked at Red. “Hey. Come on, man. We’re all gonna die before the day is over, so just let us have this.”

 

Sans stopped his false snoring, looking up at the nearly cloudless sky. “Honestly though. Whose idea was it to let my bro and Fell be on the same team?”

 

Stretch agreed. “Who let me and Slim be on the same team? We both suck!”

 

“Yep. No one sucks as hard as we do.”

 

Snickers erupted from the pile. They all saw Blue sneak into view, hiding behind a few props. Soon after, Razz came into sight, appearing to be on the hunt for the other. Sans laughed.

 

“Well,  _ color _ me surprised. Razz is on the offensive.”

 

“I don’t think I like the  _ tone _ of his voice.”

 

“We should be careful, because if he finds us, he won’t let us  _ Gogh _ .”

 

Razz’s head snapped to their pile. Red sighed, as it was probably his “Bad Pun Radar” (whatever the hell  _ that _ means) that gave them away. “RED!” He barked, “STOP FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY!!”

 

Red sighed heavily before muttering a “sorry guys” and popping out from under them. He appeared a few feet away, turning at hitting them all with paintballs, marking them as out. They all seemed shocked by his betrayal as he began to walk back to where a proud Razz was standing. The only noise they made was a faint “motherfucker” that could have come from anyone. He stopped next to Razz and mock saluted him.

 

“Welp, I just destroyed three friendships. What now, captain?”

 

Razz smiled a wicked grin and, yep, there was the murderous glint in his eyes again.

 

“Now? We’re going to  _ d e s t r o y  t h e m _ .”

 

Jesus christ.

 

It didn’t take long for them to corner Blue around some trees. He yelped as he was sprayed with paint, huffing and pouting as he walked off. Razz stuck out a hand as he passed with a smirk, and Blue begrudgingly shook it. They always had a kind of one upmanship thing going, which usually ended in Red trying to keep Razz from going too far and accidentally killing someone.

 

Watching the other walk away, Razz turned back to Red. He stared at him for a moment before Red spoke up. “So, can we make out now or?”

 

Razz groaned, rolling his eyes. “After we win.”

 

Red grinned widely. Fuck yeah. A rustling came from above that interrupted his celebration. They both snapped their heads to the tree to see Fell posed, confidently.

 

“I think you meant to say  _ if _ you win.” They both pointed their weapons up at him, hitting him with two different shades of paint. Fell didn’t even flinch. 

 

Red winced. “Eh. Sorry, Boss.” 

 

Fell looked off to their right. “It’s fine. There’s always a bit of collateral.” 

 

Razz knew better than to fall for such an obvious bait to distract them, but Red didn’t, turning to look in the direction that Fell had gestured. He fell forward with a yelp as something hit him in the back. Razz cursed, jumping off to the side and firing in the direction that Papyrus had shot from. A dull thump came from the treeline and a splatting sound came from beside at almost the same time. Red turned his head, still lying prone on the ground, to see that Razz and Papyrus had both shot each other at almost the same time.

 

Fell, Papyrus, and Razz all seemed angry at this outcome.

 

“I shot you before you fell out of the tree!”

 

Papyrus huffed. “No you didn’t! I shot you, and  _ then _ I fell out of the tree!”

 

“It’s a matter of who shot first.” Fell interrupted, trying to be the voice of reason.

 

Red chuckled from the ground. “Heh. Han Solo shot first.” 

 

Razz tensed up, turning his head to glare down at Red. “You get no makeouts for the rest of the day.”

 

“Aw, what the fuck?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> paintball is so awful it baffles me why anyone would willingly be bruised by flying colors jesus christ


	6. The Whole Reason You Go To The Gym In The First Place Is So That You Can Exercise You Dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you rearrange the letters in "exercise" then you get "sex e rice" and i just think that's beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im supposed to be doing my homework for statistics but this happened instead ahhhhh

When Sans had mentioned coming to the gym with him, Blue had at first been ecstatic. Finally,  _ finally _ , it seemed that his constant attempts at getting the other to act healthy and get exercise were working! He’d had high hopes ever since Papyrus had somehow managed to get Stretch to stop smoking and eating so many unhealthy sweets, and he had hoped that he would somehow manage to have to same effect on his own counterpart. However, after getting to the gym, he realized rather quickly that it was just a dream.

 

Sans had been, for the past twenty minutes, falling asleep on the various exercise equipment as soon as he got on it. Blue didn’t have enough fingers to count how many times he had to move his lover from various weights and such so that someone else could use it. They often glared at him and he smiled sheepishly, embarrassed.

 

He had tried to get Sans to do  _ something  _ other than snore away on the benching equipment, but to no avail.

 

“Sans, come on!” He had tried. “You’ve been wearing gym clothes this whole time and just sitting there, doing nothing!”

 

Sans had shrugged with his normal cheeky grin. “I’m trying to get into the mindset of things.” He tapped himself on his forehead. “Working up a real mental sweat just thinking about all the squats I’m gonna bench.”

 

Blue had stomped his foot, ignoring his horrifically incorrect terminology for now. “I  _ know _ that there’s a mindset to these things, but it’s surprisingly  _ not just a mindset!  _ You have to actually  _ do _ something!”

 

Yet, despite his protests, Sans had fallen asleep  _ again _ , and Blue had to move him out of the way of another gym goer. With a heavy sigh, he set him down (gently, of course, because the last thing he would want to do is wake him up). Blue checked the time. He guessed it was time to stretch and get ready to go. Though they didn’t have muscles like humans and fleshy monsters, the magic that flowed through them to hold them together could become strained, and stretching helped realign the pathways. 

 

He paused before he started, however, looking over at Sans and smirking, an idea forming in his head. He kicked him lightly on the leg, and Sans awoke with a snort, looking around sleepily. Now that he was awake, Blue grabbed both his hands and hauled him off the bench, Sans having to stumble a bit to get his feet under him. He gave Blue a confused look after glancing around and not seeing anyone who needed to use the bench. Blue grinned cheekily.

 

“We’re about to leave soon, and I need to do some stretches before we go! I need your help but, don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything!” He reached his arms above his head a bit, his shirt lifting the barest bit over his hipbones before he put them back down.

 

Sans shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind, before smiling back at Blue. He winked. “Sure thing. Doing nothin’s my specialty.” 

 

Blue grinned, motioning for Sans to stand still. He stood in front of him before placing one of his hands on his shoulder. He looked behind himself, reaching back and grabbing his right foot with his right hand, stretching the magic around his femur. He looked back up after he had grabbed it, coming face to face with Sans. If they had noses, they would have no doubt been brushing against each other. Blue saw a small blush spread on his boyfriend’s cheekbones and the beginnings of sweat dripping down his skull. He fought to keep a grin off his face and tried to keep his expression of as innocent intent as possible.

 

He stretched his other leg then stepped back, stretching each arm, in turn, across his torso and pressing down on it with his forearm. He motioned for Sans to sit down with his legs laid loosely in front of him. He walked around behind him before sitting back to back, cross-legged. Blue reached his hand around to lay it on his upper femur, using the leverage to turn his upper body and stretch the magic in his spine. His face was near Sans’ shoulder, and he had no doubt that every gentle breath that he took was leaving a gentle breeze of his lover’s cervical spine. Sans stuttered at the contact as Blue switched to touch his other femur, stretching his other side.

 

Blue stood once he was done, walking back around to Sans’ front. He sat on his knees in front of his outstretched legs and, taking both of his hands, leaned forward until his face was pressed against Sans’s knees. He let go of both of Sans’ hands, placing them palm down on either side of his hips before lifting his own hips up, falling into the downward dog position, his head hovering a few inches over his boyfriend’s pelvis. A glance up at his face showed that he was blushing a dark, prominent blue and sweating profusely.

 

Blue fought back his laughter. All right. The other had suffered enough.

 

He came down from the pose to kneel between Sans’ legs, and gave him a quick peck on the teeth before standing up. Blue reached down and pulled him to his feet as well, giving his best innocent grin.

 

“Well, wasn’t that fun?! We should do it again sometime!” And with that he turned and walked towards the exit, pretending not to notice the way that Sans’ eyes raked over his form as he walked behind him. Blue let a bit of his laughter slip, adding a skip to his step.

  
One thing was for sure, he would  _ definitely _ be giving Sans a workout tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im fucking failing my statistics class what the hell is wrong with me
> 
> [my battle song right now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puTtnqoqHLQ)


	7. Alphys And Undyne, The Ultimate Fanfiction Team!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when they write a fanfiction, by golly do they write fan FICTION ha ha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based off an incident from one of my fics that i thought was funny as shit and so i wrote it!
> 
> [(shameless self promotion ha ha)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10470291/chapters/23103429)

In front of the skeleton school stood Razz, desperately pulling down his short schoolgirl skirt with a blush, still holding his buttered toast in his mouth. The wind kept blowing up his skirt, and a few cherry blossom petals floated down from the trees. He huffed when one landed on his toast, taking it out of his mouth to brush it off when he looked up, seeing his sempai standing underneath of one of the cherry trees, looking off the the side nonchalantly.

 

“B-Blue karesi…” His toast fell out of his hands as he stared at his crush, a few blossom petals settling at the ground around his feet.

 

~~~

 

_ “Babe, I think we should add more cherry blossoms.” Alphys was hovering over her shoulder and snooping on the writing. Undyne sighed. _

 

_ “Fine.” _

 

~~~

 

Suddenly, a large pile of blossom petals fell onto Ble, covering him entirely! “Razz, my love…” He managed to wheeze out before the petal pressure became too great and-

 

~~~

 

_ Alphys was hitting Undyne with a pillow. “THAT’S NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT!” _

 

_ Undyne laughed. “You’re smiling th-though.” _

 

_ Alphys grumbled. “Just fix the damned petals.” _

 

~~~

 

~~ Suddenly, a large pile of blossom petals fell onto Blue, covering him entirely! “Razz, my love…” He managed to wheeze out before the petal pressure became too great and ~~ Razz watched as the wind blew majestically and caused more petals to flutter around Blue’s face. Razz took in a shaky breath, intending to walk past him and look very alluring and sexy, before tripping over the growing pile of petals and landing on his face.

 

~~~

 

_ “Wait, Razz isn’t clumsy?” Alphys criticized.  _

 

_ Undyne huffed in amusement. “One t-time I saw him climbing on th-the counter to try and g-get a plate and he d-dropped the entire stack and fell off. I have it on video.” _

 

_ Alphys doubled over in laughter. _

 

~~~

 

His already embarrassed blush deepened as he realized that his short schoolgirl skirt flew up, exposing his pelvis to the air. Blue was staring at it appraisingly and Razz shrieked, standing up quickly and darting away. When he reached the edge of the school building he ran around it, out of sight from the other. He heaved a heavy sigh, leaning against the wall of the school and closing his eyes

 

~~~

 

_ Alphys once again put her snout in front of the laptop screen. “When are they going to fuck.” _

 

_ Undyne sighed, pushing her wife’s face away from the screen for the fifth time. “We need to give the setting some depth.” She looked at Alphy’s puppy eyes and rolled her own. “Give me a few more sentences.” _

 

_ She kept typing as Alphys gave a whoop. _

 

~~~

 

Razz opened his eyes when he felt a movement in front of him, seeing Blue standing in front of him, both of his hands placed on the building on either side of Razz’s head. “Well,” he purred. Razz shivered. “You aren’t planning on running away from me now, are you?”

 

~~~

 

_ “Wait. Are we making Razz the bottom?” Alphys had a huge grin on her face when asking the question. _

 

_ “He’s w-wearing a skimpy schoolgirl outfit and n-no panties. Of fucking c-course he’s the bottom.” They high-fived. _

 

~~~

 

Razz tried to stutter out an answer, but found himself crumbling under Blue’s intense, hungry gaze. One of his hands reached down and lifted up the front of Razz’s skirt again, intending to get a closer look. Razz smacked his hand away with a blush. “B-baka!”

 

~~~

 

_ Alphys fell off the bed, cackling, and Undyne brought up one of her hands to try to cover her own laughter. _

 

_ “HA HA! TSUNDERE RAZZ! I LOVE IT!” _

 

~~~

 

Blue seemed mildly shocked at the insult before smirking, pushing his body up against Razz to more fully pin him to the building. “Well, that’s not very fair, is it? You parade around in front of me and wave this-” one of his hands came down to the back of his pelvis, twisting the coccyx, making Razz’s hips cant forward- “in front of me, and expect me not to react?”

 

Blue leaned down, capturing Razz in a kiss and lifting his knee up to grind against the bottom of his pelvis. Razz moaned, and Blue slipped his tongue in his mouth, immediately dominating the makeouts. He picked Razz up by the hips, wrapping the other’s legs around his waist and grinding down harder.

 

~~~

 

_ “I just realized something.” _

 

_ Undyne kept typing. “W-what?” _

 

_ “They’re about to fuck outside. Where everyone can see them.” _

 

_ Undyne grinned, pushing up her glasses with a small blush. “I’m into v-voyerism.” _

 

_ Alphys choked on her own spittle. _

 

~~~

 

Suddenly, Blue and Razz were inside of the school in front of the teacher’s desk, but no one else was there because it was a Saturday. Blue kept grinding against the moaning Razz, bending him over the desk and inserting two fingers into his butt.

 

~~~

 

_ “...” _

 

_ “...” _

 

_ “...Butt?” _

 

_ Undyne huffed. “W-what do you think it should b-be?” _

 

_ Alphys waved her hands in front of her, searching for a word. “...Vagina?” _

 

_ Undyne scowled, sticking out her tongue, about to retort when they both heard a meow. The Annoying Cat had just walked into their bedroom and hopped on the bed, staring at the two. They turned and looked each other dead in the eye. _

 

_ They said it at almost the exact same time. “Pussy.” _

 

~~~

 

-inserting two fingers into his  ~~ butt ~~ pussy.

 

~~~

 

_ Alphys flopped over her arms, groaning. “Uggggghhhhhhh. This is taking to long! Just make them fuck!” _

 

_ Undyne smirked, fixing a few of the places where she had messed up in the fic. “What? T-they are having sex. Y-you of all people should know that sex isn’t purely d-defined by penetration.” _

 

_ Her small wife stood up, fuming, and picked up the bed with her still on it, giving her infamous battle cry. “I KNOW THAT, BUT I’M TIRED OF ALL THIS SHIT! JUST GO AHEAD AND MAKE HIM IMPALE RAZZ ON HIS CYAN MAN LOG!!” _

 

_ “...” _

 

_ “...” _

 

_ “I’m p-putting that in the f-fic.” _

 

_ Alphys cheered, setting the couch back down. _

 

~~~

 

Blue removed his fingers and turned him around. Blue smirked loudly before impaling the blushing schoolgirl Razz on his cyan man log. Razz moaned at the sensation, and Blue began roughly pounding the other into the desk, getting various fluids all over the graded tests from their math science. They both came hard and Blue pulled out, panting. 

 

He leaned forward, giving Razz a peck on the teeth. “Suki da, Razz. You make my kokoro go doki doki.”

 

Razz blushed at his words.

 

~~~

 

_ “Aaaand we’re done.” Undyne nodded, bringing up her email and sending the fic to the Underswap Papyrus, Stretch, who had requested it. _

 

_ Once it was sent, she turned to look at her wife, who was munching on a box of cheezits. “Do y-you think Blue w-was out of character?” _

 

_ Alphys popped another cheezit in her mouth, chewing before answering. “We know next to nothing about him other than he’s like Razz except less anal about things all the time.” Another cheezit. “Either way, we just got ten bucks!” _

 

_ Undyne laughed. “Y-you have a point.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no regerts


	8. Broken Glass. Broken Window. Broken Bones.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is sad im really sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: physical abuse, verbal abuse, denial of said abuse, victim denial
> 
> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szIDM99kRNM) for this chapter

The cold air flowing into the room slowly replaced all the warmth until it felt like his bones themselves were made of ice. It didn’t matter. He didn’t have any skin, so it’s not like it would really cause any damage other than a slight discomfort.

 

He almost wished it did.

 

Papyrus blinked the tears away  _ when had he started crying?  _ and stood. The tear tracks that were left from running down his face had frozen slightly, leaving a orange tinted, disgusting display that he hated. 

 

He walked to the window unsteadily, looking at the broken parts of it lying around the sill and outside itself. The chair that was thrown through it sat in the front yard. Two of the legs were broken off.

 

_ What were you expecting? _

 

He walked to the closet, opening it and grabbing a broom and dustpan, starting to sweep up the shards of broken glass. He glimpsed small bits of his reflection in the glass and winced. He propped the handle of the broom against his chest and brought the heels of both his palms up to scrub away the stained tracks of tears that were still on his face.

 

He was a mess, he was  _ worthless _ , he-

 

The door opened and Sans walked in. More of a stumble, actually, leaning against the walls of their house with one hand. The smell of alcohol wafted off of him. Papyrus glanced up at the clock, seeing how late it was, opening his mouth to say something before he wilted under a glare from his brother. His gaze fell to the floor and stayed there as Sans fumed before he walked behind him and upstairs to his room to black out.

 

Papyrus flinched as the upstairs door slammed, feeling a fresh throb of pain in his shoulder. He walked to the trash can, disposing of the pieces of glass and letting new tears fall down.

 

God, he didn’t even remember what had happened. Sans was yelling at him about something, which wasn’t anything new, really, when suddenly a chair from the kitchen table came flying at him, surrounded by an aura of blue and Sans was standing, one hand raised and surrounded in the same color and an  _ anger _ in his eyes that he had never seen before, a hatred that chilled Papyrus down to his marrow more than the wind from the broken window itself did and-

 

The window. He forced himself to stop shaking-  _ Just stop fucking crying, Papyrus, you’re acting like a fucking baby _ \- setting the broom against the counter and walking to the door. He opened it and stepped out into the snow. The chair was half buried in the snow at this point. Gentle flakes fell from what served as their sky, drifting softly until they landed on the ground, offering a fresh blanket for him to walk in.

 

He walked to the furniture, picking up the two broken legs before taking the chair itself back inside. He set the broken pieces down with a shaky breath. He went upstairs to his bedroom and took his blanket off his mattress, placing it over the still broken window. It was far too late in the night for him to go out to the store for a new one, and Sans would no doubt be angry at him if he let the cold air continue to blow in.

 

It was his fault in the first place, anyways. He knew better than to try and convince Sans to not go to Grillby’s and get blackout drunk, but… He worried.

 

Deep down, some part whispered that maybe he shouldn’t waste his time worrying when he was already such a burden on Sans, but he couldn’t help it. They were family for God’s sake, and even if he was nothing but trouble and an overall bother-  _ God, sometimes I think it would just be better if you were  _ **_dead_ ** \- they were still brothers and…

 

Sans was just stressed from work, is all. He was stressed from work and just wanted to go and unwind from the day, and Papyrus got in his way and he lost his temper. Sans had never hurt him before and it was just a bunch of pent-up aggression. He didn’t mean it when he said he said he wished that Papyrus was out of his life. He didn’t mean it when every time he came home he wanted nothing to do with Papyrus or his cooking, he was just not hungry from the day’s events. 

 

And…

 

There was certainly no way that Sans meant the utter fury and malice that was in his eyes as he attacked Papyrus and walked away from the scene with not even a glance back as he laid on the floor, clutching his cracked scapula in pain and-

 

A few tears dripped onto the countertop and he quickly wiped them up with his hand. He took a few deep, steadying breaths before he stood fully from where he had braced himself against the counter. He grabbed the broom and set it gently in the closet, making as little noise as possible so he wouldn’t disturb Sans. He walked up the steps, carefully opening his door and shutting it softly behind him.

 

A glance around his room showed that everything was in order, the nearly bare shelves holding a few trinkets here and there that he had collected over the years, and he went to lie down on his (now bare) mattress. He hissed in pain as the motion jostled his shoulder, his hand shooting up to muffle any whimpers that would come out. He didn’t want to wake Sans.

 

He stood shakily, walking over to the cracked mirror he had hung in the corner of the room. He took off the large shirt he was wearing, taking special care not to disturb the scarf around his neck, and examined the crack in the bone. It was… larger than he had thought. Definitely not something that he could heal on his own.

 

He ran his fingers over the crack, wincing a bit at the fresh pain it brought. He’d have to get this healed, otherwise the magic would get infected and he would have to go to a hospital. That was the last thing that Sans needed.

 

He looked over at his door apprehensively. If he managed to get this healed before Sans found out about it then… He wouldn’t have to worry about taking him to the doctor. He nodded slightly, pulling the shirt back over his head- wincing when it jostle his shoulder- and exited his room carefully. 

 

He walked out back as silently as he could, hands shaking as he went to enter the universe coordinates. He tapped in the coordinates for Underswap after some hesitation, watching shakily as the portal opened up. He would go to Blue, get his shoulder fixed back up, and then come back! No real problem. 

 

He stepped through the portal, walking to the door of their shed before going to the front of their house. He inhaled shakily, going to lift his arm before wincing at the movement and putting it back down. He looked at his right shoulder before sighing, lifting up his left to knock. He blinked a few times as he realized how late it was. His hand fell back down.

 

He… He couldn’t bother them like that. They didn’t need to be bothered by him. It would be better off if he just ignored the pain and tried to heal it himself. He slowly walked back to their shed, his left hand rubbing his injured arm as he entered the numbers for him to return home.

 

They didn’t need him to bother them. They didn’t need him.

 

He wiped away the fresh tears as they fell. He shouldn’t cry. It didn’t matter.

 

Back upstairs. On the bare mattress. Ignore the pain.

 

_ God, sometimes I feel like the happiest day of my life will be when I  _ **_finally_ ** _ get to spread your  _ **_dust_ ** _. _

  
A hand came up to muffle his sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda personal and kinda depressing and 
> 
> i apologize


	9. The Obligatory Coffee Shop AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there was bound to be a coffee shop thing at some point in this clusterfuck of shorts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just fucking realized that in the cheez-its commercials the big rolls of cheese have no idea that once they reach the age of reckoning theyre going to be fucking annihilated for my tasting pleasure and now im kinda depressed

Slim stood in front of the mirror, taking a deep breath and psyching himself up. He let it out in a deep exhale, rolling his head on his shoulders. Fuck yeah, he could do this. He wasn’t stalling for time, either. Razz groaned from where he was laying on the couch, looking up from his book of sudoku to glare at him.

 

“Would you mind shutting the fuck up?” Slim adjusted his jacket, grabbing the zipper on the front of it and making sure it was all the way down at the bottom. He turned and looked over his shoulder.

 

“I wasn’t even saying anything, shut up.”

 

Razz rolled his eyes, the pencil going into the book to mark his place as he closed it. He tossed it on the coffee table in front of him, the loud thwap seeming to startle Blue, who was on the couch as well, doing a crossword. Razz pulled aside his glove to look at a nonexistent watch in an exaggerated motion. “You’ve been preening over your reflection for the past ten minutes now.” He pulled the glove back down, flexing his wrist and balling his fingers into fists to readjust it. “So actually, what the fuck.”

 

Blue huffed out of his nose, bringing his foot over to kick Razz lightly in the leg as chiding for the language. Razz caught the foot, lifting it up and pulling it, Blue yelping as he was yanked forward and trying to catch himself before he fell off the couch. Slim ignored their gay antics.

 

“I! Am going to the coffee shop!” Both the others stopped their play fighting to look at him apathetically.

 

“Slim, you hate coffee.” Blue said, using his other foot to try and pry Razz’s grip off his boot. Razz was having none of it.

 

"True. But. I love Dat Ass.” Blue blinked at him, confused, and Razz sighed, dropping the other’s legs. Blue half fell off the couch at this; the iron grip on his ankles being one of his major supports.

 

“There’s a barista at the shop that he thinks is attractive-”

 

“He’s so fucking hot.”

 

“Fuck off. And he’s been going there almost every day at this time to see him.” Razz explained. Blue shifted back onto the couch, picking his puzzle back up and folding it gently to set on the table.

 

“And this time,” He snapped both his fingers, turning them into guns and pointing them in the general direction of the couch, “I’m going to ask him on a date.”

 

Blue blinked at this, confused as to why he was interrupted from good puzzle time to be included in this. “Well, uh. Good luck I guess?”

 

Slim gasped exaggeratedly, bringing a hand up to splay across his chest in mock flattery. “Why  _ thank you _ Blue!  _ This _ is why you’re my favorite!”

 

Razz muttered something along the lines of “Just get the fuck out of the house” and Slim left with a laugh, letting his  _ personal favorite _ finger stick straight up in the air as he walked out the door. A few more steps, around the corner, and with a “pop”- and a weirdass smell of licorice- he was walking out the alleway of the coffee shop.

 

He rolled his head on his shoulders, relishing in the popping sound that it made as he, once again, psyched himself up. He could do this. Hell yeah. He was just gonna walk in, be smooth and charming as  _ fuck _ , and get the barista’s number. He could do this.

 

He walked through the door and immediately stopped in his tracks at seeing his crush behind the counter.

 

He forgot everything that he was planning on saying. He stiffly walked up to the counter and smiled nervously when the guy came up to him. “The Guy”. He blanked on his name. For fucks sake, he had been coming to this coffee shop for how long? A few weeks now, seeing this guy almost every day? And he forgot the name now that it was time for his moment of action.

 

And he was sober and everything. Too sober for this.

 

“Slim?” The barista tilted his head to the side slightly, and with a slight shock, Slim realized that he had been standing there, unmoving for the past minute. A glance behind him showed a line that was beginning to form, with more than one person glaring at him. He discreetly flipped them off, turning back to-

 

“Papyrus!” Of course, the name tag! How had he forgotten? Said skeleton jumped at the slight shout before standing back up with a smile and a laugh.

 

“That’s me!” He put his hand on his chin, posing proudly. His coffee-stained apron whipped in the breeze a bit as the air conditioning switched on. The hand came back down after a pointed cough from another person in line. Slim gave a glare out of the corner of his eye. “So, what can I get for you?!”

 

(Now’s your chance, Slim. Say ‘You can get me your number’ with a clever wink in a charming manner, and you’ll  _ immediately _ have him swooning in your arms.)

 

“A, uh… hot chocolate. Please.”

 

(What the fuck.)

 

Papyrus nodded with a smile, taking his money and handing him back the change, which he immediately put in the tip jar. Slim went to sit in one of the chairs at a table, tenting his hands and staring at the grains of wood. What the hell was that? His name was called and he went up and grabbed his drink, smiling back at Papyrus when he received a grin in turn. Well, he could always ask him once he finished his hot chocolate.

 

The bell that was attached to the front door gave a jingle, and Slim looked up, seeing a cat monster walking in, tying an apron of his own around his waist. A glance down at his phone showed it being around the top of the hour. A shift change. Great. Looks like he would have to wait until tomorrow to get his number. 

 

If he ever managed to work up his courage at all. He shifted down further in his seat, taking a sip of his drink before groaning. God, Razz would not let him fucking hear the end of it when he came home without any trace of having talked to him. This was stupid as shit

 

He snapped back to reality when he heard the chair across from him scrape on the floor. A few blinks to clear his mind, and he saw Papyrus, holding a coffee of his own, the apron that he was so used to seeing discarded, sitting down in front of him. He shot up straight in the chair. Papyrus had asked him something. What did he ask? He didn’t notice. Oh god, he was sweating, just answer with something you piece of shit.

 

“I’m good! How are you!” Papyrus just blinked at him before trying to hide a chuckle. That… probably wasn’t the question. He sat down, holding his coffee in front of him with both his hands, smiling. Slim was once again struck by how gay he was.

 

“So, you come in here a lot!” Papyrus gave a small chuckle. He was adorable.

 

“Yep! I, uh… Like. Coffee.” Smooth. He looked down at his not-coffee. “Or hot chocolate, I guess.”

 

Papyrus nodded sagely before looking off to the side, seemingly uncomfortable all of a sudden. Slim couldn’t blame him. If this entire situation got any more awkward then he would probably dust on the spot. “So! I’ve been meaning to ask you something!”

 

Slim tensed up. Don’t expect the worst, don’t expect the worst… oh no. Papyrus was anxiously tapping his index finger on the table, more than likely trying to find the nicest way to tell Slim to never come back to the shop. A light orange blush was spread across his cheekbones, and he inhaled a deep breath before suddenly standing up. “OH! I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO BE!” He shoved one of his gloved hands in the pocket of his pants before pulling out a wad of paper, tossing it on the table with a “NYEH!”.

 

His hand shot forward and he picked up his coffee. “OKAY, SEE YOU LATER!” And with that, he dashed away from the table and towards the nearest window. The cat monster, having heard the conversation (if you could honestly even  _ call _ it a conversation) perked up.

 

“Papyrus! The manager said that you can’t jump through anymore windows!” Said skeleton skidded to a halt in front of the glass before turning his head to the side to look at the doors. His eyes darted back to where Slim was sitting- still fazed by the whole situation- before landing back on the door. He calmly walked out the front, the jingle sounding behind him.

 

Slim blinked at the reaction, looking down to examine the slip of paper. On it, in slightly smudged ink, was written:

 

“PAPYRUS’ NUMBER: XXX-XXX-XXXX”

 

He felt a grin stretch across his face at the handwriting.

 

This didn’t go as far into shit as he thought it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if we r being honest here i wrote most of this while i was shit-faced drunk the other night and i just went back and edited it


	10. Just Totally Normal Domestic Everyday Skeleton Roomate Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's time to do the got-damned laundry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was essentially crying laughing the whole time I was writing this

Slim awoke with a start, his snoring cutting off with a snort as he was smacked in the face with a pillow. He would have ignored it- going back to sleep and pretending he had never been woken up in the first place- if not for the fact that the pillow lifted, showing Red, before falling back down again. And again.

…

And again.

Though he prided himself on being able to sleep through almost anything and everything, this was pushing the boundaries of what even himself was capable of. He caught the pillow this time.

“What do you want.”

Red huffed out a laugh, yanking the pillow out of his grip before tossing it carelessly over his shoulder. He looked down at the other. “Help me do the laundry.”

Slim stared at him. “No.” He turned over so he was facing the couch, intending on just ignoring the other and going back to sleep. The pillow came down over his head again and he groaned. “It’s your fucking turn to do the laundry, I did it last time.”

He said the fact with a satisfied smirk, knowing that him doing the chores like he was supposed to would get him out of this shit. Ever since the four main universes collided into a gay, self-cest shipping orgy, they had all been assigned chores at their respective houses. For some reason- god knows _why_ \- all of the lazy assholes like himself were given the same place, while to more responsible ones took their own. Though, he supposed he could understand them not wanted to clean up after more than one messy roommate. But, with four adults who never cleaned up after themselves, it made their own house look like shit literally all the time.

Red didn’t seem to care about this fact of his responsibility, however, opting to shove both hands into the pocket of his jacket and lean back on his heels, giving a smirk of his own. “Heh. Yeah, well, your bro said that you gotta help so…” He drew out the “o” taking both of his hands out of his pockets to lift his shoulders in a shrug.

Slim scowled. “I’m not fucking doing it.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the couch, lifting up his hood so the fur on the side of it brushed against his face. “Razz can’t tell me what to do.”

Slim heard a shuffle from behind him, the other walking away in defeat to wash the damn clothes, probably, before a tapping was heard. He turned his head, confused, cracking open an eye to see Red tapping at the screen of his phone. He lifted it up to the side of his face with a shit-eating grin, rocking back and forth on his heels again. The other side picked up, and Slim heard a loud voice come through the phone.

Both his eyes shot open, and he turned to look at Red in a panic. He knew that voice.

The other continued on, pretending not to notice his plight, looking calmly at the tips of his fingers. “Oh, hey, Razz.”

The angry voice got louder, and Slim shot straight up on the couch, shaking his head back and forth desperately. Red continued to ignore him.

“Oh, nothing much is up with me, thank you very much for asking.” He lifted a finger to his chin, miming in an exaggerated movement of remembering something. “Oh yea! Now I remember!” He gave an evil grin at that, and Slim stood from the couch, rushing over before any real damage could be done. Red seemed unbothered by the movement.

“Slim said that-” He yanked the phone out of the other’s hand.

“THAT I WAS DEFINITELY GOING TO HELP HIM DO THAT LAUNDRY TODAY HA HA ANYWAYS TALK TO YOU LATER BRO!!”

He hung up on the call, not waiting for a response, and threw the phone across the room with a shout. It hit the ground with a clatter.

“...”

“...”

“Slim, what the fuck, man?”

He frowned down at the other. “I fucking hate you.”

Red looked away from where his phone was, no doubt, shattered. He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, just help me do the goddamned laundry.”

Red shoved his hands back into his pockets and walked away, Slim following. Not before giving one last, long look at the couch, though, sighing softly as he remembered its warm embrace. Red grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, yanking him towards the laundry room. He trudged after the shorter, walking into the room, past the pile of dirty socks and gloves, and stopped in front of the washing machine beside the hamper of clothes. Red looked at the clothes, then pointedly looked at him. Slim glanced behind him, then back to Red’s scrutiny.

“What?”

Red sighed, rolling his eyes before picking up an armful of clothes (not much, really, considering his smaller stature) and dumping them in the machine. “Are you gonna help or what?”

God, he wish he had a smoke right now. He’d left his pack in his room. He bent down and grabbed his own armful of clothes (at least half of them, he was satisfied to note, looking down at Red with a smug expression). They loaded all the clothes, and then stood there, looking at the machine. Red cocked a brow. “Well?”

Slim looked down at his bare feet, watching his toes wiggle for a bit before looking up at the other. “What?”

Red groaned. “Oh my fucking GOD. What do we do now?”

Slim blinked. “You mean you don’t know?”

A frown. “It’s not like I ever really did the laundry, asshole.” He looked from the machine to the detergent sitting beside it. “How much soap do we add?”

Slim started to sweat, feeling his lies start to unravel around him. “Well…” He grabbed the bottle of detergent, unscrewing the lid. Please let there be a measurement, please let there be a measurement… He unscrewed the lid and looked inside with barely concealed relief. Thank fuck.

“You just fill it to the line in the lid and pour it in, then click start.” Hell yeah, he could bullshit his way out of any situation. He did so, about to screw the cap on when Red stopped him.

“You sure that’s gonna be enough? We kinda put a shit ton of clothes in there, and they were all kinda rank.” Slim looked at the washer and then the detergent.

“Eh. A bit more couldn’t hurt.” He added another capful, pausing before topping the entire ensemble off by pouring more straight from the bottle. He nodded, satisfied at his work, before shutting the lid and starting the load. Red looked from him to the machine.

“That it?”

Slim sneered. “Yep. So easy, a toddler could do it.”

Red frowned. “Fuck off.”

He trudged out of the room, Slim following proudly after. Red flopped onto one end of the couch, Slim walking towards the furniture before looking at it fondly. His hand came up to rest gently on the back of it, petting the sofa. “Hey, baby. Didja miss me?”

Red looked up from his tumblr. “I swear to god, if you start fucking the furniture I’m leaving and I’m never coming back.”

Slim ignored him, walking to the front of the couch and sinking into the cushions with a satisfied sigh. This was truly living. He closed his eyes, falling once again into the warm, comforting embrace of sleep when a shrill shriek came from the entryway. He cracked open a socket as heavy footfalls came in their direction. Judging by the volume of the stomps, it was either Razz or Fell. Small footsteps were heard trailing behind, possibly being one of the others trying to account damages. He looked over to a stiffened Red. “Did we leave the bucket of water on top of the door?”

Red shrugged. His question was answered soon enough, though when a fuming Fell and a furious Razz entered the room. Neither of the two were wet, meaning that there was no prank that was pulled, but… They were still very obviously pissed. He shared a nervous glance with Red, and found solace in the fact that at least the two of them would go out together.

“What the fuck did you two do?” Fell snarled.

Red looked over at Slim, and he discreetly shook his head, reaching up to pull the fluff of the hood further over his face. Nope. Not dealing with that bullshit, thank you very much. He heard Red stutter out a reply.

“We were just doing the laundry?”

A growl rumbled from Fell’s throat, and Razz scoffed out what may have been a laugh. “You did a pretty shitty job of it, then.”

Fell marched forwards, grabbing the two of them by the collar before dragging them down the hall. Slim raised an arm towards the sofa, grieving the loss of its embrace once again. They were soon tossed into a heap by the open laundry room door. Or, at least, what may have once been the laundry room. Instead, he was met with a large wall of bubbles, the white mass spilling out slightly and beginning to creep its way down the hall, as if the Pillsbury Doughboy had the shits and decided to relieve himself in their apartment.

…

God, with a simile like that, he must be more tired than he thought. A look down at Red showed the tired, almost accepting face at their fate too. The weighted expression turned to him. “I thought you’d done the laundry before.”

Slim shrugged, poking at the mass of bubbles with his ratty sneakers. “I lied. I bribed Blue to do the soap shit.”

The clearing of a throat came from behind them, and he looked over his shoulder to see both their brothers standing, arms crossed and scowling. It was terrifying how similar they acted sometimes. Razz spoke up. “I honestly don’t give a damn about how this happened, I just want it fixed before this mass takes over the whole fucking building.”

Slim turned back to the bubbles, and listened to the churning washing machine struggling to continue to work under such unfortunate circumstances. Though it would be cool to be assimilated into the blob of foam- similar to that one Goosebumps book he had on his story shelf- it would be less so to have his ass kicked by both Razz and Fell at the same time. With a heavy sigh, he turned to Red. “‘Twas an honor serving with you, cap’n.”

Red frowned. “Wait, what the fuck do you-”

He was cut off as Slim shoved him into the blob of bubbles, the entrance he took in the mass leaving a small, Sans-shaped hole in the foam. He chuckled at the loud curse from the other, but his laughter soon stopped when a sudsy hand shot out and grabbed the front of his coat, yanking him into the mass.

Great.

Now he couldn’t see shit.

He blindly stumbled forwards to the washer, using its concerning creaking noises for reference, before hitting the power button, turning it off. Well. One issue down, at least. With a heavy sigh, he realized that he more than likely wouldn’t be getting back to his couch anytime soon.

He exited the bubbles, doing his best to wipe off any excess. A look around the hallway showed that Red was nowhere to be found. He shrugged. Guess he was gone forever.

The door opened and Sans and Stretch walked in, the latter taking one look at the mass of suds and two angry emos before making a u-turn and walking back through the door to leave. Sans looked at the ever-creeping mass of soapy foam, to Slim, who was now mostly wiped clean of any residue.

“Uh. Care to explain?”

Slim nodded. “Sure thing. This is all Red’s fault.”

A soap-covered hand shot out of the mass, holding a bunch of bubbles, and hit in square in the face with a wet plop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably go the store to get more cheezits bc I literally ran out as I was writing this shit


	11. You Haven't Truly Reached A Milestone In “Friendship” Until You’ve Done Something Illegal Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lust finds himself with a crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: "u kno i should probably write something that doesnt have razz in it, ya kno?"  
> my brain: "...did u say 'write something with razz in it'??"  
> me, already writing the fuciking fic: "god fuckigna dammtit shit fuckting cunt ass btich"

“Hand me some more black now.” 

 

Lust sighed, reaching into the bag of cans and grabbing said color, placing it in the outstretched glove of Razz. He pulled the can up to his face, looking it over before nodding, satisfied, and discarding the empty spray can with a toss over his shoulder, climbing a few steps on the small stepstool before continuing spraying. Lust’s eyes widened as he scrambled to catch the container before it hit the ground, flailing with both hands and knocking it around in the air before finally getting a good grip on it. He sighed in relief.

 

“You know, when Disney Channel said to make your mark on the world, I’m not too sure that this is what they meant.” Razz shushed him and he rolled his eyes, putting the empty can inside the bag.

 

A few more sprays and he stood up, stepping back and wiping the back of his forehead with his hand. He turned over his shoulder and looked at Lust with a confident smirk, handing him the can he had just finished with. “Maybe Disney Channel should have been a little clearer with their intentions, hm?”

 

Lust snickered, taking the cans and placing them in the bag with the others. He blipped away quickly, throwing the bag on top of his bed and appearing back beside Razz within seconds. The other was standing with his arms crossed over his chest, admiring his work. Lust crossed his arms too, admiring a different work of art. 

 

Razz had taken off his leather jacket and tied it around his waist before he began, intending to not get it dirty, leaving him wearing only a black wife beater and loose, ripped jeans. Lust watched him nod and held back a laugh at how the other had, no doubt, just had a full conversation with himself in his head. His arms came down from his chest and he walked over to another, smaller bag he had brought with them on this excursion.

 

He pulled out a regular-sized paintbrush, similar to the make of what you would paint a house with, and a few containers of colored paint. Dipping it in, he walked up to the wall, climbing the stepstool, and started making short, smooth strokes of color. Lust shifted from foot to foot at how long this was taking, looking around the area warily. “So, uh. How much longer so you think this will take?”

 

Razz dipped the paintbrush in it again, continuing the lines. “Thirty minutes.” He stopped the brush, giving Lust an annoyed look over his shoulder. “An hour if you keep asking me.”

 

Lust put his hands in the pocket of his vest, wriggling his fingers a bit at the soft lining inside. “Well, I just feel the need to remind you, once again, that this isn’t the most legal of hobbies.”

 

Razz dropped down, exchanging his brush for a clean one and grabbing a different container of paint. “Most fun things aren’t.”

 

Lust cocked his head to the side. “Ehhhh… Not too sure about that.” He pulled his hands out of his pockets, holding up his fingers and counting off a list. “Amusement parks are pretty damn fun, and those are totally legal. And don’t forget about eating ice cream? Tons of fun. Not against the law.” He put his hands down, placing them on both his exposed hipbones. “And let’s not forget about volunteering at animal shelters! You get to play with dogs and cats,  _ and _ you’re doing a service for the community. That’s even less illegal than any of the above!”

 

Razz sighed sharply, lowering his arms with the brush and paint and glaring over his shoulder. “If all you were going to do was complain, then you didn’t have to come.” He turned. Continued the strokes. “You knew what I would be doing.”

 

Lust glanced off to the side, putting his hands back in his pockets. The other had a point. Razz knew that he would more than likely be skeptical about the whole thing, and had even told him as such, but…

 

What the other didn’t know was the exact reason why he wanted to come in the first place. When had he first started getting a crush on the edgy skeleton? A few weeks ago? Normally, he was more of a one-and-done guy, never really sticking around with anyone except for the occasional friends with benefits deal. When he had first met the other, Red introducing him as their “completely anal, stuck up counterpart”, that was all he had really been hoping for.

 

When he flirted in his regular way, though, testing the waters and making a few dick jokes here and there, he didn’t get the reaction he had been expecting. Blue would always chide him for the crude humor, and Red had always given him a disgusted look, grabbing the nearest item (usually a pillow or roll of newspaper, with the occasional spray bottle thrown in for diversity) and smacking him in a jocular manner. He had expected something similar to the two from Razz, possibly with a bit of screeching and actual, damaging attacks if his experiences with Fell were anything to go off of.

 

But… He hadn’t done anything. Hell, he had barely even batted an eye, not acting repulsed at any salacious comments nor seeming bothered by them, just continuing the conversation as if it was a normal, everyday occurrence. Maybe it was something else, or maybe it was his lack of reaction that caused Lust to want to make the other do something. He didn’t really care if it was him getting yelled at, getting his ass kicked, getting hate-fucked (scratch that, actually, he would have  _ totally _ been down for some serious hate sex), he just wanted some reaction.

 

So he had started hanging around the other more, pulling out his best one-liners and sex jokes, putting himself in some lascivious positions when around the other but, still nothing. For fucks (heh) sake, Razz hadn’t even asked him to stop! And, as he hung around the other more, learning about some of the mannerisms he did have, getting a twitch or two of his mouth when he made a pun that was  _ particularly _ incredible, and watching the way that the other simply carried himself about- head high in confidence, every motion and movement simply screaming “don't fuck with me”- he found himself developing… Feelings.

 

He looked back up, watching the other make calm, even strokes with the brush, as if he had done this a thousand times. And he really had, probably. Lust shook his head at the thoughts, bringing a grin back on his face and snapping both of his fingers. “Hey, when you asked me if I wanted to  _ come _ with you, I couldn’t help but to say yes.”

 

Razz dipped the brush in a different shade of paint, adding more colors to the mural. “Fair enough.”

 

Lust turned, looking back down on both sides of the street. “That being said… What  _ are _ we going to do if we, for some reason, get caught?”

 

Razz climbed down the stepladder, wiping his brow once again as he examined the painting. Lust wondered briefly just how the fuck he could see when it was the middle of the night. “I’ll beat the shit out of anyone that tries to arrest me.” He turned and posed proudly. “I’m internet famous, bitch.”

 

Lust laughed before he brought a hand up to muffle his gaiety. And his gay-ety. He went up to the stepladder and folded it up, holding it under one arm as he watched Razz pack up the excess paint. “Now, that’s not very kind of you.”

 

Razz smirked, slinging the duffel bag over his shoulder and walking up to Lust. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m not interested in being polite  _ or _ heterosexual.”

 

Lust didn’t bother hiding his laughter at that, eyes squinting as he bent over at the center slightly. Razz gave a soft chuckle and placed his hand on Lust’s shoulder. He blushed at the contact before shaking himself out of it, giving the large mural on the wall one last looked before he teleported them away and to his house. Razz grabbed his other bag once they appeared in the room, slinging it over his other shoulder to join the one already there. The other walked out of the room, and Lust followed him, down the stairs, past his brother, Pink- who gave him a knowing look, to which he just responded by sticking out his tongue- and down to the machine in the basement. Razz set the bags down by the console with a soft grunt, and Lust conspicuously looked over the other’s stout, slightly scarred frame, a light sheen of sweat making his bones glisten in the basement light.

 

A few beeps drew his attention away from his ogling, regretfully, and he heard the sound of the portal warming up. Razz watched the bar move across the screen with his arms crossed over his chest, tapping his boots lightly on the ground. Lust ignored the disappointed pang in his chest at the fact of the other leaving so soon. Was this awkward? Should he say something? 

 

Razz made a frustrated noise, looking down at his once-pristine tank top. Small splatters of paint decorated the front in various colors, having already dried and seeped into the fabric, not coming out even when he brought up a clawed gloved hand to scratch at the stains. He sighed heavily, untying the jacket around his waist and throwing it on top of the bags before reaching up and over his head, pulling the tank off over his head.

 

Lust watched the scene in aroused shock, trying to ignore how his magic sped up as he watched more and more of the slender spine and ribs were exposed before the tank top was fully removed. Razz grumbled down at the stains, taking the fabric between his hands and muttering something about having to thoroughly wash it later. The machine gave a loud click and a few hisses before the portal snapped into existence. Razz zipped open one of the bags and placed the top in it, closing it back up before he slipped on his leather jacket without a shirt, adjusting the jacket until it met his liking.

 

He slung the bags back over his shoulders and Lust snapped his head back up, pretending that be wasn’t staring at the crests of the other’s pelvis for the past five minutes. From the look on Razz’s face, he was certain that the other knew. Razz huffed a breath through his nosehole in amusement, giving the other a nod. “Thank you for hosting me in your universe for my hobby. My own has been otherwise occupied by more than one patrol trying to catch me.”

 

It took him a bit to process the thanks, and he chuckled nervously. “Hey, it’s no big deal, you can come over anytime.” This was kinda awkward, wasn’t it? He needed to say something flirtatious to reset the momentum. He winked. “But by all means, feel  _ extra _ free to strip in front of me anytime.”

 

The barest twitch of a grin played at Razz’s face before it disappeared. He shifted in place, and Lust very quickly noticed that the movement made the already loose jeans drift lower on his hips. God help him, he would be giving his hand a workout tonight. “You know…” Razz trailed off, looking to the portal before back over at Lust. “I just might have to take you up on that offer.” He walked through the portal after that, leaving Lust shocked- and more than a little turned on, if the steady glow from his pelvis was anything to go by- at his comment.

 

“Wait, what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [this](http://www.lifegate.com/app/uploads/2003-flower-thrower.jpg) is what razz was painting
> 
> actual headcanon: lust is demi/gray-romantic pansexual


	12. The Ultimate Passionfruit Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a few prompts i found on imagine your otp with lust/blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5G1FmU-ldg) for this chapter

The sound of the wheel spinning on the board was the other noise made in the focused silence. The room was tense, everyone concentrated on the task at hand. Red sighed. “Right hand on blue.”

 

Blue laughed triumphantly as he stretched said hand onto the dot, only to have his face fall as he felt three different hands flop onto his body. A quick glare to Papyrus and Razz was all that was needed before the hands were removed with some snickers, but the final one lingered. Blue tilted his head down to look underneath of his body, seeing Lust contorted in an odd position, his hand still resting on his upper leg. Lust just winked at Blue’s exasperated look, summoning his tongue and making a rude gesture. Red sighed. “Lust, for fucks sake, that wasn’t funny the first twelve times and it isn’t funny now.” He flicked the spinner against after Lust moved his hands onto the right dot (not before sending Blue a wink, though, to which he only responded with a shake of his head. He would win this game if it was the last thing that he did.)

 

The spins continued, Papyrus and Razz both being taken out of the game- Papyrus claiming that he had been knocked down by the shorter and Razz stating that such an accusation was utter bullshit- leaving only Blue and Lust remaining. Somehow, within the course of the game, Lust had managed to work his way underneath of Blue, the two of them pressed front to back, with the back of Lust’s pelvis occasionally brushing against the front of Blue’s. 

 

Lust turned over his shoulder to wink at Blue, and he had to fight down a blush. Lust brought his hips up to grind against Blue’s, and various whistles were heard throughout the room. The shutter of a camera was heard, and he looked up to see Pink holding up his phone, fighting back laughter as he took pictures of the two. Lust brought up his hand, spreading apart his index and middle fingers and making a lewd gesture with his tongue.

 

Blue sighed as this prompted more laughter and the flashes of cameras from the group. Though he could be just as lazy as his own brother, there was no doubt in his mind that Lust was more flexible than him. Combined with the fact that the longer he played this game, the more salacious gestures he could make, and Blue was certain that he wouldn’t be the victor. He could already feel his arms tiring out, and there had been more than one occasion where he had almost lost his balance.

 

He knew what he had to do.

 

Leaning forward to Lust’s ear, he said in a tone that was soft enough to not be heard over the din: “If you like being pressed this close to me, then I could show you just what else I could do as soon as this game is over.”

 

Lust blinked a few times before a wide grin stretched across his face, and he immediately dropped to the floor, giving a loss. Blue whooped, standing fully and stretching out any kinks from the uncomfortable positions as he walked to the table, triumphantly grabbing and holding the makeshift trophy made of tinfoil over his head. He was the victor!

 

He looked at Lust and threw him a wink. Tonight, more likely than not, he wouldn’t be coming first.

 

\---

 

“JUST LET ME FUCKING ATTACK YOU, DAMMIT!”

 

Lust gave another laugh as he continued to run away from Fell on screen, his character jumping and dodging every attack that was thrown his way. Blue couldn’t help but give a chuckle of his own. They always got so intense when playing smash bros.

 

Lust gave a flourish with his controler, managing to dodge the special attack that was done by Fell’s character, causing him to fall off the screen and into the endless pit, costing him a life. He screeched at the offense. “STOP ACTING LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY!!”

 

Lust chuckled, turning and giving a wink as Fell’s character appeared back on screen and immediately went back on the offensive. “Well, you are what you eat.” 

 

He winked at Blue, to which the other just responded with an eye roll. “I’m actually calling you out because you’ve exclusively sucked… The other thing since we’ve started dating.”

 

Both stopped in their playing and turned to look at him. Fell raised an eyebrow and Lust laughed. “‘The other thing’?”

 

Blue looked away with a huff as his boyfriend continued to laugh. “Don’t be rude!”

 

Fell turned back to the game. “Well, you  _ are _ what you eat.”

 

Lust sat confused for a second before he gasped, turning to Blue with a half-smile. “Oh man! That was so clever, he backhandedly called me a dick!”

 

Blue rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smile.

 

\---

 

They were walking down the sidewalk, hand in hand, their fingers interlocked and swinging back and forth between them. They walked across the street, Blue laughing as he tried to run across the walk to get out of the way quickly before the light changed again. They stopped under one of the streetlights, Lust bending over and panting, mentioning something about “overexertion”.

 

Blue fake pouted, looking off to the side. “Oh. Well. That’s a shame.” He sighed heavily. “I guess that I’ll just have to change the plans for when we get home later tonight.”

 

Lust immediately shot back up, any pretense of being tired forgotten as he trotted over to Blue and linked their arms together. “Well, by all means, let’s get home then! I’m feeling tons better already.”

 

Blue laughed leaning forwards and clinking their teeth together gently. He pulled back a bit, smiling softly. “I love you.”

  
A large grin, and he picked the other up by the waist and twirled him around, ignoring the embarrassed, half-hearted protests. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gay af lmfao


	13. Time For A Cuddlefest, Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's movie night! it would be nice if everyone would watch the damn movie, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feat. every1s favorite ot3 (or at least, one of my own favs lmfao)

It had started out as a normal, innocent night. Blue had absolutely insisted on having a movie night and neither Sans nor Red could deny him such a plea. Especially since the whole reason movie night was being pushed with such severity was because Blue hadn’t seen the two of them for a few days because of the unpredictable schedule of his job. Both Sans and himself had been fine with it (hell, life was unpredictable as fuck and he was just glad that the two of them had stuck around with him this long for some reason or other), but Blue had pressed them both hard until they finally relented to watch whatever he’d pick out. So, they had come home early, taking time off from their jobs with little to no complaint on their own ends, and sat on the couch, waiting for the movie to start.

 

It was endearing, honestly, watching the smallest and most energetic of the three flit about and get everything ready, stating firmly that “No no! Don’t worry about helping! I’m getting everything ready for the two of you!” even though neither of the mentioned two had so much as attempted to get off the couch. Blue had popped popcorn and set a huge bowl of the stuff on the table in front of the couch, smacking away Red’s hand when he reached to grab a bunch and cram it in his mouth before Sans could fucking ruin it with ketchup.

 

Blue chided him. “You’re not supposed to eat the popcorn until the movie starts!” He ignored Red’s grumbles and Sans sticking his tongue out at the edgelord as he walked into the kitchen and back, setting down a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard on the table (not without a look of disgust and their respective condiments of choice) before taking his own bottle of water and flopping between the two on the sofa. He reached down and grabbed a blanket that he’d set there as soon as they sat down, pulling it over the three of them before grabbing the remote and popcorn off the table and clicking play on the movie.

 

Blue had shuffled excitedly as he stated the make of the movie and spouting off a few facts about it as the opening credits rolled over the screen. It was a Nabstabot classic, and he’d seen it dozens of times before, the film being one of his favorites. As the movie started to play, Red _wanted_ to say that it was absolute shit- really, he did- but the screenplay and plot weren’t absolutely terrible, and he soon found himself invested. Until he heard a whine off to his left and looked over to see Blue, shaking Sans lightly as he started to fall asleep. He said something along the lines of “not being able to stay awake if someone is asleep on me!” before Red gave an amused chuckle, lifting the other with magic and setting him on his right side.

 

He looked over at Blue, who was pouting slightly from no longer being in the center of the cuddle huddle, and raised a brow. “Better?”

 

Blue had huffed, but upon seeing the content way that Sans was leaning against Red, a soft smile on his face as he latched tightly onto the other’s arm with a content hum, any mock anger immediately faded and he snuggled into Red’s other side. He tucked the blanket up under his chin, nestling himself into the crook under Red’s arm with a satisfied hum of his own and refocusing on the movie. “Yeah!”

 

Red sighed as he thought back on it. He should have known that Blue’s statement about other’s sleeping on him actually applied to anyone sleeping within the same vicinity as him, because within minutes of Sans snoring off, Blue had started dozing off himself. A few more minutes after that, and a few desperate jerks of his head as he tried to keep his eyes open, and Blue drifted off as well. Red had failed to notice Blue falling asleep until too late because he was so ~~invested in~~ distracted by the movie.

 

Cue him, sitting on the damn couch and not able to move or get up for fear of waking the other two. Not that their vice grips would let him have any wiggle room in the first place. Sometime during the movie, Sans had fallen into his lap while still clutching his arm, keeping him from being able to move his legs, and Blue’s arms had worked around his entire torso, locking on the other side of his body and effectively pinning his left arm to his side.

 

Blue made a noncommittal noise, sounding slightly distressed at something happening in his sleep. Sans must have subconsciously heard the noise and reached one of his arms up to flop loosely over Blue’s legs at an attempt of comfort. The crease on the other’s face faded quickly, and he nuzzled further into Red’s shoulder with a soft sigh. He rolled his eyes, tilting his head slightly to press a gentle skeleton kiss to the top of the other’s head with a small click. He felt shifting in his lap and looked down to see Sans pressing his face into his hand. Red smiled, moving his hand so his palm was cupping the side of the other’s face and gently stroked his thumb under his socket. Sans melted into the touch, a genuine, gentle smile stretching across his face at the caress.

 

Both of their grips tightened on him minutely and he looked from one to the other with a smile of his own.

 

God, he fucking loved these two nerds.

 

The television made a whirring noise as the movie credits finally ended. And then the unspeakable happened. It started playing from the beginning. Red winced as the opening scenes started playing for the second time that night. Granted, it wasn’t a _terrible_ movie, but there’s only so much that one person can take. He looked down at the two skeletons that were latched on him like koalas. He couldn’t risk teleporting with them on himself and up to the bedroom. Not only would it wake the two of them up, but it would cause Blue to give him a firm scolding about “over-exerting his magic”. He winced as the main character came onto the screen (Nabstabot in a wig and glasses) and spoke to his love interest (Nabstabot in a different wig and no glasses) and sighed heavily at the two that were keeping him trapped in such torture.

 

God, he fucking hated these two nerds.

 

As if hearing his thoughts, both aforementioned nerds nuzzled closer into himself and- oh god, they were both purring now, that’s fucking adorable- he suddenly found himself incapable of caring. And so, with a long-suffering sigh, he leaned back into the couch and settled down to watch the movie fuck knows how many times in a row in one sitting.

 

One thing was certain. He was never going to allow himself to be in the center of a cuddle pile ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw u dont write for the other two things that u rly should be doing because ur a fuckign loser smh


	14. Play That Track a Little Louder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> use it to drown out the pains of today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: *finds a sad fucking prompt on tumblr*
> 
> me: lol i need to generate a random ship to write this sad shit about because god forbid i choose a ship myself
> 
> random shit generator that i found on google: *gives me Kustard*
> 
> me: o no
> 
> (this brought me great pain to write but then also i like writing sad shit)
> 
> tw: unhealthy relationship

He slammed the door as soon as Red walked in after him, huffing and shrugging off his jacket to throw over the coat hanger by the door. He could feel the low simmer of anger in his chest, and he took in a deep breath to try and settle it. That is, until he looked up to see Red walking over to the stereo in their living stiffly, crouching down to turn it on and turning up the volume.

 

He felt the annoyance in his chest curdle into something uglier and more volatile at the action. God, he was like one of Pavlov’s dogs, the heavy, familiar thump of the beat making his breathing come quicker and his face heat up in an angry blush. How long ago had this stopped working between them? How long ago had they started fighting about every little thing, even the smallest action setting them off into a heated arguement? He had held out hope that maybe,  _ maybe _ they could find some way to work around this but it had just gotten worse and worse until…

 

Red turned around once the music was turned up, sliding his hand down his face with a heavy sigh before glaring at Sans. “I don’t know why you were acting so pissy at me.”

 

Sans scowled, feeling his earlier regret and sadness contort into anger. “You don’t know  _ why _ ? Are you fucking kidding me?!”

 

Red sputtered, his scowl deepening. “Well, it seems like you’re always fucking attacking me for every little thing I do now, so excuse me if I’m not too sure what I’ve done wrong this time!”

 

Sans opened his mouth to yell before he sucked in a deep breath, storming over to the stereo and cranking the volume up. The deep thud of the bass seemed to increase his rage with every thump. It wouldn’t do good for anyone to hear them. “I think I have a right to be ‘pissy’ when you’re slobbering over every other person who looks at you!”

 

Red growled, speaking louder over the music. “Oh so you’re just acting like a jealous piece of shit now? If someone  _ smiles _ at me, then I’m gonna be polite back! Isn’t that what you fucking want from me? For me to be all sunshine and saccharine like you?!”

 

He felt hot tears pricking at his eyes and he blinked them away, refusing to cry this time. “It’s not just that! It’s-” He brought his hands up to grip at the side of his skull, his fingertips scratching hard into the bone. “It’s just everything!”

 

Red barked a laugh. “‘Just everything’. Got it. Really helpful there, Sansy!” He threw one of his arms out to the side, gesturing widely. “Glad to know that it’s just everything that you find wrong with me!”

 

“Stop-!” He choked on a sob. “Stop making me out to be the bad guy here!” His chest was burning with anger, hot tears beginning to slide out of his eyes.

 

Red scoffed. “Don’t worry, I’m plenty used to being the villain.”

 

Sans let loose a frustrated shout, wiping away at the angry tears that were staining his cheekbones. God, this was… This was exactly what he was talking about. It wasn’t any one thing, it was just… An accumulation. It had started small. They started going on less dates, started spending less time with one another. At first he had just chalked it all up to the both of them being busy with work and such that there just wasn’t time. They had stopped being as physically close- anything that either one of them tried to initiate feeling forced and mechanical, just going through the motions of it.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time that they had said “I love you.” Hell, he couldn’t even remember when they had last talked face-to-face besides one of their little fights. The only thing that he was grateful for was that no one else seemed aware of what was actually happening once the doors were shut. Often after one of these nights, the next morning they would get smug looks from the others. Sans could only imagine what they were thinking, some kind of healthy relationship where they were laughing and dancing and singing along to the songs, holding each other close like they used to.

 

He opened his mouth to say something once he had thoroughly scrubbed the tears away before he was interrupted by a heavy knocking at the door. They both looked at it before they moved, Red going to the stereo to turn the music down as Sans went to answer the door. An annoyed-looking Fell was standing at the door, tapping his foot loudly. He looked between the two and his scowl deepened. Sans held his breath, almost hoping that the other would figure out what was happening so that they could both call this thing off without any guilt on either end.

 

But he didn’t, just taking in their flushed faces (from anger, of course, but there was no way that he could have known that) with a roll of his eyes. “Honestly, could the two of you turn the damned music down? Learn to fuck like real adults: dealing with all the gross sounds and whatnot  _ without _ music drowning it out.”

 

Sans gave a tight smile, forcing out a laugh. “Sorry. You got it.” Fell sighed with another eye roll, stepping out of the doorway and walking away. Sans shut the door behind him before he turned to look at Red. They held each other’s gazes for a moment before they looked away. Red walked to the closet, grabbing a pillow and blanket and throwing it on the couch. Sans inhaled shakily before he walked to the bedroom, shutting the door behind himself softly.

  
He laid down without much fanfare, closing his eyes to go to sleep. If there was one thing that he was grateful for, it was that he no longer cried himself into a restless slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guess who made a [tumblr](https://ollie-oxen-free.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> come and yell at me, call me a piece of shit, or give me prompts to write because i'm uncreative!
> 
> (the prompt was "a couple uses music to drown out their loud arguing but every1 thinks that theyre actually fucking" or something along those lines.)


	15. That Feel When You’re Hot As Fuck And You Want Everyone To Know It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone needs to take the phones away from both of these gay assholes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **me, sitting down and ready to be productive while borrowing my friend's laptop:** okay! time to work on some big important chapters for some of the bigger things im doing!  
>  **my brain:** *coughs*  
>  **me:** ho don't do it  
>  **my brain, pushing an idea across the table to me slowly:** ;)  
>  **me:** god fuckgin dammti why does this alwasy fuckign happen
> 
> i wrote this in less than 30 minutes

The day started out as normal for Fell. Getting up, throwing on his armor for his duties, storming upstairs and yanking his lazy brother off of his mattress so that he wouldn’t be late, and making his rounds about Snowdin to make sure that all of his traps were properly calibrated. Since it was a normal day, it was no surprise that he had gotten a text from Razz.

 

They’d always had their similarities, and he’d admired the other’s no-bullshit attitude about his life and the way that he’d essentially just do whatever the fuck he wanted without anyone else’s comment. As such, it was no real surprise when the two of them found themselves at each other’s throats in constant attempts at one-upmanship and battles of wit. That had gone on for a while, up until Stretch had made a comment about how they “had so much sexual tension” that they should just fucking make out already. Razz, having a spiteful streak, immediately reached across the table to grab Fell by the collar, yanking him forward and forcing his tongue in his mouth when he gave a surprised shout. Never one to be outdone, Fell grabbed the other’s shoulders and dragged him over the table, turning and slamming him against the wall behind him and continuing the kiss. Razz lifted up his legs to wrap around Fell’s waist before lifting his arm to flip off the rest of the group, all of which dispersed fairly quickly, likely running away before they tried to fuck.

 

Which they did, but not on the damn floor. They both had standards, after all, and the seedy tile of the kitchen was a less than desirable place.

 

And so they began this little song and dance where they would attempt to wow the other in shows of one upmanship- with generous doses of hate fucking- up until the time where both of them developed complex… Feelings. And in the same spiteful way that they first began their more  _ physical _ relationship, they began a sort of courting. Trying to outdo each other on extravagant dates and shows of passion, as well as declarations of ultimate feelings, became common stance, and God help anyone who got in the middle of it.

 

He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t enjoyable. 

 

Since then, it wasn’t uncommon for them to text each other, most of the time just making plans to sort out various deadly traps and dangerous puzzle ideas that they would work on together. But, occasionally, they would just talk or text about nothing in particular. Like now, for a specific example.

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking to see what the message said. 

 

**[Small Angry]** I look hot as fuck today, so I’m just letting you know ahead of time that I’m going to be sending you a shit ton of selfies.

 

**[Small Angry]** (image attachment) 

 

**>** You look the same as you normally do.

 

**[Small Angry]** And I normally look hot as fuck. Your point?

 

**>** My point is that I’m at work, and I don’t really have time to deal with this bullshit right now.

 

**[Small Angry]** Bullshit, huh? Alright.

 

Fell frowned down at the screen. He doubted the other was actually angry at him for that (insults and comfortable bickering were fairly common between them, with Red and Sans going so far as to say that they were like an old married couple), but there was an off chance that this was one of the rare occasions where he may have struck a nerve- it wasn’t uncommon what with backgrounds like they had- and he needed to, as Blue would so eloquently put it, “say ‘sorry’ immediately!” He wasn’t going to go so far as to actually say the five-letter-word-whose-name-shall-remain-unspoken, but he would do the next best thing.

 

**>** Feel free to send as many pictures as you want. Just don’t expect any responses in a timely manner.

 

**[Small Angry]** So I have your consent then?

 

**>** Yes?

 

He stared at the screen, frowning for a bit before pocketing it with a sigh after he received no more responses. It was for the best, in the end, because Undyne would no doubt be on his ass within seconds if Alphys ratted him out for just standing around with her cameras. 

 

So, straightening his posture and coaxing his magical aura into something akin to a warning, he strode away from his traps- all perfectly calibrated, of course- going to check and make sure that all the sentries were awake and prepared for duty. Dogaressa and Dogamy were nuzzling noses, but were otherwise uninhibited. Greater Dog was hiding in his “snow poff ambush” (which was just an obvious excuse to play in the snow), and Lesser Dog was creating a multitude of snow-sentries of himself. Fell slowed his stride as he walked past the army of snow dogs before feeling a shudder roll down his back as he turned to walk slightly faster, the cold stone eyes of the sculptures creeping him out more than he would readily admit. He didn’t bother stopping at Doggo’s station, as he was almost always aware of what was going on around him, what with only being able to see movement and all. He was smoking a dog treat but quickly stood and saluted as he walked past, Fell giving a nod in return before glaring at what the path ahead of him meant for himself.

 

He walked past where the remains of the snowman were (the crueler kids in town had taken handful after handful of the snowman until only a carrot and a few sad sticks and stones remained) as he pulled back on his magical aura, slowing down a bit before he scowled, coming to a halt in front of his brother’s station.

 

He was asleep, no fucking surprise there, leaning back on two legs of a stool with his feet propped up on the counter. Fell rolled his eyes before he formed a bone construct in his hand with a sharp crack of magic, the bone glowing faintly red around the edges. Red snorted at the sound of an attack, eyes shooting open as he fell backwards off the stool, disappearing from view before reappearing outside of the shed with a trail of magic spiraling up from his socket. When he noticed it was Fell, the magic in his socket cut off and he grinned nervously, beginning to sweat.

 

“Eyyy, Boss! What’re…” He coughed, reaching up to swipe off some of the perspiration that was accumulating on his brow. “What’re you doin’ here?”

 

Fell gave his best annoyed glare, dispersing the attack, having only used it to startle his brother awake. “I’m doing my  _ job _ , what the fuck do you think? What if a human had come by while you weren’t watching, or someone who planned on dusting you came up while you were sleeping?! You’re lucky it was just me, asshole.” When Red gave no response, only simmering in his awkward nerves, Fell sighed, opening his mouth to continue to scold when he was interrupted by a loud vibration tone in his pocket. He was just going to ignore it before multiple vibrations followed, each one only a few seconds from the other. His eye twitched as Red went from looking nervous to looking amused, though sweat still trailed down his face. 

 

“You, uh, gonna answer that, Boss?”

 

He scowled. “No need. I know who it is.”

 

“Ya know, you should probably silence your phone. What if someone who planned on dusting ya was following you? They would have heard ya and easily been able to attack.” Red snickered, and Fell fought the urge to scream in annoyance. “Yer lucky it was just me.”

 

Fell growled, pulling out his phone and unlocking it, going into his messages and planning on telling the other just what he thought of his fucking “selfies” before he stopped, looking over the content of the messages. Oh.

 

... _ Oh. _

 

He felt the sharp red eyelights in his sockets gutter out as he stared at the photos, his entire body burning with a flush. So that’s what… He felt a hand tap his arm and he jumped, pulling back a few feet and glaring over at the offender. Red was standing, confused, looking slightly concerned from his reaction to his phone. No doubt if he knew the actual contents of the messages, he would be making more than one lewd gesture. “Boss, is everythin’ alright?”

 

He shoved the phone back in his pocket, the blush on his cheekbones burning even hotter as Red glanced over his face, the corners of his mouth starting to uptick in a smirk as he put the pieces together. “EVERYTHING IS FINE! GET THE FUCK BACK TO WORK, SANS!” And with that he picked the other up with his blue magic, flinging him through the entry to his station and storming off, pretending to not care about the brash laughter that followed his back.

 

\---

 

He kicked the door to the Swapfell house open, slamming it shut behind him once he was out of the cold. Slim was walking out of the kitchen when he had entered, holding a large mug of a steaming liquid, but once he made eye contact with his fuming counterpart he made an immediate U-turn out of the room. Fell ripped his glare from the taller of the Swapfell brothers to the shorter, watching as he calmly read a magazine. Razz leaned his head back to look at Fell with as innocent of a gaze he could muster. He had gotten better at the look, actually, more likely than not from having spent so much time around Blue. “I do hope that you didn’t break my door. I’ve had to replace it so many times that I’ve actually lost count.” He looked back down at the magazine- a Nabstabot special article on how best to gain the trust of your enemies while simultaneously plotting their demise- and calmly licked his thumb, pressing down on the summoned flesh with more flourish than necessary before reaching down and turning the page. “Ha, just kidding. We’re going on our seventy-third door, bitch.”

 

Fell ignored the other, yanking out his phone and turning it on, going to their messages from that day and opening them, turning and showing the screen to Razz with more force than necessary. “What the  _ fuck _ is this?” He hissed, quietly.

 

Razz made a surprised face, looking at the phone and then up to Fell with a pleased sound. “Oh, you did get those!” He turned back to the magazine, flipping the page again. Fell wanted to call him out on his bullshit because there was no damn way he was able to read the crappy articles that quickly. “I was beginning to wonder if they went through at all, since you didn’t reply to them and whatnot.”

 

Fell closed his eyes, taking in a shaky breath and trying not to be absolutely pissed by the other’s denial of the situation. He opened them and focused his eyes on the other, making direct eye contact and relishing in how Razz’s eyelights dilated the slightest bit. He growled. “Bedroom. Now.”

 

The small grin on his face turned into a full-blown smirk, throwing the magazine on the coffee table before standing and walking to the stairs with an air of absolute confidence. He turned to look at Fell when he reached the bottom, lifting one of his brows the barest bit as his smirk became larger. “Are you coming?”

 

He set his jaw, giving a smirk of his own. “I will be soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *scene cut to Slim sitting in the kitchen, large noise-cancelling headphones over his ears and staring down at a cup of steaming tea with his fingers tented, tears rolling down his face and dripping into the cup below as his brother has sex in the room above his head*
> 
> PLOT TWIST: razz actually just sent fell a fuck ton of picture of minions, knowing how much the other hated them, and everything was totally PG-13 until fell decided that the best outlet for his anger was some sex *shrug*


	16. A Good Old Dose Of Waterpark Fun!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [splishy splashy](https://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/tinder-weird-profile-yoshi-bath-giggle-giggle-14190049790.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @GallifreyanChild
> 
> idk if this is the shit that you were talking about but i fucking love water parks and this is kinda sucky but, dont worry, i also got super inspired for another thing so until then take some half-assed fluff that i wrote in 30 minutes at 1am ha ha
> 
> based off of [this](https://gallifreyan-pal.tumblr.com/post/161141768120/i-am-in-dire-need-for-some-ut-sanssf-sans) post by galli (btw go check them out if u havent already or never have because theyre good as shit my dudes)
> 
> i dub this ship WitheredComic because im an uncreative piece of shit and im tired but if any1 has a better name then let me kno

Sans laughed as he watched his brother brave the large, man-made waves of the wave pool. He confidently strode forward until his feet could barely touch the ground, jumping up at the crest of every wave so that his head would stay above the water. That is, until he grew tired, missing a jump and getting two sockets (and a nose hole, and a mouth full) of water. Papyrus sputtered, turning and trying to swim away. Unfortunately for him, skeletons weren’t the most buoyant or water-worthy of monsters, and the water passed harmlessly through the gaps in his bones, leaving him to wait until the waves battered his body far enough in so that he could stand comfortably again, sputtering as he walked to the concrete barrier that served as shore.

 

Red was waiting as the shore for him, his shoulders shaking up and down in mirth as Papyrus huffed. He extended a life-vest out to the other, complimentary of the water park and similar to the one he had buckled around his own torso, with a laugh, Papyrus taking it with an embarrassed chuckle of his own and clipping it on before he grabbed Red’s hand, dragging him towards the waves. Sans snickered as he saw the panicked look on the other’s face, turning his gaze to look for the rest of the group.

 

Behind him, on one of the lounge chairs, laid Stretch, still looking very horrified and very nauseous from an hour ago when Fell and Blue had forced him to go on a roller coaster with them. He had flopped down immediately after coming back, staring off into the distance with a thousand yard stare that would combat any lone drinker’s in a western flick, a haunted look in his gaze. Speaking of the Double Trouble, Fell and Blue were racing each other on the racer slides, darting up from the bottom and dashing towards the top with their respective laughs, racing mats held over their heads in triumph. Slim was in the smoking section- none too surprisingly- and was obviously rolling a blunt- still not surprising.

 

Sans gave an annoyed sniff as he turned back to the wave pool, watching as Red clutched to Papyrus like a lifeline, even though the water was only four feet deep. Speaking of four feet, Razz had been standing behind Sans and to the right the entire time, his arms crossed and gaze steely as he surveyed the area.

 

Sans shifted a bit where he was sitting inside of the toddler area, watching as the water for the area clicked back on and the spouts in the ground began burbling up water again. He ran his hand through the spout a few times before an idea came to mind and he smiled mischievously, taking a finger and placing it in the spout, changing the direction and force of the water so that it sprayed Razz in the leg.

 

The other startled a bit before looking down at Sans in mock annoyance, rolling his eyes with his mouth giving that tiny twitch in the corner that Sans had come to learn meant that he was trying not to smile. “What do you want, Sans?”

 

He smiled, giving a wink. “Just wanted to make sure you knew that there are, in fact, lifeguards on duty.” He gave a half-assed gesture to the humans that were walking around the area, whistles in their mouth and red flotation devices in their hands. One of them even had the signature streak of sunscreen down their nose.

 

Razz huffed, but tore his gaze away from the pool, looking over to the smoking area. Sans thought he saw the slightest twitch of one of his eye sockets when he saw Slim, but he couldn’t be sure. He patted the ground next to him with a wink and Razz gave a sigh before sitting down cross-legged and back straight, nothing like the relaxed slouch that Sans had with his legs splayed out in front of him. He groaned, falling backwards so that he was laying on the ground. One of the spouts began shooting off water underneath of him, it spraying between his ribs and hitting the back of his sternum. He snickered. That felt weird.

 

He turned his head to look at Razz, the other looking at him in amusement. “What the hell are you doing.”

 

Sans shrugged as best he could while lying prone on the ground. “I’m enjoying not having a stick shoved so far up my ass all the time, unlike  _ some people _ .” He poked Razz in the side during his emphasis, just in case the other didn’t fully understand that he’d intended that comment specifically for him.

 

Razz caught his hand, but rolled his eyes when Sans interlinked their fingers with a wink. “I’ll have you know I had that stick surgically removed weeks ago, and the doctors all said that I’m recovering wonderfully.”

 

Sans laughed, closing his eyes as Razz smirked, reaching down with his unoccupied hand to maneuver the spray so it hit him in the face. He sputtered, still laughing, as he sat up and used both of his hands to try and deflect the spray. Razz had mercy on him once he was soaked  _ to the bone _ (he’d have to save that one for later, when the timing was right), shaking his head in amusement and going back to watching the area.

 

Sans sighed. “I’m serious though. You’ve been standing there in full on Sentry Mode for the past hour. Go do something fun.”

 

Razz gave him an unreadable look before he stood, brushing off his swim shorts. “Alright. Let’s go.”

 

Sans narrowed his eyes at the other. “‘Let’s’? As in, ‘let us’?” Razz nodded and he just shook his head. “Nope. Nada. Your definition of fun will probably give me nightmares for weeks.”

 

Razz stared at him apathetically. “Well, considering that both pairs of gays are occupied, my brother is high as a fucking kite, and Stretch is more than likely traumatized for life, my options are rather limited here.” He brought his arms up and crossed them in front of his chest. “Combine that with the fact that you were the one that suggested that I ‘go do something’, I’d say that makes you required to come with me.”

 

Sans groaned and Razz just huffed, grabbing him by both of his limp arms and beginning to drag him across the concrete. It wasn’t so bad until he got to the blistering part that the sun had heated up beyond comfort, which made the dragging that much more uncomfortable. “Ugh, fuck, fine, I can walk by myself.”

 

Razz gave a triumphant laugh before walking to Stretch, stripping off the plain tee that he had been wearing over his swim trunks. “Hey, Stretch, keep an eye on this for me.” He threw the shirt on his face. Stretch only gave a quiet mumble as a reaction, not moving from his curled fetal position.

 

Razz walked up to Sans and took his hand, beginning to lead him away from the kiddy area. He blinked down at the grip on his hand and forced himself not to blush. Goddammit, Sans, now was not the time. He was supposed to be mad. (Actually, scratch that, being mad was too much effort. Indignant was a much better term, and it only required him to give the silent treatment in order to express it.)

 

He was surprised when, instead of dragging him to one of the death drop slides or roller coasters, Razz led him to the lazy river, letting go of his hand and taking a step in, grabbing to floaties. Razz looked over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “Well? Are you coming?”

 

Sans stood, shocked, before he laughed, stepping into the water and kicking some of it at the other before plopping into the floaty. “I gotta say, I didn’t take you for the type to do anything that has anything to do with the word ‘lazy’.” 

 

He sat back and watched as Razz slid into his own float, pushing them both back from the entrance and letting the current take them down the trail. He looked up at Sans and gave a smirk once they were both situated. “I’ve done you before, haven’t I?”

 

Sans stiffened, feeling his eyelights flicker out as a hot blush exploded over his face. Razz laughed, loud and strong, at that, and Sans brought his hands up from the side of the floaty to cover his face. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drown myself now.”

 

Razz gave him an amused look. “In three feet of water?”

 

Sans looked at him and shrugged, willing the blush on his face to disappear faster. “Hey, my head can barely reach over the top of it.”

 

Razz hummed, reaching a foot down to dip in the water. “I’m wondering more about why you’re so embarrassed in the first place when it’s true.”

 

Sans shifted in the float, reaching one of his hands up to link with Razz’s that was holding onto the handle on his tube. “There are  _ people _ here.”

 

“No there aren’t.”

 

Sans opened his mouth to argue that, yes, there are, when he looked around to see that the river had been mostly evacuated, only the occasional human floating around, more likely than not because they were asleep. He wasn’t surprised, considering the fact that the same thing had happened in the wave pool and the lines for the rides that the others had gone on. He just shrugged. Hey, he was never going to complain about having more room to stretch out. It was best to just play the cards that were dealt to you. Razz squeezed his hand and he let out a content sigh, closing his eyes and almost dozing off in the warm sunlight when Razz spoke up. 

 

“Okay. This is boring. We’re going on a water coaster.”   
  


Sans groaned. “But the  _ line _ .”

 

“As soon as we get there, there won’t be a line.” At his response of a groan Razz rolled his eyes, hopping out of the floaty and shuffling to Sans’ giving a quick press of his teeth to the others. “Just one. And then I’ll dump your traumatized body beside Stretch, and you can enjoy each other’s miserable company.”

 

Sans lifted his head, giving his best deadpan and using his most sarcastic voice. “Golly gee, with an offer like that, how could I refuse?”

 

Razz laughed at his sass- it was a really nice laugh and he’d love to hear it more often- and picked him up, tossing him over his shoulder and shuffling out of the river before darting to the largest water ride he could find. Sans sighed. 

 

He’d had a good life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist: sans had a hell of a time and he rode so many rides with the other that razz ended up getting sick and having to lay down beside stretch in the shame area


	17. Musical Mayhem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short little bits based on me pressing shuffle on my phone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a shit ton of fun

 

[The Other - Lauv](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNjX6o7t6NU)

 

Spicyhoney

 

Stretch pushed himself up in bed, laying so that his upper torso was propped up on his elbows. Fell was walking around the room, picking up the clothes that he had discarded on the floor and putting them on with a less-than-satisfied look on his face and Stretch fought back a laugh. He was such a clean freak that it made him tired just watching him. The clothes were soon all put on or up and he straightened, walking to the door and giving the barest hint of a nod before he left the room to go home, no doubt.

Stretch watched the closed door for a few seconds before he let out a heavy sigh and laid back down, staring at the ceiling, swinging his foot that was hanging off the bed like a pendulum. He really should tell the other just what all this meant to him but…

It was just sex. There was nothing else behind it at all, and the whole reason they had done this in the first place was because they had both thought that neither one of them would ever catch feelings.

He groaned as he sat up from bed, reaching over to his bedside table and pulling out a pack of cigs. It would go away if he just ignored it.

 

[Sugar - Terror Jr](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lalBM0axI8I)

 

Blue and Papyrus

 

Blue stuck his head out of the car as they drove, laughing as the wind whipped at his face and forced him to close his eyes against the force of the blow. He heard Papyrus laughing beside him and he looked over with a grin, seeing the other dancing none-too-subtly in his seat, hands hitting the wheel as they drummed along with the heavy thump of the song.

God, how late was it? The clock in his car was off, and his phone was dead, but it was definitely sometime past midnight. They sky was dotted with stars as they continued to drive on the highway, going onto the interstate and speeding up. He had to pull his face back in behind the windshield so that he could actually get some air.

Driving to nowhere (at the speed limit, of course, but going about 5 over sometimes just to feel like rebels) with music blaring and laughter.

They needed to do this more often.

 

[4u - Blackbear](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUz1CSt8LWc)

 

Mapleblossom (pining/crush)

 

Slim gave an angry shout, reaching forward to yank the aux cord out of the stereo as the song came on, throwing it into the back seat and sitting back down with a huff. Razz scowled at him from the rearview mirror, and Blue gave him a confused look.

“You know, if you didn’t like the song, then you could have just told me. I would have changed it.”

Slim grumbled at Blue’s words, turning back around and handing him the cord before hunkering back down in the seat, pulling the hood over his head and pulling the strings on it so that it closed in front of his face, blocking his flushed complexion from the others, but still letting him see how his brother and Blue exchanged a look at his reaction before they went back to listening to music.

The song started playing again but only for a few seconds before it was changed. His blush began to fade away and he cursed at himself internally.

Fucking crushes, fucking music, fucking songs that reminded him of said crush…

God, but Papyrus would have loved that song, the upbeat music and heavy beat being something that he would gladly listen to as he cleaned, his scratchy lilt singing along with the words to it with glee as he swept and…

He made another muffled groan, trying to pull the hood tighter. This was a fucking nightmare.

 

[XO - Eden Project](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syXq0ICfFDg)

(i actually have nothing for this one its just a really nice song, i think)

 

[that one song - gnash](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4ks_lJGbk)

 

Cherryberry

 

Red chuckled as he hung the call up, getting up from the couch with a huff. Sans gave him a confused look, but behind it was that smug, teasing that he would always have whenever Blue called him. He stuck out his tongue and flipped the other off with both hands, walking backwards to the door and opening it, stepping out to see Blue on his bike in front of the house, smiling brightly from his place on the seat.

“Ready to go, Red?”

He huffed in almost-amusement, cautiously getting on the seat (last time he had gone to fast and had fallen off on the other side- a blow to his pride but almost worth it because of the way it made Blue laugh, loud and clear) and shuffling until he was holding Blue and pressed to his back.

“Ready.”

Blue started to pull out of the drive slowly once they both had helmets on before he stopped at the end of it, craning his neck over his shoulder and looking at Red, flipping the visor on the helmet up to make his words clear. “Are you sure that you didn’t have any other plans?”

Red lifted his own up, meeting the soft eyelights that always managed to hold that inherent kindness. “I got no plans if you don’t, babe.”

He chuckled at the pet name, flipping the visor down before they pulled out of the drive, the streetlamps lighting the way in the dark.

 

[Marijuana Breath - Adam Jensen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbr1M2Cx2LY)

(good song too, highly recommend, pick literally any ship with one of the stoners and it works)

 

[Round 2 (Catt Moop Remix) - Imad Royal](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynG_IxN1d88)

 

Lasagnaise

 

The song started out soft with an almost eight bit sound as Lust walked out, taking great liberty in making a sway in his step, the net-like, loose clothing that he was wearing offered little to no coverage and leaving almost nothing to the imagination. A few low whistles came as he grabbed the pole, walking in a slow circle with his hand on it, waiting until the beat dropped to hook his ankle over the bottom of it, swinging in a quick circle and using his other leg to swing out in a wide arc until he lost momentum, hooking it over the pole and arching his body in an almost-grinding motion against the pole, eyes half lidded as his mouth widened into a lazy smirk.

He went through his routine after that, energetic and almost-frenzied, tugging on the clothes here and there and making eye contact with some of the crowd as they slid over his summoned body slowly.

As his eyes swept the crowd he made eye contact with a particular customer. He wasn’t technically allowed to say that he had favorites, but he would tell everyone in the room that he was, in fact, his favorite with little to no hesitation whatsoever.

Always tipping well and never treating him as just a sex object, he was a strippers dream. Not to mention that he was hot as fuck. The guy raised his drink in his hand with the slightest raise of an eyebrow as greeting and Lust tittered out a laugh, lifting himself on the pole with his hands, locking his legs around behind it and leaning back, tugging what counted as a shirt off with a wink in his direction, not having to force his eyelights to widen in, well, lust at all.

It was always a good night for him when the guy was here.

 

[Where It All Goes - Lostboycrow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6FuixQfiME)

 

Rottenberry

 

Razz sighed as he saw Blue start bouncing up and down out of the corner of his eye. He knew what that movement meant whenever a song came on while they were cooking that he particularly liked. Sure enough, he was soon given the slightest hip check, and he looked over in mock-annoyance as Blue laughed, hips bouncing back and forth to the beat of the song. He tilted his head a bit, his grin widening the slightest bit as he winked, reaching his hand out for Razz to take.

The edgier of the two gave an exasperated look before reaching forward and turning the stove heat down, placing one of his hands in Blue’s while the other came up to rest against his forehead as he closed his eyes, tilting his face up to the sky. Blue laughed before pulling on the hand and moving Razz closer to himself, grabbing both of his hands and spinning in the kitchen, laughing as they twirled.

Razz found himself joining in, leaning forward and picking Blue up by his waist as the music began to pick up, twirling him around before setting him down, the two falling into a sort of bouncing step with the beat of the song.

Blue looked up at him with those beautiful blue eyes he loved, mouth quirked in a lopsided grin as he laughed. Razz huffed with a small smile himself, leaning forwards and giving Blue a peck on the teeth.

“Just letting you know, love, that if we keep this up then we’re never going to get finished with dinner.”

Blue chuckled, leaning his forehead against Razz’s. “I’ll be fine with that if you keep dancing with me.”

“I’m hungry, Blue. Dancing doesn’t help that.”

 

[Sleep When We’re Dead - ItaloBrothers](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MReeYAcEUM)

(im just imagining everyone at a club getting turnt and thats all you need to know)

 

[World Is Ending - Matt and Kim](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tv4aoWYsecc)

 

Kustard

 

“Oh my god, Red, get off of me.”

“Mmm. Nah. I can get off _on_ you, though.”

“Red.”

“Yes?”

“We’re lying down in the middle of a park watching a solar eclipse.”

“Yes.”

“All of our friends are around us and the park is filled with children.”

“I am aware.”

“Oh my god, stop winking like that and just look at the fucking sun and moon shit.”

“Later, though?”

“I’m offended that you even feel like you need to ask. Of fucking course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i got tired there at the end so sorry the kustard was half-assed :'C
> 
> (does anyone have any ships or whatever that they'd like to see? im open to suggestions right now lol)


	18. Stars in the Sky Reflected On the Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stars in your eyes that drown out all around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some1 requested some firststar and that shit is my bitch (or i guess, im that shit's bitch. either way.) so here it is

 

The thing that really sucked about his universe, he decided, was that he could constantly see the stars. Granted, that wasn’t really sucky in the first place, considering that every other Sans would give a left arm and left leg to have the view he had every night (mostly just so that they could make a joke about being “all right”, also, but the stars were a big part). Outer had grown up seeing the stars, seeing the  _ same stars _ around their meteor that were a reminder of their banishment to the asteroid belt. The view was beautiful, of course- breathtaking at best and lovely at worst, but the thing about seeing the same view over and over again is that eventually it gets old. He supposed that it was better than being trapped under a mountain and looking up to see the low ceilings of rock that served as your prison, but even looking out into the infinite abyss of space served as a reminder of how they were floating out in the asteroid belt.

He still enjoyed space enough, he supposed, not minding talking with the other Sanses about new planets that had been discovered or going out to go stargazing. He always brought his own telescope along whenever they’d go stargazing, since the lens on his was a lot stronger, and they could easily see the planets and trace the spots between constellations. He could join in on the conversations about facts about the stars and he could name every constellation in the sky easier than he could name all the bones in his body. Hell, most of the time he could spout off facts about space that even the other Sanses didn’t know, and making puns about space was easy when you’ve spent every second of your life in it.

He still liked space. He really did. But sometimes, he just needed a break.

So when the Sans of Undertale asked him to come along for their stargazing that night because of a meteor shower that would be happening, he seemed shocked when Outer declined.

“Nah. I mean, thank you for the invite, but I’m not really feeling up to it tonight.”

Sans looked off to the side, seeming to try and hide his disappointment. “Well, alright then. Let me know if you… Change your mind.” Outer watched him go to walk back out the door of the house the multiverse share before he stopped him.

“Sans, wait.” The other turned around so quickly it was almost comical, his grin seeming softer around the edges. Outer held back a chuckle before he went into his index, pulling out his telescope and holding it out to the other. “I won’t be there, but you can still use this, if you’d like.”

Sans looked from his face to the telescope before his grin seemed to pull a little wider in strain. “Heh. Yeah. Thanks.” He took it from Outer’s hand and held it gently, running his thumb along the dark blue aluminum on the side before looking up at the other. “I’ll bring it back later.” And with that he waved and left. 

Outer sighed, flopping down on the couch and nuzzling down into the fluff on his hood, picking up the drawstrings and fiddling with the cotton on the end of them. He felt… Not bad, exactly, because needing a mental break wasn’t really something he needed to apologize for, but disappointed. He loved hanging out with the others- Sans especially, though that might be a bit of his own vanity peeking through (then again, he hated himself, so it probably had nothing to do with that at all and he was just using this as an excuse for something el- nope. Stopping that train of thought right there)- but there was only so much looking at space that he could handle before he felt like he was on that asteroid again, drifting in the cold void of the cosmos.

He was startled out of his thoughts by his brother, Nova, barging into the room with his usual fanfare. Outer chuckled, raising a hand to wave at his brother as he posed, his scarf flapping in the wind. Holy shit, his brother was so cool. Nova seemed surprised to see him sitting on the couch. “Brother! What are you still doing here? I thought you left with the Sans club to go look at stars?”

Outer gave a small, weak laugh, shrugging. “Sorry, bro. As  _ sans _ -sational as they all are,” Nova groaned loudly, “I kinda needed a… Break.”

Nova looked at him, annoyance at the terrible pun that had been used too much to be funny fading into something more patient and supportive. “I understand. Though I’m certain that if you told them, then they would find some way to accommodate you!”

He smiled at his brother’s solution, but just waved him off. “Nah. It’s fine. I like the stars well enough, so it doesn’t bother me too much. Besides, it’s not like it’s every night.”

Nova did something similar to pursing his lips- Outer wasn’t sure how he could do that, considering that they were both skeletons and didn’t have lips in the first place, but if anyone could pull it off, it was his bro- but nodded anyways. “Alright. But if you need to talk it out, then I’m here! I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.”

Outer just chuckled. “Thanks, bro. You’re the coolest.”

Nova puffed out his chest, using his magic to make his scarf whip in the wind and placing a hand on his chin as he posed. “I know! And you are very cool, too!” He ended his pose, continuing to walk towards the exit. “Now, if you will excuse me, I’m going to teach Papyrus how to make my universe-famous ‘galaxy spaghetti’!” He paused, looking over his shoulder at Outer with an exasperated look. “Can you  _ believe _ that none of them have ever heard of dying the spaghetti sauce to make the colors look pretty?!”

“Sounds  _ pretty _ cool, bro. I’ll see you later.”

Nova gave his best glare. “That one was bad, even for you.” And he shut the door, leaving a chuckling brother lying on the couch.

Until the door slammed open again, and he cracked open an eye. They really needed to have a roommate conversation about that. They’d had to repair so many holes in the wall that he had eventually lost count. The Sanses walked in after that, a frustrated Razz and Blue leading the way and going into the kitchen. Red and Lust walked in next, the disgusted look on Red’s face and the joyful glee on Lust’s letting him know that there was more than likely a few sex jokes that he missed. Sans brought up the rear, shutting the door gently with his foot and walking over to the couch where Outer was laying, flopping down and laying his head in the other’s lap.

Outer hummed, looking around the room. “Is the meteor shower over already?” He heard a loud crash from the direction of the kitchen, courtesy of Razz slamming a pot down on the stove particularly hard at his inquiry. 

Sans gave an off look to the kitchen where the sound of Blue’s scolding was coming and back to Outer. “A bunch of clouds came out of nowhere, so we couldn’t see it. It really sucks, but the short, dark, and edgy is the angriest about it.”

At his words, both short, dark, and edgy ones spoke simultaneously, telling him to go fuck himself. Blue gave a pointed cough and gestured to the swear jar. Once again, a duet of “go fuck yourself” was heard. Outer laughed and Sans chuckled, bringing his hands up to interlock over his stomach. 

Lust looked over at the two of them. “Why didn’t you come with us, Outer?”

Everyone looked up at him at that- even Razz, who leaned his head around the doorframe of the kitchen and raised an eyebrow- and he found himself beginning to sweat. “I uh… Get tired of space sometimes?” He looked down. May as well just tell them everything, now. “We saw the stars and stuff on the asteroid all the time, and I still like space, I’ve just seen it all before.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, and he started to sweat. Maybe he should have just said that he was feeling sick or something. 

Razz scowled. “Is that really it? God.” His head moved out of the doorway. “You were acting so fucking melodramatic that I just assumed it was something serious. ‘Got tired of it’. Jesus Christ, what a pussy.”

Blue huffed. “Razz, that’s not very nice!” He turned to Outer. “But if that was a reason then you could have told us sooner. We get it!”

Everyone else gave a murmur of agreement. Outer chuckled, embarrassed at this point. It was kinda stupid how much of a secret he had kept. He looked down to his lap to see Sans staring at him with a thoughtful look on his face, but once he was caught he looked away, a blush lighting across his face.

 

\---

 

“What.” It was less of a question and more of a statement, Outer being a little confused by what he was being asked.

“I said, ‘Would you want to go out on a date with me?’” Sans smiled, hands slung casually in his pockets. Outer looked him over as he blinked a few times, still trying to process the question.

“You… Want to date… Me?”

“Yep. So? Would you like to come with me?” Sans was grinning patiently, but they had the same face and the same tells, and Outer could tell that he was getting more and more anxious as the time went on.

He grinned nervously. “Yeah. Yeah! Sounds good!”

Sans visibly relaxed, some of the tension draining from his shoulders. “Okay. Cool.” He winked. “Let’s get going then.”

Outer blinked. “Wait. Like a date right now?”

“Yes.”

“So, like,  _ right now _ right now?”

“Yep.” Sans stuck a hand out for Outer to take, his grin soft. “If you’re ready?”

Outer looked at the hand for a moment before slowly placing his own in it, feeling slightly giddy. “I’m ready.”

Sans led him out of the house before they stopped on the front doorstep. He shut the door and then stopped, letting go of Outer’s hand and pulling out a long, black piece of cloth. He looked at Outer with a grin. “Okay, so the date is a surprise, so I’m gonna blindfold you now.”

Outer looked up at Sans and then at the blindfold warily. He turned around so that the other could tie it around his head, sighing. “Okay, but if this turns out to be a prank, then I’m telling Razz that you’re the one who replaced his sour cream with whipped cream.”

Sans just chuckled as he tied the knot, reaching back down to take a hold of Outer’s hand and give it a gentle squeeze. “You got it.”

Outer felt himself being led to a car, being put in the front seat. He fumbled around for the seat belt before he heard Sans laugh, grabbing it and buckling it for him. Outer huffed, crossing his arms as he heard the door beside him shut and the car started, driving them somewhere.

One bad thing about having a blindfold over your eyes is that you no longer have any real perception of time, and he found himself tapping on his leg as they drove, anxious and nervous and excited all rolled into one. The car stopped and he jolted when he felt an arm on his shoulder, relaxing when he realized it was Sans. He unbuckled and let Sans open the door for him, taking his hand and leading him up a hill.

Outer heard the sound of grass crunching under his feet and light cricket chirping, a cool breeze rustling what sounded like leaves as they walked up a hill. The slope leveled out and Sans stopped him, going around behind him to untie the blindfold. Outer tried to not act disappointed, but he couldn’t help but slouch a bit as he realized that they would be stargazing. It was fine. It really was, and he was happy to do it if it made Sans happy, but he had thought that his views from a few nights ago would have been more… important to the others.

He blinked a few times when the blindfold was taken off, looking up at the sky and ready to feign amazement…

Only to be met with a cloudy night, the light of the moon barely peeking through. He searched the sky, only to come up with nothing, and looked down at Sans with confusion. Sans noticed this and laughed, pointedly moving his gaze down to the area at the bottom of the hill. Outer followed his eyes and gasped at the sight before him.

There was a small lake, the barest hint of the moonlight reflecting in the water, ripples traveling out from the center and to the edge that made the light shimmer. But that wasn’t what caught his gaze. Over the lake, at the bottom of the hill, in the trees, everywhere he looked there were some kind of… surface stars, their lights blinking and moving, drifting around in the area like hundreds of stars. He was so busy watching the soft yellow lights that he didn’t notice Sans coming up to stand beside him until he spoke. “I know that you want to see everything that the surface has to offer. I hope this is okay.”

Outer turned to look at Sans, feeling his eyelights flicker into stars like they always did when he was happy. “Are you kidding me?! This is incredible!” He turned to look back at the lights. One of them had drifted close to him and he cupped his hand, lifting it up from under the light and scooping it into his hand, bringing it closer to his face. He blinked in shock at the bug, and gave a quick laugh as it started to crawl up his fingers, the light blinking a few times before it reached the tips of his phalanges, wings lifting out of its back as it lifted off to continue to drift lazily in the dim moonlight. “What are those things?! They’re like… star bugs!”

Sans laughed, reaching into a bag that Outer hadn’t noticed him carrying, pulling out two mason jars and holding them up with a wink. “According to the kids, they’re called ‘fireflies’. Or ‘lightning bugs’. Depends on who you ask.” He handed a jar to Outer and walked up to one of the lights himself, cupping it in his hands before placing it in the jar. The light drifted around for a bit before it stopped on the side of the glass, the bug resting and blinking slowly. “Personally? I like star bugs a whole lot better.”

Outer laughed, going to catch a few of the bugs himself, placing them in the jar. They caught a few and held the jars up as the lights blinked in them, watching them as they sat on top of the hill. After a while, Sans stood, brushing himself off and sticking a hand out to help Outer up. They unscrewed the caps on the jars, letting the bugs fly out until they were all gone, packing them up as they walked back to the car. They sat down and started driving in comfortable silence.

Outer looked over at Sans with a soft smile. “Thank you. This was a lot of fun. I wouldn’t mind doing something like it again sometime.”

“Heh. Uh no- no problem. I had fun too.” His face was decorated with a light blue blush, the color lighting up the interior of the car. Outer watched this, his grin getting a little wider. That blue flush and bashful smile were some other things he wouldn’t mind seeing more often.

They’d have to go on another date soon, so he could see it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was gay
> 
> im am gay
> 
> i also love lightning bugs


	19. The Statistics of Love (And Also Poptarts)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5fPx3ybpnk) song the whole time i was writing this, and it doesn't really have a lot to do with anything, but its catchy i think

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im actually going to do my thesis in statistics on this lol

 

Tonight was Papyri night. Hooray. Normally not so bad, since it usually meant that Fell and Papyrus would face off in friendly one-upmanship and japes while he and Stretch would hotbox the nearest closet. However, it was also  _ pasta _ night. Slim himself was fine with eating cold ravioli from a can, and he had caught Stretch drinking spaghettios from a can on more than one occasion, but the more… energetic ones of the group insisted on making their own dish from scratch. Of course, doing anything together meant that it soon became a contest of passion.

He could only be glad that it wasn’t his kitchen this time. The last thing he needed was a bitchy brother.

Slim took another sip of his bottle of syrup, watching as Papyrus and Fell butted shoulders as they furiously stirred pots of pasta. Water and partially-cooked noodles were being flung out of the boiling pots, landing on the ground with a bunch of wet plops. He lifted the bottle back, sucking down what was left of the syrup before taking it away with a sigh, looking into the hole on the top before tossing it carelessly over his shoulder, the empty container landing on the pile of similar bottles of honey and maple syrup with a hollow clatter.

Stretch looked over his shoulder with disinterest as the bottle sailed into their shared discard pile. His own honey bottle was hanging loosely from his teeth as he watched the chaotic scene in front of them unfold. He groaned as he leaned back from the counter that they were leaning on, reaching into his hoodie pocket and pulling out another $20, tossing it on the space in front of them atop of more bills, a few cigs, and a blunt. “Ten minutes.”

Slim snorted, reaching into his own pocket and taking out a clear plastic bag with green clumps inside of it, the words “THIS IS DEFINITELY OREGANO” written on the side with a black sharpie. “Pft. More like ten  _ seconds. _ ”

As if on cue, the stove exploded, the front door of the oven shooting out and hitting the wall across the room as flames began to shoot up out of the stovetop. Slim gave a triumphant laugh, calling Stretch a bitch as he sweeped his winnings into his inventory, humming in satisfaction. Fell and Papyrus were still stirring the pasta, but had jumped away from the stove after it exploded, and Slim used this to walk up and spray the stove with the fire extinguisher that Razz forced him to carry at all times for fear of having the shit beat out of him otherwise.

The taste of the pasta once they were both finished was… indescribable, though he did his best to show his opinion on the taste by gagging at every given opportunity. Fell had thrown a chair at him.

Eventually, they settled on just eating whatever cheap foods that Papyrus had in his cabinets, which mostly just consisted of poptarts and saltine crackers. They all chose the former- the crackers were a bit soggy for unknown reasons- and now sat, listening as Fell and Papyrus took turns telling stories of their heroism and villainy, respectively. Slim unwrapped another pair of poptarts, taking a bite out of both at once and pretending like he didn’t notice the disgusted look on Fell’s face, which was the entire reason why he was eating them like this in the first place. 

Papyrus unwrapped his own, taking one out (not  _ everyone _ ate like they had never seen food before) and making an offended noise. Slim swallowed his mouthful of pastry. “Wha?” Crumbs flew out of his mouth. Okay, so he hadn’t swallowed all of it, but the thought was still there.

In response, Papyrus held up the poptart with a disappointed frown, showing the side with frosting on it to the group. Instead of an entire coating of the sweet, there was a single splotch of it in the bottom right. “This is unbelieveable!”

Slim snorted out a laugh as he shoved as much of his pastry in his mouth as possible before remembering that laughing and eating at the same time wasn’t a good idea and he doubled over, choking. The others kept eating their food, unbothered by his near-death experience.

Stretch pulled the two layers of his poptart apart, using a plastic spoon to scrape off the filling on the inside and eat it. “That sucks. What’s the normal amount of frosting on the poptarts?”

Papyrus hummed in thought, pulling his phone out of the pocket he had built into his battle body, tapping on it a bit in confusion before sighing. “I’m looking at poptart fun facts right now, but! It doesn’t say!” He squinted, bringing the phone so close to his face that it was surely impossible to read. “Though apparently the reason they pack two in at once is for money-saving purposes,” he gave a very obvious side eye to Slim, “and  _ not _ so that you could choke yourself eating two at once.”

Papyrus continued to scroll on his phone reading off fun facts, the disappointment to poptarts everywhere held aloft in his other hand. Fell hit Stretch in the arm, getting his attention and sending a wink his way. He turned to Papyrus and cleared his throat, but not before he sent a smug look in Slim’s direction. “So it really doesn’t say how much frosting each one of them have?”

A huff. “No! You think they would provide that information!” There was a pout on his face, and he huffed louder. “Honestly, I think it’s because they don’t want to give you an expectation so they can’t get in trouble for doing the frosting all willy-nilly!”

Fell looked down at his gloves, the smugness still there under the surface. “Would you be impressed if someone could find out the average percent of frosting that covers the front?”

Papyrus paused in his ranting, looking up at the ceiling in thought. “Well, yes! I think that would be pretty neat! Aside from breaking into the factory, though, I’m not too sure how that would work.”

Slim knew exactly what he was doing. And you know what? Fuck him. He hunkered down into his hood, trying to chew the large glob of pastry in his mouth without choking anymore. He saw Stretch grin out of the corner of his eye, having realized what was going on, and snapped his gaze over to him, shaking his head discreetly. No. No, they would  _ not _ be double-teaming on him again, he could handle his own damn feelings thank you very much. 

Completely ignoring them in the hopes that they’d eventually go away was handling them well enough, right?

“You know, Slim’s really good at statistics and stuff.” 

Papyrus looked at him with a grin. “Really? You could figure it out?!” 

He shrugged shyly, his mouth still full of pastry. Thank god for that, because if it wasn’t he would no doubt be stumbling over his words right now. Especially with the smug grins on Fell and Stretch’s faces.

There was a large whoosh of something catching on fire, and all their heads turned to the large pot of water on the stove. Fell scowled. “The hell? I turned the stove off!”

Papyrus got up, walking over to the counter and looking at the dials on it. He turned back to Fell. “Yeah, it’s off!”

Fell pushed back from the table, walking over and looking at the pot intently. “Then why the fuck is it on fire?”

Papyrus looked over at him with a slightly amused look on his face, eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, like the answer was obvious. “It’s delayed action spaghetti!” He turned back to the pot, watching the flames. “It’s supposed to activate after you’ve already eaten it to give you a boost of energy!”

Fell walked over to the extinguisher that had been discarded on the floor, turning it over in his hands as he read the label calmly. A few seconds later, he went to the stove and sprayed what was left on the pot. “Well, if it’s of the more…  _ flammable _ nature, then I might take some for myself.” He set the empty can down on the counter. “That way I could kill my enemies without them even knowing it!”

Stretch yawned. “We ate it, though, and we’re fine.”

Fell sniffed. “So, I’ll have to make a few…  _ modifications _ to the recipe.”

Papyrus made an offended noise. “My spaghetti is not to be used for violence!”

And thus an argument on the chaotic nature of pasta- or lack thereof- began, Papyrus and Fell bantering loudly.

Stretch snickered, pressing all his fingers together and turning his wrist so that his fingers were pointing up, adopting a shitty Italian accent and speaking softly enough that only Slim could hear him. “Call of Duty: Pasta Warfare.”

Slim ignored the admittedly well-made joke, scowling at Stretch and hitting him with what was left of his poptart, crumbs scattering everywhere. “I know exactly what the two of you were trying to do, and I  _ do not _ appreciate it.”

Stretch looked at him, raising an eyebrow lazily. “What, I thought you  _ wanted _ to impress him?”

“Yes!” Slim hissed quietly. “But fuck you!”

Stretch shrugged, leaning forward and laying his head on his arms. “Suit yourself. I guess we can just crank out the mistletoe come Christmas time.”

Slim inhaled, standing up from his chair quickly enough for it to skid back a few feet. “I’m leaving!” He announced loudly.

Papyrus looked at him, seeming slightly hurt. Slim clenched his jaw. Nope, he was just gonna ignore it. “Why?”

He pointed his finger at the sad, orange sweatshirt full of bones beside him. “Stretch is bullying me.” Papyrus immediately began scolding said sad sack, and Slim saluted at Stretch’s annoyed look before he popped out of the room, landing on his own bed with a few creaks of springs. He chuckled as he thought of the look that was probably on the other’s face, but the smile fell as he thought of what the topic of conversation was earlier.

He shook his head, intending to clear the thoughts from his mind, but was drawn to the idea  _ again _ as he watched crumbs fall off of his chin. God, he was a messy eater. He linked his fingers over his hoodie, feeling the bump from his bet winnings and giving a small laugh. He pulled out the blunt- it was wrapped paper that had tiny heart decals on it, and he chose to ignore that particular detail- and lit it, deciding to smoke until he couldn’t move and had no choice but to fall asleep.

Unfortunately, there was only so much that one blunt could do, and being high made him think of ideas in ways that he never would have considered while sober. As such, when he snuffed out the end of the filter, the only thing that was popping into his mind was how damn  _ impressive _ he would be, knowing all these fucking facts about poptarts, holy shit. And then, knowing something that no one else knew, would make him the poptart k i n g. The idea was more appealing when he thought of it like that, and so Slim pushed himself up, full of energy, stumbling to his window and lifting up the glass, beginning to shimmy out of it.

His bedroom was upstairs, so he fell a few feet down to the ground, but he luckily landed in the rosebush under his window.

Pulling himself out of the thorns with only a few hisses of pain here and there, he began to creep across the lawn. It was night out, now, and as such, he needed to be quiet so that his brother wouldn’t wake up and throw a table at him or something. He heard the back door slide open and looked over his shoulder to see Razz, looking at him in annoyance. “Papyrus, what the fuck are you doing.”

Slim glanced around the area before looking to Razz. “You mean,” he pointed to himself, “me?”

Razz’s eye twitched- it had been doing that a lot lately, whenever Slim was high. He wondered briefly if it was some kind of allergic reaction to the smell of smoke on him. They should probably take him to the doctor to see about that- and he turned on his heel, walking back into the house with a muttered “you know, I don’t even fucking care anymore.”

Slim crept into the garage, pulling the sheet off of his plastic jeep before hopping in, pulling out and driving his way to the Undertale house.

You didn’t have to be sober to drive a children’s jeep.

A few minutes later showed him to be standing behind the Undertale bro’s house, holding a large armful of various-sized rocks. He threw about three at one of the windows on the back of the house before the room light came on, the window sliding open to reveal a tired, disgruntled Sans. He blinked as he looked into his backyard in worry, but that expression quickly changed into annoyance. “What the hell do you want, Slim?”

Slim blinked a few times before he remembered that he had been throwing rocks for a reason this time. “Oh. Yeah. Which window is Papyrus’ again?”

Sans looked at him tiredly, sighing through his nose. “There’s only two windows on the back of the house. Both belong to a bedroom.” He gestured to his own windowsill. “If this one is mine,” his hand moved over to point at the only other window on the house’s rear. “Then that means that Paps is where?”

Slim blinked again. “Wait, so do you not know which window is Papyrus’ either, or-”

“It’s that one, for fucks sake!”

Slim looked over to the second window. The one that had a banner reading “PAPYRUS’ SUPER COOL ROOM!” hanging down from the side and laughed. “Oh! Okay! Thanks man!”

“Next time you do this shit I swear to god I will call Razz and have him haul your ass back to your house.”

“Kay, thanks, bye!” Sans rolled his eyes, slamming his window shut.

Slim grabbed another rock, hefting his head and rearing back to throw it when Papyrus’ window popped open. He’d already launched the stone, unfortunately, and watched as Papyrus yelped and disappeared back inside as the rock sailed through his open window. A few seconds later and the head popped back out, looking around the yard before landing on Slim. “Oh! Hey!” Papyrus looked around for anyone else, but came up with nothing. “Not to be rude or anything, but why are you throwing rocks at me at,” his head went back into his room for a few seconds before coming back out, “one in the morning?”

Slim dropped his rocks on the ground. “Hi, Papyrus!” He blinked a few times, trying to remember what the question he was just asked was. “Oh, yeah. Come on down!” He waved his arms excitedly.

Papyrus cocked his head to the side before shrugging, going back in before getting a running start and diving headfirst through the open window, tumbling across the ground before rolling to his feet. “Yes?”

“We’re going on a road trip!”

Papyrus looked at him for a few seconds before he blinked. “What for?”

“Okay, so…” Slim reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, taking it and unfolding it, setting it as flat as possible on the ground. “We’re gonna go to every Walmart in the state and randomly buy a box of poptarts from their brown sugar flavor.”

He felt someone lean to look over his shoulder, turning to come face to face with Papyrus. “Why do you need so many poptarts?”

Slim looked away, trying to keep from blushing because hot damn they were really close together. “Because we need a lot for me to get an accurate sample size to estimate the frosting covering population.”

Papyrus nodded, his hand coming up to rest at his chin. “That makes sense. Couldn’t you just get them all from one store though?”

“Nope!” he said, popping the p. “Doing that could cause sample bias. The estimate would only be for the state, but it’s better than nothing.”

Papyrus stood from where he had been kneeling, dusting off his clothes before turning around, cupping both his hands around his mouth. “SANS!”

The small skeleton opened his window again, leaning against the sill and looking miserable. “Yeah bro?”

“SLIM AND I ARE GOING TO WALMARTS TO BUY SOME POPTARTS!”

Sans yawned. “Okay bro. Just come home once you guys are done.”

“OKAY!” The window shut and Papyrus turned to Slim with a grin. “Let me go get some clothes and other stuff, and we can take my car and get going!”

Slim folded up the paper map, having to take a few tries because of his uncoordinated high. “I brought my jeep.”

Papyrus gave him a Look ™. “I’m not sitting on the skateboard that you tied to the back of the jeep again.”

Slim shrugged with a grin, Papyrus rolling his eyes with a smile of his own as he went back in to get some clothes and such. He looked at the folded map, shoving it in his pocket before going to follow the other. 

The end result would probably be less than impressive. But as long as he got to hang out with Papyrus, he didn’t really care either way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> throwback thursday to when my best friend fucking woke me up at 2am to go to every target in the state for the same poptart reason (it was for class but it still took two and a half weeks to do and it used up all my vacation days for work smh)
> 
> i might come back and edit this later with our statistic results and whatever but until then have some shitty, half-assed fluff


	20. Spicy Boyfriend Deleted Shit Masterpost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> havent read the long-fic yet? [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10470291/chapters/23103429) it is!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so kinda spoliers for the other fic i wrote? but its done now and i assume most of u only kno abt me bc of the spicy bf so ha ha whatevs
> 
> originally i was gonna have the plot be a lot less… meme-y and more grounded in life shit as opposed to universe shenanigans i suppose, but then around chapter 4 i was like “what if the universes were fucked and dying and razz had to fix them, poor guy” and i liked the idea so much that i scrapped what i was planning. the first plot ever was actually going to be something like razz being in constant denial of his feelings? and kinda being a dick abt it? i dont wanna go too far along that bc im doing another rottenberry fic that is more along the plot that i thought of when i first was gonna write the thing?
> 
> anyways ha ha
> 
> this is just a bunch of bullshit of different scenes that i thought were funny and shit that i REALLY WANTED TO INCLUDE but i never got to (little known fact, i would figure out which jokes i wanted to make in a chapter and i would find a way to flow between those which is y the entire fic is a fucking shitpost) and if you want to then feel free to take any one of these snippets, because i am probably never going to use them ever, and you can credit me if you do! something along the lines of “u guys kno ollie? that fucking dick who thinks theyre funnier than they actually r? this was their fucking idea like can u believe how goddamned stupid they r lmfao”

 

(i was actually going to make a scene sometime in the story where red and comic got married or some shit before the universe shenanigans idea happened, and the gasters were going to b like omniscient beings that were doing the equivalent of watching soap operas and anime)

 

Looks like we’re going to be in-laws soon.

**Fuck off.**

Hey now, that’s no way to treat the future father-in-law of your son!

**We’re not their actual dads! None of us are! They’re literally half of us!**

...So does that mean that  _ we’re _ getting married?

**No.**

Half-married, then.

**N o.**

I don’t know, man. It feels sorta… Right, being with you.

**No. No. Fuck off. Don’t- DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!**

Hey, don’t fight it. This was meant to be.

**I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.**

_ SF! They’re doing it again! _

**_Oh for fucks sake, I never get a goddamned break from this shit- BREAK IT UP YOU TWO!_ **

Gasp! A challenger for your affections!

**What.**

**_What._ **

_ What. _

Worry not, my dear, for my love rings truer than any opposition’s ever could!

**Could you, ya know, kill him? Pretty please?**

**_I’m very tempted._ **

_ I’m fine with it. _

**That’s three yes-es, looks like it’s time for death.**

Oh, thank god. I welcome it with open arms.

 

~~~

 

Razz huffed as he stood in front of the door. He’d been knocking for, what, ten seconds? And there was no response from the other side? Unacceptable. He took a few steps back, looking at where the lock was put inside the door. Fuck it, he was just going to kick it down.

A hand placed on his chest stopped him, and he glared up at his brother. “Bro, we’ve been over this already. You can’t break any more doors.”

He growled, pushing the hand off of his chest. “And why the fuck can’t I do that?”

A heavy sigh. “We all signed an agreement that whoever breaks the next door has to replace both that door, and buy an extra door for everyone else. Shit’s expensive.”

Razz looked at Slim, then moved his gaze back to the door. “Well then, maybe you shouldn’t have broken the door.”

“Wait, what do you-” He was cut off as Razz picked him up with blue magic, hurling him through the front door with a loud crack.

 

~~~

 

(group chat that just never came to be :/ )

 

**Comic:** o hey blue ur here

 

**Comic:** now we can start the annual “im d8ing an edgy asshole” meeting

 

**Comic:** r all the edgy daters present here tonight

 

**Cream:** I’m not dating an edgy?

 

**Stretch:** shun the non-believer

 

**_Comic_ ** _ has kicked  _ **_Cream_ ** _ from the chat! _

 

**Comic:** shunned

 

**Comic:** o man i can hear him yelling @ me from the other room

 

**Stretch:** only those true to our purpose may remain

 

**Stretch:** it was a necessary sacrifice

 

**Comic:** i understand

 

**Blue:** Why are you guys like this.

 

~~~

 

“Ah, yes. There nothing I love more than good old lasagna,” Stretch said, popping the “g”. Fell’s eye twitched from where he was standing beside him.

 

~~~

 

(okay, so in regards to the boot thing in the second chapter of it, i was originally planning to make it so that stretch had moved the boots to win a bet? and that slim had let him do it bc he was promised half the winnings of the bet? but later on razz and blue were gonna find out and stuff. i changed the story, so i guess u can pretend that such a thing actually happened, or that it was the gasters or something, or that blue grabbed the wrong pair of boots, so idk.

but they were originally going to fuck. a lot. like im talking sex scenes galore like every other chapter it was gonna be intense man.

anyways.)

 

 

Razz tapped his fingers on the wood of the table. He wasn’t really sure how to react in this situation. Granted, he was pissed that this orange asshole had pranced around his house without his permission, but then again, the boots were the catalyst for him starting a relationship with Blue. So he did one of his favorite things to do to the protective little brother to freak him out. 

“You know, I actually should thank you for your interference. Without it, I never would have been able to fuck your brother.”

The room was dead silent for a few seconds, the only sound being the tick of the clock and Blue trying to hold back a snicker. Stretch blinked a few times, a look of horror coming over his face. “Oh my god, Blue, please tell me he’s joking.”

Blue laughed outright at that, giving Stretch a large grin. “Oh, don’t worry. He’s joking!”

“Oh thank god.”

“ _ I _ was actually the one doing most of the fucking.” Stretch was gaping at Blue in shock, and Red fell out of his chair, choking on the taco he was eating. Fell was the only one who didn’t seem surprised, bringing a fist up to bump with Blue’s. “But I will say, Razz is a power bottom!”

Razz sat there calmly, winking at Stretch when he looked over in shock at himself, and then stood from the table, drumming his fingers on the top. “Speaking of which, it’s been a day or two, hasn’t it? Would you like to fuck?”

“Sure! Sounds like fun!” He gasped, looking over at Stretch, who looked rather sick at the moment. “Papy, I think we need to get my room soundproofed. It would be a good investment!”

“BRO I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING KNOW THESE THINGS!”

 

~~~

 

(um….,,.,.,., special warning for almost sexy time??? hoo boy. *fans my face*)

 

Razz scoffed, rolling his eyes to the side and coming face-to-face with the confident smirk of Blue. And that just wouldn’t stand, would it? He lunged forward, grabbing Blue’s hands with his own and pinning them to the sofa, bending down and forcing his tongue into the other’s mouth. 

Blue laughed around the intrusion, his own forming quickly to press back against him, the piercing through Razz’s tongue giving the occasional click against one of their teeth. He opened his eyes and pulled back, seeing that the smirk was still on his face.

Well then. He would just have to try harder, wouldn’t he? 

Razz shifted, moving himself so that both of Blue’s wrists were clutched in one of his hands, the other coming to trail down to where his shirt was tucked into his pants, pulling it out and pushing it up so he could run his fingers down Blue’s ribs. A shudder wracked the other’s body as he pressed his fingers into that spot he knew Blue loved- right above his floating ribs, at the junction of his sternum and rib- and smirked at the reaction. There was a press of something against where he was sitting atop the other’s pelvis and his grin widened. “Well, not so cocky now, are we?”

Blue gave another grin back up at him, thrusting his hips up the slightest bit. Razz sucked in a breath of air through his teeth at the stimulation against the magic gathered at his lower regions and narrowed his eyes. Blue just smiled innocently. “You’re not so unaffected yourself.”

Well, if that’s how he wanted to play it, then-

His thought was interrupted by Stretch walking through the front door of his house, reading through the mail. He glanced over at where they were on the couch before looking down at the mail again. Then, once the scene had processed fully in his mind, he looked back up in horror. “Bro! What the hell?! On the couch?! I sit there!”

Razz rolled his eyes. Just like the orange trashbag to fucking interrupt them when things were getting good. “We’re a little busy at the moment. If you could come back in about an hour or so, then that would be great.”

Blue clenched and unclenched his fists from where they were held. Stretch’s gaze narrowed on the edgier of the two on the couch, shoulders coming down into an almost aggressive posture. “Hey, listen buddy, I kinda live here, so I’m not entirely sure what you think that you’re-”

Razz ground his hips down onto Blue’s pelvis, hard, not breaking eye contact with Stretch. Blue let out a choked moan, trying to stifle the noise, as his face flushed in embarrassment. Stretch stiffened and then threw the mail in the general direction of the kitchen before dashing out of the house through the front door. He was smirking confidently until he felt a shifting underneath of him, looking down in confusion just in time to see Blue using his shoulders to flip them both off the couch and onto the floor.

He landed on his stomach with a grunt, going to get back up when Blue grabbed both of his hands, pulling them apart and forward so that his face landed on the rough carpet. He felt the other press against his back, grip around his wrists tightening as he whispered huskily in his ear. “He should be gone for at least an hour, now.” Blue’s hands pulled off of his own and he tried to move them, only to see that Blue had formed rings of bone constructs that left his hands pinned to the floor. They came to rest on the sides of his pelvis, lifting him up in the air and forcing his face deeper into the carpet. “And I intend to use every second of it.”

 

~~~

 

Fell rolled his eyes down at Red. “Why the fuck are you always wearing that hideous beanie everywhere?”

“It’s called hipsterism, bitch.”

He paused in his strides, looking down at said beanie-clad skeleton.”...Hipsterism?”

Red scoffed. “It’s my religion. You’ve probably never heard of it before.”

 

~~~

 

(razz smirks. a lot.)

 

Red pulled his mouth into a smirk and made a poor imitation of his voice “Bluh bluh bluh, hey I’m Razz and I’m too  _ cool _ and  _ edgy _ to smile with both sides of my mouth hurr dee hurr.”

“Literally, go get hit by a truck.”

 

~~~

 

(they were all gonna go stargazing/watch fireworks or something. funny how that didnt happen.)

 

Razz rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I think Comic is too weak to even get one of the chairs out of the car.”

Comic scoffed, reaching up and splaying a hand on his chest. “Weak? Who do you think you are? You see this shit, baby?” He brought a hand up, pointing at his upper arm where he was flexing. He smirked. “Mario Tennis All Stars, bitch.”

Red hummed. “I thought it was from all those times that you spent alone in your room, jacking off to furry porn?”

Comic brought the arm down, blinking over at Red. “Babe, they didn’t need to know that.”

 

~~~

 

Razz pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath in- and then immediately regretting it because god _ damn _ Slim and Stretch reeked of weed at the moment. A look over at Blue showed that the other was watching them as they sat at the table with just as much regret and shame, arms crossed and nosebone crinkled at the smell. God, it was going to take hours to get this smell out of his kitchen.

The weedbags didn’t seem to mind, though, both of them sitting at the kitchen table and snickering, a pile of ashes sitting in the center from where they had been smoking. Slim leaned forward, picking a fork up with two of his fingers and bringing it to his head slowly. Stretch looked on at the movement in amazement, like he had never seen anyone pick a utensil off the table before.

Slim brought the fork up to the side of his head, holding it like a phone, and pointing at the spoon beside Stretch. “Ring ring, you’re getting a phone call!”

Stretch gasped, fumbling for the spoon before he grabbed it, holding it up to his own head. “Hello? Who is it?”

Slim took the fork away from his head, throwing it at the other’s skull. It hit his forehead with a loud clank, falling to the ground where it rested. Stretch sat in shock for a few moments before he leaned back in his chair, looking at where the fork had landed on the tile.

He brought the spoon back up to his head. “Yeah, I’m gonna have to call you back later.”

Razz heard a loud smack to his right and looked over to see Blue, head held in his hands and looking very much like an overworked single parent. 

Razz could understand the sentiment.

 

~~~

 

Fell scoffed. “I just find it amusing how they think that they matter.”

Comic stopped scribbling down whatever the fuck he had been writing in his journal, giving Fell a confused look. “They’re matter.”

The taller looked down in annoyance, the permanent scowl etched in his face turning down even more around the edges. “No, I  _ know _ they’re matter, I’m saying that they don't matter.”

Another confused pause, though there was a slight twitch on the corner of his grin. Razz felt his own frown deepen at what the look no doubt meant. “Do you not think that matter matters?”

Fell closed in his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. Razz had to admire the other’s self-control. “I swear to fucking god.”

Red spoke up from where he had been laying across Comic’s lap, the other using his back as a table to write on. “Careful there. You wouldn’t want to make him any madder.”

There was a pause, Razz looking over at where Fell was sitting. The two of them made eye contact and Fell gave a slight nod. They both stood up from their respective chairs, and two soft curses could be heard from Comic and Red right before they teleported away.

 

~~~

 

Red stuck his tongue out at him. “Oh, so you think you're better than me because you use correct grammar and punctuation in every sentence?”

Razz scoffed. “No, I think that I’m better than you because I  _ am _ better than you. In every way.”

 

~~~

 

(more with the tsundere razz timeline where they mostly just fuck and razz is confused with his feelings and blue is tryna win his affections other than just winning that dick)

 

He wasn’t sure why he had agreed to this in the first place. Then again, Blue had duped him into coming to this drive-in movie fairly easily, so he felt obligated to stay. Blue took the blanket out of the compartment on the back of his bike, laying it out on the ground before going and hooking a speaker to the pole sticking up from the ground beside it. “There! Now we can hear the movie!” 

He pulled a small cooler out, setting it down and smiling. “There’s water and a few sodas in there.” He straightened. “Do you want any popcorn? Or anything to eat?”

Razz gave a confident smirk, cocking one of his hips to the side. “No. You should be good enough.”

And then the strangest thing happened. Normally his flirting was always matched with the other’s, the two of them going on until it led up to sex- which is what he assumed the other had wanted when bringing him here in the first place, though he wasn’t a big fan of voyeurism- but recently things had…  _ changed _ . And Razz had no fucking clue why.

Blue still had a smile, but Razz had always been great at reading other people, and the slight twitch of the corner of his grin wasn’t lost on him. Blue seemed almost… disappointed? A bit upset, that was for sure. And god, he had no idea what he had even done wrong!

And he  _ hated _ seeing the other upset like this. He had no idea why, but it caused an uncomfortable twist in his soul. He had done something wrong, hadn’t he? Did Blue not want to fuck?

…

Blue laughed, but it sounded forced. He very obviously didn’t find anything funny about the situation. “Yeah… I’m gonna go get some popcorn for myself then!” He didn’t like the slight tightness around the other’s eyes.

…

“Some pretzels would be nice. If they have any.” Blue perked up at that, the stiffness from earlier not fully gone, but still out of sight for now.

“Okay! I’ll be right back!” And he turned around and dashed over to the concessions, full of excited energy. Razz found himself smiling at the sight of the other bounding across the field, but immediately wiped it off his face once he realized what he was doing.

Why did he care so much about what the other thought of him?

 

~~~

 

(i actually dont have a lot for this one, but i do think that eventually stretch would just walk away without reaction to any of mentions of blue and razz fucking)

 

“So, what are you thinking about doing now?”

“Right now? Fucking Blue.”

*stretch gets up and he just leaves, he just fucking goes, he’s gone*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, that was fun


	21. The Demon Who Comes When You Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know, trying to summon a demon just to "see what happens" is a pretty white person thing to do, razz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was.,.,. just supposed to be a dumb idea,,.,... and it got so long that i had to cut the idea in two,.,.,
> 
> i was trying to take a fucking break and write anything that _doesnt_ have razz or rottenberry in it and yet here we are. and i have issues.
> 
> uhhhhhhh i dont kno how to summon a demon aside from what i clicked on in the first thing that came up in google search and then using google translate for latin??? (btw, there is latin in this, at the bottom is going to be what the things mean in actuality when i typed them in, but researching the translate will give u smthn that doesnt make any sense. im just lookin out for yall)
> 
> enjoy.,.., and.,.,., i'll prolly give the next part out soon,.,.,.. okay,.,.,

 

Razz held the ancient tome in his hands aloft, eyes trailing over the inscribed words on the parchment slowly. He let out a small breath, looking up to the pentagram he had drawn in the ground and closing the book, setting it on the ground before walking around the perimeter of the circle. Once he came back to the book he gave a nod, satisfied, and picked it back up.

The cover of the heavy tome had long had its inscription worn away by years of use, and a few of the pages had been ripped out. On the back of it were deep gouges in the cover, created by something supernatural. Or by someone with a knife and nothing better to do.

He shifted the book in his grip, leafing through the pages with a heavy sigh as he searched for something simple to do. Razz had never been one to believe in this kind of… mystical stuff-  _ sure _ , monsters could use magic and such, but that was grounded in something solid itself, science having long since explained away the magical aspect of magic- but seeing the tome in the back of the run down shop he had stumbled into to get out of the rain made him curious. He had picked it up simply to do something as he waited out the rain, and became so intrigued by the unreadable scribbles and fantastical drawings that he had spent the rest of the afternoon scouring the pages. After a few hours, the shop-person had cleared their throat and gestured to the OPEN sign (which was flipped so that it said CLOSED), raising an eyebrow at where Razz was sprawled out on the floor.

He had huffed, but got off the floor with only mild embarrassment, purchasing the book and exiting the shop. They gave him a warning about the power of the book, but he just waved them off, trudging through the puddles and damp atmosphere until he had gotten back home. He had stayed up all night that night flipping through the pages, writing down in the margins of the book whenever he came to something particularly interesting.

And then he had stopped, seeing the calligraphy the book was written in written boldly across the tops of one of the pages: “Summoning Spell”. Further reading of the spell showed him that it could be used to summon a demon, the creature forced to do the summoner’s bidding at a rate that was equal to the sacrifice made to summon. Razz had stopped, reading over the page a few times in thought before he scoffed. Right. A ‘demon’ that would do his bidding. Wasn’t the spell-caster concerned with how the demon reacted once the transaction was complete? Further reading showed that there was an unspoken deal that was made that the demon wouldn’t attack their summoner once the task was completed.

How convenient.

He’d thought it was foolish- still did- but the more Razz thought about it, the more curious he got. Cue him, standing in the large dirt clearing behind the college dorms, a summoning circle crudely drawn with flour (he couldn’t find any chalk) and a too-large letterman jacket draped over his body (he was a broke-ass college student, like hell he could afford an actual robe). So now, he was going to recite some dumbass words in Latin just to prove to himself that there was no such things as demons or whatever.

First step was to state what he was doing. Summoning a demon, so… “Ego convocabo…” His hand trailed down the page of demons, picking a name at random. He wouldn’t actually end up summoning something anyways, so it didn’t fucking matter which name he picked. His finger stopped on the page, squinting at the writing. “Arcus daemonium Caeruleum…” And the closing invitation: “Ego sacrificium meum, audite me, et accipere vocationem!”

He finished the summon with a shout, hand coming up from the book dramatically to point in the center of the circle. 

Razz stood there for a bit before he coughed. He… Didn’t mean to get that into it. And now he felt kind of foolish for standing in a patch of dirt in the middle of the night, wearing a jacket that he borrowed from one of his dorm-mates and screaming at a design drawn in flour on the ground in front of him. He slammed the book shut, shoving it roughly into his satchel- old parchment be damned- before walking over to the flour circle. He knew some of his dorm-mates were of the more… religious nature, and waking up to see that there was a pentagram drawn outside of your window probably wouldn’t get him very many brownie points with the dorm supervisor. With a heavy sigh, he walked up to the circle to kick at the flour, spreading it apart with his feet.

As soon as he stepped foot on the flour, however, the entire pentagram began to glow a vibrant blue. Razz stared at it in shock for a few moments before he cursed, yanking his foot violently to try and get away from the glowing whatever. He was stuck in his position though, unable to  ~~ run away ~~ fight back against whatever the hell was slowly rising from the center of the pentagram. Great.

The glowing blue that outlined the pentagram seemed to gather more at the area around his foot, glowing brighter. The light trailed upward, snaking over his foot and up his leg, and Razz swore, reaching an arm down to try to swipe it off. The glow disappeared from his leg, but had been transferred to his arm, the tendril of light now snaking up his humerus. It stopped just below his shoulder before it fizzled out, the light dispersing evenly over his entire arm until it focused into multiple points, each one turning into some kind of glyph before it poofed away. Razz blinked a few times at his arm. What the hell.

He heard a crack from in front of him and was reminded that, yes, he was still possibly in danger due to something that he had supposedly summoned, and was more than likely going to be killed here in a second by the demon. Another sharp crack and the light from the figure solidified, dimming so that Razz could clearly make out someone- or something- hunched over in a dark robe, blue-tinted smoke drifting out from under the cloak.

The figure rose, and Razz took a step back, no longer trapped by whatever force was keeping him immobile in the first place. The hood tilted up, and the first thing Razz was struck by was the incredibly bright  _ blue _ that their eyes were, electric and sharp.

And focused directly on him.

He swore as the figure took a step forward, pushing their hood back to reveal that they were a skeleton- like himself- only with two large horns extending out from their temple, the protrusions splitting off into two points a few centimeters from their skull, one tip curling around to point forward and the other extending up to the starless sky. Now was probably not the time to be looking over the other’s aesthetic. Razz turned to run, but found that he was stuck again by the same unforeseen force as before, looking up to see that the figure’s left hand was glowing a dim blue. Well. He was going to die.

The figure gave a curious, almost amused look at the flour-pentagram he had drawn, a tail of bone bending around from behind their robe, waving in the air right in front of them before they stepped over the line. They gave a small laugh before they turned to look at Razz, raising an eyebrow. “I’m taking that this is your first time summoning a demon?”

Razz was stock still, staring at the demon in confusion. He looked around the area, hoping that maybe someone would be there seeing this shit too, but unfortunately it was empty. “How the fuck did you-”

The demon snickered, walking towards Razz in amusement, tail swinging side to side. It stopped a few feet from him, giving him an obvious look up and down before letting out another laugh. It was cheerful and bright, and didn’t seem to suit the fact that it was a  _ fucking demon _ at all. 

“You didn’t close off the spell, silly!” ...Silly? Was this thing even a demon? The other turned around, waving a hand at the pentagram. The light that was glowing in the center of it cut off, leaving the area awash in almost-darkness. Razz started to struggle against the invisible hold again. 

The demon sighed at his efforts, looking almost disappointed. “You didn’t even put any kind of protective barrier around yourself! Combined with the fact that your summon was one of the most vague ones I’ve ever heard, and it’s  _ obvious _ that you’ve never done this before!” The demon paused. Looked off to the side. “Unless you were trying to get yourself killed. If not, then you’re lucky that you had enough sense to say my name! I heard it first, and there’s no  _ telling _ what would have happened to you if another demon had appeared because of your offer!”

Razz blinked, shaking his head. “My… My offer?”

The demon seemed surprised. “Do you really not know what you did?” Razz gave it a blank look, and the demon gave a small laugh, looking around the area, eyes landing on his satchel. It walked towards the bag and gave it a small tap with its foot, peeking at the contents before laughing again. It reached inside and pulled out both the book and-

Razz snarled, straining against the hold on himself. “Put the notebook back! That’s mine!”

The demon raised a brow, tilting its head to the side. “You mean-” it lifted the spiral notebook “-this?”

“Yes! Take the other thing if you want it, but that belongs to me!” The demon stared at him a few moments before shrugging, tossing it back on top of the satchel and opening the tome to the page Razz had bookmarked. It let out a surprised laugh.

“No wonder your summons was the way that it was!” The demon shook its head, still chuckling. “Lucifer, I haven’t seen a summon spell for a  spiritus vinculum in millennia!” It gave Razz a sidelong glance, the look almost chiding. Razz wished he had use of his arms so that he could show this fucking demon his  _ favorite _ finger. “You really are lucky it was me, mortal! Very well then! I accept your offer!”

“What offer!?” God, if Razz had accidentally sold his soul to this demon fucker due to his own  ~~ stubbornness ~~ curiosity, then he was going to fucking kill himself. “Who the hell even are you?!”

The demon blinked a few times, furrowing its brow in confusion. “Wow. You honestly don’t know what you did.” It looked off to the side for a few seconds before something shifted in its expression. Razz could practically see the light bulb that went off over its head. “Well, this is gonna be fun! I haven’t had a mortal in-” a pause, and the demon looked to the sky like it was thinking intently “-ever, actually. And since you have no idea what you’ve done, I can show myself as the master of seduction!”

Razz stiffened. “The master of what now.”

“Not important to you, eh…” The demon looked him up and down, giving a small hop in the air before it floated over to land in front of him. “What’s your name?”

“Fuck you!”

“That’s not a very good name. Your parents must have really hated you.” The demon shrugged with a cheeky grin. “Makes my job a whole lot easier if they did, though!”

Razz glared at the demon for a few moments. Then, “My name is Razz.”

“Middle and last name?”

“Fuck. You.”

The demon sighed. “Yeah. Okay.”

Razz stared at where it was lazily floating for a few moments before he decided to ask a question himself. “And what the hell is your name?”

The demon gave a small chuckle. “Ah, you really are something clueless, Razz.” Razz bit back a growl. “I’m  Caeruleum! More commonly known- and easily known, in my opinion- as Blue!”

“...Are all demons named after their color coordination?”

Blue laughed, looking at Razz with an impish grin. “Quite a few are, actually! Although some are named after sins and such! We are demons, after all.” Blue’s tail was swishing back and forth as the floated lazily on his back.

Razz yanked against the force that was holding him again, and Blue seemed to catch notice this time, righting himself and tucking the large tome under his arms. A wave of the demon’s hand caused the hold to release, and Razz stumbled forward a few steps before turning to flip the other off. Blue gave a small laugh. “Satan alive, you’re adorable.” Razz sputtered at the comment, but Blue just ignored him, floating down completely so his feet were flat on the ground and tucking the book into his voluminous robes.

Razz stomped over to his satchel, rolling the sleeves on his too-large jacket up before throwing the strap over his shoulder. He turned on his heel quickly and glared at the demon. “So are you just going to follow me home now and haunt my fucking dorm or some shit!?” He was tired, and already had a near death experience tonight. The last thing he needed was for his dorm mate to kill him because he brought a demon to haunt their rooms.

“I can’t! Not unless I’m invited!” Blue shrugged.

Razz shook his head. “I thought that was vampires?”

Blue gave him a pitying look. “It’s most mythical creatures, Razz. Anyways, I’m sure you’ll invite me to your home sooner or later!”

Razz didn’t grace the demon with a response, instead scoffing and stomping back to his dorm. As if he would ever let that son of a bitch in his house, much less allow him to be!... Whatever the hell he was supposed to be since Razz summoned him.

Blue laughed, and there was something darker about it this time that gave Razz a chill down his spine. “Think what you will…” He turned to look over his shoulder at the demon, but looked around in shock when he saw that the other had vanished. Razz felt something like cold hands grip onto his hip bones, and chilled breath washed over the side of his face as the demon whispered. “You’ll give in eventually.”

Razz swiped his arm behind himself quickly, eyes searching the area, but coming up with nothing. He swallowed thickly, rubbing his hand against the side of his face as it continued to prickle with cold.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **"Ego convocabo… arcus daemonium Caeruleum… ego sacrificium meum, audite me, et accipere vocationem!”** \- “I summon… arc demon Blue… I am the sacrifice, accept me and hear my call!”
> 
> **spiritus vinculum** \- spirit bond
> 
> (sorry not sorry.)
> 
>  
> 
> **EDIT:** oh my fucking god, okay, so the amazing and wonderful Saringold wrote an absolutely fantastic [fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11381955/chapters/25484925) based off of this??? and i absolutely _love_ it bc i love attention and validation and this is BOTH of those rolled into one, and theyre going their own path for the fic and its wonderful oh my god (okay that is all the edit i need thank you guys goodnight)


	22. Would You Care To Dance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know what’s a good ship? tango. you know what ship doesnt get enough love? tango. hence this load of bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyy yooo on the third link the dance in most similar to the first pair who dance
> 
> thank u crush for showing me that very good (and sexual, so kinda warning there) dance on the **third link** for those of u who dont wanna see the highly suggestive stuff

 

Lust leaned back over the edge of the couch, spine popping into place as the shirt he was wearing rode up and showed the bottom of his ribs. He was just stretching, at first, but when he made eye contact with Red, the other giving him an annoyed look, he winked, tongue forming to loll out of his mouth as his eyes lidded and he ground his hips down onto the cushions. Red made a scandalized sound, and Fell poked his head out of the Undertale brother’s kitchen at his brother's sound of distress, looking around the room before his gaze landed on Lust. He blinked once, and then his head moved out of the doorway.

Then, “Papyrus, Lust is trying to have sex on your couch again.”

There was a huff. “Again?!” Said skeleton poked his head out of the doorway, a chiding look on his face. There was also some pasta sauce smeared on his face, but he decided not to comment on that. “Lust, we’ve been over this before! Not on our couch!”

Pink poked his head out of the kitchen as well, along with Fell, the three heads stacked on top of each other around the corner. Lust held back a snicker at the sight as Fell spoke up. “The couch is uncomfortable to have sex on in the first place! I can’t understand why you keep trying to seduce people while on it!”

Pink blinked, looking up at where Fell was leaning. “How do you know that it’s uncomfortable?”

Fell paused for a moment before slowly taking his head out of the doorway. Papyrus looked off to the side, a light orange blush on his face before he cleared his throat, moving away so that Pink was the only remaining skeleton poking his head out of the frame. Pink took a moment to process this information before he gasped. 

“Wait!” He brought his head back into the kitchen. “You two had sex on the couch without me?!” Two large crashes came from the kitchen area, and Pink gave another scandalized gasp. “Unbelievable! They just jumped through the window!”

Sans yawned, head lifting up from the carpeted floor in front of the couch. Lust fell back down to his (un)comfortable slouch on the armrest, looking down. He had actually forgotten the other was there. “So I guess they’re just gonna meet us at the club, then?”

Pink sighed dramatically, looking up at the ceiling. “I suppose so.” He turned and looked around behind himself. “I guess I’m going to have to make my famous Sexy Spaghetti by myself.”

Lust snickered, pulling out his phone to check for any messages. There was only one that wasn’t someone asking about the “call for a good time ;)” that he had written on the bathroom stall, and he opened it with a soft smile.

 

**[Dancy Pants]** we’re here whenever you guys r ready. US bros and SF bros r here too

 

**>** sounds good, babe

 

**>** we’ll be cumming in a few ;)

 

**[Dancy Pants]** i will block your number.

 

Lust laughed, pocketing his phone and getting up from the couch. “Sounds like they’re ready for us down at Grillby’s!”

Pink walked out of the kitchen with a large pot of spaghetti in his hands, smiling brightly. “Let’s go then, shall we?! I’m ready to dance!”

There were two quiet pops to either side of them as Sans and Red teleported to the club, and Lust walked up, grabbing his upper arm before he blipped away too.

They landed outside of the club in Dancetale, Lust taking his arm off of Pink to watch him go inside. Every Grillby had a bar, yes, but  _ this _ Grillby was the only one who had any semblance of a club. The bar was still there, of course, but in place of where his universe had stripper poles set up was a huge dance floor. He’d been to the club a couple times and, to be honest, he really, really enjoyed it. And not just because he got to throw himself into the midst of a bunch of grinding bodies (though that was a plus).

Every now and then, a fight would break out on the floor. A  _ dance _ fight. Which was, admittedly, hilarious, but he really had no right to judge since a lot of the conflicts in his own universe ended with someone getting a dick up their ass. But there was something that he absolutely loved about the passion that everyone here put towards their dance.

Well. Almost everyone.

He walked into the club after his brother, looking over to the side to see the floor filled with bodies, each moving in their own way to the same song. It was beautiful, the order that was somehow in the chaos. But the person he was looking for wouldn’t be found anywhere near that mass of bodies.

He kept walking back to the bar until he came up to Dance, sliding into the seat beside him. Not before he gave the other a pat on the ass though, sitting down with a wink. Dance just snorted, pulling the hood he had around his head back a little further so he could see Lust without having to turn his head as much. Lust reached forward and flicked the rim of the other’s flat-billed cap.

Dance grumbled in annoyance, fixing it and pulling the hood back completely. Lust just laughed at the half-hearted glare. “Seriously, man. Why do you wear a hat  _ and _ a hood. We can’t even really  _ feel _ temperature, so there’s no way that it’s because you’re cold.”

Dance raised a brow at him, but Lust could see the smile he was trying to hide. “Uh, why do you wear that fluffy vest of yours? We can’t even really  _ feel _ temperature, so there’s no way that it’s because you’re cold.”

Lust shrugged with a grin, looking up to see Grillby walking torwards them with a small grin. 

*Anything I can get for you?

Dance held up his half-full bottle of ketchup. “I’m good.” He turned to Lust. “You?”

“Mayonnaise, please.” He winked at the bartender. “Unless there’s something else you’re willing to give me?”

Grillby gave a soft chuckle, walking away before coming back and setting a jar of the condiment on the table, turning to go tend to other customers at the bar. Lust watched him go before he turned to Dance. He very obviously glanced between the other and the floor, where another dance fight had broken out.

Dance sighed. “Not tonight.”

Lust stared at him for a bit before he sighed, deciding not to push the other.

 

~~~

 

“So, why don’t you dance?” Lust had shocked even himself by asking that question, but he decided to stick with it. He’d like to know the answer, is all. He would also bet good money that the other would look hot as fuck dancing, but that was beside the point.

Dance looked off to the side before he looked back to the character selection screen on Mario Kart, flipping back and forth between Mario and Luigi. (Lust had already chosen Donkey Kong, but that was mostly just so he could call himself Konkey Dong.)

“I’unno. I just don’t.” Okay. Now what?   
Lust winked. “Well, you know, I’d be absolutely  _ ecstatic _ to show you how to dance, if you don’t know.”

Dance gave him a half-amused glare out of the corner of his eye, finally selecting Mario. “Twerking against a metal pole doesn’t count as dancing.”

“That’s not all I can do. I’d be happy to provide an...  _ example. _ ” He purred. Dance had a dark blue dust under his cheekbones before he shook his head, clearing his throat.

“Oh really? Care to show me?”

Lust stood, standing so that he was facing the other. He winked at the other, giving his best sultry gaze.

And started doing the macarena. 

Dance snorted, hand coming up to his mouth to muffle his laughs as Lust continued to do the dance in front of him, mumbling every lyric until he got to the end, shouting “EYYYYY, MACARENA!” at the top of his lungs.

He flopped back onto the couch, picking up his remote and looking proudly over to Dance, who was still trying to muffle his laughter.

“I just… Wow. Ten out of ten. That was the best dance I have ever seen in my entire life.” He interrupted himself with a snort, and Lust laughed along. It was very, very cute. “You, my friend, have inspired me to try and achieve such majestic levels of gyration.”

Lust smiled at him. “So, does this mean that you’ll show me your dance?”

Dance tensed a bit before he relaxed with a sigh, looking at Lust briefly before switching his gaze to the screen. “Maybe some other time.”

Lust would hold him to it.

 

~~~

 

He was going to get what he wanted.

Okay, so that admittedly sounded kinda creepy, and murderous, and may or may not (definitely would have) made Razz proud, but he meant it in the best of ways.

Lust just… He had spoken to Dance’s brother, Salsa, about the habits of monsters in their universe, and dancing was…

Well, it was a way for them to have fun with others, first of all, but it had a deeper meaning. Each monster had a form of dance that was directly connected to their soul, and this dance helped balance out their magic and keep their HoPe and such stable. It was linked to them in such a way that it was just as much a part of them as compassion and love. And Dance hadn’t been, well, dancing.

He would tap his foot every now and again when a song came on, and Lust had seen him bobbing his head up and down to the beat of a tune every now and again, but it was nothing like the way he had seen others dance. Lust seriously doubted that his soul would choose tapping his foot as the dance that was linked to his core being. Then again, he was a Sans. There was like a 72% chance that wasn’t the dance, though, and Lust liked those odds.

And so Lust decided that he was going to teach himself to dance. He was never really gung ho about things that weren’t sex-related (or joke-related, but then again most of his jokes were about sex anyways), and so Pink was ecstatic when he found out that Lust was going to learn to dance. 

It couldn’t be that hard, right? He was a stripper, for fucks sake, so he knew what dancing mostly was.

 

~~~

 

He was wrong, he was so fucking wrong, dancing was absolute  _ shit _ and he hated it. He fell to the ground with a groan, laying there in despair. His feet were fucking  _ killing _ him, and he’d been sore before after more sexual activities, but this soreness was just misery that had no comfortable afterglow to follow. There was no sexy in this. Only pain. Which was kinda sexy but not really.

Dancedyne scoffed, walking up to him and kicking him in the side. “Get up, punk!”

Lust groaned again. He had no idea why he came to her for help, of all people in this universe, but she seemed like she’d be the most willing to teach him. And god, had she put him through the roughest dance training of his life. 

“C’mon, nerd! How do you expect to woo Sa- er, Dance, if you can’t dance!” She rose up on one leg, arms coming in close to her torso as she kicked at the air a few times, laughing. Her dance was the fucking… capyora? Caposera? Something that involved a lot of fighting moves and such. And holy fuck was she kicking his ass. 

He groaned as he stood, hand coming to rest against his lower back. “Yeah, I uh… I think I’m done for the day.” She gave a scandalized scoff, and he just waved her off, wondering just how the hell he was going to walk home when he could barely limp fast enough to escape her noogie. She sighed as she watched him hobble to the fence gate before she rolled her eyes.

“Hey, Lust!” He tensed, turning around.

“Yeah?”

She gave a brash laugh. “The whole  _ point _ of these dancing things is to do what feels natural!” She gave a sharp-toothed grin, eyes closing shut from how wide it was. “You just feel the beat of music that comes in your SOUL, and you move along to it.” A softer smile. “If you stick with your instinct, then your SOULs will resonate with each other, and with that will come a better understanding and bond.”

He stared at her for a bit, unblinking. And then he scowled. “You could have fucking told me that  _ before _ you kicked my ass with your capybara.”

“Capoeira.”

“That’s what I said.”

 

~~~

 

They were at the club again tonight, and Lust was  _ ready. _ He bent back a little bit, popping his spine as he stared at the dance floor. He had even gotten here early, talking to Grillby and the DJ, convincing them to play a certain song that he had managed to work out and choreograph. Now, all he had to do was wait here until Dance-

“Lust? What are you doing here so early?”

Speak of the devil. “Just felt like being early.” He winked, nudging the other with his elbow. “I had a feeling I wouldn’t want to be late tonight.”

Dance looked him up and down before giving a small laugh, gaze shifting to look out over the dance floor. Lust glanced down at his watch and smiled. Looks like it was time.

He stood from the stool, walking over and grabbing both of Dance’s hands in his own before leading him out onto the floor. Dance stuttered a bit as the people closed in around them, but Lust leaned forward, cradling the side of his face in his hand as he gave a comforting smile.    
“Don’t worry about anyone else.” Eye lidded, like he had learned to do long ago. “Just keep your eyes on me.”

Dance looked at him in confusion as he walked a few steps away from him and the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTNiwXqkWbw)  came on. Lust winked at him before he closed his eyes, letting out a small breath. He felt something behind his sternum warn slightly, so much different from the near-constant heat he was always in, and he opened his eyes, walking around the center of the floor slowly. The crowd that had originally been pressing at them from all sides backed away, leaving just the two of them in the middle.

Lust shook his shoulders out, loosening them as he looked at Dance and took a few steps towards him before he went into his routine, tugging at his crop top as he started to move with the beat. The pants he was wearing were a lot looser than usual, and he used this to tug at them a bit at the crotch, looking as sultry as possible. He honestly thought he would be nervous about doing something like  _ this _ in front of a crowd of people, but if their cheer and claps were anything to go by, then he was doing just fine.

He finished off with a laugh, standing straight back up and walking over a few steps. Dance was staring at him in surprise, and he couldn’t figure out why until he looked down to see that there was a faint glowing outline of his soul. He was slightly embarrassed for a second before he noticed that Dance’s chest had the same faint outline. They stared at each other for a moment before Dance gave a soft chuckle, walking over and saying something to the DJ. They nodded, giving him a grin, and he made his way back to the center, walking to Lust in a way that was similar to how he had done earlier.

And then he started [moving](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwEYOT5zRgQ) . And Lust’s breath caught in his throat.

He moved with grace, and vigor, and with so much  _ energy _ that he had never seen from the other, and it was exhilarating. And-  _ god, it had been a while since he had done this, and he wondered why he had stopped, and he could feel the awe drifting off of Lust as their souls started to resonate- _ Lust had no idea what was going on, but he did have a feeling that this is what Dancedyne was talking about.

Dance was moving all across the floor, looking at Lust with utmost confidence, and damn it was hot as-  _ fuck, the way that the other was looking at him made him want them to dance together, just grab him by the waist and swing him around to  _ **_their_ ** _ beat- _ the way that he was smiling as the beat continued to pound.

The song ended all too soon, both of them standing and staring at each other as they panted for breath. Lust saw the DJ smile wide, moving their hands quickly across the board as [another ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyx4Ry6jGMI) [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyx4Ry6jGMI) came on, a heavy beat, and he found himself… moving along to it. And he really had no idea how the  _ fuck  _ he was doing this without having ever heard the song before- though he filed away a reminder in his head to use it for one of his pole routines- and he walked up to Dance as they began to move to it.

His soul warmed more as he moved with the other, and their movements lined up in sync, Dance grabbing onto his waist as he moved around him, swaying his hips back and forth. He felt an exhilarating thrill as he ground back against the other- hows that for “twerking isn’t dancing”?- cheers and whistles going up around them. And then the feeling in his chest swelled as he turned and looked at the other, their eyes meeting for a moment. And Dance smiled such a large and genuine grin, leaning in close. So, of course he had to grab his hat, pulling it off the other’s head and placing it backwards on his own with a wink. 

The feeling in their SOULs faded out a bit, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing both sides of the other’s face, crashing their mouths together. His tongue came out and swiped at the other’s mouth and Dance closed his eyes, pulling him closer by the waist as he returned the kiss.

They parted breathlessly- and entirely too soon, in his opinion, but then again they  _ were  _ in public- and Dance gave him a huge grin, laughing as he clinked their foreheads together.

Lust winked as the crowd began to close back in. “I thought that you didn’t dance?”

Dance reached an arm up to scratch at the back of his head. “Guess I didn’t have a reason to do so until now.”

It was quiet for a few moments. Lust cleared his throat.

“So do you wanna keep making out back at my place, or-?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh? aahhhh? its 4am???? i have work tomorrow?????????
> 
> i am Fucked.


	23. Etched In Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ive got nothing against john green, you guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy i wrote this in less than an hour im emotionally DEAD
> 
> tw: transphobia, some things are reminiscent of abusive relationships, body dysphoria

Sans had never really thought that he would find love.

Of course Papyrus loved him, and his friends did- despite some of their half-hearted protests- but he was talking about _actual_ love. The kind you’d wake up in the morning and be holding on to, just being so perfectly sound and satisfied in someone, sitting or staring at the sky and having conversations about nothing and everything at the same time, an existence where there's no real thinking at all, just pure emotion, and just feeling _right._ The kind of love you heard about in movies and read about in books, filing them away as simply fiction that could never happen to you. Not that he didn’t think that people couldn’t find love in that way, but the real life instances where things work out are so few and far between that he simply thought that the chances of him having a relationship like that…

Well, let’s just say he’d always assumed he’d be _bonely_ when it came to finding love.

Until he had met them. And in a way it was just like in the movies, and books, and every John Green-esque version of love and the like that was out there. (Nothing against John, of course, but an adventurous indie kid meeting and falling in love with the nerdy introvert could only be pulled so many times before things tended to get repetitive.)

But god, it didn’t. It didn’t repeat with them. And after years and years of living the same day over and over again, of breathing the same breaths and walking the same steps as the same things happened without him being able to affect anything, new was good. New was wanted. New was refreshing, and lovely, and caused a swell in his soul so large that he had thought it would burst.

They’d bumped into each other at the coffee shop downtown that his brother worked at.

Sans would often come in at the end of his shift to ~~annoy~~ entertain his brother with puns and jokes, and the regular patrons loved it, laughing along and causing many frustrated groans from another skeleton at the massive amount of puns that would follow. One morning, though, his brother’s car had been broken, the tires slashed and the windshield bashed in, a spray-painted “FUCK MONSTERS” on the side of the red convertible in black. He wanted nothing more than to hunt those humans down and show them just what a bad time was, but Papyrus had to make it to the beginning of his shift, and without a car he had no way of getting there unless Sans helped.

Seven AM was far too early, in his opinion, but he didn’t want to leave his brother alone at the shop. He didn’t feel comfortable with it. So he’d decided to tough it out, ordering the strongest, biggest coffee and sitting at the small table that was beside the preparation area so he could keep a better eye on Papyrus. He chugged the entire drink. And promptly fell asleep.

He woke up to someone nudging him awake and thought for a split second that Papyrus’ shift was over. Instead, he was met with a soft gaze of a human, their hair frizzed a bit at the ends and small bags under their eyes, a heavy-looking satchel slung over their shoulder. They looked exhausted, and them looking exhausted made him exhausted. He’d promptly yawned in their face, and they yawned in response, to which he, again, yawned.

What a meaningful conversation!

They’d asked if the seat across from him was taken, and he’d eyed them suspiciously before shrugging, gesturing at the chair with the hand that wasn’t pinned under his head loosely. They thanked him, sitting and pulling out a large binder of papers and a highlighter, rubbing their eyes and occasionally taking a sip of the large coffee as they muttered at the papers, highlighter skimming across it. They didn’t seem all that bothered by his presence, which was a welcome change, in all honesty, considering the attitudes of most humans, so he decided to engage them in conversation.

They were polite enough for yawning every few minutes, though he couldn’t really blame them considering that he would yawn often as well. He’d made a pun about being able to “patella” they were tired and they snorted, smile widening softly as they looked at him with tired eyes. They winked, saying that if they stayed up any longer they’d probably catch a “femur.”

The two of them had gone on like that for a while- “Your puns are in rather pisiform, don’t you think?” “No need to get so sternum with me, I was only being humerus!”- until Papyrus had come up and tapped him on the shoulder. Sans had started, looking down at his watch and blinking in surprise at the time. Paps’ shift was over.

He had gotten up from his chair and chuckled apologetically, trying to ignore the pang in his chest at not being able to talk to the human anymore. They’d gone home and Sans had sighed heavily, shutting his door after eating dinner and reading Papyrus a bedtime story. He’d laid in bed, staring at the slightly-peeling paint of his ceiling in disappointment, hoping that he would be able to see them again.

Lucky for him, they were one of the shop’s regulars, coming in every morning to get a coffee and go over notes from their job. Sans loved talking to them, exchanging puns and, occasionally, dabbling into each other’s personal lives. They talked about their job- they were an anthropologist, funny enough, which explained their mastery of bone-related puns- and he talked about the surface- new things he had gotten to try and see while here that were absolutely wonderful. Papyrus got his car fixed, but Sans continued to come to the shop with him to speak to the human, starting to wake up early and go to sleep early, his habits of nightmares slowly beginning to fade out as more time passed without a reset (sure, the kid had promised, but they had promised things before, and their word was hardly set in stone).

One time, during one of their conversations, they mentioned a circus that was coming to town, asking if he would want to go to it with them. They seemed nervous, avoiding his gaze and bashfully staring down at the table, their highlighter capped and tapping against the grainy wood. And he realized; they were asking him on a date. He had blushed, looking away too as he accepted their offer. Seeing their face light up at his agreel was one of the best feelings he’d ever had.

They had gone to the show, sitting down and watching as clowns did jokes and japes, acrobats riding horses through flaming hoops and doing flips in the air fifty feet above the ground. During the trapeze act, one of the performers fumbled, and his date had grabbed his hand with a small gasp, linking their fingers anxiously as they watched the rest of the routine with bated breath.

Sans had turned to look at them during the finale, fireworks lighting their face and eyes up with every color imaginable. They looked beautiful inside and out, so he kissed them.

They had kissed back.

Dates had happened, more kisses had happened, and things had threatened to escalate a few times until the two of them had cut the actions off, scooting apart on the couch or in the car as they fought to control their rapid breaths, faces still heated and clothes rumpled. He’d said “I love you” first, stuttering over the words in his nervousness and worrying that he had messed the whole thing up, shoving his hands into his pockets. They stared at him in shock for a few moments before they lit up too, blinking away tears as a huge grin stretched across their face, pure joy radiating out of them in waves as they said it back.

He couldn’t remember a time when he was this happy.

And one day, he had come up to them and told them that, if they wanted, then he would be willing to go all the way. They had stared at him with the slight flush he loved so much before grinning goofily and widely, nodding enthusiastically. He had laughed, and they had laughed, and they latched onto each other as they continued to chuckle, faint “I love you”s sounding though their embrace.

They’d planned this night. Neither of them had work, so it made sense to begin with, but they had always been a neat freak, wanting everything for their and Sans’ first time to be perfect. They’d gone out for dinner and had come home, both of them standing in his room in anticipation. They’d started kissing, slow and sweet, and then more passionately, and he felt a warm shiver run down his back as they pulled off their shirt, giving him an embarrassed grin before he did the same. Then to the bed. He pulled off all his clothes.

And they just.

Stopped.

He had given a nervous chuckle, shifting a bit on the bed. He supposed it was a bit weird for them, being their first time with a literal skeleton (he hoped, they _did_ work with bones for a living). He was entirely unprepared for the anger that flooded their face.

“Sans, what the _hell?!”_ They looked disgusted, and furious, and all that was directed at him. He had no idea why. “I thought that you were a guy!”

“I… I don’t… What?” He felt something breaking, some heavy twisted thing in the center of his chest coming back from where it had been before and starting to consume him like a wildfire.

They pulled back, and he brought an arm up to touch them before they jerked away from it. He pulled the hand back to his chest and clutched it tightly, trying to keep the sting of tears out of his sockets.

“Your pelvis! You-” They seemed furious, fighting for words. They had that stubborn pout on their face that they usually had when they were trying to solve a particularly difficult puzzle. He had fallen in love with that face. “Your pelvis is broader than a male’s should be!”

They reached a hand forward to prod at his coccyx, and he flinched at the rough touch. “Your pelvic inlet is wider and oval-shaped, and the femoral heads,” they grabbed at his femurs near where they connected to his pelvis before letting go with a disgusted scoff, “are too far apart!”

They gave a frustrated shout. “You’re not a guy! You’re not a real guy! I can’t fucking believe that you- you _lied_ to me! You’re fucking transgender?! What the hell!”

He pulled his legs into himself, crossing them at the ankles to try and give himself some modesty. They stood, the bed creaking in a way that matched the straining of his soul, and walked around the room, gathering their clothes and yanking them on. Before they left his room they spared half a glare over their shoulder.   
“You’re fucking disgusting, Sans.”

They left without another word.

He took in a shaky breath and realized that he was crying, bones clattering together as hot tears flowed down from his sockets, splatting against his ribs, arms-

His pelvis.

He tore his gaze away from himself, reaching over and grabbing his clothes, slipping them on quickly as he held back sobs. He felt like his soul was shattering. He had been- had been so _open_ and _trusting_ with them, and this is honestly what he got for thinking that he could be happy, that he could ever find something worth just _being_ for, thinking that he could find someone who he was just happy with and could-

His hands were shaking as he yanked on the zipper to his jacket, finally ripping it past the snag it had caught on. It broke when it had gone almost all the way to his throat, but that was fine. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be taking it off anytime soon.

Or ever again.

Some- some gloves would be nice, so he didn’t have to see his hands, and his slippers would be good too now that he was thinking about it, so he could hide his feet.

For now, though, he was just so _numb,_ and so he laid down and curled up, closing his eyes and letting his tears leak past the cracks.

Sans knew he would never find love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rabbitpie: So a thing I'd like to write is some arsehole of a human deciding that Sans' skeleton shape is clearly female and he's obviously 'confused'.
> 
> (rabbit you said i could write this and now i hate you because ive made myself sad)


	24. My Best Friend Does the Drugs and It Pisses Me Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stoners are either hilarious or annoying and there’s no in between

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before we go into this u guys.,,..,., all of this _did_ happen, but it is highly exaggerated. i hate my friends bc they came in during my shift the other day while high and just did fuck all and it was not a Good Time for me.
> 
> but i mean... this is how i cope,..,,.,. writing about high skeletons,.,.,..,. dude,..,.,.,
> 
> i was honest to god listening to [this](http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=ya7FbdL5Xrk&p=n) on repeat the entire time i was writing this and i think that all of you should as well because it just... really adds _something special_ to the experience

 

Getting high together was always an interesting experience, Stretch realized as he followed Slim out of the door. Sure, he had gotten high with Red and Sans before, but they just tended to lay around and spout off stoner logic. Not that there was anything wrong with lazing around and basking in existential dread, but being lazy when his inhibitions were down was oddly not at the top of his list whenever he was usually lazy all the time to begin with. Being high tended to make him jittery, to say the least.

It was nothing compared to when Slim got high, though. For some reason, whenever his edgier counterpart got stoned, he was blessed with the energy of at least a thousand fucking Papyruses, and every single idea that he had was followed through with, regardless of consequences.

That was probably why they were holding empty tubes of wrapping paper and standing in the middle of grocery store parking lot like fucking idiots.

“Okay, so! Jousting!” Slim yelled. He jumped in the electric cart and turned it on, looking at Stretch with pure malice in his eyes as he held up the cardboard tube. The cart started going backwards. “Oh no wait.”

Stretch sat in his own cart, clicking it on and making it go forwards. The cart gave a pitiful jump in the right direction before it started beeping and promptly turned off, having run out of charge. Slim gave a triumphant yell before starting forward. And then his cart switched off too. Stretch gave a disinterested hum, leaning against the steering wheel and setting the cardboard tube inside the cart. Their jousting vehicles were dead. Just like their riders on the inside.

A shout came from the direction of the store and Stretch snapped his head up to see a worker trotting out, looking slightly ticked. A sharp gasp came off to his side, and he looked over to see that Slim had noticed as well, and was now pulling a rather impressive Home Alone face as he watched the tired-looking human run out. He turned to Stretch as he jumped up from the cart.

“Oh my god, we’re going to get arrested. I can’t go back to jail!” Stretch stood and walked over to his friend, placing both hands on his shoulders as he shushed him. 

“Hey. It’s fine.” He reached his hand over to smack onto Slim’s face. “We’ll just buy some groceries and then they can’t arrest us.”

Why wouldn’t they be able to arrest them? He didn’t know. But he was pretty sure that they couldn’t. With a final nod at his plan, he teleported them both inside.

 

~~~

 

Okay, so his jousting idea had been a bust. And not like. Not a  _ booby _ kind of bust, the  _ breast _ kind in his opinion- he snorted a laugh at his wonderful pun- but a bust like a bad idea considering that the carts both ran out of battery and now they were on the run from the grocery police. Regardless, they were going to buy something. Slim didn’t know what, but  _ something. _

And then, he saw it. His arm shot out to the side, connecting with Stretch’s chest and causing him to grunt and be pushed back a few steps. His other hand came up to point at the most incredible thing he had ever seen.

Lining one of the shelves in the outdoors section were plastic garden gnomes. He ran over to the shelf and picked up an armful of the gnomes, turning and looking back at Stretch with wide eyes. “We have to get these.”

Stretch looked at the gnomes suspiciously. “Yeah, I don’t think I want any gnomes.”

Slim just scoffed. Not wanting plastic old men with pointy hats in your yard? Impossible. “They aren’t just gnomes. They’re gnome guardians.”   
“What do they guard?”

Slim blinked, turning and looking at the shelf into the dead eyes of the plastic. What  _ did _ they guard? Something important, he would think. After all, they were all holding tiny pickaxes and shovels. Perfect for attacks and then hiding the body afterwards. “I imagine that they would guard whatever you tell them to.”

Stretch walked forward and bent down, squinting at the price tags. He turned to look at Slim with dead eyes. “Would they guard my house from Razz?” He turned back to the gnomes, giving one a poke with his finger. “I’m tired of him fucking my brother.”

Slim shrugged, which was hard to do with an armful of plastic men. “I don’t see why not.”

“I’ll fucking take twenty, then.” He picked up about seven, looking over the shelves for more. Unfortunately for his dreams of his brother never getting dick up his ass again, that was all the gnomes that the store supplied. Aside from the eight in Slim’s arms. But those were his, and Stretch could fuck off. “Aw, where the hell are the rest?”

Slim looked around the area before he spotted a worker and made a happy-ish noise. “Okay, give me a second!” He walked over to the human and looked at them through a hole in the gnome stack in his arms. “Excuse me! Are these all the gnomes that you have, or is there a specific gnome section that I can look in to find more?”

The human stuttered as they looked at each one of the cold, black, dead eyes of the gnomes in turn. “Uh… I don’t…”

Before they could finish, Slim turned around to yell at Stretch. “THESE ARE THEIR ONLY GUARDIAN GNOMES!”

In return to his shout, he received a “FOR FUCKS SAKE!” He dropped his gnomes on the ground, leaving to go to the snack section.

Slim turned back to the scared-looking human. “Here you go. We don’t want these anymore.” He shoved all of his gnomes into their arms, a few of the figurines clattering to the ground with a hollow sound. He turned on his heel, leaving the poor, tired human who didn’t fucking deserve this shit on their fucking job behind without a second thought to their wellbeing. 

 

~~~

 

Stretch stood in the chip section, looking over the plastic bags full of (mostly) air and fried potatoes, trying to figure out what flavor he wanted. Doritos sounded good, but he was high so fuck that. He wasn’t going to be a stereotypical high person. Slim ran past him before belly-flopping onto the floor, sliding a few feet before he came to a stop and lay spread-eagle on the floor. Stretch blinked at him before going back to the chip selection, reaching forward and picking up the original salt chips. But…

Did he want  _ regular _ original, or  _ wavy _ original?

Slim came up beside him and looked at the chips. “Hey, I’m gonna go get some Pringles.”

Stretch gave a disinterested grunt, still looking over his choices for chips. It was a few minutes before he heard Slim laugh, and then the sound of scraping against the shelves came soon after. He looked over out of the corner of his eye to see Slim trying to grab every can of Pringles that was shelved at once, arms stretched out to the side with the effort.

Stretch opened his mouth to say hey, maybe that isn’t the best idea, before Slim stepped back. His arms were, unfortunately, too small to hold every can at once, and with a loud clatter all but five of the cans tumbled from his arms. Stretch blinked at the scene. Welp.

Slim seemed much more upset at this fact than he was, falling to his knees in despair and clutching the cans to his chest as he wailed at the sky. “GOD LEFT ME UNFINISHED!”

Stretch raised a brow. “We should probably get a cart.”

Slim stood up with a laugh, dropping the cans he was clutching with a grin. “Good idea!” He turned to the aisle exit, pointing triumphantly to where the carts were located. “To the carts!”   
Stretch pumped a fist in the air. “To the carts!”

They both jumped over the chaos of chip cans, not noticing the gnome human from earlier staring at the mess that they would have to clean up tiredly.

 

~~~

 

Slim jumped in the cart, sitting down and flipping Stretch off as he approached. “Push me, bitch.”

Stretch narrowed his eyes, raising his own finger as he lifted a leg to get in the cart. “No, bitch.”

Slim scoffed, being forced to scoot over as the orange man shoved himself into place beside him. “Bitch.”

Stretch stuck his tongue out at the other. “Bitch.”

It was silent as they sat there. Slim realized that, maybe, this wasn’t the best idea. How were they to move? Maybe if they jerked their body weight? He tried that, but it only caused the cart to tilt to the side dangerously. Stretch smacked him for the motion, and he reached a hand up to rub at where the hand had connected. Bitch.

“Hey, it would be super gay if we made out right now.”

Stretch glared at him before he rolled his eyes. “Dude.”

 

~~~

 

“Bet I could.” 

Stretch rolled his eyes at Slim’s confident tone. No he couldn’t. He told the other as such, which just made him huff loudly.

“Listen, you can totally dribble anything. Footballs included.”

Stretch raised a brow. “Oh yeah? Try it.”

Slim huffed and grabbed one, throwing it on the ground. It shot off in an odd direction. They both stared at it for a moment before Slim glared at him. “Okay, that didn’t count. Faulty football.” He grabbed another and chucked it on the ground. And then another. And another.

Too many.

Soon all the footballs were gone, scattered on the floor (and, let me tell you, scattered footballs are a  _ huge fucking hassle to clean up, for fucks sake) _ and Slim stood, staring at the ground blankly. He turned to look at Stretch. “I just need more footballs.”   
“I’m sure you do.”

 

~~~

 

Slim rolled his eyes as Stretch continued to speak about how good he was at weed. No one was as good at weed as him. Not even his weed buddy.

Stretch didn’t seem to understand this fact, though. “Fuck you! I’m not just 420! I’m… I’m 840, bitch!”

When Slim continued to stare at him in pity, he spoke louder. “In fact! I’m more than 840! I’m-!” He stopped, looking around the area. “Wait, what comes after 840.”

Slim yawned. “841.”

“No, no I mean like. 420 multiples.”

Slim rolled his eyes again. Honestly. He called himself good at weed? And he didn’t know the multiples of 420 up to 69? Fucking amateur. “1260.”

“I’m 1260, bitch!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this entire thing while hyped up on 5 monster energy drinks and im currently nursing a sixth i can feel my heartbeat in every part of my body including my tongue


	25. I Can’t Believe That Someone Hit On Your Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine Person A of your OTP in the hitman business. Pays well, a decent living - if one that’s somewhat illegal. Person B is always worried about Person A’s safety, and one day, in the middle of the night, Person A knocks on B’s door, bruised and bloody and asking for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [fresh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SansyFresh/pseuds/SansyFresh) wanted some kedgeup, i am here to Provide (i hope this isnt too much angst, i tried, i rly did)
> 
> also whoa!!!! so many updates on this thing in a row!!! dont get ur hopes up tho guys lmfao

_ It pays well, _ Fell reminded himself as he grunted in pain, holding a hand over the wound on his shoulder that continued to drip marrow.  Being a hitman wasn’t… It wasn’t his first job choice. Hell if it was actually anyone’s except for the most fucked up of individuals. It was his father’s business that he was in, that he’d been running since the old man hadn’t come back from one of his missions. It certainly wasn’t the most safe of jobs, of course. He hated doing it, he really did, but he knew too much at this point about too many people, and quitting would just mean that he himself would be the next target on someone’s list.

Or, if he quit, they would target his brother. As much as he griped about his older sibling’s lazy comings and goings, he cared enough to do everything in his power to never let anything harm him, do everything he could to ensure that he was safe from this twisted second life he was living. And if that meant that a few people had to die here and there to keep the peace with his employers, then so be it.

He muffled a grunt as he threw himself against a wall beside a dumpster, leaning against the dented metal as he listened to the furious shouts of the gang members as they ran by, holding in a breath that he didn’t really need. They passed without noticing him and he let out a relieved sigh, head hitting back against the brick wall of the building. He winced as the motion caused a throb in his head, but that was far from the biggest of his worries right now.

He glanced down at the arm across his chest, his hand holding his shattered scapula as blood continued to drip from the wound. He sighed as he saw the stain on his jacket. Wonderful. That would be fun to get out. Fell pushed himself up from the ground with a hiss, the motion jarring his shoulder more than was comfortable, and crept to the entrance of the alley, looking both ways out the exit before he began to hobble in the direction of a familiar apartment complex.

No way in hell was he going to go home to Red like this. He could handle himself, but having his brother mother-hen over him and yell at him for the next few days about how stupid and dangerous his job was wasn’t at the top of his list. He sucked in a sharp breath of air as he jumped up to reach the ladder that was dangling from the fire escape, pulling himself up enough with his usable arm to where he could sling a leg on the rung, beginning to climb to the stairs. It wasn’t long before he reached the window he was looking for, panting slightly from the exertion and the pain as he rapped a knuckle against it a few times, sitting heavily on one of the steps.

About a year ago, during one of his more intense jobs, he had been grievously injured. Luckily his brother had found him, taking him to the hospital spouting off some nonsense about a motorcycle accident as opposed to the truth of him being caught and beaten almost to death by a group of unhappy individuals. There, he had been placed in the emergency room to be treated, and after had gone to the Intensive Care Unit.

He honestly hated hospitals, too sterile and filled with hopelessness, but if one good thing had come about his few weeks of recovery, it was that he had managed to make allies with a nurse that worked there. And by make allies, he meant that he had somehow managed to woo the small, rather adorable, skeleton enough to where he had agreed to a date with him. Sans was his name. It wasn’t really… the  _ best _ of ideas, considering his line of work and the dangers that it brought to those close to him- one of the first things he ever remembered his father telling him, all sharp eyes and cold words was that “Anything and anyone can be taken from you. Never let anything get too close,” which really went to show a lot about their relationship with their deceased father- but something about the pun-making skeleton made him want to stick around and be selfish, consequences be damned.

If he was honest, he was being rather selfish, but he just couldn’t seem to keep himself away from-

The lights in the apartment flicked on. Speak of the devil.

Fell stood as the window jiggled a bit before sliding up, a tired-looking head peering out of the window and blinking sleepily. The tired glare softened when it saw him, his mouth twitching a bit up at the edges in a smile. “Oh, hey, Fell. What brings you around?”

He stepped forward into the small bit of light that was being cast through the window, watching as the smile fell off the other’s face and his eyes opened wider, now fully alert. “I need your help,” he said, as if his haggard appearance wasn’t enough. 

Sans darted his eyes around the area before he stepped back from the window, letting Fell slip in. God, now… Now he felt kind of bad, watching as the smaller skeleton moved into where he knew the bathroom was swiftly, coming out with a first aid kit and a towel. Sans set the supplies down on the coffee table and shook out the towel, laying it down on the ground. Fell made a mental note that he really, really needed to take Sans on a date soon, considering that he showed up to the apartment broken and battered far more often than was considered acceptable for a good boyfriend.

He cursed as he pulled off the jacket and his shirt, not bothering to his his hisses of pain and discomfort now that he was with Sans. He laid face-down on the towel as Sans knelt beside him, trying not to feel too guilty at the pained expression on the smaller’s face. “What… What happened?” 

He flinched as a wet cloth was wiped gently over his shoulder blade, wiping away both fresh and dried marrow so that the injury could be properly seen. “Was my own fault. I wasn’t paying attention to-” he swore loudly as Sans replaced the water-soaked cloth with one that had disinfectant, dabbing gently at the cracks- “To the area around me. I,  _ shit! _ That fucking hurt! I didn’t notice that one of the goons had snuck up behind me until he swung some kinda pipe at me. I rolled with it so it didn’t do as much damage, but it still,” he swore again, louder, and Sans shushed him.

“I… I have neighbors, you know.” Fell moved his eyes up to see that the other was holding back unshed tears, small drops of blue gathered in the corners of his eyes. He waited just long enough for Sans to place a healing magic-infused pad of gauze over the wound before he pushed himself up, scooping the smaller into his arms.

He felt Sans tense at the motion before reaching up around his neck and pulling Fell slightly closer, ever so wary of the injury on his back. Fell felt Sans tuck his head in the crook of his neck, and he let loose a small sigh as he felt hot tears drip on his chest. He pressed his teeth against the crown of the other’s skull as Sans mumbled softly. “I wish you wouldn’t do this.”

Fell sighed, wrapping his arms around Sans even tighter, like he could shield the both of them from every fucked up thing he was putting them through. “You know why I have to.”

Sans sighed, linking his fingers in the space between Fell’s ribs to pull him closer. “I’m not really worth it.” His voice was quiet, barely audible over their breathing and the steady tick of the clock, but the finality of the statement wasn’t lost on him.

He pulled back, grabbing both sides of Sans’ skull in his hands as he forced the other to look at him. The movement hurt his shoulder, the pain coming through the numbing magic of the pad, but he ignored it. There’s far more important matters for him to attend to. He stroked a thumb under Sans’ eyes, smearing through the tear tracks there. “If you weren’t worth it, then I wouldn’t be here.”

He leaned forwards, pressing their teeth together in a gentle kiss, trying to make sure that the other was aware just how much he cared, how much he wanted him despite all the pain and hurt it might cause him. He pulled back from the kiss, setting his forehead against the smaller’s and closing his eyes, enjoying the feeling of them just being pressed close to one another. 

As long as Sans would have him, he wasn’t going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i screaming i wanted this to be short but it got so long and i finally had to cut it off at the end ahhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHH
> 
> also the chapter title: hit on your man? hit man? get it? get it? aaahahhahhahhahahahah im not funny


	26. You're Bad at Flirting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stretch could totally woo that hot guy at the bar if he really wanted to
> 
> he totally could

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a stupid idea that ive had for a while? but i think its funny? idk. fucking enjoy
> 
> on the 26th im gonna b leaving the country for abt 12 days and shit, so i wont b able to post much of anything at all, so im probably gonna do like. a lot of updates on this before then, and try to finish some of my other fics in that time frame. 
> 
> *cracks knuckles* its go time, bitches. *snaps neck* oh wait no

Stretch was staring at the individual sitting at the bar. “I bet that I totally could.”

“Uh huh.” Sans rolled his eyes, nudging Red with his arm, who was staring at Stretch with something akin to disappointed annoyance.

“I could! Fucking watch me!”

Red lifted up his drink with a snort, shaking his head.

Stretch huffed louder. Sans snickered, setting his drink down and leaning around the booth they were sitting at. His eyelights shifted minutely at the individual they were talking about before he leaned back into the booth. “Okay.”

Stretch blinked. “Okay what.”

The shorter leaned back, arms coming above his head as he stretched, the joints in his spine popping before he relaxed with a lazy grin. “You think you can get some? Then go get some.”

Red snorted into his drink, taking a sip before he set it down and looked at Sans with a raised eyebrow. “Are you serious? Stretch will implode if he tries to flirt. Or if he’s flirted with. It’s happened every time he’s done so.” Red lifted a hand up from under the table, counting off his fingers as he looked at the ceiling. “There was that time with Muffet where he started crying before he realized that he was gay, and then when he tried to flirt with me that one time and his belt loop got caught on something and ripped his pants-” He snorted again, leaning forward as his eyes squinted in amusement. “And let’s not forget that time that Slim got drunk enough to fucking flirt with him and he got so flustered that he ran away, even though it was his own apartment.”

Stretch pulled his hoodie strings tighter from where he had hidden his face in embarrassment. “Are you guys fucking done yet?”

Red and Sans just laughed, leaning against each other as their drinks sloshed over the rim a bit. Stretch rolled his eyes, pulling his hood back and looking around the bar for Slim. The other had gone out onto the floor of the club sometime earlier and, last he saw, was grinding pretty hard against...

Stretch didn’t really want to think about it.

But the others had started mocking his own flirting skills when they’d seen him staring at a guy sitting on the end of the bar, and he couldn’t stand for that, now could he? 

And so, after throwing back the rest of his drink- iced water, since he was the designated driver tonight, but if he ignored every scrap of common sense that he had then it almost seemed like he was drunk- he stood, ignoring Sans and Red’s drunken jeers as he walked to the bar. He sat in the seat beside the figure, looking over at him as discreetly as possible.

Okay… Pick up lines. He could do this. 

He turned to the guy, giving his best grin that was actually probably more of a grimace and fired it off.

“Hey, it looks like you dropped something there.”

The guy turned and fuck this was a bad idea. His teeth were sharp as hell, and there was a crack in his right eye that just made him look even more badass. Was it hot in here? Stretch was sweating.

The guy sat up straighter, turning his upper body so that he was facing Stretch more directly, shoulders coming back slightly and jaw clenching the slightest bit as he made eye contact. “I what?”

It took Stretch a good ten seconds to remember the line he was going to say before. “You, uh… Your standards. You dropped your standards.” He gave a wink that felt half-hearted to even him, hands coming up in a painful approximation of a shrug. Across the room he heard the raucous laughter of Red and Sans from the booth, and fought the urge to turn around and make every rude gesture he was capable of.

The guy stared at him before raising a smooth eyebrow. “Really?”

Stretch chuckled nervously as he shifted on the stool beside the guy. “Heh… Yep. Not my best.” His hand came up to scratch at the back of his neck, looking away from the other. “But still not my worst.”

The guy just stared at him. He kept smiling because at this point he felt like tearing his expression away from the grimace would be a very painful experience. “Can I, uh, buy you a drink?”

The guy gave him an annoyed look, lifting his hand that was already holding a drink, the outside of the glass covered in condensation. Stretch coughed. Fuck. “Something to eat, then?” Wow, he was not giving up tonight. Maybe what he had drunk  _ wasn’t  _ water. 

The guy stared at him for a few moments before letting a sigh out through his nose, rolling his eyes as he nodded. Stretch immediately relaxed. Thank  _ god _ he hadn’t just kept staring at him. He probably would have dusted of embarrassment. He waved the bar owner over and asked for a plate of fries, looking over at the guy and tilting his head as an inquiry. 

The guy huffed out of his nose, but asked for the same, giving Stretch a curious glance from the corner of his eye. He looked away, lifting his glass to take a drink. “You’re pretty shit at flirting.”

Another huge round of laughs from behind them. Stretch fought the urge to whip around and flip the two bastards off. How the fuck could they even hear him in the first place? “No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.” Another side glance, this one seeming almost amused. “You look like you’re about to implode.”

Stretch huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and he was about to go into detail about how great he was at flirting when a body slumped over his shoulder with a groan. He didn’t need to look to know that it was Slim, face pressed into his side and so drunk that he could barely support himself. His hand came up and pat Stretch on the face, and from the deep confines of his hoodie he heard a muffled “D’ya come here oft’n?”

Stretch sighed, reaching up and grabbing the hand that was trying to stick itself into his sockets and pulled it down, his face flushing from the contact and from the amused look the guy was giving him. “Slim, buddy. It’s me.”

Slim pulled his head back and blinked up at Stretch before he gave a low chuckle. “Oh. Heh. Wrong guy, sorry.”

He pushed himself up, taking a few shaky steps, and maybe if Stretch was a better friend he would have helped keep the other upright. Instead, Slim slurred the same thing to the guy, tripping over his own feet and then face-planting into the ground. Stretch sighed. That was his cue to leave, he guessed.

He bent over, slinging one of Slim’s arms over his shoulder to support him as he stood, struggling to hold the dead weight of his unconscious friend. Well. This…  _ could _ have gone worse? He sighed again, glancing away from the guy before looking back at him apologetically.

“I have to get going to make sure that  _ this _ doesn't drown in his own vomit.” He shuffled a bit more, flushing slightly in embarrassment. “Sorry to… bother you.” He chanced a glance up at the guy, surprised to see that he was being watched in amusement. 

The guy laughed, taking a drink. “My name is Fell.” He pulled a slip of paper from one of the pockets on his jacket, grabbing a pen and scribbling something down on it before folding the slip up. Fell stood, walking over and reaching around behind Stretch to stick the slip in his back pocket, giving an obvious fondle of his bones. “And I have to say: If you look half as cute getting fucked as you are when you’re embarrassed, then I really have no qualms with seeing you again sometime.”

They made eye contact and Fell winked before he walked off to the other end of the club, drink still in hand. Stretch was standing, unaware of just how much he was blushing until a hand groped his face with a drunken chuckle. He gave a long-suffering sigh as he looked down to where Slim was propped against him, not nearly as passed out as he had originally thought. 

Slim snickered. “Yer gunna… Yer gunna  _ fuck _ him, aren’cha?”

Stretch sighed, trying to pretend that his face wasn’t burning hot enough to be borderline painful. “Shut the fuck up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Bonus Scene:**  
>  Fell slid into the booth, grinning with smug satisfaction at Razz. “I fucking told you that if I sat there long enough, then someone would come and flirt with me.”  
> Razz scoffed, crossing his arms and not saying anything until Blue gave him a pointed nudge. He sighed. “Well, seeing as how that was probably the worst attempt at flirting I’ve ever seen, there was no way in hell that what’s-his-name wasn’t drunk off his ass.”  
> Blue gave a hum into his drink. “It couldn’t have been any worse than your sober flirting!”  
> Fell snorted out a laugh, nearly spilling his drink, as Razz sputtered indignantly. “Just whose side are you on?!”


	27. Drink For Drink For Drank For Dronk For Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8585845/chapters/19740505) drabble by CrushingOnSans, from their [post](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8585845/chapters/23228400) thing where she said ppl could adopt these ideas so fucking whatever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was scrolling through my drabbles and i saw this shit and i was like "hey i may as fucking well post this bullshit"

 

Fell cracked his eyes open and entered the waking world with a splitting headache and an intense urge to vomit. It was fine, though. He could handle it- oh shit no he fucking couldn’t oh shit he was gonna throw up.

He dashed into the bathroom, glad- for the first time ever- that his brother was too damn lazy to put the seat down. He emptied his nonexistent stomach of the turbulent magic, spitting a few times in disgust before flushing the toilet. He got up shakily, rubbing his temples harshly and wincing at the slight scrape of bone-on-bone his fingers made against his scalp.

What the hell had happened last night?

He opened the cabinet in the bathroom, dumping the magic medicine equivalent of two ibuprofen in his hand before downing them, dry. He turned on the shower, letting the steam fill the room to try to clear his head of his damned hangover. He remembered going to Underlust to celebrate Blue’s turning 21 by indulging in some scantily-clad dancers and the birthday boy’s newfound ability to legally drink alcohol.

The entire events of the night before came slamming back into Fell’s mind with enough force to cause another painful throb of his headache. He had made a bet with Blue the night before on who could drink more. And the smaller had fucking blown him out of the water. Honestly, Fell had blacked out after five shots, and he was fairly certain that Blue had started chugging straight from the bottle at some point, entirely unfazed. 

He groaned, from the headache or from the realization of what it meant for him, he didn't know, resting his head against the showerhead. The pressure from his skull moved the stream of water off of his body and Fell growled, straightening it. Fucking short-ass brother who couldn’t reach the damn faucet without it being as low as it was, fucking bitch-ass genetics that made him such a fucking lightweight in the first place, fucking dumb-ass Blueberry who somehow- without ever having a damn drop of alcohol before  _ in his life _ \- had drank him under the table.

He sighed heavily as he straightened up. He was many things: an asshole, a bloodthirsty Lieutenant of the Royal Guard, a self-proclaimed master of all culinary arts (though their perpetually burning kitchen might say something against this fact), but he was not one who backed out on bets. He turned off the water, grabbing a towel and drying off slightly before wrapping it around his waist. Another throb of his head. He picked up the bottle of medicine, squinting at the label on the side.

How many of these was he allowed to take again?

 

~~~

 

Fell walked into Blue’s house, crossing his arms and standing, stiff. He noticed Stretch looking at him smugly from the couch, so he discreetly flipped him off. And by discreetly, he meant that he turned to fully face the other, lifting both hands up to flip him off. Fuck him. Fuck his brother too, now that he was thinking about it.

“Fell! That’s not very polite!” Speak of the devil. Fell turned his head, looking with disdain at the smaller skeleton before pivoting in place, turning his body so that he was giving the other the one-finger salute.

There was a “See you later, bro” from the couch, followed by a small pop. Stretch had teleported away to do god-knows-what (get high, probably, like the fucking idiot he is), leaving him alone with the 4’7” drinking machine.

Blue clapped his hands together, and Fell put his own down, fingers having gotten tired. “Alright! So! First order of things is that you’re going to clean Papy’s room!”

Fell tensed up, looking down at the smaller in horror. “Listen, when I agreed to do whatever you said for a day, I did  _ not _ think that it would involve being tortured.”

Blue just shrugged, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a bucket full of cleaning supplies before coming back out, handing them to Fell.

“Well! You better get to it!”

Fell looked down at the bucket, then up at the entrance to the pits of hell. For fucks sake.

 

~~~

 

He collapsed on their couch with a groan, hard springs and corners digging into his bones in a less-than-comfortable way. He didn’t move, though. For fucks sake, that was worse than training with Undyne.

He heard footsteps come up beside him, but didn’t bother to turn his head. He would know that cheery skip from miles away. “Well! Since you did so well, I have decided to show you Mercy! You have repaid your debt in full!”

Fell only groaned in response. Fuck him. Fuck this little ball of loud. How the hell was he not as hungover as he should be. 

He heard Blue sigh. “I feel kinda bad for cheating.” Fell’s head shot up. What the fuck. Blue sighed again. “Or at least, deceiving you.”

“What the hell does that mean?!”

Blue looked at him. Then laughed. “Oh! I’ve been drinking since high school!” He nodded, arms crossed and head tilted to the side. “I’ve developed quite the tolerance the past few years.” He looked down at his watch, ignoring Fell’s look of pure malice. “Anyways, it’s almost suppertime! You can stay, if you’d like, but I know that you don’t really like tacos.”

And with that, he turned on his heel and walked into the kitchen. Fell watched him go before his head flopped back down on the couch. Blue was actually Satan.

And he was the only one who knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like the first thing i ever wrote so please feel free to make fun of it and call me a piece of shit lol


	28. The Demon Who Comes When You Call 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not that he seemed nice in the first place, but maybe there's a reason he's a demon, ya kno?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did somebody ask for a second upload of that stupid thing i wrote a while ago??? no??? too bad ive had this written for a while now and i honestly like it too much to even pretend that this is gonna be the last chapter thing for it so ha ha expect more in the future

Waking up was a fucking hassle. And, yeah, Razz would go on and on about “not being lazy” and such, but recently sleep hadn’t been coming easy to him. Not because he was pulling the “typical college student,” going out and getting trashed at parties and trying to survive on about three hours of sleep per night. The same couldn’t be said for his dorm mate, but he had long ago given up on that fucker.

No, it was because that, the past few night, no matter what he fucking did, his dreams were always filled with that fucking demon! God, did he regret summoning it, and if he could he’d go back in time to backhand his few-days-younger self in the face for being so stupid. The demon wouldn’t leave him alone in real life either, and Razz could always tell that he was near whenever the arm with the fucking invisible markings would burn red hot before dying down, and he’d turn to see the other’s stupid-ass grin inches from his face. He’d stopped screaming at the jumpscares, but still swung his fist at the demon, his hand drifting harmlessly through his form like he was made of smoke. The motion would always get a chuckle and get him called “cute” again, which made him angry enough to swing once more.

It was a vicious cycle.

He grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes, the bottoms slowly starting to be stained a dark purple from his lack of sleep, pushing the shower curtain aside to reach the water knobs. As he did, he looked down at his left arm, twisting the bone around slightly before growling, turning the water on as scalding hot as it would go before stepping in. He immediately cursed, leaning forward into the water from hell as he fumbled with the knob, quickly turning it down to a much more reasonable temperature.

At least the damned devil couldn’t get in his house, but that was little solace considering that he didn’t have any curtains and would often wake up and look out the window to see Blue floating there like a piece of shit.

He stepped out of the shower and got ready for the day, throwing on a plain black shirt and his bandana over a pair of jeans. He looked at the alarm clock on his bed for the time (ignoring Blue, who was floating outside and waving his arms to get his attention) before he grabbed his satchel, slinging it over his shoulder. He passed his roommate on the way out the door, nodding his head at the hangover-pained greeting he received, before leaving. Before he left the dorms he pulled out his headphones, pulling them over his head and clicking play on his music, stepping out into the sun. Blue appeared beside him, probably saying something moronic as shit, but he couldn’t hear anything thanks to the thumping bass line. 

Razz walked to the bench that he normally sat at in the mornings, waiting until it was time for class. He used to stay at his dorm up until he actually needed to leave, but his roommate had a habit of being absolutely fucking obnoxious (almost more so than his brother, which was a feat in and of itself), so he needed some alone time here and there. 

Though, he thought, as he caught a glimpse of Blue floating right over his shoulder with a stupid grin, this wasn’t even really alone time anymore. A hand rested on the back of his neck once he’d sat down, fingertips scratching and pressing at the bones there sensually, and he gave an aroused shudder before he realized just what was happening and smacked the hand away, looking over to glare at the demon. Blue didn’t seemed bothered by this, looking at Razz with a hooded, hungry gaze, a forked tongue coming out of his mouth to swipe across his grin. Razz blushed profusely as he looked away, reaching his hands up to his neck to have his bandana better cover his cervical spine before pulling up his satchel and sorting through the papers. 

He pulled out his notebook, flipping through the pages until he settled on a blank one and pulled out a pencil, starting to lightly sketch. It started out fairly vague until he realized what the figure he was drawing looked like. When he had first started the sketch, it was just a bare skeleton, and he had thought he was just drawing himself or the like until he noticed that said skeleton had a thin whip of a tail and an impressive set of horns growing from its temple. He growled, shoving his pencil into his mouth angrily as he ripped the page out, crumpling it and cramming it into his satchel. A glance over his shoulder showed him that Blue was giving him a very smug look, an eyebrow raised and head tilted to the side.

Fuck, the demon had seen.

He turned back to his notebook with an embarrassed flush, starting to angrily draw a bunch of middle fingers. He needed to work on his hands, anyways.

He had started to relax a bit, but, alas, all good things must come to an end. Razz sighed as the alarm he had set on his phone rang, cutting off the music that was coming through his headphones. He closed the notebook he had been sketching in, tucking his pencil into the rings on the side and standing up from the bench, clutching the small book to his chest. Blue, who had been floating over his shoulder watching him as usual, perked up at seeing him move, floating down to the ground and saying something. Razz glared at him, reaching down to his phone and turning his music up as loud as it would go. 

He flipped the other off as he walked away with a clenched jaw, face twitching from the volume of the music. It got to be too much and he turned it off with a huff, shoving the headphones in his satchel before he brought his hands up to his head to rub at his temples. 

Great. 

Now he had a headache.

He sighed as he walked into the building for his next class, hoping that the day would go by quickly. He walked up the stairs at the front, his steps slowing for the slightest second before he continued walking. He kept his head down, hoping to slip by unnoticed.

“Hey, hot shit! How would you like another bone inside you?” 

Goddammit.

Razz growled lowly at the catcalls, the grip he had on his notebook tightening incrementally- these assholes again, every fucking day, he  _ swears _ \- as he put his head down, trying to walk quickly past. He was stopped by a rough hand grabbing his upper arm, yanking him forward into the solid chest of the human. It was bad enough he had to deal with racist fucks all the time, but then he would turn around and- on the other end of the spectrum- he had fucking dickbags who viewed him as some fetish and couldn’t keep it in their pants. 

The impact against the chest made him drop his notebook, but he ignored it in favor of hitting against the chest holding him. God, he’d love nothing more than to send a specially-made construct right through this guy’s neck- how would  _ that _ be for another bone inside of you, huh?- but one of the people responsible to ensure monster integration told him that any violence on his part would negatively reflect literally all of monsterkind. Which meant he had to just put up with all of their bullshit.

He managed to yank himself from the asshole’s grip, bending down to grab his bag that he’d dropped when they’d stopped him. Razz held back a snarl as he felt a hand grope at the back of his pelvis, shooting ramrod straight as he stormed off, anger clouding his vision at the peals of laughter and wolf whistles that followed him.

He slowed down once he had calmed, coming back to his senses enough to see that Blue had appeared, floating off to his right and looking at him with- anger? God, what the fuck did the demon want this time. “What?!” He spat angrily, still pissed from his earlier interaction.

“Why did you let them  **_touch you._ ** ” Razz felt a chill run down his spine, having never seen the normally peppy demon so furious.

He was still pissed as hell, no matter how afraid of the other he was at the current moment. “Listen, I don’t really see why it’s any of your fucking business in the first place.”

Blue snarled, and Razz noticed that the other sported a very large, very  _ sharp _ set of fangs. “Because _ you _ are my _ - _ ” Blue caught himself before he could continue, turning and looking back down the hallway with fury as he continued to growl. “You don’t  _ like that _ , do you? Do you  _ want _ them touching you like that?!”

Razz leered. “Of fucking course I don’t!”

“Then why didn’t you defend yourself!?”

He scoffed, having had enough of the demon’s obnoxious attitude. “It’s still none of your damn business.”

Blue let out a vicious snarl, and fuck, Razz sometimes forgot the more demonic nature of the other, but there was no denying it now with the guttered-out eyes and murderous aura. “D o  n o t  p l a y  g a m e s  w i t h  m e,  m o r t a l.”

Razz shuddered. “I- I can't  _ do _ anything about it!” He took a few steps back as Blue stalked towards him, his eyes glancing around the hall. Part of him was glad that it was empty, because the last thing he needed from anyone was for them to think that he was crazy and talked to himself. His back hit the wall of the hallway, but Blue continued to walk forward. 

“Why. Not.” His words were clipped and angry, and Razz looked away from him to stare at the floor.

“Because I’m a monster!” Blue’s hand slammed against the wall beside his head and he flinched, the impact causing a crack to travel across the block. “I- I have to put up with their bullshit because doing anything back would just prove to them that monsters never should have come to the surface!”

Blue looked over him blankly. His jaw tightened as he took in a deep breath. “God, you  _ reek _ of him.” The other hand came up to press against his neck, and Razz flinched at the motion, both of his hands coming up to grab it and try to yank it away. Blue’s grip didn’t falter. “I don’t like his  _ scent _ on you.”

Razz shivered, keeping his gaze on the floor. Blue was talking about his own scent, but- this close to the other- he could smell that same earthy scent that permeated the air the night Razz had first summoned him. God, he was really, really close. “I, uh, dropped my- my notebook back there.”

Blue blinked a few times, snapping out of his possessive aura and pulling back a bit, claws coming away from where they were clutched at his throat. Razz let out a breath that he didn’t know he was holding, trying to ignore the pang of disappointment at not being so close to the demon anymore (what the fuck, Razz) and instead focusing on the fact that he hadn’t been torn to shreds by the other. Blue hummed awkwardly, a hand coming up to scratch at where his horns met the base of his head. His tail clicked once against the tile of the hall. “I’ll get it for you. Just get to class.”

There was a sharp crack of magic, and the air was filled with the smell of smoke for a split second. The horns that Blue had disappeared with a pop of smoke, and the tail dissipated as well. The robes that he was wearing glowed for a split second before they snapped into casual clothes. A loose jacket, bright blue, unzipped and worn over a plain white shirt, slightly ripped jeans and bright blue combat boots. The look suited him. The sound of a classroom door clicking open made him snap his gaze away from the other.

A professor was exiting his classroom, a satchel thrown over his shoulder as he sipped tiredly at a cup of coffee. He made eye contact with Razz, giving a small nod in his direction. “Boys,” he said as greeting. Razz gave a stuttered phrase back, still shocked by the events of earlier.

Blue gave a nod and a smile. “Have a good day!”

The professor sighed, the corner of his mouth twitching up the slightest. “You too.”

Razz blinked, looking from the receding form of the professor to Blue in confusion. “Wait, he can… He can see you?”

Blue shrugged off his jacket, using the arms of it to tie around his waist. “In this form, he can. I can physically interact with the environment around myself like this, so I can go back and grab your notebook.” The eyelights came back up to look at him- cold and analytical. “You should probably get to class now.”

Razz shook his head, looking down at his watch and cursing. Fuck his goddamned professor and her fucking attendance credit. He looked down to hallway to where his notebook was, then to the demon with a growl, nervousness gone for now. “Fine! Just!” He glanced back down at his watch and swore, Blue raising an eyebrow. “Just leave it in my dorm!” And with that he turned on his heel, dashing down the hall to make his class.

If he had stayed a bit longer, he would have heard Blue’s quiet laugh. “So I guess that’s an invitation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **important:**  
>  yo, so...... do you guys like this demon shit as much as i do? and do you want to actually read quality content as opposed to whatever bullshit im currently spewing???
> 
> well then [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11381955/chapters/25484925) fic written by the wonderful Saringold is for you! theyre going their own path on it and it's literally 500x better than anything i could ever make so go enjoy it u guys. just really live ur life. reading abt skeletons. hell yea. (god im too sober for this)


	29. Etched In Bone 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just cant help but to give my babes happy endings y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i hear you guys say,,..,.,. more new content instead of me just continuing to expand on bullshit that ive already done, and that wasnt my idea in the first place??? ,..,.,.no???? lol good
> 
>  
> 
> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SPsD_oXEXY) for this chapter

Around the edge of the city, on the corner of streets of cracked asphalt and large, mostly-condemned buildings, there was a bar. Not just any seedy, sort of rundown bar either, but a fairly classy joint. Of course, Red thought, as he lifted his drink up to his mouth, Grillby was so anal about being seen as sophisticated that he would personally set fire to anyone that he thought was “corrupting” his business with “inelegance,” or some bullshit of the like. The guy ran a  _ bar, _ for fucks sake, greasy food coming out the doors faster than Red could down a few shots.

Let’s just say that was pretty damn fast.

He actually didn’t come here as often as he used to, considering that he never really liked coming to the place alone. The bar might be a safe haven of sorts, but the area surrounding it was rough- despite how threatening most humans found them, monsters typically received the short end of the stick, and the once decrepit building was all that Grillby could afford, despite how much money he was offering- and he found a safety in numbers that he wouldn’t really care to admit.

He let out a soft sigh as he finished the drink in his hand, setting it down on the counter and waving off the elemental when he went to get him a refill. God, he would love nothing more than to get drunk off his ass until he blacked out, regardless of the no-doubt painful hangover it would give him, but he was alone, and that was never a good time to get blackout drunk.

He knew that Grillby would not hesitate to throw his ass out onto the pavement as soon as he was too drunk to even pay for another drink, and trying to stumble home- because fuck if he could summon an attack when he was shit-faced, much less teleport all the way home- in such an area was simply asking to be dusted. The warm, heavy buzz that hung around his bones wasn’t nearly enough to satiate him, but given the current situation, it would have to do.

He turned on his stool at the bar, siding off and landing with both feet on the ground with a small grunt. He pulled his hand out of his pocket to toss a few coins on the counter as a tip, giving a small nod to the elemental as his empty glass was picked up and polished. He walked out the doors of the bar, ignoring the glares of some of the dogs that were playing poker- he’d only cheated once, jesus fuck, learn to let a grudge go- as the door shut behind him. Red gave a nod to the bouncer horse in sunglasses that was leaning beside the entrance, the broken jukebox sitting sadly beside him. Red wasn’t sure why the guy insisted on always standing near it, but to each his own, he supposed.

He walked in the other direction, pulling his hood up over his head before he rounded the corner to an alleyway, closing his eyes and disappearing with a pop.

He took a few steps into his room before he opened his eyes again, turning and looking at the various trinkets and trash that were haphazardly scattered everywhere before he took a few more steps, flopping onto the bed. He lifted his hips up so he could pull his phone out of his back pocket, bringing the device up to his face and staring for a few moments at the very obvious lack of notifications that had come through. He tapped his finger against the side of the phone a few times, bone clicking lightly on the plastic that made up the case, before he sighed again, tossing it carelessly on the bed beside him.

Honestly, he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

It still hurt, though he wouldn’t admit it.

Getting to the surface and finally fixing the machine wasn’t something that he had done before in any of the resets, considering that usually at that point humans would declare war and they would end up being dusted. The kid must have finally learned something after all those failed attempts at being ambassador for this run, though, so right now there were only a few monster extremist groups here and there that would scatter dust in the streets or whatever. Despite this dimly lit hope at the end of the proverbial tunnel, Red couldn’t really bring himself to be too relaxed. It was really only a matter of time before some dignitary got offended by some slip up, and he would be choking on his own dust before he would wake up again in Snowdin, brother pounding away at his door to get him to sentry duty.

Whatever, though. It was nice while it lasted.

Waxing poetic aside, he’d managed to scrounge up enough parts- and time, and effort, and Red Bulls- to get the machine fixed. Turns out that they’d been living above actual proof of the multiverse theory for years without even knowing it. That was pretty neat. Universes were kinda bullshit, in his honest to god opinion, and this bullshit somehow wormed its way into his life to where it was almost normal. He and his brother’s alternates- somehow, the other two got to keep their names while he had to change his to, you guessed it, Red, his brother getting one that suited his much edgier personality as Fell- actually got along fairly well.

He hit it off with Sans, he had thought, a pun war starting back and forth between them. After a few minutes of raw comedy, his brother had made it be known on no uncertain terms that the next pun he heard would cause the teller to face physical violence. He and Sans had made the wise decision to end the war in a draw, though he definitely would have beaten the other if they had kept going.

He’d found something akin to solace in the other during a night of drunken talk, the resets having taken a toll on them both in very different ways. Sans had no trust at all for Frisk, the child having snapped once too many times and wiped out the underground for them to be dependable. Red, on the other hand, couldn’t imagine the kid ever harming a fly, but his distrust did extend to, oh, the vast majority of the human race. There was never really any pressure to share, with Sans. That was probably why he enjoyed the company so much.

Sans seemed to have a distrust of humans too, but his was far more localized. They’d been hanging out in the strip mall one time when he had seen the other go stiff, eyelights flickering out to leave his sockets eerily blank. Then he started to shake, and doubled over, and before Red could even really react he was gone, disappearing off to god-knows-where. He’d searched the area to tear into whoever caused such a reaction from his friend, the true reason behind his emotions unknown at the time. Red hadn’t seen anyone out of the ordinary. Or, at least, no one with any LV on them. There was a human visible through a shop window, calmly sipping a cup of coffee as they marked through a stack of pages with a highlighter, but aside from that he didn’t see anything even remotely strange.

He’d gone back to the brothers’ house, slipping through the crack in Sans’ bedroom to see the other sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Dried tear tracks were on his cheeks, and Red internally cursed himself for not being there sooner to comfort him. He sat on the bed beside his friend, lifting his arm slowly enough that the other would be aware of his presence. When he made no move to pull away, Red set his arm over Sans’ shoulders, pulling him close. Sans tucked his face into his neck and gave a shaky breath, but it seemed like the tears were over for now. Red felt in that moment such a helpless rage- something that he hadn’t felt since he was much, much younger back underground, watching his brother be struck down by a group of brutes and gain that infamous crack in his socket that only served to remind him of his failure to protect the one he cared about- that it shocked him. 

And then he realized just why he cared so much.

And he wasn’t sure whether knowing was better than his ignorant bliss.

He tried to ignore it, because god, he’d fucked up a lot of things in his life but he sure as hell wouldn’t let this be one of them, but even then it still didn’t go away. If anything, it got worse after that time in the bedroom. 

Red realized that he had been graced with something that few people ever had the good grace to see. The way that Sans would fold in on himself when asked about his well-being, the way he would brush other’s concerns off of his shoulders, letting them roll away like they were nothing, the way he would sometimes stop to take a shuddering breath before he let it out calmly and continued going about his life. And it’s not that Red loved these things about him, loved seeing the other so hurt at times, but his flaws were such a part of him that he held them on the same level as the small crinkle at the corner of his sockets when he made a good pun, or the way that the sunlight would glint golden on his bones as they watched the sun go down, sitting next to a telescope as they waited for the first stars to appear.

And one night, while sitting beside the other, counting the constellations, he had thought  _ just take a chance. _ So he did. And he had never seen Sans so afraid of  _ him. _

And he hadn’t realized just how hard he had fallen until the other stopped talking to him, stopped being around him, and god it  _ hurt _ .

His phone buzzed from where it sat on his bed, and Red looked at it in annoyance for interrupting his thoughts before he sighed, reaching over and picking it up. 

“Hello?”

“What did you do to my brother.”

Red blinked a few times, almost not recognizing the voice due to the dark tone, pulling it away from the side of his head to check the caller ID before he spoke again. “Papyrus?”

The other huffed. “Please answer my question, Red.”

He held back a chuckle at the politeness. Even when he was mad, Papyrus still couldn’t be overly rude. “I didn’t really do anything. I…” He scratched his head, feeling the start of an embarrassed sweat on his forehead. “I asked him on a date, and he rejected me.” He seemed fucking terrified of me. “I thought he wanted some space after that, so I left him alone.”

Papyrus sighed, the air causing the speaker on his phone to crackle, and Red furrowed his brow in confusion before the earlier statements processed. “Wait, is Sans okay?”

There was no sound for a bit. Then, “I don’t know.”

“Did I do something wrong?” God, he really  _ had _ fucked things up, he really wished that he had just kept his mouth shut.

Another tense pause. “Sans doesn’t really tell me much, but… He’s kinda been this way ever since he broke up with…” He trailed off. “He says it was mutual. Cutting it off. But…”

Red shifted a bit, sitting up and pressing the phone closer to his face. He felt really, really angry at the current moment, and was doing his best to not hunt down whoever dared upset his friend this badly and…

He cut the thought off.

Papyrus started speaking again. “Would you mind coming over? To check on him?”

Red blinked a few times. “Are you… sure that he would want to see me?”

A sigh. “I don’t think that he would be acting like this unless he felt the same about you.”

Red waited for a few seconds. The phone started to beep, and he pulled it away to see that Papyrus had hung up on him. He scoffed with an odd sort of smile on his face. So much for being polite then, huh?

It didn’t take him very long to make it to the other universe, stepping across the fabric between them and teleporting to the brother’s house as soon as he could. He stood in the living room, and Papyrus looked him over carefully before he sighed, pointing a finger up to Sans’ bedroom. Red looked back and forth between the hand and the door before he gave a small nod, popping back up in front of it. He stood there for a few moments before he lifted a hand up, knocking on the wood.

There was a shuffling sound. Then a tired voice. “Come in.”

Red pushed open the door slowly, slipping inside. The window was open, and Sans was standing in front of it, shoulders hunched and gaze far off. Red walked up beside him, putting his own hands in his pockets. They stood that way for a while before Sans sighed, glancing over to him.

“Sorry. About that.”

Red looked over at the shorter, taking in his haggard appearance. His jacket zipper was still broken, the claim being that he was just too lazy to fix it. “You shouldn’t be.” Red shrugged, though the next words out of his mouth hurt him greatly to say. “If you don’t feel the same then you don’t. I don’t expect anything from you, and just staying friends is good enough for me.”

Sans shifted a bit, a hand coming up to rub at the sweat beading on his skull, smearing it around. Red resisted the urge to use his sleeve to help wipe it away. “That’s not… That’s not the issue.” Red didn’t say anything, waiting for Sans to continue. “It’s more… I’m not the kinda person you would want to be with.”

A joke to diffuse. “Well, I personally take that as an insult, considering that we’re the same person and all.”

Sans gave a half snort, bumping Red with his shoulder. A bit of the tension eased away. The other seemed to pause, thinking for a moment, before he sighed. “The thing is that I really would want to… date you. But I…” His hands came out of his pockets to press against his eyes. Red pulled a hand halfway out of his pocket but stopped, not knowing whether or not the action would hurt more than help.

He put it back in his pocket. “I’m not going to force you to do anything. If you don’t feel like you’re ready to date, then… I can wait.” That sounded a bit eager there, Red. “And I can back off. Whatever you need.” Sans looked up at him, calm, with the moonlight that dimly came through the window causing shadows to drift across his face. He was beautiful. 

The other let out a shaky sigh, small smile tugging at his mouth as he looked away. “...Thanks.”

Red smiled, the expression probably seeming a bit awkward, looking over and out the window. “No problem.”

He felt something reach into his pocket and looked down to see Sans’ hand, reaching into his jacket to link their fingers together. The other seemed a bit unsure, so he gave a small grin, squeezing the hand lightly to show his approval. They both turned back to the window, watching the small square of night sky.

It was morning when Papyrus checked up on them, asleep beside each other on the floor, hands still interwoven and spotlighted by the warm sunlight coming through the open window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive had this written for a few weeks and i didnt go back to read it before i posted it lol have fun with any bullshit errors or whatevs


	30. I Be-leaf Thistle Be an Everlasting Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rottenberry (fucking duh, of course its rottenberry, i dont know why you guys would ever expect anything different) tattoo parlor/flower shop AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so fucking self-indulgent but dammit i need rottenberry fluff even if its not very good

 

He’d always liked flowers. There was just something beautiful about them, gentle and flowing, yet powerful, pushing their way through the earth, from nothing, and despite all odds coming up and blossoming into-

Razz shook his head, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. He was waxing poetic again. A quick glance over the shop showed that nothing was amiss. Then again, things weren’t usually busy on days that weren’t holidays. Aside from the occasional human or monster frantically trying to apologize, or a teenager nervously looking for a bouquet to impress a date, he really didn’t get much business at all. That was mostly the reason why he had his feet propped on the counter, casually flipping through the pages of a book.

A jingle at the doors announced a customer’s entrance, and Razz looked up from his book at the counter to give the newcomer a critical look. Then he remembered that scaring off customers isn’t the best for business, so he turned back to the pages, watching in his peripheral as a small skeleton, not unlike himself, walked in. Full-length jeans, a plain gray shirt, and a bright blue bandana, the guy practically was practically screaming about what a pussy he was. Then again, Razz ran a flower shop, so he really couldn’t talk too much.

The guy walked past the counter, smiling, before going to the back, looking over a few bouquets that were displayed on the shelves. He had a journal with a pen tucked into the pages held in his hand, the other one coming up and touching lightly over the petals. Razz tried to ignore him- honestly, unless the customers were breaking shit, he honestly didn’t give a fuck about what they did- but there was something about the way that he was intently studying them that grabbed his attention.

The guy lifted a flower halfway out of a vase, looking over the stem before he put it back down, taking a step back from the shelf before lifting up his notebook. Razz put his book down, narrowing his eyes as the guy used the pen to make long streaks on the page. He occasionally glanced back up at the flower for reference, and Razz rolled his eyes. Fucking hipsters, honestly. 

The guy gave a satisfied hum, closing the notebook and tucking it under his arm before walking around to a different shelf, looking at the flowers there in the same manner. Razz huffed as the scene repeated itself, having grown tired of the quiet smack of the notebook closing over and over again. He wasn’t rude to customers, but this guy wasn’t a customer so. No harm, no foul.

“Hey, hipster asshole!” The guy started a bit, fumbling his pen and turning to look at Razz in shock. His eyes were a vibrant blue, small stars in the center of his sockets. Razz fumbled over his words before he kept talking. “If- if you’re just gonna sketch the flowers that we have then you can't stay. Either buy something or get the fuck out.”

The guy just stared at him, and Razz felt himself begin to heat up in a blush. He gave a small smirk, looking over the display of flowers before he grabbed a rose, walking up to the counter and setting it down. “I’ll take this, then!”

Razz muttered insults under his breath as his cheeks cooled down, taking the flower and ringing it up, giving the guy back his change. The other brought the flower up to his nose, closing his eyes and smelling its fragrance, before opening them again, sticking the rose across the counter to hand it to Razz. He took it from the other’s hand in shock. The guy winked at him before he walked out of the store, the bell ringing happily as he left.

Razz looked from the exit, to the rose, to the exit, before he scowled, throwing the rose into the trash can beside the counter. He picked his book back up, turning back to the page he had ended on with a huff. He read about a paragraph before he looked back down at the trash can, sighing before he bent down and picked it out of the can. He set it on the counter beside him.

He didn’t really give a fuck that the other gave it to him, but he wasn’t going to waste something he had worked hard on.

Razz tried to convince himself that he didn’t want to other to ever come back.

~~~

The flowers really were beautiful. Blue’d had a customer come in, wanting a trail of flowers up their back (humans were more fun to tattoo than monsters, especially since the colors of the tattoo could be chosen instead of being based upon the color of magic), and he always made sure to have a reference of his own handy when he did the art. He  _ could _ have gone to the park to get a reference for the flowers, but oftentimes the plants there were torn up, so it was best to try to find a more… whole model.

In all honestly, it would have been so much easier to just look up images of flowers online, but the little flower shop across the street had caught his eye a while back. Blue knew most of the shop owners in their little area, but he rarely ever saw the flower shop owner come out. Occasionally Blue would catch glimpses of him in the window of the shop, sorting around and setting up flowers, but aside from that, he never really saw much of him. So, he figured that going into the shop would be a good way to get to know the shop owner! Though in the end, he really was more focused on sketching the flowers than making friends with the guy.

He started going there more regularly. Mostly because the guy that worked there would always get all huffy as he sketched, grumbling and snatching the flower Blue had bought for him out of his hands at the end of his visits.

Blue picked up his phone, skipping through his music until he landed on a song with a beautifully haunting [tune](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKM15TaKLUI) , closing his eyes and humming along with the melody for a bit. He opened them again, looking up and out the front window of his shop. Across the street, occasionally blocked by a car or passerby, he could see the guy walking around in the shop, setting up a few fresh bouquets in the window. Blue held back a snicker as the guy dusted his hands after spending a while adjusting a particular vase, his head giving a sharp, satisfied nod as he walked out of view. There was just something funny about the other’s appearance when compared to his profession- leather jackets and sharp, studded heels weren’t the first thing that came to mind when you thought “flower shop.” For goodness sake, even the  _ name _ of the shop was edgy, Rubus Odoratus sounding like some spell from  Harry Potter. Though, Blue himself was hardly the stereotype of a tattoo artist either: clean-cut and neat and having no visible markings on his bones anywhere. Either way, he still pursued his passion despite any predispositions. 

And maybe that’s what made the flower shop owner so memorable. It was obvious how much pride he put in his work. And Blue could completely relate.

He let his eyes drift down to the front of his own shop. The window was buffed to perfection, and decals on the front announcing his shop’s name (something simple and to the point, “Blue’s Tattoo Parlor”) were visible through the crystal glass. There was a small counter in front of the windows, but nothing was set on them. Blue’s grin widened a bit as he closed his sketchbook, walking up to the window and flipping the sign in front to show he would be back in a few minutes. Shutting the door behind him, he gave a quick glance to both ends of the street before darting across to the sidewalk on the other side. He could see the other going through the shelves of the shop, adjusting the items displayed. 

Blue gave another small grin as he pushed open the door of the shop, the bell giving a familiar, cheery jingle. The guy stood from where he was crouched, turning and looking over his shoulder and making eye contact with Blue. He rolled his eyes- there was something slightly fond about the motion, and Blue gave a light chuckle at it- as he turned around fully, walking over to the counter as his arm gestured vaguely around the shop. The guy sat down on the stool behind the register, giving Blue a cursory glance as he bent to grab a book. His brow furrowed in confusion as he straightened up, his reading forgotten.

“Where the hell is your fucking notebook thing?”

Blue looked down at where his hands were loosely slung in his jeans, his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He looked back up and gave a small shrug and a wink. “Guess I don’t have it.” He laughed at the half-annoyed glare he received in return. “I was actually planning on just buying a bouquet, if that’s alright with you?”

The other blinked a few times before using his hand to gesture around the store once again. “Be my guest.”

Blue grinned before he turned back to the shelves, walking and looking at the flowers arrangements displayed. There were bunches of roses, tulips, daisies, and a lot of other flowers that he didn’t know the names of, in all kinds of colors and sizes. He ran his fingers lightly over the petals as he walked past, humming as he looked over the displays. A particular bunch of [flowers](http://www.bouquetweddingflower.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/blue-purple-white-orchid-boqsuet.jpg) caught his eyes and his face lit up, walking over to get a closer look. 

Vibrant blues and purples, with a few stark white flowers thrown in the mix. His fingers caressed the petals gently, fingertips tracing the area where the colors faded into one another. His smile widened and he wrapped his hands around the vase, picking it up and walking back to the counter, setting it down with a smile.

The flower shop owner raised a brow, looking from the flowers to Blue and back again. “You know this is a bridal bouquet, right?”

Blue shrugged. “They’re pretty.”

The guy gave a small laugh, hands adjusting the flowers a bit as he checked the price tag, typing something into the register. Blue felt his eyes light up at the sound. He had a really nice laugh. He asked if Blue wanted to keep the vase too, to which he responded with an affirmative. A few more taps on the register and the price popped up, Blue pulling out his card to swipe through the reader. The ringer beeped, the receipt printed, and Blue picked up the flowers, going to grab the slip of paper. Before he could, the guy grabbed it, pulling out a pen and writing something on it hurriedly. He folded it in half once he was done, handing it to Blue, and it went into his pocket.

A goodbye, and then Blue was leaving the shop, bell ringing behind him as he walked back across the street, new purchase tucked fondly under his arms. He walked into his tattoo parlor, setting the flowers on the register counter, pulling the receipt out and checking to see what the other wrote. He smiled at the neat print at the top of the paper:

_ My name’s Razz. _

_ XXX-XXX-XXXX _

Blue pulled out his phone, entering the number into his contacts, before taking out his wallet and tucking the paper inside. He looked back up over the flowers- orchids, if what the tag that was still attached to the vase was something to go by- and smiled giddily.

The bouquet was proudly displayed in the front window of his shop, easily visible from the counter of Razz’s own store.

~~~

A month. A whole thirty days since he had given the other- he now knew him as Blue, the tattoo shop owner- his number and had started sending messages back and forth about nothing and everything. He learned about the other’s taste in music, his favorite colors, how much he loved his job even though he had a huge fear of having visible tattoos on his body. Blue’s ability to manage to find wonder in even the smallest things was contagious. He enjoyed their chats, Razz thought as he trimmed the edges of the flower stems off so they would last longer in the water. Enjoyed both them and the visits enough that he started to find himself watching the window hopefully while sitting in his store- getting excited whenever the bell ringed, only to huff when it wasn’t Blue- checking his phone every so often to insure that he hadn’t missed any messages, and- most damning of all- making bouquets.

Which was literally his fucking job, of course, it kept food on the table and extra cash in his pockets to the point where he had amassed a safe little nest egg for himself, but the bouquets that he found himself making were ones that he was certain Blue would like. He’d found himself including more and more orchids in the arrangements as he realized that it was Blue’s favorite flower, and he realized that it was probably becoming a problem just now, shears paused mid-air, flower still held in his right hand.

He looked over the flower before closing the shears, cutting off the ends cleanly. He honestly found that he didn’t really mind the thoughts. He placed the flower inside the vase, grabbing the sides of the glass with both hands as he turned it from side to side, checking over the arrangement from every angle. And then he gave a satisfied nod, standing up and lifting the flowers, walking over and setting them on a shelf.

As he stood, looking at the flowers, then down at his bare arms, he was struck with the sudden, inexplicable urge to get a tattoo.

~~~

He was chatting with his latest client as he walked them back to the door, a simple conversation about what they were looking for in the design of their tattoo and the price that they could be expecting for it, when he saw Razz standing by the door, leaning easily against the side of the door. He gave a few last sentences to the human- Yes, he would be sure to go over the proper care of their tattoo with them once it was over, no, he wasn’t going to freehand it, yes, he was certified to tattoo both humans and monsters- before waving them goodbye, the door hitting shut behind them as they left.

He turned to Razz with a grin. “Hey! What’s up?”

Razz shifted a bit, looking up to the ceiling to trace his eyes over the lines. “I want a tattoo.”

Blue stood for a moment, just a moment, looking at Razz in shock. And then he felt his face light up, grin stretching wide as his eyelights flicker to stars. He darts back behind the counter, shuffling through all of the notebooks that are stacked behind the register before he finds the one he was looking for. 

“Yes! Oh my gosh, it would match your aesthetic perfectly! I was thinking about you anyways, like what kind of dragon tattoo would you get, would they be more symbolic or more for looks or both and do you like flowers in the design because you’re around them so often, I just don’t know if you’re tired of them or not, and-”

He takes a deep breath. Razz is watching him with an amused grin, and Blue finds himself returning it. “Well, care to show me what you had in mind?”

He opened the notebook, setting it flat on the counter. Razz walked up, leaning forwards to look at the sketches. Blue found himself blushing a bit at the closeness as he flipped through the pages, finally coming to rest on the sketch he had done. Unfortunately, it’s hard to see what a tattoo would look like on a skeleton without first drawing it on a skeleton for reference. He hadn’t drawn all of the skeleton of course! He wasn’t creepy or anything. Just a torso here and some arms there. (The diagram of the pelvis in the back of his notebook was solely for a tattoo he was thinking about for himself, shut up.)   
He finally stopped flipping through the notebook, hands smoothing down over the papers, before looking to the side to see Razz’s reaction. When he said nothing, Blue began to get a little nervous. “I was just thinking about it and you seemed like the kind of guy to want a collarbone tattoo, but if you don’t then that’s totally fine!” He was rambling at this point. “A lot of people usually want a smaller tattoo for their first and they usually get it on their arm- unless of course you already have a tattoo since you never really said in which case it doesn’t matter- but I guess it does matter since you’re getting something etched on your body permanently-” (Blue for the love of god please stop.) “-unless you’ve changed your mind about it! Which is fine too!” (Why.)

Razz didn’t seem to mind his rambling, instead looking intently at the sketches. His hand came up to one that was drawn on the top right of the page, tapping his finger on it lightly. “I like this one.”

Blue fought the urge to let out a huge sigh of relief, smiling brightly instead. Razz met his gaze and rolled his eyes fondly.

~~~

Tattoos fucking hurt. Not that he was expecting them to feel like butterfly kisses or anything, but  _ damn. _ Blue had accommodated him well enough, keeping him distracted with small talk and taking little “breaks” every so often so that he could have a breather from the endless pinpricks. It was a lot different giving a tattoo to someone made out of bone instead of humans or more fleshy monsters, meaning that Blue was essentially carving into his bones to make the tattoo instead of just depositing ink beneath the skin.

Razz could already see where his magic was rushing to heal the smaller marks, but the salve that Blue had rubbed on him before (that was fun, by the way, sitting shirtless in a chair and staring off to the side while fighting down a blush, the guy he had a crush on essentially straddling his lap as he rubbed something into his chest) prevented a quicker healing, causing the magic to seep in slowly, which is what created the tattoo or something. Blue had explained it to him in more detail, but he had been a bit… distracted at the time.

Even when Blue wasn’t talking to him, Razz found that he didn’t really mind the sting at his collarbone. He was more than enough occupied at watching the way that Blue was biting the tip of his tongue, focused intensely on his work. The hand that wasn’t holding the needle was splayed out over his ribs, as if steadying him, and he could feel the thumb of said hand barely stroking the bone there, like he was trying to soothe him. It helped, and he would relax from where he has been slightly tensed before, and Blue’s mouth would soften around the edges with a barely-there smile.

About an hour or so later- maybe longer, considering that Razz didn’t have his watch on him- Blue leaned back, giving a small smile, eyes tracing one final time over the tattoo before he gave a little nod. “Alright! You’re done!”

Razz sat up, wincing a bit at the soreness of his chest, craning his neck to try and look down at the finished product. He heard Blue laugh and he looked up, seeing the other holding out a mirror. Grumbling slightly in embarrassment, he took it, lifting up his arm to take a better look . He blinked in shock as he looked over the [tattoo](https://www.askideas.com/media/85/Attractive-Black-Phases-Of-The-Moon-Tattoo-On-Man-Collarbone-By-Marla-Moon.jpg), the design stretching from one shoulder to the other, bending down in the center so that it rested lowest just at the top of his sternum. He had liked the design on paper, of course, and he had seen the rough stencil that Blue had drawn on his collar, but  _ this… _

The color of his magic was quickly darkening, and as he turned, he could see it sheen, what looked like wisps of magic swirling within the scars. He grins, wide and excited, turning to look at Blue from the corner of his eyes. The other is standing, hands on his hips and chest puffed out a bit in pride. Razz can’t hold back a snicker at the pose, arm holding the mirror coming down to rest in his lap. He swings his legs off of the chair, standing up and setting the mirror on the table beside himself, grabbing his shirt from where it was slung over the armrest.

He nearly jumped when he turned around to see Blue standing right behind him, and started promptly stuttering into a blush when hands came up to wrap around his collarbone, smoothing a bandage down over the bone. Razz was fairly certain that it wasn’t normal for customers to have their tattoo artist stand this close to them, to where he could feel Blue’s breath barely ghosting over his ribs. And then Blue stepped back, and Razz let out the breath that he didn’t know he was holding, slipping on his shirt.

He followed Blue back to the front of the shop, looking anywhere but the smaller skeleton as he looked over the papers that lined the walls, various tattoos and stencils from different clients hung proudly in neat rows. Blue handed him a sheet, as well as the bottle of cream that he had rubbed on his shoulder earlier, going over the care with him. Keep the bandage on for at least another three to six hours, wash the tattoo with water, pat it dry gently, put the ointment back on it to ensure that the scar color would appear like it should instead of just fading into a carving on his bones, etc etc.

He paid for the tattoo and left, walking across the street. Right before he entered his shop to open for the day (lifting his arm fucking hurt, and was hard to do anyways because of the bandage, but he was  _ not _ going to turn into a lazy piece of shit like his brother) he turned back over his shoulder, looking into the window of Blue’s parlor. He lifted a hand, giving a small wave. Through the window, right beside the bouquet that was bought the day before, he saw Blue wave back.

~~~

**Blue’s Clues:** Hey, what’s your favorite flower?

**Razzamatazz:** Why do you ask?

**Blue’s Clues:** Oh, no reason!

Just!

Wondering!

**Razzamatazz:** That doesn’t sound suspicious whatsoever. Also, would it kill you to send your texts all in one message?

**Blue’s Clues:** Why?

Does

this

bother

you?

**Razzamatazz:** I fucking knew it was coming. As soon as I hit send I knew it.

**Blue’s Clues:** Lol

But seriously! Favorite flower?

**Razzamatazz:** I’ll tell you if you tell me yours.

**Blue’s Clues:** That’s easy! :P

Orchids. You already knew that!

**Razzamatazz:** I know. I just like hearing that I’m right about things.

**Blue’s Clues:** >:P

**Razzamatazz:** What the fuck with the tongue.

**Blue’s Clues:** ;P

**Razzamatazz:** Ugh.

**Blue’s Clues:** What’s your favorite flower!? Come on!

**Razzamatazz:** Gladiolus.

**Blue’s Clues:** What?

**Razzamatazz:** [[link attachment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gladiolus)]

**Blue’s Clues:** Pffffffffffttttt.

“Sword lily”?

**Razzamatazz:** Fuck off.

**Blue’s Clues:** No, I like it! It suits you.

**Razzamatazz:** Fucking. Whatever. Why did you need to know it?

**Blue’s Clues:** No reason!

**Razzamatazz:** Blue.

**Blue’s Clues:** ;;;;;;;;;;P

**Razzamatazz:** For fucks sake, stOP.

**Blue’s Clues:** Lol, you’ll see. Talk to you later!

**Razzamatazz:** I’m not suspicious at all.

~~~

Blue ran his thumb over his radius, looking over the bandage there with something akin to both excitement and nervousness. Anticipation, maybe? Though that didn’t feel right either, considering that he wasn’t really waiting for anything. Or, he supposed that he was, since thinking about Razz’s future reaction was  _ technically _ waiting for something. 

He tapped the bandage a few times before lifting his hand to the corner of it, grabbing an edge and very carefully beginning to peel it off. The light blue sheen of the scar magic greeted him in the outline of a flower.

A gladiolus flower.

He stared at it for a few moments before getting up, going to wash it off with the antibacterial handsoap he always kept beside his small sink. This was creepy, wasn’t it? He had considered getting it on one of his lower ribs, or maybe his spine, but he felt like that would have been so much more creepy if Razz saw it one day  _ there,  _ and-

Thinking that far ahead in things was creepy, too, wasn’t it? Great job, Blue.

He rubbed the salve on his wrist, massaging it into the bone there until it was rubbed in fully. He gave a small sigh, flicking the bathroom light off as he walked into his bedroom. Glancing at the alarm clock, he walked over to his closet, opening it and deciding  what to wear for the day. He grabbed a long-sleeved white shirt and jeans, tying his bandana around his neck to finish the ensemble off. He paused before he walked out the front door, looking down at his arms. He rolled up his sleeves to his elbows before exiting, turning and locking the door behind himself.

The walk to his tattoo parlor was short, as it often was, and he enjoyed the cool morning air that blew across his face. He unlocked the front door of his shop, not bothering to flip the sign on the front window to “OPEN” since he still had some work to do in his shop before he actually opened. Nothing too much, just setting things in order, maybe a bit of sketching here and there. In the dim light of the morning, he could see Razz in his own shop, adjusting the flowers on the shelves, sweeping, wiping down the windows and counter. A small radio was sitting beside the register, and Blue found himself wondering what song that he was listening to. Razz looked up, and Blue gave an embarrassed grin, giving a small wave through the window.

He watched Razz walk around to the register, grabbing a slip of paper and walking out the door of his shop, coming across the street. Blue panicked for a split second, looking down at his wrist and considering pulling his sleeve down. He decided not to, figuring that if Razz was going to freak out about it, it was best he do it sooner than later. The other stopped right in front of the door to the shop, staring straight ahead. Blue raised an amused eyebrow as Razz moved his glare from the window directly in front of him, down to the folded slip of paper in his hand, and then back up at the window. Blue saw his chest rise with a deep breath before he let it out, glass fogging a bit from his exhale as he pushed open the door.

Blue smiled at Razz. It wasn’t uncommon for the other to come over before they both opened, and sometimes Blue would go to the back and fix a cup of coffee for the both of them from the keurig that he kept in the break room.

“Hey, Razz. What’s up?” 

Razz shrugged. “Nothing, I just-” He cut himself off, eyes narrowing a bit as they stared at Blue’s wrist. He felt himself start to blush.

Creep.

“Is that…?”

Blue gave a sheepish grin, shrugging a bit. “You told me it was your favorite flower, and I just liked it so much that I figured that I wanted to get a tattoo of it.” He shrugged again. Cool and casual. He totally had this. “It was about time for me to get past any fears I had of visible tattoos, anyways.”

He looked up to see Razz pointedly avoiding eye contact, gaze fixed on the floor with a dusting of purple on his cheekbones. Fingers crossed that he hadn’t just messed everything up. Razz shifted again, bringing his hand up to his mouth to cover it as he coughed. “It, uh, looks nice.”

Oh thank god. “Thanks!” Blue suddenly remembered how Razz had been walking to the shop earlier like a man on a mission. “Is there something you needed?”

Razz stares at him for a few seconds in shock before his gaze steels. “Yeah, I was-” He looks down to the paper in his hand before shoving it forward, almost hitting Blue in the face. “I was thinking of getting another tattoo. Something like this.”

Blue gives him an amused look, taking the paper out of his hands and unfolding it, looking down at the design. Or lack thereof.

On the paper, printed in neat handwriting.

_ Would you like to go on a date with me? _

The words look like they were erased multiple times and rewritten. He looked up at Razz, the other standing tense with his arms crossed in front of him. His gaze had been moved back to the floor. It flicked back up at Blue’s laugh, Razz seeming to relax a bit. “So… Is that a yes?”

Blue nodded, grinning wide enough that it hurt his cheeks. Razz smiled at him, wide enough that it caused a faint blush to appear on Blue’s face. He looked down at the paper, turning it over in his hands. He looked up at Razz with a wink, grin sliding into something cheeky. “Though I do have to say, it’s a fairly unusual tattoo. No judgement, though.”

“I changed my mind, give it back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case that it wasnt clear or i fucked up the links:
> 
> The **[song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKM15TaKLUI)** Blue was listening to.  
>  **[tattoo](http://www.bouquetweddingflower.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/blue-purple-white-orchid-boqsuet.jpg>Bouquet</a>%20that%20Blue%20bought.%0AThe%20<strong><a%20href=)** that Razz got.  
>  Razz's favorite **[flower.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gladiolus)**
> 
> (so many fucking links im fucking exhausted)


	31. Musical Mayhem 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm a lazy shit YET AGAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do yall ever wonder if like. im ever going to post different chapters other than just more second chapters of shit. i kno that i do lmfao
> 
>  **IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!:**  
>  so, drabbles with warnings in them will be right below the pairing or whatever else in bold 
> 
> the angst is strong with these shorts kms

[Off the Record - Will Jay](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RwwF8cpjPjE)

(Mapleblossom)

He danced with a lot of energy. Slim watched Papyrus begin to move as the song hit the high point, staccato saxophone sounding out, base mellow and steady. His feet flew across the floor, and the humans and monsters that were dancing around him began to realize sheer talent, backing off a bit to give him some space as he continued to swing around. Slim felt his face stretch into a smile as his boyfriend fumbled a bit in the dance, shaking his head with a giddy, excited laugh before sliding back into the steps, not bothered at all that he had messed up.

He really was the coolest.

Slim had overheard Dance talking to some of the others about what dancing was to monsters in his universe, how it resonated with their souls and brought them at peace. Watching Papyrus grin in the center of a crowd, totally in his element, he couldn’t help but to think that maybe, just maybe, such a concept applied to monsters outside of Dancetale.

Papyrus looked up, meeting his eyes, and his grin got wider, gesturing for him to come join him. He sighed, downing the rest of his drink- he was going to need it- before getting up, smiling at the excited “WHOOP!” he heard over the music.

He couldn’t say no to Papyrus.

 

[Guillotine - Jon Bellion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDKWgJGqPhc)

(Rottenberry)

Razz shot up in bed, eye flaring and breathing too quick, his hand latching onto his attacker’s throat, wrapping tight around and going to squeeze until the bone under his hand gave way and was crushed and-

Blue’s hand reached out and cupped the side of his face, and Razz snapped back to reality, the hand that had been wrapped around his cervical vertebrae dropping in horror. He gave a small cough, taking in a wheezing breath before letting it out. His voice was hoarse when he spoke. “It’s okay.” His voice cracked on the last word and he made a face, clearing his throat before trying again. “It’s okay.”

Razz vaguely realized that he was trembling, and distantly he considered being embarrassed of that fact. The thought was shoved away. He could trust Blue. He could trust him. Why was he still shaking? “I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

“Don’t apologize. Hey, it’s fine.” Razz didn’t believe him, but if Blue was going to lie for his own good, then he wasn’t going to stop him. Blue started to get up from their bed and Razz shot his hand up once again, the iron grip latching desperately to his hand instead of his throat. He wasn’t letting him out of his sight, he needed to be here where he could see him and protect him and make sure that he was fine--

Blue squeezed it in reassurance, a small smile on his face as he reached for the other, standing up and guiding Razz out of bed, going downstairs. He was talking all the way, voice soft and presence soothing.

“-and, anyways, I was having trouble falling asleep to begin with.”

He was out last night, Razz knew because he had listened to the other’s soft breathing for a while, wondering just how he had gotten so lucky.

“It’s about time to get up anyways.”

It was 2:16 exactly, the bright red numbers of the alarm clock branded in his mind.

“How about some tea?”

The underneath of his eye sockets were tinted a light blue with tiredness. Razz swallowed, throat feeling heavy, using his grip on the other’s hand to pull him towards himself, letting go only to pull him into an embrace.

“I’m sorry.”

_I love you._

“I forgive you.”

_I love you too._

 

[Outro - NF](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DvAhj9z1bVc)

(Red vs. human)

**Warnings: Violence, Mentions of death**

Dust floated through the hall, carried on a sterile breeze. Red shifted his weight between his feet, hands slung casually in his pockets, grin stretched so wide on his face he felt it would crack.

“So. You’ve been pretty busy, huh?”

The breeze changed directions, causing the tattered scarf wrapped about his neck to flow in the wind. He let out a humorless chuckle at the motion. It looked a lot cooler on Boss.

The human took a step forward, face hidden under their bangs and knife clutched in their right hand. It was coated in dust. Red sighed. “Ya know, he was going to help you. You’re just a kid, after all.” Another laugh. “We’ve always had a soft spot for kids.”

Another step forward, their head falling to the side. Dead. Lifeless. Red watches them shamble, grin still stretching his face so far he wonders if it might crack. He closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath before letting it out, rolling his head on his neck. It popped a few times, and the sound caused the human to stop, head tilting curiously at the noise.

He opened his eyes again. “Eh, you don’t care. Do ya?”

A pause. Their hand twitched, the blade of the knife catching the light and flinging it across the room. Red continued to stand. Calm. Unreactive. _Furious._

“Tell, me, kid.” He began, hand twitching inside of his pocket. “Do you think even the worst person can change?” The human took a step forward. “That everyone could be a better person if they just try?”

Another step. The human lifted their head up, their eyes bloodshot, crazed, glazed over and lifeless. Grin wide and a drop of blood trailing out of the corner of their mouth.

Red chuckled, head tilting down, eyes closing. “Heh. Yeah.” He looked up, furious red trailing up from his eye to the vaulted ceilings of the hall.

“Me either.”

 

[Desirae - Make Out Monday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEWuwvPdd2E)

(Edgelord Supreme)

Fell glared up above him, arms straining for the exertion of holding the weight in this position for so long. Not that he would admit that to small, dark, and edgy straddling his chest, elbows resting casually on the bar. Razz faked a yawn. Fell scowled.

“Razz. Fuck. Off.” His voice was coming out strained.

Razz widened his eyes in mock shock, one hand coming off the bar to press to his chest in “hurt.” Fell only glared harder. “What? I’m spotting you.” Razz leaned back against the weight, pressing down on it this time. “It’s not safe to use the equipment alone, you know.”

Fell felt the bar slide down an inch. His arms were starting to shake and he could feel sweat dripping down the back of his skull. “Are you _still_ pissy that I ate your fucking fajitas?”

Razz glared back, any semblance of his joke gone as he leaned down within inches of Fell’s face. “They were _mine,”_ he said, something dark flickering in his gaze.

Fell took in a deep breath before he surged forward, flinging the weight across the room where it landed with a loud crash, pinning Razz down with his body. Razz struggled, growling, but stopped when Fell leaned down to the side of his head, whispering huskily in his ear.

“They tasted shitty anyways.”

A few moments later, Fell burst from the door of the basement, face set into a smug grin. Razz darted out soon after, trailing fury and screaming obscenities.

 

[Heaven - Dalton Rapattoni](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wh0FlqRN2i4)

(Spicyhoney)

Stretch cursed, hands shaking far too much for him to be able to strike the lighter and keep a flame. He held his cigarette between his teeth, hand coming up to cup around the top of the lighter to shield the flame, even though he was sitting in his room, windows and doors closed. The light finally managed to catch and he sighed in relief.

It blew out the flame.

He stared at the lighter for a few seconds, processing his grave mistake, before he groaned, head falling back to hit against the side of the mattress. His hands were still shaking, a pit of anxiety sitting heavy in his chest, and he reached up, grabbing his cigarette and gnawing on the end. He looked up and over, out of the window and into the gray sky, clouds swirling darkly. A light mist of rain rested on the glass.

He heard his phone go off, the ring loud in his otherwise silent room, making him jump in surprise. He reached over and picked it up, not bothering to check the caller ID as he held it to the side of his head.

“Hello?”

Fell’s voice came through the speaker, clear and strong and worried. “Stretch, are you alright?”

The hazy memory of his frantic texts to the other during the midst of his panic attack came to the forefront of his mind, and he chuckled tiredly. “I’m… better. Can you just… keep talking? Please?”

A pause on the other side of the phone. Stretch winced a bit at his request, thinking that maybe it had been a bit too much or too weird or--

“Anything you need.”

 

[The Village - Wrabel](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTs8f38xwv0)

(Red & Fell)

**Warnings: Homophobia, Child Abuse, ollie gets way too fucking personal with this shit**

All he could think of as his knees hit the pavement, skidding hard, was that he was glad that he didn’t have skin, because he was fairly sure that most of it would have been scraped off. He turned, looking over his shoulder just in time to see Papyrus being handled roughly, their father’s (god if he ever actually had acted like a father, and certainly not _now)_ hand wrapped around his upper arm, shoving him out of the door angrily. Sans scowled, pushing himself to his feet seconds before Papyrus rushed to his arms, burying his face into his shoulder as his breath hitched in sobs.

He snarled at the figure in the door. “He’s fourteen, you asshole! You can’t just kick him out!”

Please, god, don’t let his younger brother have to suffer for something that was outside Sans’ own control, he would be fine with being kicked out but don’t do this, don’t let this happen to Papyrus, _please._

The man he had once called father just sneered. “You seem so intent on _this,”_ he spat it, looking disgusted as his gaze moved over Sans, “on saying that you’re an adult, that you can take care of yourself, that _this_ is something about yourself you can’t change. If you’re so hell-bent on being on your own, then you can take him with you.”

He opened his mouth to shoot back, but the door had already slammed shut, the silence after deafening, the only sound being Papyrus’ muffled sniffles. He pulled him closer, turning away from the house and walking down the street. His brother pulled his face out of the jacket finally, expression pained. “What are we going to do now?”

Sans opened his mouth. Closed it, swallowing. He looked down into the face of his brother, at the tear-stained eyes and the fear pulling his features. He pulled him closer.

“We’ll figure something out.”

 

[Leaf - Wisp X](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh0FEKW-91Y)

(Edgepuff)

Fell threw himself against a wall, Papyrus following soon after, seconds before the sharp staccato of paint hit against the other side of it. “Bonding exercise” his ass, Blue and Razz were out to kill. As soon as the thought entered his head, he heard the maniac laughter of- Blue? Damn, he didn’t think the fluffball had it in him- as he shot down his own brother, Sans yelping a few seconds later from being hit himself. So that left-

Him and Papyrus, and the two bloodthirsty Sanses. Wonderful.

Papyrus tapped him on the shoulder and he turned, looking at the other. A streak of dirt was smeared on his face just under the protective visor.

“Yes?”

Papyrus narrowed his eyes, looking around the area like a spy was near. With the underhanded methods of Razz, he honestly wouldn’t be surprised. He leaned over, speaking in a stage-whisper. “I think we should go that way.”

Fell raised a brow, looking at where Papyrus was pointing. “Why? Do you have a plan?”

Papyrus looked off to the side. “Well, er, no.” His face brightened back up (if they weren’t in the middle of a game of paintball, Fell might have chuckled and called it cute). “But I _do_ have a strong desire to stay alive!”

Fell paused, thinking it over. Blue and Razz were likely still behind them, on the hunt for where they had chosen to hide. Staying put would _not_ be a good idea.

“Good enough.”

 

[Love/Hate - Cameron Sanderson](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhc7IZ--TDE)

(BBQHoney)

Slim flopped his hand on his face again, and Stretch sighed internally, deciding to not push it off this time. His high was making him feel tired anyways. Kinda hungry too. He cracked open an eye, looking over at where a half-eaten bag of chips was sitting through the phalanges covering his vision. He closed his eye again. Too far away. Not worth it.

He felt Slim shift from here he was laying on top of him, hand being removed from his face and pushing against his chest so his head was lifted up. Stretch cracked his eye open again. Slim grinned, seeming excited about something.

“Stretch. Stretch guess what.”

“Mmmf.”

Slim leaned forward, grin still wide. “I hot boxed a car earlier!”

Stretch looked down before letting his head fall back to the pillow with a sigh. He was seriously… then again, Slim got pretty scatter-brained when he was high.

“Slim, I was in the car with you.”

Slim blinked, seeming shocked by this fact. “You were?”

Stretch rolled his eyes. “It was _my_ car, dumbass.”

“Oh. Hey! You’re right!”

“Did you seriously forge- we made out, for fucks sake!”

He seemed to think this over for a second. Then, “Oh my god, you’re right.” Stretch gave an amused huff, eyes closing again. He felt the weight on his chest shift and something press to his teeth quickly before pulling away.

He smiled, hand stretching blindly out to find Slim’s face before pushing him off of the couch. “Dude. That’s so gay.”

 

[Kerosene (WE ARE FURY Remix) - Armors](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jz3cU18RLJo)

(Taste of Silver, Taste of Gold Rottenberry)

**Warnings: Violence/Murder**

Blue hummed, hands resting gently in the pockets of his slacks, the sleeves of his button down rolled halfway up his arms. He looked up to the ceiling, the high windows of the bank set right up by the roof, hallways mostly barren aside from the occasional picture and fake potted plant. The environment was quiet and sterile, and he found himself growing bored of the walk, the old human’s monotonous voice as they explained the different levels of security they kept the funds under nearly driving him insane. Though, this was the plan to begin with: taking such a large sum of money and acting like he was going to deposit it all, wanting to see just how safe his cash and whatnot would be. That didn’t make this any less tedious, though.

He sighed.

The human noticed this, apologizing and moving on from where they had been talking about the various companies that they used for security and guards and such (in all honesty, Blue couldn’t help but to think that they were giving him just a little _too_ much information, likely to get them fired soon) to walk down more towards the vaults. They gave a brief synopsis of the various mechanisms and security measures in place before turning around, looking at him with a smile.

“So? Do you believe that this will be sufficient for your needs?”

Blue hummed, looking over the vault. “I’m not too sure. My husband should be here in just a bit.” There was a crash from the window above them, the human jumping in shock and Blue not flinching as glass rained down around them. “Speak of the devil. There he is!”

A cable came down from the shattered window, uncoiling before it landed heavy on the ground. Razz repelled down in, feet landing solidly on the floor before he unhooked himself, walking over to Blue and dipping him into a kiss. Blue laughed as he was lifted back up, watching lovingly as his husband walked to the reader of the vault, pulling a device out of his satchel before hooking it into the sides of the key reader.

He was interrupted from his gazing by the human’s worried stuttering and he sighed, rolling his eyes. The gun was in his hands quicker than they could turn and run. He kinda felt bad for them, honestly. They were almost sweet.

He pulled the trigger, sharp clap of the gun cutting off the start of a scream.

Boring, but sweet.

 

[Blush (Moe Shop Remix) - fusq](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9tD-GBYGOA)

(Alphyne)

Undyne punched the pillow beside her, fluffing it up sufficiently for her wife when she came back. The punch was only a little too forceful, and the guts of the pillow shot up around her, feathers drifting down to rest gently on the floor. One got caught in her gill and she sneezed, hand coming up to tug it out as her eyes began to water. Ugh.

The sound of the door opening made her grin, head turning over to see Alphys, both hands holding a bowl of steaming ramen. Undyne smiled, patting the thoroughly-defeated beside her with a hand, sending feathers up in the air again. Alphys shook her head with a giggle, carrying the bowls over. Undyne grabbed the remote on her other side, clicking the buttons at random until the TV switched on, going to get up and sort through the anime to see what they would be watching tonight.

She heard Alphys yelp and turned quickly, reaching down to grab the smaller. She had slipped on the feathers that were littered across the floor, and almost spilt the boiling water all over herself. The bowls clattered on the ground, noodles spilling out. Alphys immediately began apologizing, and Undyne shook her head before shifting her grip so she was holding the other under both of her armpits.

She chucked her small wife up in the air, darting over to the DVD player and shoving a disc in, closing it and running back to the pillow nest, grabbing Alphys before she hit the ground and plopping into her pillow throne. She set her lover in her lap, hand reaching to the side to grab the remote. She pressed play.

Alphys looked over her shoulder apologetically once the shock of being chucked around like a football wore off. “S-sorry that I k-k-kinda ruined anime night.”

Undyne blinked, eye staring down at the smaller, taking a minute to process before she started to guffaw. “Heh! Ruined?! You kidding me?! No way in hell it’s ruined if you’re here with me!” Alphys laughed, jostled a bit on her lap as Undyne pumped her fist in the air. “And besides! We still have shitty chips and tea! And soda, I guess.”

Alphys laughed again as the show started, adjusting her sitting in Undyne’s lap. She grabbed the bag of chips, placing them in front of herself as Undyne’s arms wrapped around her. Alphys snuggled back further into the embrace, relaxing in content. A kiss was pressed to the top of her frills and she grinned, turning to give Undyne a peck on the cheek.

Undyne smiled. "I love you."

Alphys blushed, reaching a hand up to press against her lips. "Y-you hush that now." A muffled noise from behind her hand, Undyne's eye holding a strong gaze of affection. Alphys gave an embarrassed sigh. "B-but I love y-you t-too."

 

[Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92_D-ZAlSTM)

(Frisk & Papyrus)

Frisk walked up to the door of Undyne’s house, the boisterous fish having already shouted her goodbyes before she darted off to Snowdin. She was going to live with the skeleton brothers while her house was like this. They stared at the door for a few seconds, resisting the urge to knock. Only fire lived there now.

They turned, intending to go to Snowdin themself to see just how well things would go with both Undyne and Papyrus under the same roof. They stopped, though, when they saw said energetic skeleton staring at the window he had launched himself out of just a few minutes earlier. He seemed upset about something, and Frisk thought, for a moment, that he felt bad about the fire living in his friend’s house. Though, according to Undyne, this kind of stuff happened all the time, so they couldn’t really figure out why he was so upset about this.

And then they realized that, with his closeness and with the broken window, Papyrus would have been able to hear anything that Undyne said.

He must have heard that Undyne never intended to let him join the guard.

Frisk winced before they walked up to the other, standing beside him and looking into the flames. They waited for a few seconds, and when he didn’t say anything, they reached up, hand grabbing his own. Papyrus looked down at that, the small hand barely able to wrap around two of the fingers of his gauntlet.

**> ACT**

**> Comfort**

***You tell Papyrus that you still think he can do anything he puts his heart to, despite what others may think.**

Papyrus blinked at them a few times before laughing, bending down and picking them up, placing them on his shoulders. They giggled, hands wrapping around the top of his skull as he thanked them.

“Nyeh-heh-heh! Of course the Great Papyrus is capable of anything!” He took in a deep breath, shoulders back as he gazed ahead with DETERMINATION. “I’ll just have to try even harder until Undyne has no choice but to let me into the guard!” He started to dash off to Snowdin, trying to make it there before his friend. Frisk looked behind him from their perch on his shoulders, watching his scarf flow behind them like a cape.

They knew he could be anything that he wanted. He just had to make everyone else see that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe that im letting you guys see my shitty taste in music its kinda pissing me off, wtf ollie


	32. You Can’t Take a Rain Check for Your Anniversary, Dumbass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can't just keep skipping your anniversaries, guys. it doesnt work that way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these gay nerds i s2g

“So,” he drawled, taking a hand off of the wheel of the car to reach up and grab his toothpick, flicking it out of the window, “where do you wanna eat?”

Stretch looked over at Sans as he turned to look out of the passenger side window (he had to scoot up a bit in the seat to see since he was “too lazy” to adjust it to better match his height as opposed to the setting Stretch had had it on with his gangly legs) head swiveling a bit as he looked over their various options. He turned back after a few seconds and gave an apathetic shrug before sliding back to the bottom of the seat, eyes closing and Z’s beginning to drift up from his mouth. Stretch reached over, keeping half an eye on the road, and smacked one, the letter spinning around a bit before it continued its slow ascent up.

He shook his head, turning his focus back to driving slowly down the street. He’d stopped trying to figure out the various quirks long ago.

“Well, we gotta eat some place. Our bros’ll throw a fit if they find out that we skipped our anniversary dinner.” The Z’s disappeared as Sans sat up, blowing a raspberry as he looked back out the window to survey the various food places once more.

Stretch gave a soft smile at the tired look on the other’s face, shifting the grip of his hand to the top of the wheel as his other arm came up, resting against the door and hanging half out of the open window. It wasn’t that they didn’t  _ want _ to have an anniversary dinner. Neither one of them really saw the need to. They were both fairly lazy, after all, so putting a lot of effort into something wasn’t really something that they  _ did. _

They weren’t really ones for grand gestures, preferring the casual intimacy of eating from the same bag of microwave popcorn while sitting on the same side of the couch, watching a movie, as opposed to the more… flamboyant kind. Suit and tie affairs weren’t really their thing.

A reminder of his current dress made him wince, reaching up to tug at the collar of his stiff dress shirt. Sans seemed just as uncomfortable with his state of dress, hands constantly tugging at the sleeves of his jacket and reaching down to sling into pockets that didn’t exist. Blue and Paps meant well, they did, and Stretch supposed that he could see where they were coming from. 

They hadn’t really celebrated their first anniversary, or the second one, now that he thought about it. Not that he minded, of course. Their bros hadn’t been too picky about their first anniversary. They were taking things slow- having less to do with laziness and more to do with concern about what would happen if they got too attached and it was snatched away before they could blink- so pushing too much on their first would likely have caused a strain that made their relationship snap. The second went much the same way, though Blue and Papyrus made it obvious that they were expecting  _ something _ from them this time. They got what they wanted as they were gardening, having forced the two of them out there to help, in the form of relationship puns: “I’m  _ bananas _ for you, there’s no way that I’ll ever  _ slip.” _ “Yeah, we make a great  _ pear.” _ It was only a few minutes before both had stormed off, leaving him and Sans leaning against each other, snickering as they continued firing off puns.

This anniversary, though, their  _ third _ anniversary, was apparently where their brothers drew the line. They were firmly told that, if they didn’t put on their dress clothes and go on an  _ actual _ date at an  _ actual _ restaurant, then both of their respective condiments would be thrown away, never to enter the boundaries of the house again. No way in hell was he going to allow that to happen, though. (His asking for a rain check wasn’t received very well.) So they’d pulled on the clothes and slid into the car, waving and nodding at the chides they got for always “forgetting the date!”

They never forgot the date, not really. They were always hyper aware of it. In terms of Time Since the Underground, as they liked to refer to it. Today, Stretch thought, slowing to a stop in front of the red light, was exactly four years, seven months, and three days since they had left the dim caves. He knew this because two days ago, shaking Sans awake from a nightmare, he head repeated over and over again that it was four years, seven months, and one day since they had left, and that a week ago he had woken up, eyes flaring, repeating that it was four years, six months, and twenty-seven days like a mantra until he calmed himself enough to realize that his head was buried into the other’s chest, shirt slightly wet from tears.

He shook his head, clearing the thoughts away as he took his foot off the brake, moving forward when the light switched to green. The frown on Sans’ face was clear as he looked over the larger restaurants. Stretch grinned, an idea falling into his head. High-collared places weren’t really their specialty, but…

“Hey, our bros only said that we had to go to a restaurant, right?”

Sans looked away from the window, raising a brow. A mischievous grin was sliding across his face. “Whatcha planning there, Stretch?”

“McDonalds is  _ technically _ a restaurant.”

Sans stares at him for a few moments before he laughs, hands coming up to tug at his tie, loosening it before tossing it into the back. He winks as he unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt. “Have I told you that I love you lately?”

Stretch grinned, switching lanes and pulling on the bypass, speeding away from the more expensive part of town. “You could stand to tell me more often.”

Sans laughs, and it’s quiet for long enough that he looks over, seeing the other looking at him with gentle adoration. He smiles, soft at the edges with some of the tiredness falling from his face. “I love you.”

Stretch laughed in embarrassment, holding the wheel straight with his knee as his hands come up to tug off the tie. “You can tell me, but don’t be gay about it.” He puts his tie in the backseat along with the smaller’s, both hands coming up to hold on to the wheel. He waits for just a moment before he takes a hand off the wheel, reaching over to grab the other’s hand, his larger fingers linking between Sans’ smaller ones.

“But I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i really wanted to include the quote **"This is outrageous. If I want to gorge myself on so much ketchup that I need to vomit, then that should be my God-given right. This is McDonald's we're talking about. Half the reason I come here in the first place is so I can behave like a total animal."** from [this](http://www.theonion.com/article/nations-fast-food-patrons-no-longer-trusted-to-dis-2848) article because its honest to god one of my fav things, but i ended up waxing too poetic and getting all emo and shit to do it :'c
> 
> ah well. here you are, fresh! i hope this (really short compared to the shit i normally write) tidbit satisfied your honeyketchup craving!


	33. Shiver Me Femurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for a monthly prompt with my two homies (i hate myself)
> 
> prompt:  
> one character is a pirate, the other is a naval officer, the pirate captain has just captured the officer and is currently holding them hostage. what happened to the crew/ship and why the officer was kept in the first place is up to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO! [SansyFresh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SansyFresh/pseuds/SansyFresh), [CrushingOnSans](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CrushingOnSans/pseuds/CrushingOnSans), and i were all just chillin when fresh came up with the great idea to have a prompt thing that we would do every month just to keep writing and shit and stay on our A game. im the first one done at this point in time (it was my prompt and im a narcissistic bastard so i kinda just went at it), but once the other two finish theirs im gonna link them in the notes at the end of the chapter lol. ANYWAYS. well.
> 
> i hate myself
> 
> [edgelord supreme ftw]

Razz pulled against the ropes that bound him to the center mast of the ship, the rough material burning his arms as he yanked against the knots, the splintered wood against his spine scratching the bone uncomfortably. He let himself go slack as he panted for breath, eyes moving tiredly around the deck and across the vast, empty horizon. He winced as the orders that were shouted across the ship were followed, the structure changing course slightly, turning to where the sail was no longer blocking the unforgiving sun from his bones, the light causing him to squint and the heat making him realize just how thirsty he was. A large barrel of water sat a few paces away from him, and occasionally one of the crew members would come over and dip a ladle into the water inside, taking deep drinks of the fresh water.

He shook his head. Thinking about it would only make the already unbearable thirst worse. God, he was exhausted, the half-squat that he had been tied in allowed him little to no rest, and the lack of food and water sapped whatever strength may have otherwise remained in his bones. A week he had been tied here. A week since he had left the harbor on a mission for the queen to deliver a message to the naval forces of his new command over them. A week since his vessel had been boarded by pirates searching for money, plundering what they pleased. A week since his crew members had betrayed the crown and revealed the location of an island where many funds of the kingdom were kept for safekeeping in an effort to save their own skin. A week since their treason had resulted in throats slit and dust scattered, all remains being consumed by the fire that lapped up his own ship as it sailed over the edge of the horizon.

He’d watched it go, black smoke billowing up to the horizon, thinking that maybe he was going down- not with it, per say, but near enough to it that he was sure it had to count for something- as well by being thrown over the plank.

But he wasn’t for some god-forsaken reason, tied up and displayed like some centerpiece at a banquet. Crew members would come up to him occasionally, mocking him and spitting on him, tearing his uniform and striking him in any place that wasn’t covered by ropes. He’d fought back, at first, but he was just so tired now that it was no longer worth the effort. 

He knew he wouldn’t survive. Knew it as sure as he knew that the sun would rise and set. They were pirates, for God’s sake, and the only reason he had been kept alive this long was because they wanted him to starve to death, wanted him weak and humiliated in his final moments. The thought caused a spark of outrage in his soul and he lifted his head up, gazing straight ahead to the horizon, his stubborn glare fixing on where blue met blue. He would die, but with his pride intact.

There was a bustle about the deck, crew members lining across the splintered planks as they stood at attention. Razz watched them blankly before turning his gaze back to the horizon. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would dust at night when everyone was asleep so that no one would be able to mock him in his final moments.

A door creaked open, a tall figure stepping out. The only sound was the lap of the waves against the hull of the boat, and the occasional creak from the wood. And then the figure started walking- the captain, if the coat was anything to go by, but there was no hat, just a hood pulled up over their head- boots thudding across the deck. Razz continued to stare at the distant waves, even as the captain stopped right beside where he was tied.

He moved his stare up as he began to speak.

“So, my dearest officer, do you have any idea where we are?”

Razz lifted his chin to stare at them directly. The hood caused deep shadows to fall across their face, but despite that, he could easily tell that he was a skeleton like himself. He opened his mouth to speak, but the lack of use from the past few days as well as the absence of water caused his voice to come out in a sharp croak. The captain crouched until they were eye level and waved a hand behind him, one of the crew members breaking off and walking to the barrel, getting a ladle of water. He brought it over and the captain took it from his hands, moving it over to Razz’s mouth. In any other situation, he would have clamped his jaw shut and stubbornly refused, but right now all he could think of was how _ thirsty _ he was.

He opened his mouth and drank as quickly as he could as the captain tilted the ladle further. Not fast enough, of course, as some of it spilled down the corners of his mouth and dripped off of his chin. The water was gone far too soon, and the captain pulled the ladle away, holding it over his shoulder. The crew member grabbed it and walked back over to the barrel, placing it inside before moving back into his ranks.

The captain looked back at Razz, tilting his head. “Now. Care to answer the question?”

Razz glared at him. “How the fuck should I know? We’re in the middle of the damned ocean.”

The captain stared at him for a few moments before he chuckled, shaking his head just a bit. “Ah. That’s right. My apologies.” He looked up and out onto the horizon. “Allow me to clarify.” 

He turned back to Razz, pulling his hood down to lean closer, close enough that Razz can see teeth filed into points and a small crack coming up from his right eye. Sharp red eyelights watched him closely from the darkness of his sockets. Razz continued to glare, chin tilting up as his eyes narrowed. The captain continued to speak, not seeming to mind the murderous stare that was fixed on him. “Currently, we’re at the island where the good queen’s funds should be.” Razz looked around the area at the very distinct lack of islands before shifting his glare back to the captain. The taller simply laughed. “Ah, yes, I’m just as annoyed at the lack of land as you are. So why, exactly, is there not even a sand bank here? Don’t tell me that it simply slid under the sea?”

Razz said nothing. The captain stared at him for a few moments before he sighed. “Do you know why I kept you alive?”

“To have someone to monologue to?”

“I would be offended if I didn’t know that you were lashing out with your words because of how helpless you are physically. It must sting, one moment being the officer of the most powerful naval forces in the world, and the next being tied up and left for dead like some stowaway.”

Razz clenched his jaw. There was a shifting within the groupings of the crew members. A scratchy voice spoke up from the group. “Er, Boss? Technically we throw stowaways overboard tied to a rock or two.”

The captain’s eye twitched. “I’m aware, Red. I was making a point.”

Razz craned his head to see the crew member who was speaking out. A stout skeleton with a single gold tooth was leaning forward. A crack travelled up from his eye to the top of his head, and he seemed almost amused by the situation. The crew member- Red, apparently- shrugged. “Aight. Just making sure ya knew.”

Razz frowned, turning back to look at the captian. “What the hell do you want with me?”

The captain turned back to him, any semblance of pleasantries gone. “I want to know just where the hell the money actually is.”

“If those idiots didn’t know where it was, then just what the hell makes you think that I’ll somehow magically know?”

“Are you saying that you’re an idiot?”

“I’m  _ saying,” _ Razz growls, face twisting in anger, “that I have no idea why you seem to believe that I have any idea where the queen keeps her extra gold.”

The captain stared at him for a few moments, seeming to think over something. The amicable expression was back. “I find it admirable, that you continue to hold this loyalty despite the fact that it will lead to your death.”

Razz forgoed glaring at the captain to stare back out to sea. He was still unbearably thirsty. 

The captain continued. “That’s the reason I had to relieve most of your crew of their duties.” He shook his head like he was ridding himself of a particularly annoying insect. “Willing to throw you and the crown to us if it meant saving their own skin. But you? You kept your pride, you kept your loyalties.”

The captain stood and turned on his heel in a fluid motion, hands coming around to clasp behind his back. “And that’s what’s important, aye men?! Loyalty!”

A chorus of “Aye”s came from the crew, each one seeming to take pride in the strength of their voices. Razz couldn’t help but to look on them with the slightest bit of admiration. Every pirate crew he had ever seen was rough, rowdy, unfocused towards any goal that didn’t involve money and uncaring of loyalties. They all seemed to have great respect for this captain, and Razz wasn’t entirely sure that it was all from fear.

Razz continued to ignore him. If he wanted to speak on and on of loyalty, then so be it. He didn’t have to respond. “Though, I do wonder, how far do your own loyalties lie?”

He glanced up in time to see the captain wave a hand behind himself, and the crew member that had spoken earlier- a first mate, it appeared- broke off, walking down into the bowels of the ship. It was a tense few minutes; the captain seemed content to simply stand and watch where Red had disappeared. Razz let his gaze drift back out to the waves, but snapped his head to the door when he heard grunts and the clatter of chains.

Red walked through, dragging someone bound at every angle, a sack over their head. He tore the sack off and Razz tensed up before forcing himself to relax. His brother winced at the light, eyes squinting as he tried to get some bearing on his surroundings. Razz tore his gaze away, staring off at the distance. There was the sound of a heavy blow landing and a sharp inhalation of air. He refused to look over.

The captain hummed as he stared at Razz. He chanced a glance up at the taller to see that he was being watched with a rather smug expression. A smile crossed his face. “Thought so.” He turned, looking over his shoulder. “Throw him over.”   
Razz snapped his head over, watching as Red’s grin widened and he grabbed Slim by the back of his shirt, dragging him across the deck. Slim twisted his chains, legs kicking out and scrabbling for footing. A few of the other crew members moved, going to grab the large plank that was set across the edge of the ship and place it off the side, holding onto the edge and extending it out. Slim was shoved out onto it, and Razz held his breath, shoulders shaking from pulling on his binds as he watched him stumble.

He righted himself, legs shaky, and stood straight, turning back to look at the crew. Razz met his gaze, taking in the fear that lined the edges of the sockets before it disappeared and he turned around, taking a slow, shuffling step closer to the edge. The captain turned back to him, stare calm. “Well?” One of the crew members stepped out onto the plank, walking up with the intention of pushing him off. “What will it be?”

Razz watched with a clenched jaw as they got closer and closer to Slim who continued to stand still, gaze at the horizon and face blank. He didn’t believe he was going to be saved, Razz realized, he had accepted his fate of sinking to the depths and being crushed by the weight of the water. Only a step or two more until the crewmate was close enough to reach out and push. Slim closed his eyes.

“The Cascata Islands.”   
The captain raised his hand, closing it into a fist. The crew member stopped their movement on the plank, turning and looking at their captain. Slim opened his eyes. “What was that?”

Razz clenched his jaw before he sighed, gaze switching to the floor. “The funds are on the smallest of the Cascata Islands in the Homeland Sea.”

The captain walked forward and pulled his sword from the sheath on his hip, Razz closed his eyes, waiting for the blow. The ropes around him fell off, and, after being tied up for so long, his legs couldn’t support himself. He fell to the ground with a hiss of pain, barely registering the captain’s orders. “Throw that one in the brig. Course for the Homeland Sea.”

A hand grabbed the back of his neck and lifted him in the air and he growled, attempting to kick his legs out to strike whoever had grabbed him. In their disuse, his legs weren’t responding correctly, so he only succeeded in twisting around in the grip.There was a shout of assent from the crew before they began to bustle about, orders and laughter filling the air.

Razz cracked open an eye as a creak was heard and he was carried into a small office. He twisted his head enough to see the captain carrying him, face looking ahead in the room. Razz turned his head to see that there was a small cage set up in the center of the room, a straw mat and rough blanket inside of it.

He struggled again, strength leaving his body far too quickly at the lack of food and water, leaving him panting in exhaustion. The door to the small cell was opened and he was tossed in, landing on the blanket with a grunt. The door locked behind him and he grunted, getting shaky arms under his body to help lift himself to a standing position. Thankfully, there was just enough room between the floor of the cell and the barred top that he could stand fully, even if he was weak to the point of having to lean against the bars on his sides to keep himself upright.

There was a scrape against the floor and his gaze focused on a metal tray, mug of water and a slice of stale bread atop it. Razz looked up, glaring as the captain stood, watching him for a few moments. He raised a brow. “It’s not poisoned.”

“Fuck you.”

The captain scoffed. “Please. Eat it, or don’t, but know that if I wanted you dead then I would have just tossed you over the edge of the ship along with your brother.”

Razz opened his mouth to snark back, but broke off in a coughing fit, throat far too dry and body far too weak to support him any longer. He slid to the floor, entire body aching in hunger and thirst, glaring up at the captain. There was a loud knock at the door.

“Captain Fell! You’re needed on deck!”

The captain- Fell, wow, he was just learning everyone’s names today, go him- stood, walking to the door. He didn’t bother glancing behind him before he shut it, leaving Razz alone in the dim area.

He waited a few moments before he pushed himself up, reaching out to grab the edge of the tray and pulling it towards himself. He sat cross-legged as he picked up the bread, biting off a chunk of it and forcing himself to eat slowly. As his eyes adjusted to the low light, he realized that he was in the captain’s quarters. He closed his eyes, forcing himself to stay calm at what that might mean for himself. Working up into a panic would hardly be productive. Besides, he wouldn’t be here for much longer. Either he would be killed soon, or he would find some way to escape and sink the ship and die by his own doing.

He took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, opening his eyes from where he had closed them. Because he  _ would  _ inevitably die, no doubt of it. Even if he somehow managed to escape, managed to grab Slim and find a boat- not that he had seen one in his week of being tied to the mast- they would have to remain in hiding for the rest of their lives else they be hanged for treason by everyone’s favorite, bloodthirsty royalty.

He took another bite of the stale bread, grabbing the mug and drinking the water from it greedily. He would die.

It was just a matter of when.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking love pirates all day every day man
> 
> #PirateLife #I'mTiredAndIThinkThatShiverMeFemursSoundsALotFunnierInMyHeadThanItDoesInRealLife
> 
> [fresh's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10652352/chapters/27263808) one-shot  
> [crush's](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8585845/chapters/27278643) one-shot


	34. You Know That Sick People Are Contagious, Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some requests i had from tumblr:
> 
> **blue-means-stop:** Have fun on your trip! How about some Spicyhoney with the hurt/comfort feels?  
>  **Anon:** “I would love to see a sickfic, with Fell playing nurse! Whatever pairing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA HA HEY YOU GUYS ITS BEEN A WHILE AND I JUST REALIZED HOW LONG AND I FEEL KINDA BAD SO take some shit that i wrote on my [tumblr](https://ollie-oxen-free.tumblr.com) like a while ago..,.,.
> 
> i would like to apologize for the kinda lack of updates, but my apology isn't _too_ sincere since it was because theres been a lot going on in my personal life as of late, and its going to be more difficult for me to get chapters out.
> 
> anyways thats all the bullshit that i have to say so heres some spicyhoney

Fell was stirring a pot of soup when he heard the shuffle of feet enter the kitchen, the sound stopping before a small thud was heard. He sighed, turning around to see Stretch out of bed  _ again, _ sweaty and flushed, laying spread-eagle on the tile. His hoodie had been taken away after he had spilt juice all over himself to be washed, leaving just a black tank top, and he was pressing every exposed part of his body that he could on the cold floor. Fell scowled, turning down the heat on the stove before walking over, grabbing underneath of his armpits and lifting him up from the floor. Honestly, it had been at least a day or two since he last swept, and the last thing he needed was his lover managing to get sicker from the dirt of the floor, no matter how unlikely it was that such a thing would happen.

“Stretch,” he said, trying to keep the patience in his voice like this hadn’t already happened three times before, “you need to stay the fuck in bed.”

He received a groan in response and he rolled his eyes, standing up and lifting the other with him, setting him on his feet. He removed his hands. “Go the fuck to bed and stay under the covers.”

Stretch whined. “It’s too  _ hot!” _

Fell felt his eye twitch. Patience. Patience is needed. “Ten minutes ago you were complaining about being cold.”

His eyes widen as he sees Stretch sway a bit on his feet, legs shaking and giving out underneath of him. He rushes forward to catch him, grunting a bit as he supports the full weight of the sick skeleton until he manages to get his feet under himself, still supporting him as he stands up a bit straighter. Fell sighs, brow creasing in worry as he looks over at his lover, face pressed into the shoulder of his shirt and the top of his skull glistening with sweat. “Stretch, are you alri--”

He sneezes, face still pressed into his shirt, and Fell stiffens at the action, closing his eyes and taking in a deep breath as he presses his mouth into a thin line. He feels Stretch pull away, sniffing harshly, the wet sound resounding in his head. There’s a few moments of tense silence.

“Did you get snot on my fucking shirt.”

“Uh.” The voice is scratchy and thick from mucus and coughing, the lazy drawl of the words barely able to make its way through. “No…?”

He sighs, opening his eyes and looking down at the wet spot on the front of his shirt. Wonderful. He pulls the shirt off over his head, taking special care not to get that  _ disgusting _ shit anywhere near his face. He wads the shirt up, throwing it in the trash can and making a mental reminder to purge the bin with fire later that night. He looks back around to see Stretch grinning at him, sending a wink his way at the fact that he was now standing shirtless in the kitchen. If it weren’t for the flush of a fever over his face and the fact that he was visibly shivering, Fell almost would have thought that he was back to his shit-eating self.

He rolls his eyes. “Glad that you’re able to find the humor in this situation. However, you still need to get the fuck back to bed.”

He walks up to the other, reaching out to grab his arm and help him, but stops short when Stretch moves back, seeming almost offended. “I can walk back m’self.”

Fell raises a brow. “Really now? Well, by all means,” he gestures down the hallway that leads out of the kitchen and to the bedroom. “Be my guest.”

Stretch looks from the hallway, to Fell, and then back to the hallway again before crossing his arms over his chest, sniffing indignantly. “...Fine.”

He takes a shaky step to the hallway, and then another, and Fell almost turns around to go back to the soup before he sees his knees buckle underneath of him and he rushes forwards, grabbing him around the waist to help support him once more. Fell huffs. “Honestly, how did you even manage to make it to the kitchen if you can’t walk five steps without falling?”

“...I leaned against the wall.” He sniffled. Then, quieter, “I didn’ wanna be alone.”

Fell looked at him for a bit before he sighed, straightening up and lifting the other with him. So that was it then. He walked over, half-dragging Stretch to the kitchen table and setting him in the chair there. “You can stay here, then. The soup is almost ready, anyways. Just don’t get up from that seat.”

He received a sniffle in response as he walked back over to the pot on the stove, stirring it a few more times before he got out a bowl, ladling the soup in that. He brought it over to the table, setting it in front of Stretch, pulling out his own chair and sitting down himself. Stretch lifts the spoon to his mouth, blowing on it before he takes a sip.

He makes a face, pulling it away from his mouth. “Jesus, Fell. You tryin’ to kill me?”

Fell crosses his arms in front of his chest, leaning back against the chair. “Please stop wasting what’s left of your voice on complaints about soup you can’t even taste.” 

Stretch gave a cocky grin, opening his mouth to say something else before he broke off into coughs, the force of them racking his entire body. Fell pushed up from the chair, going behind him and rubbing circles on his back until the coughs faded. Once he calmed down, he started to shiver again, teeth clacking loudly in the quiet room. Fell looked up and out the window, seeing encroaching darkness as the sun began to set. He gave his back a few more pats before bending down, speaking softly.

“Try to eat some more. I’ll go get your hoodie.” Stretch nodded so he left, pushing in his chair and going to the laundry room to grab the neon orange disgrace to clothing. He grabbed a shirt of his own, pulling it over his head before he walked back to the kitchen, noting with satisfaction that almost all of the soup from the bowl was gone. Stretch was visibly shivering at this point and he made a face, walking up and handing him the freshly washed hoodie. As he pulled it on over his head, Fell walked over and grabbed some medicine, setting the pills and the glass of water in front of the other. He took them with no small amount of grumbling.

Fell took the bowl, hesitating in front of the sink before he opted to just set it beside. It wasn’t lazy. He would wash it later.

He came back to the table and helped Stretch up. Tried to, at least, since the other started flailing his arms around in complaint that he could “support himself.”

Fell just gave an annoyed glare, keeping his arm wrapped firmly around the other’s ribcage as he helped support his weight. “I’m certain that you can. It’s not like I’ve watched you try to walk by yourself at least five times now, only to have to catch you when you almost fall. Every. Single. Time.”

It’s silent for a moment. Stretch sniffles. “...Sarcasm duly noted.”

Fell huffs out a laugh as he helps the other into their bedroom, going to the bed and tucking him in the covers there. He’s met with almost immediate snoring and he rolls his eyes fondly, going to the closet and pulling out a spare blanket and pillow before leaving the room, going to the couch. He tosses the pillow by the armrest, laying down and pulling the blanket to lay loosely on top of himself.

He’s halfway to sleep, in that floating feeling that comes when your body finally begins to fully relax, when he hears the bedroom door click open. He opens his eyes and sits up, any trace of sleep forgotten as he watches Stretch walk towards him, comforter wrapped around his shoulders and trailing behind him in a train. They meet eyes for a few seconds, and with a sigh Fell motions the other towards him, moving the blanket off to the side and scooting over to make room on the couch. Stretch’s face lights up before he shuffles over, moving into the space that was made for him and throwing the comforter over both of them, sniffling once before he tucked his head into his shoulder.

Fell sighed, adjusting the comforter before wrapping an arm around the other, tugging him a bit closer before he closed his eyes once again, sleep taking ahold of him quickly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus content: fell waking up and being pissed because now theyre _both_ sick and stretch still wont stop fucking complaining


	35. Fluff It Up (Even When the Chapter is More Shitpost Than Anything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinda fluffly prompts for kinda mapleblossom? (even then its still more kiiiinda roommate shenanigans than anything since im not good at fluff lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get [funky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDwGQrcXfEI)

Small flurries of snow drifted down from the sky, the gentle white flakes catching on the breeze and fluttering around before landing in soft, fluffy-looking piles. The entire area seemed muffled by the snow, no real sound besides the crunching of their feet through the frozen stuff, clouds of air occasionally puffing out of their mouths with their breathing. Icicles hung from the branches of the trees in the park that they were walking, the crystal spears glinting dangerously in the light that came through the gray clouds, causing the branches to look like they were shining despite the blanket of snow that covered the barren wood as well.

Honestly, it was gorgeous out here! He had no idea why so many of the humans insisted on staying inside when the weather was like this. The wind picked up a bit more, blowing flurries of snow directly into his sockets. He brought a gloved hand up, pawing at the flakes to clear his vision before tucking his hands back into his pockets. Well, maybe he did.

Papyrus tucked his face further into his scarf, burrowing against the frigid breeze. He didn’t have skin like fleshy monsters or humans, so he wasn’t really harmed by the cold. That didn’t mean that he couldn’t feel it, though, and- unlike back in Snowdin- the weather on the surface changed drastically regardless of what area you were in. Which made preparing for the different temperatures difficult, to say the least.

He huffed out a large cloud of fog, looking out of the corner of his eye at Slim, hands slung in his pockets and toothpick hanging casually from the corner of his mouth. No reaction, so he huffed louder, garnering a look this time. 

“What is it, huffy?”

Papyrus rolled his eyes, lifting his head up so his mouth was peeking over the edge of his scarf. “I’m cold.”

Slim rolled his eyes as well, tilting up his chin in a mocking imitation of the other. “Well damn, Papyrus. I can’t control the fucking weather.”

He tucked his chin back down, narrowing his eyes at the other- though they widened when he saw Slim unzip his coat, yelping as a hand grabbed his arm and yanked him into the other’s chest. Slim zipped his jacket up around him, and Papyrus barely had time to even think about trying to escape before he was trapped in, thoroughly captured by the ever-tricky zipper. He paused for a bit, still in shock, before he started to futilely struggle, his cries for help being muffled by the evil jacket trap.

Slim snickered, and Papyrus turned his head, leveling his best Stern Glare at the other. “What?”

He huffed. “You know exactly what is ‘what!’”

“You said that you were cold.”

“Yes! But--!”

“I am keeping you warm in my coat of… warmth?”

Papyrus made a frustrated sound, and he would have stomped his foot had Slim not started walking again, dragging his feet through the snow as he dangled from the trap. He flailed his legs about wildly, trying not to laugh even as Slim chuckled as picked up the pace. Unfortunately (for both of them), it’s not the easiest to move when you’re dragging around someone with your coat, much less while said someone is doing their best to escape your grasp.

One of his boots swung out, hitting Slim in the back of the knee, causing him to curse before he fell, the two of them (thankfully) landing in a large pile of snow. All was still for a moment. Papyrus’ muffled voice came from within the depths of the coat. “Slim, let me go.”

“Nah.”

A scream.

~~~

Papyrus was bobbing his head as he hummed to the song that had been playing on the radio moments before he switched his car off. Granted, he didn’t really remember how it went at all, aside from the chorus, and he was pretty sure that he might actually be humming a different song altogether, but it was a good jam nonetheless! He pulled his keys from his back pocket, the metal jangling against itself as he unlocked the door, foot tapping lightly against the floor.

The lock slid out of place with a small click, and he pushed the door open, re-pocketing his keys as he shut the door behind himself, adjusting his scarf. He stopped dead in his tracks, however, at the mass of yellow that had overtaken what looked like every square inch of floor, ceiling, and wall in their shared apartment. A closer look showed that they were simply post-it notes, and he sighed a bit in relief as he walked over the paper reminders. For a second there, he was worried that Slim had decided to try and paint the apartment again while he was out. Turns out he had only defaced their home with sticky notes instead of paint, which was slightly better, but not really since they probably didn’t need  _ this _ many reminders about anything.

He stepped over the sock that sat in the center of the room (not quite suppressing the urge to roll his eyes since it looked like the sticky notes went  _ under _ the article of clothing, which meant that Slim had very obviously picked it up to put down the notes) as he walked over to the couch, stopping in front of it and crossing his arms. Slim looked over at him with a huge grin, obviously very proud of himself. “Eyyyy, welcome home, Paps.”

Papyrus stared down at him for a moment before he looked up, eyes once again being assaulted by the massive amounts of tiny squares of yellow. “What are all these?”

Slim laughed, sounding rather dead inside, and Papyrus looked down at him with the skeletal equivalent of pursed lips, jaw clenching as he set it forward a bit. “I don’t know. Why don’t you go read them?”

He stood, staring at the couch before looking up at the notes. Read all of them? That seemed a bit excessive, to be entirely honest, but then again if Slim wrote all of these then it must be somewhat important? Unless, of course, it ended up being like that time where he had filled an entire notebook with the phrase “smoke weed.” That had been interesting to find.

He stepped over to the wall, reading the notes out loud. “‘Papyrus is the coolest.’ ‘Papyrus is the coolest.’ ‘Papyrus is-’ do they all say that!?”

Slim just grinned, giving him a tired thumbs up.

“There’s probably 1,000 of these??”

No response, just the same digit as before raised high with an easy grin.

“Did you spend all day doing this???”

“I’m so tired.”

“That’s not an answer.”

~~~

Slim grabbed the bag of popcorn from the microwave, trotting over to the couch and vaulting over it, landing on the cushions with an “oof.” He handed the bag to Papyrus as he reached forward, grabbing the remote and clicking on the television, adjusting the blankets as he clicked play on the DVD player.

Papyrus watched him with a raised brow, trying not to laugh as Slim looked at him with excitement. “Is Kingsman really that good of a movie?”

“Kingsman is a fucking  _ great _ movie, and I’m honestly offended that you would insinuate otherwise.”

Papyrus did laugh at that, shaking his head as he opened the bag of popcorn. He was greeted with blackened ash inside of the bag and he winced, pulling it away from his face. He was pretty sure that not even the extreme butter flavor that the box claimed could fix this snack. He set the bag to the side, adjusting himself to comfort as the movie started.

Slim scooted over to his end of the couch, pulling a blanket over the both of them as he grinned widely at the screen, their sides pressing together as they leaned against one another. 

Though, apparently, Slim didn’t like the movie enough to stay awake through the entirety of it, soft snores drifting from his mouth about halfway through the movie. Papyrus rolled his eyes at the lazybones, grabbing the blanket and a pillow, moving Slim so that his head was laying across his lap, blanket tucked around his shoulders.

He made sure that the other was comfortable before he turned his attention back to the movie, hand rubbing small circles on the other’s skull.

~~~

The sound of the door clicking shut was followed soon after by the scraping trudge of bare feet across the floor. Papyrus continued to lean against the counter, taking another sip of his (decaffeinated) coffee before setting the mug beside himself, walking to the freezer and pulling out the frozen waffles. He plugged in the toaster, popping two of the waffles into the slots and pressing down the handle as Slim walked into the kitchen, eyes still shut.

He mumbled out what was probably a greeting, yawning loudly before getting on his knees, laying down on the floor. Papyrus tried not to laugh at him, but it was hard not to when Slim was laying face-down on the kitchen tile, arms straight at his sides. He glanced over at the clock to see that it was 5:37am. Early, by most people’s standards, but his standards were particularly high, so it was basically normal time for him.

It was odd, at first, how early Slim had woken up when compared to his constant moping about waking up. Slim was an early-riser, but was  _ far _ from being anywhere  _ near _ a morning person. Perhaps it had something to do with Razz always going on early morning patrols and waking Slim up? Papyrus did remember reading somewhere that habits developed when you tend to stick with you throughout your entire life.

The toaster dinged, the pastries popping up about an inch out of the top before they landed back in their slots, finished being re-heated. “Slim, your waffles are done.”

Slim mumbled something unintelligible, slowly folding his gangly limbs under himself before pushing himself off of the floor, shuffling over to the toaster. He grabbed the waffles with his bare hands, bringing both up to his mouth at once and taking a bite out of the two as he moved to the cabinets. He grabbed a bottle of maple syrup, shutting the cabinet as he trudged out of the kitchen with his eyes still closed.

Papyrus picked back up his cup of coffee, slightly impressed at how he could walk around with his eyes shu--

There was the sound of a crash, and a loud curse as Slim fell over.

“Slim? Are you injured?”

“...M’fine.”

Papyrus shrugged, taking another sip of his coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha wow i wish i was capable of actual human emotion lol
> 
> fresh i hope this was fluffy enough for you


	36. The Demon Who Come When You Call 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow them fucking demon politics right ha ha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so apparently you guys like this shit and i have no self control, and have had this written for a while (and i feel bad for not posting in this so just take it)
> 
> but be warned: its really shitty

 

Razz let out a heavy sigh as he started walking back to his dorm, satchel slung over his shoulder as he looked around the area. There was no sign of Blue anywhere, and he didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried about that fact. He shook his head to clear himself of the thoughts, looking down to his phone and changing the song before he sighed once again and kept walking. He hadn’t seen any of the humans who had harassed him earlier that day. He had a creeping suspicion that Blue had something to do with that fact. The demon was something dark and chaotic, and after his initial shock over the situation had worn off, he had realized with an ever-encroaching sense of dread just what Blue’s reaction had been.

It was something dark, something menacing, and Razz couldn’t help but imagine what might have happened to them. The thought sent shivers down his spine. Yet, as horrible a fate they may have come to, he was fairly certain that his would be dozens of times worse. At least he could be certain of what their fates would be, but…

Blue had called him “his” with such a dangerous possession in his eyes, an all-encompassing hold, and- along with the burning of his arm, the markings making themselves known- there was something that glowed warm in the depths of his soul.

It was terrifying.

He still had no idea what he had somehow promised, and without the book he had no way of translating whatever spell he had shouted into the night like the dumbass he was. Sitting in lecture, rubbing at his arm and thinking of the events just a few moments earlier, all that came to mind was just how  _ stupid _ he had been. Razz had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed that class was going on until he glanced down and saw that his hand was still perched over the page of his notes, clutching a pencil nearly hard enough to break and hovering over scribblings of symbols that didn’t look too different from the ones on his arm. Lecture had ended soon after, and Razz could only be thankful that the bunny that sat a few seats beside him was attentive in her notes and was so kind as to let him take a picture with his phone.

He brought his hand up to his face, rubbing his eyes as he reached the campus housing, dragging himself up the steps and into the lobby. He stood there for a few moments, looking around at the shitty couches the college had provided them for the dorm and the wooden tables with the shaky, uneven legs. He resisted the urge to plop onto the worn leather and instead continued walking, making his way to the stairs that led up to his floor.

He gave a quick check of the knob before he opened the door to ensure that there wasn’t a warning sock.

Razz swung the door open with no amount of fanfare, letting it slam violently against the wall before he grabbed it and slammed it shut. He moved over to the table right beside the door, taking his wallet out of his pocket and putting it in the key-holder, moving his headphones from his head to his neck as he paused his music. His roommate snorted from across the room. “What did that door ever do to you, bud?”

Razz huffed in annoyance, taking his satchel off over his head and hanging it on the hooks right beside the table, shrugging off his jacket and placing it right beside his bag. Red was by far the most obnoxious person he had ever had the misfortune of meeting, which was saying a lot, considering that his brother was no less annoying. He’d applied for a new roommate at least a dozen times now, but apparently “he won’t fucking pick up his damned sock” wasn’t a valid reason to change dorm rooms. Razz turned to snark back, but the words died on the tip of his tongue.

Standing in the kitchen, a few feet from where Red was perched on the counter, was Blue. 

Blue was in his dorm. 

In  _ his _ dorm. 

_ In his dorm. _

The other’s face had been mostly blank as Razz processed the information, but once the thought seemed to have truly clicked his grin widened, seeming amused at his internal panic. “You did slam it open fairly hard. I can understand having a rough day, but taking it out on the door seems kinda harsh.”

Red snickered from his place on the cabinets as Razz gaped at the sight before him. “Aw, someone seems a bit shocked to see his boyfriend here!”

Razz fought back a scream, considering that he was standing there in shock for so long that the moment had already passed. Instead he just swallowed, looking between Blue and his roommate. “How… How the  _ hell _ did you get in here?”

Blue shrugged, noticing his vague reference to the laws of entry for mythical creatures. “You told me I could put your notebook in your dorm.” As if accentuating his point, he reached behind himself, grabbing aforementioned notebook from the counter and lifting it in the air. 

He scowled, shaking his head in an attempt to clear the confusion away before stomping up, snatching the notebook from Blue’s hands and clutching it to his chest, taking a few steps back. Red, for what it was worth, seemed a bit worried at this reaction, looking back and forth between the two with a small frown. Blue looked over at him with a smile. “Do you mind giving us a few minutes?”

Red opened his mouth, and then closed it, and then opened it again, and if Razz wasn’t so occupied with the fact that the  _ demon who had been stalking him was in the one place he used to have refuge from his advances, _ he would have almost been impressed that the other had managed to shut his roommate up for a few seconds. After a few moments of indecision, Red nodded, pushing himself off of the counter and slinging his hands in the pockets of his jacket. His bare feet clacked against the tile of the floor as he walked through their shared kitchen, taking a small glance over his shoulder as he exited the room. Razz waited the few seconds it took for the other’s door to click shut before he turned to Blue with a hiss.

“What the  _ hell _ are you doing here?!”

Blue sighed, rolling his eyes. “I told you, you gave me permission to enter your residence to return your notebook, and so I did so after taking care of your… friends.”

Razz shuddered, taking a step back at the malice that poured from the other in waves. It wrapped a suffocating hold around his soul, and he stood, torn between trying to flee from the grasp and succumbing to it. The darkness disappeared after a few moments, and he was suddenly able to speak again. “W-well, that’s fucking great. I’ve got  _ this _ back now, so you can leave.” Blue stared at him in amusement. “What? I remove permission, and I don’t want you here anymore!”

Nothing happened, and Blue began to chuckle, the bright blue stars in his eyes twinkling with mirth. “I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way, Razz.” He looked away, eyes trailing over the room and pausing the slightest bit at the hallway that Red had walked down before flicking back over to Razz. “Why don’t we take a walk? It’s a rather nice day out.”

Razz scowled. “Like hell I would go anywhere with--”

“Sans Gaster Serif.” Razz choked on his words, eyelights flickering out of his sockets as his entire body tensed up. Outside of his own body, he felt something seize his legs, moving him in stiff, shaky steps towards Blue. Blue seemed upset by this turn of events, looking over Razz with something akin to sadness. The look disappeared and he smiled softly, reaching out and grabbing Razz’s hand leading him to the door. “Let’s get going, shall we?”

The door shut behind them quietly as Blue led him down the stairs and out the front door of the building, turning down the winding sidewalk that trailed through campus. It was a few minutes of walking in silence before Razz felt the stiffness leave his joints, finally able to take a full breath of air without feeling like his chest was being constricted. He swallowed, looking down at their still-joined hands. “What… What the  _ fuck _ was that?”

Blue simply hummed, eyes flicking over to Razz as he smiled. “Oh! I was talking to your roommate, Red, and he told me your full name when I asked him for it!”

Razz yanked his hand away from the other’s, crossing his arms over his chest. He took a few steps to the side so there was more space between them, ignoring how cold his hand now felt when not surrounded by the warmth. There was silence for a few moments as he too a slow breath, trying to get the threatening tone back into his voice. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Blue frowned at his movements, looking down at Razz’s feet, visibly further from where they had been walking before. “For what it’s worth, I would like to apologize for that. However, your roommate had snuck out of his room to listen in on us, and I didn’t want you accidentally saying something that would come as a great inconvenience to me.” Razz frowned, and Blue laughed at his expression. “Ah, sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. I used your True Name!”

“True Name?”

Blue blinked in shock for a few moments before he huffed, turning to face forward. “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that either. Especially since you kinda summoned me without knowing what you even offered.”

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to fucking ask about that, just what the hell di--”

“One question at a time, please!” He waved a hand near Razz’s face and he growled, smacking it away. He was only mildly startled at the fact that he actually made contact with something solid, considering that he was so used to waving his hand through the other’s form. Blue didn’t even seem bothered by this, though, just pulling his hand back with a snicker. “Anyways, if you know someone’s True Name- or, in the case of mortal’s, their full name- then you can influence them to do your bidding!”

“Wait!” Razz stopped, eyes searching the ground as the words truly clicked. He looked up, seeing Blue staring at him over his shoulder. “You… You forced me to come with you! That’s what that shit was!”

Blue shrugged. “I already explained my reasoning to you. Besides, you really shouldn’t be upset about this. I used it as a last resort. It’s really not as much fun as getting to the point where someone serves you of their own volition!”

Blue turned and kept walking, arms swinging casually beside him. Razz hesitated for just a moment before he caught back up to the other, speeding up so he was walking a half-step in front of the demon. 

He scowled once he was sure the other could see him. “Wait, I thought you said that I was your first mortal?”

Blue tittered out a laugh. “Jealous, love?” He sputtered at the pet name, feeling his face heat up the slightest bit. Blue seemed pleased with his reaction. “You are right, though! You’re my first  _ mortal.” _

His confusion must have shown, since Blue explained with a chuckle. “I’m an Archdemon. I’m sure you’ve heard of Archangels?” Razz shook his head. “Well, I suppose that makes a bit of sense, since I doubt anyone religious would try to summon a demon in the first place. Archangels are the leaders of legions of angels, and I, as an Archdemon, am the inverse of that. More specifically, I’m the leader of Hell’s armies.”

Razz stuttered in his steps before he caught his pace, trying to seem nonchalant as possible. He was walking beside one of the arguably most powerful demons in all of Hell? And having a normal conversation at that? No biggie. Happens all the time.

Despite playing at easiness, he couldn’t help but tense as he walked by the building where he had been… stopped earlier that morning. Blue noticed this, walking a step closer, his aura spreading out to cover him like a thick blanket, heavy and possessive. 

“I didn’t kill them, if that’s what you’re concerned about.” Razz glanced at him from the corner of his eye, but said nothing, looking forward once again. “I knew that it would upset you, so I can assure you that they’re fine. A bit worse for the wear, and one of two of them might have a while before they can walk again, but they’ll probably make an almost full recovery!” His chirpy tone seemed out of place with the words he was saying.

Razz clenched his teeth, fighting to keep walking confidently despite this information. He looked up instead at the trees that lined the walkway of the campus, leaves rustling gently in the breeze. The dying rays of sunlight drifted through the leaves, leaving patches of warmth on the ground. A few other students were walking around, going to classes or just sitting around on the grass in the patches of sun, soaking up what warmth they could. He began to relax, despite himself, sighing as he tucked his hands further into the pockets of his leather jacket, glad that he had the foresight to grab his coat before he left his dorms in his mind-controlled state.

Vaguely, he realized that he should be pissed beyond hell at such a fact. In a sense, he was. But… This was his own fault, in the end. And he could make it through this, whatever  _ this _ was, if he just held on long enough and waited for when the other would inevitably grow bored of him and move on.

_ Unless, _ his mind reminded himself,  _ he won’t leave until he takes whatever you gave to him in the summons. _

“What,” he began, voice quiet and unsure, despite trying to sound otherwise. “What did I offer you?”

Blue laughed and he looked over, seeing the other wink at him. “Well now, what exactly would you  _ like _ to offer?” His eyes hooded as his gaze became heavy, and Razz felt something in the aura around him click into a more lustful one.

He huffed, crossing his arms a little tighter over his chest, glaring at the concrete as if personally offended. “I just want to know what I have to give to you so you leave me the fuck alone.”

They were nearing his dorm building now. Blue slowed down the slightest bit, and Razz slowed his pace with him. “I’m afraid it’s not that simple. For you, anyways!”

The other stopped completely, and Razz turned just in time to hear a sharp crack, watching the other’s horns reappear and his robes billow to the ground around him. Blue sighed happily, lifting his arms above his head to stretch back, tail whipping around a few times behind him before relaxing.

“And what the hell does that mean?”

Blue hopped in the air, floating a few inches above the pavement. It was a few moments before he sighed. “No, no, I don’t think it’s the right time to tell you that, yet. But don’t worry!” At that he winked, eyelights shining brighter from their pools of black. “We have all eternity to worry about that!”

“Wait,  _ ‘we?’” _

Blue tittered out a laugh, floating forward until he was hovering an inch in front of the other’s face. Razz went to take a step back, but found himself unable to move, trapped in the same immobility he had been on the night of the summons. Shutting his eyes tight, he clenched his jaw as Blue growled, muttering under his breath about his scent once again. A hand wrapped lightly on the back of his neck and he sucked in a breath through his teeth.

Something like magic blossomed on the nape of his neck, traveling quickly across his entire body, burning hot and freezing cold at the same time, and Razz found himself glad of the spell that was holding him immobile, because he could barely muster up enough brainpower to stand, let alone think. All too soon, the sensation was over, and a gentle kiss was pressed to the side of his temple, claws scraping his vertebrae as the other pulled away.

Razz sucked in a breath of air, legs shaking before he managed to get them steady under himself, taking a moment to calm himself before he glared at Blue. The other simply shrugged, unbothered by his anger. “My scent suits you much better, anyways. You are mine, after all.” Blue looked up to the dorms as the sun crept behind the buildings, washing the area in shadow. He smiled at Razz, sharp and dangerous, eyes lit up with stars. “Well, you should get back home. See you soon, Razz!”

Just like that, he was gone, and Razz was left standing, looking stiffly at where Blue had been floating seconds before. He walked silently back to his dorm, nodding at a few of the greetings he received from the other students in there before he opened the door to his own dorm, letting it click shut behind him. Luckily, it seemed like Red was either already in bed asleep or out for the night. Either way, he could be alone.

He changed slowly before sliding into his bed, thinking for a few moments before grabbed his laptop, opening his browser, typing a single word with a heavy finality. 

Archdemons.

~~~

It was dark when he used his connection to enter the room, looking around in the dim lighting before his eyes landed on his charge. He smiled at the sight of Razz, head hanging limp in sleep with his laptop still setting on his lap. He brought himself to the ground, padding quietly to the bed before sliding the device out from under his hands. Blue very nearly cackled at what was open in the search bar, and he looked down at his mortal fondly. Googling “how to get rid of demons” would hardly be effective.

He moved the covers back, adjusting the other’s body so that he was laying down normally, lifting the blankets back up to tuck him in. After watching him a few moments longer, Blue floated away, hovering in the corner of the room with his legs crossed, pulling the tome out of the folds of his robes. He leafed through the pages of the book calmly, Razz’s quiet snores the only noise that filled the silence. The tome itself was interesting, to say the least, and he was honestly surprised that no angel nor demon had found it before to destroy it. Though, Lucy might not be the happiest that Blue himself had it. That didn’t really matter, though, since it belonged to his mortal, and his mortal belonged to him, so technically- in a roundabout way- the book itself belonged to Blue. He wouldn’t let anyone take his possessions away, anyways.

He sighed heavily as he turned the page, rolling his eyes at the name printed neatly across the top. Mephistopheles. Ugh, he was such a kiss-up! The only reason that he was as powerful as he was was because Lucifer knew that the demon would trip horns over heel to do whatever he could to please his “dark master.”

It was honestly obnoxious.

Mep was honestly such a… a _ jerk, _ even by a demon’s standards, which weren’t even that high in the first place. Always bragging on and on about how many souls he had claimed himself when compared to every other demon who could easily tear him into tiny, pathetic shreds. Even the demons of pride were annoyed by his bragging.

Blue personally stayed away from summons, preferring to stick to his work and allow those under him to steal the souls away from mortals. He usually allowed the other demons to do Lucifer’s grunt work. Though…

He looked down at Razz, the other’s brow furrowed in fitful sleep, in deep thought. This wasn’t for Lucifer, he knew. It was odd for something other than a minor demon to be called in such a way, but- looking at the various pencil scribbles and things that were circled and underlined (Blue’s name included)- it was clear that Razz had just randomly selected whatever he could.

There was a small whimper of distress, and Blue closed the book, tucking it into his robes once again as he floated down. Razz’s face was twisted into something uncomfortable, and Blue placed his claw gently on the other’s head, the porous scratch of bone against bone filling the air. Blue focused on his charge, allowing his magic to flow from his hand, erasing the other’s previous dream to be replaced with thoughts of himself.

Razz’s face relaxed as his stirring stopped, breaths coming slow and even as he relaxed further into sleep. Blue smiled as he continued his ministrations, allowing his mortal’s soft breathing to lull him into a relaxed state. 

It was only a matter of time.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways, if/when i continue this its going to be in a new fic all its own? mostly so i dont keep clogging up this shit with a bullshit au lol so be on the lookout for that!


	37. Knock Knock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a royal guardsman isn't easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> papyrus/undyne is the best brotp tbh

 

Undyne picked up her tea kettle, pouring out the boiling water over the teabag in her mug, letting it seep as she set down the pot, grabbing her jar of sugar. It wasn’t often that she deviated from Golden Flower tea- it was her personal favorite- but she figured that giving the few different brews that Asgore sent her a try couldn’t really hurt. She put a spoonful or two of sugar in, stirring the mixture a bit before bringing it up to her mouth and taking a sip. She hummed in thoughts, fins waving against the side of her head before she set the mug on the counter.

Needed more sugar, but not that bad.

She added more sweetener, stirring it and clicking the spoon against the side of the glass before setting it beside the counter. She could wash it later. Her footsteps were quiet as she made her way to the piano, taking another sip of her tea before setting down at the bench. It creaked under her weight, and she frowned at the weakness of the stool as she shifted to get comfortable. It had been a while since she played, so she simply sat there for a moment, letting her fingers run lightly over the keys, as her mind drifted with the melody. If she focused hard enough, she could almost pretend that she could hear the faint, tinny sound of the music box from when she had put the umbrella over the faded statue.

She took in a deep breath, gills flaring as her lungs expanded fully with air, before she went to press down the first key.

Two sharp knocks were heard at her door, and she stopped just before she could play, furrowing her brow in confusion. She glanced at the clock- it wasn’t that late, so there was a chance it was a guard member- as she stood, making her way to the door. She was mildly shocked when she opened it to see a skeleton (Paprika? Parsley? Actually, she was pretty sure his name wasn’t a spice, all she was doing was making herself hungry.) grinning widely at her. Then again, she didn’t suppose a skeleton could do anything _but_ grin.

Even so, this guy seemed to be beaming at her, and it was contagious to the point of her own mouth twitching up in a grin, sharp teeth showing from behind her lips. “Can I help you?”

The skeleton blinked, seeming shocked, before he shook himself out of it, grinning impossibly wider. “Ah, yes! Nice to meet you ma’am!” He stuck out his hand, and Undyne looked down at his gauntlets in amusement as she shook it. His grip was firm, and he didn’t seem all that fazed by her intense strength. Not bad.

“I’m the Great Papyrus! But most just call me Papyrus for short!”

Undyne found herself laughing despite trying not to. She didn’t want the kid to feel bad, of course, but the entire situation was so ridiculous that she couldn’t help but chuckle. The kid was endearing, she had to give him that. “I’m Undyne. Though, I think that you might already know that.”

He nodded so fast that it made her dizzy, taking a half-step back and posing with a hand on his chin. His scarf started to flap, and she could faintly see wisps of blue magic being used to move it. Well, damn. The kid had excellent control.

“I am aware of who you are! Which is why! I have come! To speak with you!”

She grinned, leaning against her doorframe. “Well, what do you need, Papyrus?”

He stopped posing, standing straight up. His hands came across his chest, suddenly falling into a nervous posture, and- oh wow he was actually twiddling his thumbs, she didn’t think that people actually did that in real life. “I was um…”

He trailed off, mumbling something as he tucked his chin down into his scarf, covering his mouth and muffling his already quiet voice. “What was that?”

Papyrus took in a deep breath, chest puffing out as he lifted up his chin. “I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD!”

He proclaimed loudly. His scarf began to flap in the wind again. Undyne frowned, glancing off to the side as her hand came up to scratch at her eyepatch.God, she hated doing this to kids- the guy wasn’t wearing stripes, but had likely just gotten out of them, and despite their insistence otherwise they were still just kids for those first few months after- but she couldn’t just accept every wannabe guardsman who came to her door.

“We aren’t really looking for new guardsmen right now.”

Surprisingly enough, the other didn’t deflate, but kept standing there with a huge grin on his face. “Understandable!” Huh. Well that was easier than she- “You can still train me though, so that I’m ready to apply when it’s actually time for you to have more guardsmen!”

...Right.

She sighed, wiping a hand down her face. She didn’t have time to really train someone like they needed to be to be a guard, and the simple fact of the matter was that this guy probably couldn’t handle the rigorous training anyways. He was a skeleton for Asgore’s sake! No muscles at all!

She gnawed on the inside of her cheek, sharp teeth toying with her flesh as her fingers drummed against the doorframe. “I’m not really taking people in to train right now.”

“Oh.” His face fell before he slipped back into a huge grin. “That’s fine! I can wait!”

Jeez, nothing got this guy down. She gave a tight smile, slowly stepping into her house and shutting the door, leaning slightly as she watched him through the ever-shrinking crack before it clicked into the frame. Letting out a breath that she didn’t know she was holding, she stepped back, walking over to her piano again. The bench creaked as she sat down, and she reached forward to grab her mug of tea, taking a sip. It had cooled enough to not burn her tongue horribly when she drank it, so she quickly downed about half of it before she set the cup back on top of the piano.

She stretched her fingers out, the webbing between them pulling taut, before going to put her hands back on the keys, ready to play. She paused for a moment, two, before she let out a heavy sigh pushing back and walking over to the door again, throwing the door open.

Papyrus was still standing there, hands clasped behind his back and expression pleasant as he stared at the ground, rocking back and forth on his feet. He looked up when the door was slung open, and she tried to keep her expression neutral as he looked at her with a hopeful expression.

“Are you ready to train me now?”

“No.”

He paused for a few moments, staring at her before he grinned. “What about now?”

She scowled. Screw being pleasant, this was getting a bit out of hand. _“No.”_

Papyrus shrugged. “That’s fine! I’ll just wait here for every ‘now’ until it’s the right ‘now’ for you to train me!”

Frowning, she stepped out, shutting the door behind her and crossing her arms over her chest. Papyrus took a step back, making room for her. “Listen, kid, just go home to your parents or something, okay?”

“Oh, I don’t have any parents!”

Well, fuck. Undyne swallowed, shifting her weight so that one of her hips were cocked to the side, fins on the sides of her head flattening before they moved back out. That hit a little close to home. It hadn’t been too long ago that she’d snuck out of the orphanage in the middle of the night, making her way through the king’s castle before challenging him to a fight, thinking that if she was strong enough then they’d let her leave and take care of herself. It hadn’t ended the best, at the time, but looking back on it now, it was the entire reason why she was Captain in the first place.

She pinched the area between her eyes between two fingers. She couldn’t just train every kid that she took pity on. “Papyrus, just go home, please.”

He snapped his fingers, pointing at her as he posed again. Honestly, if the guy wasn’t so endearing then she would have picked him up and chucked him into the dump already. “Ah, I see that you don’t wish to waste your time training someone who is incapable! That’s a very intelligent decision of you!”

She simply stared at him in return. At this point, she really had no idea what was going on. “Go home.”

“But-!” He continued, ignoring her statement entirely, “I assure you that I am entirely capable! I am very great, after all. You can ask Sans if you don’t believe me!”

Wait. “Sans?”

Papyrus brightened. “Ah, yes! He’s my brother!”

She was gonna skin that lazy punk. Regardless of his lack thereof. Of course he would try to get her to give his brother a job, just because he was _slightly_ higher than her with the place of Judge. “Go home, Papyrus. I’m not training you.”

She turned, shutting the door behind her and trying not to feel guilty at how his face fell the slightest bit, despite not dropping once during their entire interaction with each other. The underground didn’t need a bunch of hopeless kids running around in guardsmen uniforms, trying to fill boots that didn’t fit them. The guard needed to be strong and confident. They had to shoulder the entire hopes of the underground as their one chance at eventual freedom. Someone like him just wouldn’t make it.

She walked to her piano, grabbing her mug and taking a sip, making a face at the lukewarm mixture inside. Dumping it out in the sink, she washed the glass, setting it up to dry before she moved back to her piano. Her fingers ran over the top of the stained wood a couple times before she sighed, mood ruined for now. She looked out the window, still able to see the barest glimpse of the other through the glass. Whatever. He’d leave eventually.

Though, after trying to go to sleep but waking up every thirty minutes, going to check the window only to see that he was _still there,_ she began to doubt her assumption. He’d been standing there for hours! Why wouldn’t he leave?!

Growling lightly to herself after checking once more, she shoved her feet into her boots, shrugging on a light jacket over her tank top as she stepped out, slamming the door behind her. “I thought I asked you to go home, punk.”

Papyrus gave a soft smile. “You did!”

“Then why,” she shoved her hands into the pockets on her jacket, fins pressing against the sides of her head as her eyes narrowed in agitation, “are you still here?”

Papyrus stopped smiling. “I was hoping that I could prove myself to you.”

She scowled. “The only thing you’re _proving_ is that you’re incapable of following orders. Which, by the way, isn’t a good character trait of a guardsman at all.”

Papyrus shifted, stance widening a bit as his hands came to claps behind his back. His head tilted up the slightest bit as his chest lifted. “With all due respect, ma’am, you aren’t my Captain yet.”

He was… challenging her? Her eye twitched. Stupid punk kids. She straightened, hands coming out of her pockets as she widened her stance in a mimic of an attacking one. Part of her hoped that the kid wouldn’t do anything that he would regret, but the other part wanted him to try something just so she could throw his bony ass away from her house.

“Go. Home.”

He took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “No. Not until you give me a chance.”

She growled, taking her hands out of her pockets, a spear crackling to life in her hands. He didn’t flinch despite her attempt to scare him off and she scowled. God, he just wouldn’t give up, would he? “Fine. You want to prove yourself? Then let’s go, punk.”

She jumped forward suddenly, spear coming around to turn him green, intending to just give a few mild attacks until he went home with his tail tucked between his legs, but he jumped back, a bone attack forming in his hands to clash against her spear, the green magic fizzling out.

She fought to keep her expression neutral, almost angry. Not bad for a punk.

They sparred for a while, and she found herself growing more impressed despite her annoyance. Considering Sans, she had fully been expecting him to dodge every one of her swipes, but he was meeting them head on, blocking and deflecting all of her attacks. But…

“What, no attack yourself?!” She punctuated her words with a volley of spears, watching Papyrus swiftly move through them, smacking away any of the ones he couldn’t dodge easily. “You can’t expect me to take you seriously if all you do is defend!”

Papyrus grinned, eye flashing blue for a moment as a wave of bones came up from behind him, moving towards her in a controlled wave. She was startled for a moment- this kid had never had training before?! How the hell?!- before she grinned, dodging what she could and holding still for the blue magic to pass harmlessly through her. She expected it to stop after a while (magic like that was difficult to hold) but the waves kept coming. And coming. And coming.

Her grin fell of her face as the spaces between got harder to find, the patterns becoming more complex. She wasn’t going to be able to make it through without any damage. In all actuality, she was extremely impressed. Insubordination would have to be trained out of him, but if the kid was packing _this_ kind of power, then it honestly would be a damn shame not to train hi-

She stumbled a bit in her dodging, moving through a blue attack instead of holding still, and she winced as it caused her HP to drop slightly.

Immediately, every attack around her dissipated, and she stood there in confusion for a few moments before Papyrus darted up to her, sputtering apologies. She stared at him in shock as green magic immediately surrounded his hands, moving over to her and healing the 5HP of damage that it took. He looked close to tears, expression twisted up as he quickly said a line of apologies.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, I thought you could make it through without taking any damage but you got hurt anyways I didn’t mean to hurt you-” On and on they went.

He pulled his hands away once her HP was back to its maximum, apologies still falling out of his mouth. She simply stared at him, annoyance and agitation dropping as she stared at him, feeling her SOUL pulse in regret.

God, with that kind of power, he could easily be the new HoPe of the Underground, but…

Papyrus crossed his arms over his chest, expression twisted in hurt and regret. Shouldering the weight of everyone’s dreams, trying to uplift the gradually declining HoPe of the monsters trapped in this hell… It would destroy him. Hell, she could barely handle the weight of everyone’s dreams, but Papyrus? They would tear him to pieces for his light and even then try to rip more out of him.

She swallowed, standing fully. “...Papyrus?”

He stopped his apologies, hands crossed in front of him with his shoulders hunched. This dream of his would kill him, she knew. “Y-yes?”

He looked so much smaller than her right now, despite them being near the same height, curled in on himself like that. “...How would you like to be a Snowdin sentry like your brother?”

His head lifted up. “But…”

She waved him off before he could continue. “Like I said, we don’t really need any guards right now. But, if you want, you could come over to my place a couple times a week for… special training.”

He lit up, and she shoved down the momentary guilt that sat in the pit of her stomach at lying to him as she grinned back. “Oh! That sounds awesome!”

She relaxed slightly. “Does tomorrow work for you?”

He nodded quickly, what looked like small stars of light deep in his sockets in his excitement. Small tears were gathering in the corners of his sockets and his face had a light orange flush across it. “YES! THAT SOUNDS SO WONDERFUL!”

He darted up to her, wrapping his arms around her and lifting her up in a hug. She was startled out of a laugh, patting his head fondly. God, this kid. “THANK YOU SO MUCH!” With that he set her down, sprinting away. She heard a faint “NYEH HEH HEH!” As he rounded the corner, moving out of sight.

She shook her head, trying to ignore the grin on her face as she walked back into her house. The door clicked shut behind her and she stared ahead at the kitchen counter in front of her with a soft sigh. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, clicking into the web browser and typing into the search bar.

_easy recipes for beginners_

Papyrus would probably never be a guard, but at the very least she could help the kid find a new passion. She clicked on the first recipe that popped up before moving to her cabinets, making sure that she had all the ingredients for… “spaghetti.”

With a sigh, she moved back into her bedroom, not bothering to shrug off her jacket or her boots as she flopped on the bed. Light like that had to be protected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *inhale*  
> *exhale*  
> ilovepapyrus


	38. So I See That You Go for the Edgy Type

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fell figured that this would happen eventually. he just had no idea that it would come so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a gift for my cool nerd friend fresh, over something that we had talked about once
> 
> [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzwwuQkoqe0) that i was listening to on repeat for this. does it fit? find out for yourself

Fell sighed as he pocketed his phone, going back to pushing his cart down the aisle of the grocery store. The wheels of it squeaked constantly, and the rust on the back right made it so that the cart had a constant pull to the right, making him have to hold it just so in order to keep it from rolling off to the side. He stopped by the condiments, grabbing a bottle of mustard- normally, he would just ignore it and let Red get his own damned vice, but the more shopping he had to distract him, the better- and tossing it in the cart before continuing on. He stopped by the bread, staring at the blueberry bagels that were proudly on display before he scoffed at himself, snatching up a loaf of bread without looking at what kind it was before he kept moving, grip on the handle of the cart tightening.

He had milk, eggs, bread, mustard… He moved over to the produce, grabbing a few plastic sacks as he sorted through the various fruits and vegetables. He would probably make lasagna tonight, or sometime this week, so he moved over and grabbed some tomatoes and garlic, putting them in the basket. Heaving a sigh, he left the area, stubbornly refusing to look at the peppers. He only got those whenever Blue was planning on coming over, and Fell would let him have free reign to make whatever Mexican dish he wanted, while Fell focused on making the desserts for later.

His hand came up to pinch his nasal ridge with the slightest bit of tremble in it before he moved back down to grip the cart, wiping the expression off of his face. To an outsider, it looked like he had just had a slight headache. He walked to the meat area, the few humans there either scattering or ignoring their shopping in favor of glaring at him. He surprisingly relaxed under their scrutiny-  _ this _ he understood- as he grabbed a tray of ground beef before moving on.

He had everything he needed, and maybe a few extras, but the baking mixes made things fairly easy, and sometimes he wanted minimal effort for a plate of brownies, as he went to the self-checkout, starting to scan his items.

His phone started to ring while he was gathering up his bags, and he pulled it out to answer it, ignoring the annoyed glare the employee running the self-checkouts sent him. “Hello?”

The chirpy voice startled him, and his soul twisted in an uncomfortable mix of joy and hurt. “Hey, Fell!”

“What do you need?” Blue had probably just forgotten to tell him something else, or-

“Would you mind if I came over tonight?”

He swallowed, clenching his jaw momentarily before he relaxed it, gathering his groceries into one arm and making his way to the store exit. “I thought you were going to be busy tonight.”

It was less a question and more of a statement, and Fell winced internally at the tight undertone. A shifting noise came from the receiver of his phone, and there was a pause before Blue answered. “I was but… something came up, and I really need to talk to you.”

Well. This was it. He supposed it had been coming for a long time. Blue had started spending more and more time with Razz, had made plans with him to ‘hang out’ and chose the other over him. Granted, it was only when he had made plans with Razz before Fell, but…

It still hurt.

He said none of these things. “I’m free tonight.”

Blue’s smile could be heard in the tone of his voice. “Alright! I’ll come over tonight then! I love you!”

For how much longer? “I love you too.”

The phone gave him the dial tone as Blue hung up, and he stared at the home screen before putting it in his pocket, pulling open the trunk of his car and putting the groceries in the back. He slammed the back with more gusto than necessary, walking to the front and starting his car, pulling out of the parking lot and beginning to make his way home.

On his way, he convinced himself to ignore the hurt that was thrumming in his soul, making it feel like his ribs were collapsing inward and his body feel like it was heavy. He accepted it, he told himself, because he wanted Blue to be happy, because wanting to see the other smile was his whole reason for having come as far as he had in the first place. That was what he told himself, what he repeated even as his grip on the wheel became so tight that the leather of his gloves started to creak, even as he had to consciously remind himself that there was a speed limit for a reason.

He walked into the house without much of his usual fanfare, shutting the door behind him with his foot as he moved to the kitchen, setting the bags of groceries on the counter. He took a step back, looking at the food, before he huffed a sigh out of his nose. He didn’t really feel like cooking. 

The groceries were put away quickly, the labels on the outsides of them turned so that he could easily see the items, before he moved to the fridge, grabbing a small container of fettuccine he had made the other night and placing it in a bowl, putting it in the microwave. When the machine started its humming, Fell turned away, going over to the table and pushing in the chairs, adjusting the seats, and then to the fridge, arranging the magnets on the front. Four shrill beeps sounded, and Fell moved away, grabbing his bowl and a fork, stirring the contents as he leaned against the counter.

The chunky white sauce mixed with the thick noodles looked unappetizing as fuck, but he forced himself to eat it. He’d stomached worse, and he had the feeling that the next few meals wouldn’t be the easiest ones for him.

He finished them silently, glancing up at the clock- Red was still at the science conference across town, and would be there for another day at least- before he washed his dishes, setting them out to dry. The house was quiet as he moved to the living room, walking over to the cabinet and beginning to sort the various movies and the books that he couldn’t fit on his shelf upstairs.

Once he was satisfied with the arrangement of the cabinet he took a step back, moving over to the couch to sit and wait. His posture was stiff as he looked down at the space between his knees to the rug. It was oddly bright, and starkly out of place from the rest of their more utilitarian furniture. “Minimalist,” as he called it, and “boring” as Blue did. He’d insisted on getting them a rug to brighten up the place.

Red hadn’t cared, as Red often didn’t, shrugging at the bright yellow carpet with orange tassels as he walked past to grab himself a bottle of mustard. And of course Fell hadn’t argued. Little could stand between Blue and his eccentric decorating habits. And besides, the rug did brighten the place up, in a daycare-meets-prison kind of way.

The fondness of the memory slowly faded away. He reached down to one of the tassels on the edge, fixing it so that it was extending out from the rug body like all the others. Blue possibly might want the rug back. Then again, he might not. Fell wasn’t certain that he could get rid of it in the first place.

The doorbell rang, and he jumped a little, shaken out of his thoughts, before he stood, walking to the door with heavy finality. The sheer prospect of opening the door to face someone half his stature, with a heart ten times as large, was more intimidating than he would like to admit. So he didn’t, squaring his shoulders and setting his chin up like he so often had in the guard, grabbing the handle of the door and slowly pulling it open.

Funny how he had been mentally preparing himself for this moment for hours, yet now that he was here he wished that he could somehow postpone it for a few more moments. He stepped aside, letting nothing loose, as Blue walked in, greeting him like nothing was wrong. Oh, he wished that he could play along, but found that he couldn’t. It was hard enough just to stand there without closing off completely, something that  _ they _ had worked on that he couldn’t, that he  _ wouldn’t _ go back to.

He sat on the couch when Blue motioned for him, trying to keep his movements easy despite how stiff he felt at the moment. Blue cleared his throat, letting out a small laugh as he clasped his hands in front of himself. “So! I’m, uh. Honestly not sure how to go about this.”

His throat was suddenly very dry, and he found himself wishing for a glass of water. “About what?”

Blue took in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, the corners of his mouth twitching as they always did when he was fighting down excitement. “Okay, so. As you know, I’ve been hanging out with Razz a lot lately.”

He knew. God, he knew. “So I’ve noticed.”

Another laugh, this one sounding more nervous. “Yeah, sorry. Anyways, today I realized something very important.” Another deep breath. “I’m romantically attracted to Razz.”

Leave it to Blue to describe something so complex in the simplest way possible. “I see.”

He hadn’t felt this much open antagonism for someone in a long while. Blue didn’t seem to notice his simmering anger at the thoughts of his lover’s counterpart. “I’m telling you this,” he continued, unhindered, “because I wanted to make sure that you were okay with me dating him as well!”

Fell stood suddenly. Bile rose in his throat, followed by the quick sting of tears. He shoved them down, regretting his earlier decision to eat so much leftover pasta. “If that’s what you wish, then I’m fine with it. You are your own person,” he swallowed, “and if I can’t make you happy, then I want you to find that happiness somewhere else.”

A hand was placed gently on his arm, and he resisted the urge to jump away. He wasn’t quite able to fight down a flinch, though, and Blue slowly pulled his hand back, looking at him in hurt. “That’s not what…”

Blue looked away, a twisted expression of guilt on his face as he pulled his outstretched hand to his chest, fingers curled into a loose fist. Blue eyelights met his gaze again, the edges of them hazy in the way that they were when Blue was fighting back tears. “Fell, I  _ love _ you. I wouldn’t just…” He started to fiddle with the end of his bandana, brow furrowed in thought. “I wouldn’t give that up over a small crush.

“What I’m trying to say is that I want to date both of you. At the same time. Because I care about you both, and I love you, and I have feelings for Razz, and I…” He trailed off again. “I’m willing to try to make this work.”

Fell swallowed, the thought of Razz making his nauseous, and not just because he had eaten old leftovers. “What did Razz think of this?” 

“I haven’t asked him yet, because regardless of my fancy for him, I’ve been dating you for almost a year now. Your opinion matters to me.”

Blue was staring at him with an undertone of hope, but the expression was mostly questioning. He really was letting him decide, Fell realized, looking away from the intense gaze as he thought it over. He wanted Blue to be happy no matter how it would hurt him. And so he smiled, eyes still tight as he turned to fully face the other. “I approve, since it will make you happy.”

Blue gave a pleased trill, jumping forward and wrapping his arms around the other’s waist as he went on about open communication and scheduling and his love. After a while of blank listening, Blue was done explaining, simply smiling before he left with a wave and a short kiss, his eyes flickered into hearts as he made his way home. The door clicked softly as Fell shut it, staring at the knob before turning to go upstairs to bed. He ignored his own thoughts about his laziness as he opened his room, walking over to his bed and laying on top of the sheets.

He’d always do whatever he could to make Blue happy.


	39. Flufftober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my drabbles from each day of flufftober

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so as most of yall may know, on my tumblr i participated in flufftober by writing various drabbles and shit for the days. so, this is partially me showing what i did for those of you who dont follow me on tumblr and partially because i want attention and i want to pretend im cooler than i actually am

**One**

Meeting at a party/event ( **cherryblossom** )

 

Red yawned as he walked through the packed living room, sidestepping unconscious bodies and piles of vomit as he made his way to the kitchen. Hopefully, they hadn’t run out of alcohol just yet, because with the way that this party was going he was going to need a lot more before he was comfortable just being there. He walked in, looking over the counters that were empty aside from a few bottles of soda. He sighed. Great. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do?

He walked over and grabbed one of the bottles, screwing off the cap and lifting it up to smell, sighing in relief when he saw that it was spiked. Thank  _ fuck. _ Pouring a glass, he chugged about half of it before he set it on the counter to be refilled. A booming voice entered the kitchen, and he nearly dropped the two-liter, turning to look over his shoulder curiously.

“Be careful!” Another skeleton darted up to him, their face twisted in concern. Red guessed that the AC must’ve turned on or something since the scarf he was wearing started to flap heroically. “Those drinks aren’t just regular soda!”

He raised an eyebrow, amused at the guy’s concern. “Really?”

He nodded, looking over his shoulder with a narrowed gaze at a blue water sprite that was bench-pressing their couch. “My friend thought it would be funny to spike them.”

Red lifted his cup. “Well, send her my thanks, ey?”

The guy blinked a few times before he shook his head, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “My apologies, but I refuse to thank her for you! It’s good for someone who wants to drink, but what about those who are the designated driver!?” He threw his arms in the air, and Red had to hold back a laugh at the exasperated look on the guy’s face. So that was the issue then? No prob.

He walked over to the fridge as the other continued to speak, scarf still trailing dramatically behind him. “I mean, what if they were supposed to drive and they took a drink and didn’t know!? What then!? I-“

Red held up a brand-new two-liter of soda, holding it in front of the guy’s face and stopping him mid-sentence. It was silent for a moment, two, and then the other beamed at him, taking the drink from his hands with a grateful smile. “That’s very kind of you, erm…” He trailed off, looking at Red uncertainly.

“Red.”

“Red! It’s very nice to meet your acquaintance! I’m the Great Papyrus! But you can just call me Papyrus, since ‘Great’ isn’t actually in my name anywhere.” The guy kept grinning as he stuck out his hand, and Red grabbed onto it with a snicker, watching as the other jumped in shock at the joy buzzer on his palm.

Papyrus huffed as he pulled his hand back, giving him a look before he sighed. “Well, I guess it’s better than a whoopie handshake.” Before Red could ask what he meant, a shout came from the area of the living room. 

“PAPYRUS! COME BENCH THE COUCH WITH ME!” A chorus of cheers followed, and Papyrus turned to wave at Red before he moved into the other room, making his way to the couch, supposedly. Red watched him go as he continued to take large drinks. He raised his plastic cup to no one before downing what was left in an impromptu toast. Here’s hoping he would get to see the other again sometime.

 

**Two**

First awkward conversation ( **kedgeup** )

 

“So…” he trailed off, looking from his brother’s alternate, to the ground, to the ride that Papyrus had just dragged Red on. “Nice weather, huh?”

Fell looked down at him from where his gaze had been lifted to the coaster, raising a brow. “I suppose it is.” He looked away, going back to watching the line of carts trek up the steep incline, almost pausing at the top before screams resounded as the coaster made the passengers plummet, whipping them around bends and curves.

Great. So much for  _ that _ conversation starter. Sans coughed into his hand, going back to staring straight ahead with a grin as the awkward silence began once again. Granted, it wasn’t really silent with the constant talking that was happening around them and the tinny, warped music of the various rides playing at full volume, but the fact that they had been sitting beside each other for- what- ten minutes? And had said a total of about ten words amongst themselves? That silence spoke louder than any noise that could be made by the fair.

Sans wasn’t even sure  _ why _ he was trying to talk to the other. Maybe it was the fact that he got along with his brother’s other alternates, or maybe that his brother was easily able to be, as he put it, “friend-zoned” by anyone and he felt left out at not having truly interacted with any of the others. Either way, he was here now, sitting down beside Fell on the heated concrete pathway as they waited for their siblings to return from their ride, and he had no idea how the fuck to start a conversation. None of his usual ice-breaking puns were coming to mind, and any of the safe, neutral topic starters were either rejected by himself-  _ Did you see the game last night? Who the fuck did he think he was fooling, he didn’t watch sports and he was fairly certain that Fell didn’t either.- _ or were dragged pitifully along before the conversation that had jerked to a start ended shakily, silence falling between them once more.

Out of the corner of his sockets he saw Fell turn to him, arms crossing over his chest. “Why the fuck are you doing this?”

Doing what? Being awkward as shit? Sans had no idea. “Not too sure what you mean there, buddy.”

“Being…” He waved a hand in front of himself, as if the action would help him find the words that he wanted. “I don’t know. Just being weird.”

He shrugged. Fuck it. May as well go for broke, right? “Well, you see,” he began, turning and propping his foot up on the block they were sitting on, elbow resting atop it casually. “I have no idea how the fuck to start a conversation with you.”

Fell just stared at him, then raised an amused brow. “This is a conversation right now, isn’t it?”

“Ah, nothing quite like talking about how awkward something is to clear away any awkwardness.” Despite his sarcasm, Sans could feel himself beginning to relax, if only slightly.

Fell shrugged. “Pointing out the elephant in the room makes it easier to shoot.”

Sans snorted. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It doesn’t have to.” At this he tilted his head to the side, giving a cocky smirk. “It’s all part of the conversation, right?”

Papyrus chose that opportune moment to walk up, a limp Red hanging off of one of his shoulders. He adjusted the sunglasses taped to his face with a grin. “What is up, brother?!”

“Oh you know,” he shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly. “Just having a conversation about our social ineptitude and killing endangered animals and whatnot.”

Sans could see the normally stoic façade begin to crack as Fell fought down a grin. “Business as usual.”

Papyrus looked between the two of them before sighing, shaking his head in disappointment. “I’m not even sure that I want to know.” He looked up and around, eyes lighting up behind his glasses when he saw another ride he wanted to go on. “I’ll leave you both to it, then!” He turned and began to walk away, Red’s head lifting from where it was hanging limp to reach dramatically out to the two for help. Neither one of them even flinched, and he dropped it back down with a groan.

Sans snickered as he watched his alternate accept his fate, propping his hands behind himself. Glancing up at Fell, he saw the other’s half-amused expression as he continued to watch the coaster in front of them. Well, at least it wasn’t awkward anymore.

“We’re riding that roller coaster.”

Oh god no.

 

**Three**

Bumping into each other at coffee shop/store/middle of street ( **edgeberry** )

 

Blue huffed as he stared up at the bottle of honey that was perched on the very top shelf of the store. He’d tried sparing his dignity- though, not very much considering that he had tried to reach it on his tiptoes first, and then he tried to jump and grab it, and had even started to climb the shelves before he noticed one of the workers glaring at him- but at this point he really had no idea what to do. Now he was just stuck, staring at the bottle of honey that was mocking him from its perch on the highest shelf, arms crossed in front of his body and glare fixed on the condiment. God, the things he would do for his brother when he was sick…

He sighed, looking around the empty aisle. Figures that the moment that he was finally ready to ask someone for help, everyone immediately vacated the area. He huffed, grumbling as he bent over and picked up his shopping basket, turning on his heel and resigning himself to taking the walk of shame to the front desk to ask for help, when he bumped into a solid figure. He backed up a few steps, looking up and starting to apologize when he saw who it was.

“Fell? What are you doing here?” 

Fell raised an amused brow, looking from him to the basket that was similarly slung over his own arm. “Ah. You know. Plotting a nuclear strike.”

Blue huffed, going to step past him when Fell stepped in front of him. That was fine, no big deal, he could just- aaaand Fell was in front of him again. They did that awkward shuffle a few more seconds before Blue threw his hands up, taking a few steps back with a frustrated noise. “You’re doing this on purpose!”

Fell put a hand on his chest, fingers splayed. “What? How could you accuse me of such a thing? I’m offended,” he said, sounding very unoffended.

Blue just stood, glaring at him and watching as the taller walked around him, grabbing the honey bottle that Blue had spent the good half of twenty minutes trying to grab with ease. Stupid tall jerk with his stupid high heels. He huffed as he looked down at his basket, pretending to adjust the arrangement of the items until Fell left the aisle and he could be upset about not getting the-

His own thoughts were interrupted as a plastic, honey-filled bear was held directly in front of his face and he blinked, looking from the bear to Fell suspiciously. The other rolled his eyes, seeming annoyed as he reached down to drop it into Blue’s basket for him.

“Stretch is fairly lucky to have you as a brother. I usually make Red buy his own damn mustard.” Blue looked from the undamaged honey bottle to Fell’s genuine face in confusion, looking back up and watching as Fell fixed his stare at the shelves refusing to meet his stare. “In any case I’ll… I hope to see you around. More.”

With that he strode off, not looking back as his heels clicked against the tiles of the grocery floor, Blue watching him go with a oddly fond expression before he shook it out of his head, focusing back on the list of groceries in his hands.

 

**Four**

First coffee date ( **rottenberry** )

 

Razz pushed open the door to the small coffee shop, looking around the area to try and find his… date. His hand clenched at his side before he forced it to relax. He totally wasn’t nervous that he was going to fuck everything up, fuck you, he knew damn well what he was doing. Though, as he looked around the small shop, he couldn’t help but notice that his date was nowhere to be seen. 

Razz shifted a bit in place before he realized that he had simply been standing in the doorway for the past few seconds and he walked in, moving slowly up to the counter as he pretending to look over the menu. It was reasonable that Blue wasn’t there yet, right? He could be running a few minutes late, or he may have gotten a bit lost, or maybe he wasn’t planning on coming at all and had just decided to ditch him here which was totally fine since he had kind of sprung the offer up out of nowhere and Blue probably had just said yes at the time to spare his feelings-

“Razz!”

He looked up to see Blue sitting at a small table in the corner of the shop, not visible from the door where he walked in. He was waving with a smile, cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him and a paperback book set to the side, the spine of it folded and worn to where he couldn’t read the title. He gave a half-wave back, trying to hide his relief as he turned back to the counter, ordering a small black coffee, taking the cup in his hands before walking over to the other side of the table. The chair creaked as he sat down, the mismatched set fitting in fairly well with the hodge-podge interior of the shop.

He took a sip of the coffee, bitter liquid sliding down his throat as he looked down from Blue’s cup of what looked like tea to the book on the table. “What are you reading?”

Blue looked down, picking up the book and flipping through the worn pages with a small smile. Razz felt the sudden urge to kiss him. The thought was immediately discarded. According to Alphys, kissing on the first date would make him an anime villain, and he refused to ever be associated with any of their stupid cartoons. Blue’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. “It’s called VALIS. It’s by Phillip K. Dick.”

Razz held out a hand in questioning, the book being handed to him as he ran his fingers over the cover, the paper soft from the overuse. “Is it a good book?”

Blue laughed. “Not hardly. I honestly don’t even really like it, but… it was one of the first actual books that I found down in the underground. I just keep it around for sentimental reasons, I guess.”

He handed it back to him as Blue shrugged, taking the book and smiling at him, eyelights shimmering. His mouth twisted up in the ghost of a smile before he looked away, bringing his coffee back up to take another sip. The table shook the smallest bit as Blue leaned forwards on his elbows, grinning brightly. “So! How have you been?”

Razz smiled as he leaned on the table himself to answer, finding himself immensely glad that this date hadn’t gone to absolute shit.

 

**Five**

Flirty texting ( **kustard** )

 

**Red:** hey sans

**Red:** sans

**Red:** sans

**Red:** sans

**Sans:** omg what

**Red:** r u a magician?

**Red:** bc whenever i look at u everyone else disappears

**Sans:** omg 

**Sans:** ur such a damn loser

**Red:** wait i have more

**Red:** if u were a vegetable, u’d b a cute-cumber

**Sans:** did u seriously google “pick up lines” and click on the first search option

**Red:** …

**Red:** no

**Sans:** fucking

**Sans:** ur a nerd

**Red:** i am not i am the coolest

**Sans:** ur the nerd

**Red:** fk u

**Sans:** well i mean

**Sans:** im not opposed

**Red:** ok hold on ive got one more pick up line

**Sans:** ugggghhghh 

**Sans:** fine 

**Red:** did u sit in sugar? bc u got a pretty nice ass

**Sans:** im a skeleton i dont have an ass

**Red:** gdi sans im tryna flirt

**Sans:** well ur bad at it so

**Sans:** fk u

**Red:** fk u

**Sans:** maybe fk u can be our always

**Red:** ok so

**Red:** eat every dick

**Red:** all at once

**Sans:** lol

**Sans:** <3

**Red:** u get that damned heart out of here i dont want it

**Sans:** <3<3<3

**Red:** ur so fuckin gay

**Sans:** says the one who was sending me pick up lines

**Sans:** <3<3<3<3<3<3

**Red:** fuckin 

**Red:** <3

**Red:** u happy now bitch

**Sans:** very 

 

**Six**

Surprise kiss! ( **edgepuff** )

 

“Papyrus! Come to your front door!”

Papyrus looked up from trying solving the horoscope, gaze moving to the direction of the living room in confusion. That sounded suspiciously like… Fell?

“Fell? Are you in my house?”

There was a slight pause. Then, “Your door was open. You really should lock it.”

Papyrus sat there for a moment before he shrugged, standing up from the kitchen table and pushing in his chair, padding over to the entryway and gazing at the front door.

Fell stood there, posture stiff and gaze somewhere off in the corner of the room, his chin tilted up and arms folded behind his back in the echo of a soldier’s stance. Papyrus furrowed his brow as he watched him. Fell usually only did that when he was feeling defensive. Was there something that was bothering him? He took a few more steps forward, stopping in front of him before crossing his arms in front of his chest, smiling. “What did you need me for?”

It wasn’t uncommon for their house to be used as something of a crashing point for their other alternates. More often than not, they would simply be there because of… frisky situations between others in their own household, using the rather uncomfortable sofa as a place of rest until the activities ended. Fell had never really come before, though, so it was a bit of a shock to see him. Papyrus didn’t let that show on his face, however! Something like that would be rude, and would discourage his edgier counterpart from coming over again! He didn’t really get to see much of Fell, since he often kept to himself and was- Papyrus wouldn't say this to him either- fairly awkward in social situations.

Fell’s sharp inhale brought him out of the thoughts, dark red eyelights flicking to meet his own for a moment before they went back to staring at the corner of the room. Papyrus moved his gaze to follow the other’s stare, seeing nothing but the oddly-shaped lamp, and shrugged to himself. It  _ was, _ admittedly, a really weird lamp, and he had no idea why Sans insisted on keeping it. Curiosity abated about that, he turned back to Fell as the other began to speak.

“Earlier I was engaging in a game of truth or dare with Blue and Razz.”

Papyrus tilted his head. “Okay?... Why?”

“Blackmail.” Papyrus nodded in (unfortunate) understanding. “Anyways, it was my turn, and I chose dare since I don’t trust Blue- the little shit- with any secret of mine.”

Papyrus rocked back on his heels, tilting his head curiously. “And you’re telling me this because-?”

Fell took in another deep breath, closing his eyes. “Razz dared me to do… something, and I said ‘Fuck no,’ but then they said that if I did it then I would win the game in it’s entirety.” Papyrus waited or a few moments, still not entirely sure he knew what the other was getting at. “So I apologize in advance for doing this, but I can’t let those shits win.”

Before he could ask what the other meant, Fell was leaning forward, clicking their teeth together in a surprisingly gentle kiss before he shot back up, face a darker red than Papyrus had ever seen. He didn’t have time to ask say anything as Fell pulled back, quickly turning on his heel and sprinting out the door.

He brought a gloved hand up to press against the front of his teeth as he looked at the empty doorway, jumping in shock when he heard two familiar sets of laughter. Turning around, he saw Blue and Razz stepping out from behind the odd lamp, bending over in their mirth. He huffed, feeling a blush dust across his cheeks as he stared at them crossly, ignoring the slight hurt in his chest. He opened his mouth to say something, but Razz cut him off, waving a dismissive hand in his direction. “Before you get all pissy, just know that the dare was for him to kiss his  _ crush.” _

Oh…  _ Oh. _ He turned to the door, ignoring the gays behind him as his blush grew a bit stronger. His crush, huh? Papyrus grinned. Next time, he would make sure that the kiss wasn’t a surprise.

 

**Seven**

Netflix and Chill ( **spicyhoney)**

 

Stretch rolled his head on his neck, shaking the nervousness out of his shoulders as he stood in front of Fell’s door. All in all, he couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen once he stepped through-

No. Enough of that. Get your mind out of the fucking gutter, asshole. Fell probably just wanted to hang out, since they’d only been dating for like, two weeks after all. So that’s definitely why Fell invited him over for “Netflix and chill” while his brother was out of the house with work and neither he nor Fell had to work tomorrow morning and-

Oh geez.

Stretch dragged a hand down his face. No, it was fine, it was just movies. Just. Movies. 

He raised a hand to knock on the door, waiting for a few seconds as he heard footsteps walk up to it, the sound of the- six? holy fuck- locks being pulled out before the door opened, Fell standing on the inside in just a t-shirt and loose jeans.

“Took you long enough, asshole.” There was no real anger in his voice, the small grin tugging at the corners of his mouth giving it away.

Stretch gave a cocky grin. “Well, you know that LA traffic. S’terrible.”

Fell stared at him for a moment, seemingly trying to decide whether to point out that they didn’t live in LA, that Stretch likely teleported straight to his house, or both, but eventually just shook his head, stepping aside and letting him in. Stretch laughed, looking over at the setup by the TV, fully expecting to see  _ something  _ sexual, at least, and trying to figure out the best way to politely decline, when he realized that there was just a bowl of popcorn sitting beside a remote, Netflix already pulled up. Fell shut the door behind him, walking up and sitting on one end of the couch before giving Stretch a questioning look. 

Wow, so he actually… He shrugged internally. He certainly wasn’t complaining.

As he sat down, he shot off a text to Red.

 

**8===D~~:** red are you aware that your brother thinks that “netflix and chill” literally means to watch netflix and hang out

**red robin’s:** is that not what it means?

**8===D~~:** omg

**8===D~~:** no

**8===D~~:** its a discreet way to ask to fuck

**red robin’s:** huh. that explains a lot actually.

**8===D~~:** jfc

 

Fell cleared his throat, holding the remote in his hand and cocking an eyebrow. “What do you want to watch?”

Stretch looked up to the TV in thought before he turned to Fell with a huge grin on his face. “Shit, I know exactly what we’re gonna watch.”

  
  


**Eight**

Argument over Netflix and Chill choices ( **spicyhoney** )

 

“We’re not watching the Emoji Movie!”

Fell snatched the remote out of his hands for the third time since he had gotten there, grumbling loudly as he clicked out of the movie option and back to the home screen. Stretch sighed, leaning back into the cushions. “You said anything that I wanted.”

“I  _ said, _ ” Fell hissed, gritting his teeth together and remind himself of the reasons why he was dating this asshole in the first place, “‘What do you want to watch?’ Which is completely different, by the fucking way.”

Stretch stuck the tip of his tongue out of his mouth, reaching over to grab a handful of popcorn. Fell smacked the top of his hand, making him pull it quickly away with a grumble. Rude.

“We’re watching an actual  _ good _ movie, otherwise we’re just going to sit here.”

Stretch flicked his gaze down to the remote, considering his options, before he sighed. He waved a hand in a gesture of surrender, Fell giving a small huff as he continued to click through the options. “What about… Moana?”

Stretch turned his head, looking at the screen. Moana fucking ruled, but…

“I’ve seen it like twelve times. Why not something different?”

“See it thirteen. I want to watch Moana.”

He dragged the cushions of the couch off with him as he slid to the floor, groaning loudly. There was the slight tapping that came with Fell being annoyed- he would always take his fingers and tap them on the nearest hardwood surface just to hear it click- before he turned back to the tv, options beginning to move across the screen once more. 

“Can we watch Kingsmen?”

“Oh my god, we’ve watched Kingsmen before and I’m not privy to seeing it again.”

Stretch grumbled, adjusting the pillows on the floor with him as he muttered under his breath. “No, it’s fine, I see how it is, we can watch Moana seven-fucking-thousand times and it be fine but the moment I wanna watch a movie again it’s a terrible idea.”

Fell shot a glare at him from the corner of his eye. “You almost cry every time they go to shoot the dog.”

“I still want to watch the Emoji Movie.”

“We aren’t watching the fucking-!”

  
  


**Nine**

Late night cuddling on the couch ( **rottenberry** )

 

“Blue, for fucks sake, hold still.”

The mentioned skeleton shifted a few more times before he lifted up his head, eyes narrowing on Razz. “Well, it’s not  _ my _ fault. You’re just really boney!”

Razz simply laid there for a few seconds, expression blank, before he maneuvered his hands under Blue’s shoulders, trying to push him off. Blue laughed, scrambling with his arms for a few moments before he managed to get them wrapped around the other’s torso, his iron grip holding on in stubborn refusal. Razz stopped after a few seconds, huffing out a sigh and relaxing back into the couch. This wasn’t giving up. This was simply… A tactical retreat. Blue would fall asleep in a few minutes- he could see the clock on the wall through the dim light of the tv, the numbers proudly showing that it was close to midnight- and then he would shove the other on the floor, taking satisfaction in his sweet revenge.

That's what he told himself as he felt Blue relax atop him, his own arms lifting up to fold loosely across his back, eyes beginning to drift shut. The tv switched off due to inactivity, bathing the two of them in darkness, and Razz let the gentle thrum of Blue’s soul lull him into an easy sleep.

He would get revenge tomorrow.

  
  


**Ten**

First time cooking for each other ( **honeyketchup** )

 

Stretch tented his fingers in front of his mouth, staring in mild disappointment at his flaming microwave. How the hell did he manage to fuck  _ ramen _ up this badly? He picked up the fire extinguisher that his brother always made him keep while cooking, giving the device a few quick sprays before setting it back down on the counter, sighing as he looked at the charred mess that was sitting inside. Stretch picked up the wrapper that the noodles came in, squinting down at it for a few moments before he audibly groaned. It was  _ three _ minutes. Not thirty. 

The burnt husk of a kitchen appliance gave a sharp pop, a bit of electricity sparking out of it, and Stretch narrowed his eyes, picking up a spatula that was sitting beside the sink and giving it a harsh poke. So much for him making dinner tonight. God, this was embarrassing.  _ Hey, Sans! Do you wanna come over later and watch a movie? Nah, don’t worry about dinner, I can just make some ramen. The poor man’s spaghetti, right? _ But surprise, surprise. He was standing here, incapable of making something as simple as ramen for fucks sake.

His eyes flicked over to the phone. He could always order a pizza? Though, he seriously doubted that it would be here in t--

Two knocks resounded on the door, their weight holding a finality that Stretch had only heard about in edgy poetry. He sighed, trudging to the door in a walk of shame. He stopped a foot from the door, feeling his mouth twitch up a bit in humor. 

“Who’s there?”

“Gunner.”

“Gunner who?”

There was a slight pause- for comedic effect, of course. “Gunner let me in or what?”

Stretch snickered, pulling open the door and stepping aside to let the smaller in, feeling his soul drop a bit as the easy walk stiffened and he slowed, then stopped. “...Is something burning?”

He sniffed, looking off to the side. “My microwave, probably.”

There was a moment’s pause before Sans turned to look over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow in amusement. Stretch returned the stare, though with a much less amused expression, sticking out his tongue. Sans chuckled, starting to walk in the direction where the appealing scent of burnt hair and plastic was the strongest. “Hey, Stretch. Have you ever made a quiche before?”

The taller rolled his eyes, despite the fact that there was no way the skeleton in front of him could see. “Bitch, I can’t even microwave ramen.”

Sans turned around, walking backwards for a few steps. “Do you wanna learn how?”

Stretch watched him for a few moments before nodding and following after. That was one of the main things he liked about Sans, he realized. It was… easy, in a good way. There was never any need to impress since there was never a chance that he would be disappointed in something that effort was put into. “Lead the way, and teach me your skills, oh Wise and Marvelous Sans.”

“Keep that up and I ain’t teaching you nothing.”

 

**Eleven**

Holding hands ( **kustard** )

 

Sans adjusted the telescope in his hands, eye pressed to the (clean) piece on it as he traced the sky, looking for the best angle to view their target. Saturn’s rings were supposed to be easily visible tonight- something about the alignment and atmosphere that he hadn’t bothered to read further on once he’d first seen it, instead teleporting straight into Red’s room with a “holy fuck get your telescope”- and they’d decided to make a date out of it. The park was mostly empty, and the sound of crickets chirping melded peacefully with the slight breeze that rustled the limbs of the trees in the dark. He sighed in contentment as he stared up at the clear night sky, eyes easily picking out the constellations that he had seen hundreds of times before, yet would probably never get tired of.

Red started humming softly, the tune flicking in and out as he focused in on his adjustments before picking it back up. His voice was scratchy, and maybe the slightest bit off-key, but Sans found himself closing his eyes anyways, letting the melody soothe him into a relaxed, almost meditative state. Red cleared his throat, but Sans kept his eyes shut, upper body propped up on his hands as his legs splayed straight out in front of him.

“Hey, Sans?”

He lifted his chin up in the slightest acknowledgement before he yawned. “Yeah?”

“Could you hold this fer just a sec?” 

Sans hummed in agreement, shifting his weight to prop on only one arm as he stuck his other hand out, waiting for the screwdriver or something to be put in his palm--

Warm phalanges wrapped around his own, their fingers linking, and Sans opened his eyes in shock, blinking down at where they were joined. His gaze moved up to Red, with his cocky, self-satisfied smirk, before he snorted, holding the hand in his own a bit tighter. 

“Red, you fucking nerd, we’ve been dating for a month, you don’t have to trick me into holding your hand.”

Red shrugged in return, using the stealthily acquired grip on his hand to tug him forwards into a chaste kiss. “I gotta keep you on yer toes somehow, right?”

Sans rolled his eyes fondly as he scooted closer, leaning his head against Red’s shoulder as the glimmering stars inched across the sky above them. His eyes hooded as he watched the constellations, waiting for the best viewing time, the warmth of Red’s hold beginning to seep up his arm and to the rest of his body. He didn’t think he would ever get tired of this.

 

**Twelve**

Looking for each other in crowd ( **kedgeup** )

 

Fell sighed heavily once more- he’d been doing a lot of that since he started dating Sans, but on the bright side at least he could say that his oxygen intake was better, if that was even a thing that you brag about- as he turned in a circle slowly, scanning over the room full of people. He’d been walking, getting groceries, and then all of a sudden when he looked up Sans was gone from the inside of the cart. And it certainly didn’t help matters that Sans was so damn short that he could easily hide in plain sight behind some shelf or clothes rack or something.

He shifted his grip on the handle of the. cart, glancing semi-anxiously at the various humans and monsters around him before he started to push through, muttering “excuse me”s and “pardon”s when he was treated with various glares. He managed to push his way into a fairly empty aisle, giving his head a small shake to clear up his thoughts (this was a  _ Tale _ universe, for crying out loud, Sans was fine and had probably just popped away to go stare longingly at the industrial sized ketchup again) as he looked back down at the list in his hand. Let’s see, he’d gotten the eggs and butter, but he still needed to make sure e got the milk, and not the shitty, skim kind, but--

He glanced up again, eyes moving across the aisle before he swallowed, folding up the note and placing it in his pocket. “...Sans?” He tried. When there was no answer he huffed, forcing himself to feel nothing but annoyance as he raised his voice loud enough to carry across the store, ignoring the side glances that the human woman in the aisle with him threw- fuck you, Linda, he could totally kick your ass, just get your fcuking organic-ass cereal out of aisle six.

“SANS!”

There was a few moments pause before a pop came from behind him and he turned, seeing Sans standing there with at least a dozen plastic cups held in his arms. He shuffled up, offering one to Fell before he popped back into the child’s seat, settling down with his catch. Fell raised a brow at him, starting to relax. “What the hell is this?”

“Free sample,” Sans said around his mouthful of cracker, reaching down into one of the chaos and popping another in his mouth.

Fell huffed out a laugh before he took hi own cup, taking a bite of a cracker and making a face. “Sans, these are fucking disgusting.”

“Yeah, but they’re  _ free.” _

 

**Thirteen**

Texting words of comfort ( **ketchupenchiladas** )

 

Razz shifted his paperwork, straightening the pages out before he put them in a folder, taking a marker and writing “LIZARD BITCH” in all caps across the top of it. He set it off to the side- that’s what she got for fucking shunting her paperwork off on him just because she’d rather fuck her wife- as he stood from his desk chair. His spine popped as he straightened, making him wince at the noise as he walked around behind his chair, pushing it in under the desk. He was about to walk downstairs to make dinner when he heard his phone buzz from where it was charging. He walked over and picked up it up see a message from Sans. 

 

**Lazy:** hey

**Edgy™:** If this is a set up for a pun, then I’m giving a premptive fuck you.

**Lazy:** nah just wanted 2 talk

 

Razz frowned down at his phone, glancing around his room before looking back down at the screen. Something was definitely wrong. He walked to his door as he typed out a response, taking the steps slowly as the message sent.

 

**Edgy™:** What’s wrong.

**Lazy:** wut makes u think smthn is wrong

**Edgy™:** Don’t bullshit me, Sans. What happened. I’ll kick someone’s ass.

**Lazy:** nah leave the asses of unknown persons alone its just me

 

He switched into his messenger app, texting the owner of the local Chinese restauraunt- fuck you, he didn't want to cook  _ all _ the time- for his regular order before clicking back into his chat with his lover. 

 

**Edgy™:** Well, what’s wrong with yourself?

**Lazy:** babe were gonna b here all nite if i list that

**Edgy™:** Sans.

 

The messages stopped, and Razz sighed out of his nose as he pocketed his phone, looking up around his living room. A few pillows were ou of place on the couch, and the magazines on the coffee table were tilted slightly off center, so he went over and started to fix them, ignoring the tightness of worry in his chest. His phone buzzed again, and his hand shot back to his pocket, pulling it out to look at the message.

 

**Lazy:** theres a human monster dignitary meetin thing goin on

**Lazy:** just a lotta ppl

**Edgy™:** What are you doing at the meeting?

**Lazy:** kid wanted me 2 come

 

Razz tapped his finger twice on the side of the screen in thought before he turned to the front door, walking to the shoe closet right beside it.

 

**Edgy™:** Do you want me to come over? I’m free for the rest of the night, it’s not any trouble.

**Lazy:** nah i dont wanna bother u

**Lazy:** plus just talking is good enough

 

He stepped away from the closet with a huff, ignoring the slight blush on his cheekbones as he sat on the edge of the sofa. An idea popped into his head and he texted the restaraunt to make it a double before switching back over to his messages with Sans.

 

**Edgy™:** Well, how much longer does it last?

**Lazy:** another 30 min or so maybe

**Lazy:** y

**Edgy™:** I just ordered Chinese, so if you want to you can come over here after.

**Lazy:** u

**Lazy:** ordered takeout

**Edgy™:** Fuck you, Long Fung is a quality fucking restaurant.

**Lazy:** lol

**Lazy:** yea i wud rly like that

**Edgy™:** Alright. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you until then?

**Lazy:** can i tell shitty jokes

**Edgy™:** No.

**Lazy:** r u sure

**Edgy™:** Yes.

**Lazy:** y wasnt the skeleton having fun @ the dignitary meeting

**Edgy™:** Sans, I swear to fucking god.

**Lazy:** he had no body 2 hang out w/

**Edgy™:** I’m leaving now and I’m coming there to kick your ass.

**Lazy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) 

**Lazy:** c u soon  <3

**Edgy™:** For fuck’s sake.

**Edgy™:** <3

 

**Fourteen**

Thinking about each other while apart ( **honeyblossom** )

 

Stretch sighed as he burrowed his face deeper into the hood of his sweatshirt, feeling what was definitely a very obvious blush heating up his face. He shoved his hands further into his pockets, fumbling around for his carton of cigs before he remembered that, oh yeah, he had just so happened to hand his vice over to Paps the other day in promise to stop for good. A frustrated noise bubbled up from the back of his throat as he thought of the skeleton that was the reason he was so flustered with to begin with.

God, he still couldn’t believe that Papyrus had asked him out those few months back (he honestly didn’t know why he was being so obscure with it since he fucking knew that it was three months and two weeks to the day since the other had approached him, smile bright but hands wringing nervously in front of his body as he asked him to join him on a tour of the new museum that was opening up, and he needed to cut this train of thought off before his face became bright enough so the glow could be seen through the cloth of his hood), but he found himself grateful that his bubbly alternate had seen something in him that he considered worth courting for all this time.

If only he wasn’t so lovestruck as to be sitting on the couch, watching NTT reruns and finding himself wishing that his boyfriend was sitting beside him so that he could fall asleep with his head in the other’s lap, fingers running lightly over his skull-- He stood up quickly enough to startle Blue- who was sitting beside him with a notepad, scribbling down notes on the various patterns of Nabstabot’s music and dance (and he claimed he wasn’t a fanboy)- as he hurried into the kitchen, muttering a “I’m kinda hungry bro okay thanks bye” as he left the room.

He stopped in the center of the room, bare feet clacking on the cold tile as he walked over to a cabinet, pulling it open and grabbing his trusty can of spaghettios. He tore the lid right off of that fucker before he grabbed a spoon, scraping the cold pasta mixture straight out of the can and into his mouth. Man, Papyrus always hated it when he did this; he would cross his arms in front of his chest and give him shadiest slide-glare even as he struggled not to smile. Stretch paused with the spoon halfway to his mouth, narrowing his eyes at the utensil as if personally offended before bringing it back down.

He looked out the window as he dropped the spoon back into the can with a plop, setting it off on the counter to the side. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and on days like this he couldn’t help but to think about how much better it could be if only he was hanging out with his lover. He rubbed at his eyes as he scooted the can closer to the sink- he would probably get it later, or at the very least he would hear Blue scold him for it later- before going to pad back into the living room to watch NTT. His phone started to ring when he was about halfway out of the kitchen, and he pulled it out in confusion before he saw who it was and answered it quickly, feeling a huge grin pull across his face.

“Hey!” Oh god that sounded desperate, his voice cracking on it and everything. He pulled the device away from his head, coughing once into his hand before bringing it back up and answering in a much more mellow tone. “Hey, Paps. What’s up?”

“Well, to tell you the truth, I kinda miss you.”

Fuck. Fuck mission abort his blush was coming back this was getting out of hand. “Heh, yeah, uh. Me- me too.”

There was a slight hesitation, and Stretch could basically picture Papyrus wringing his hands in front of himself nervously. “I… don’t suppose you would want to come over?”

“Yes!” It was only after he said it that he realized that he had shouted into the receiver loud enough for Blue to hear him, his brother poking his head into the kitchen in confusion before taking in his flushed face and the phone before he put two and two together, his confusion morphing into a grin.

He waved harshly at his older brother as Blue put his hands on both his cheeks, closing his eyes and starting to make loud kissing noises. 

“That sounds great! So I’ll see you in a few moments?”

Blue walked up closer to him and started making the smooching noises louder. Stretch placed a hand on his forehead as his brother leaned forward, trying to keep him at a safe distance. “Yeah! Yeah, see you in a few!”

He waited long enough for an affirmative from Papyrus before he clicked his phone off, shoving it in his pocket and turning to glare at his brother at the same time that Blue doubled over laughing. “Have- have fun on your date, Papy!”

Stretch huffed in embarrassment as he stomped out of the kitchen, going to slip on his ratty converse. “You know what? I totally will!”

As he was leaving the house he heard Blue laugh once more. “Make sure you use protection!”

Stretch screamed all the way to Papyrus’ house.

 

**Fifteen**

Sneaky kisses ( **honeyketchup** )

 

Sans yawned as he propped his head up on his arm, feeling his eyes start to drift shut. He’d been working at his hot dog station for about ten minutes straight, now. He was due for a break or two. He blindly reached forward to the small “OPEN” sign that was sitting on the front of his cart, flipping it over so that it showed “BACK IN whenever” as he had written on it.

Turning around on the stool, he slid to the ground, feet hitting the concrete with a plop. He gathered his magic as he walked around the side of his stand, teleporting away to where he knew Stretch’s stand was and walking around front. The other had his feet propped up on the side of the counter, a large pair of headphones over his head as he tapped at his phone. Sans gave a small wave as he looked up, Stretch grinning and sliding his headphones around his neck. 

The other glanced off to the side, pointing with his finger. “Hey, look. It’s Papyrus.”

Sans turned with a bunch of puns ready on the tip of his tongue before a hand grabbed the front of his jacket, pulling him forwards into a quick kiss.

He rolled his eyes. “Stretch, the surprise kiss day was a while ago. This is suppose to be sneaky kissing.”

Stretch made a confused noise, letting his hand flop loose on his wrist as he propped his feet back up. “And how the hell are we supposed to do that?”

Sans grinned. “You could dress as a ninja. That’s pretty sneaky.”

Stretch snorted as he nodded his head, looking up in thought. “What if we both sneak away from our stations and make out? That’s pretty sneaky, right?”

Sans shrugged. “Looks like the writers okay with it, but I think that’s mostly because they forgot to write the fluff and they had to churn something out super quickly.”

And then they both went into the woods and they fucking made out like two teenagers and also there were fireworks, the end.

  
**Sixteen**

Breakfast in bed ( **polyruses** )

 

Fell slowly opened his eyes, feeling more relaxed than he had in days. A warm body was at his front, arms curled into his chest with a head tucked into his shoulder. He felt a rare smile curl at his face as he pressed a chaste kiss to the top of Papyrus’s skull, using his arm to pull the other closer. He wasn’t much for lazy days, or laying around in general, but he could stand to wait here for a few more minutes just to hold onto the tranquil feeling. The body in his arms shifted a bit, and Papyrus pulled back to look at him, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

He smiled- Fell would honestly never get tired of that smile- as he said good morning, looking around before he blinked in confusion. “Uh, where are Stretch and Slim?”

Fell furrowed his brow, sitting up and looking around the bed that held only half of its usual occupants. “I suppose it’s too much to hope that they left for work early instead of getting into trouble?”

Papyrus gave him a look that roughly translated to “I know that hoping is great but let’s try to stick with the somewhat feasible” as he pushed himself up as well. Fell opened his mouth to shout for the other two when a loud explosion was heard downstairs, making him jump. He smacked his hand to his face at about the same time that Papyrus let out an exasperated groan.

The door slammed open and a frazzled Slim came in, blinking around the room before he moved up to Fell. “Babe, I need your fire extinguisher.”

He obliged, albeit slowly, pulling it out of his index and handing it to the other. “Why do you need it?”

Slim grabbed it, coughing into his palm a he glanced around the room. “Uh, I’m gonna… fuck it?”

Papyrus raised an eyebrow as Fell scoffed. “You’re going to fuck it.”

“Yes.” He tilted his head up with a sniff. “Yes I am. You guys know that this accident protection shit just gets me going.”

Stretch entered the room, fist pressed against his teeth as he coughed. There were smears of black across his skull and hoodie, and he smelled like burnt something. “Slim, it’s getting worse,” he coughed out.

Papyrus made a confused noise. “Wait, what’s getting worse?”

Both of the lazies tensed up before Slim gripped the extinguisher tighter to his chest. “IT’S MY BONER, MY BONER IS GETTING WORSE!”

With that he darted out of the room, screaming loudly as he went to go- presumably- put out a fire. Stretch coughed into his hand once more. “We were, uh, planning on surprising the two of you with pancakes in bed.”

Papyrus perked up. “You two were making pancakes?!”

Another cough. “We were just reheating the frozen ones in the toaster, actually.”

Fell stared at him blankly, running through the reasons why he loved these two dumb assholes as he tried to figure out how they set fire to their kitchen with a damned toaster.

“How did a fucking toaster cause that.”

“I honestly don’t know, I’m not even sure that it was plugged in.”

 

**Seventeen**

Buying a gift ( **rottenberry** )

 

Blue grinned at Razz before darting over to the broom closet, grabbing a small, wrapped box and coming back with a slip in his step. Razz raised an amused eyebrow at him to which he winked, taking the box and holding it out for the other to grab. It was simply wrapped: black matte wrapping paper with a small silver ribbon tied into a bow just above it. Razz took it gently from his hands, turning it over as he looked at it in slight confusion.

“Thank you, love, but why did you get this for me?”

Blue smiled softly, giving a small glance over to the calendar. It was Razz’s birthday. Oddly enough, despite all being the exact same person, they shared different birthdays. Which made things easier in the whole “not-having-to-buy-a-fuckton-of-gifts-all-at-once” department. Even though they had different birthdays, or perhaps because of it, Razz seemed intent on trying to forget his own. Which Blue wasn’t going to ever let happen.

Razz followed his look, giving a fond sigh as he caught the date, turning the gift over in his hands. Blue never late a date slip by him. “I don’t guess I can convince you to return this, can I?” He received a glare in response and sighed as he picked at the tape, thoroughly whipped for now.

The paper tored easy enough, and Razz lifted the front cover of the box before his eyes widened, reaching in and picking it up.

Leather gloves, the same color as his current ones, obviously custom-made, hung from his fingers. Blue gave a small laugh. “I just noticed your old gloves were needing replacement.”

Razz nodded as he slipped off the old gloves, pulling on the new ones and flexing his fingers as he adjusted the supple leather. He stood, grabbing the sides of Blue’s hips and tugging him in for a relatively chaste kiss. “They’re wonderful. I love you.”

Blue laughed, nuzzling his head into Razz’s neck as he held his lover close. “I love you too!”

 

**Eighteen**

Having an misunderstanding ( **mapleblossom** ) 

 

Slim screamed into a pillow, lying dramatically over the couch. God, he was such a fucking  _ idiot. _ Papyrus was one of the best things to ever happen to him and he just fucking…

He let the pillow flop off of his face, sighing heavily as he stared up at the ceiling. Had those cracks always been there? Or were they new? His magic did have a tendency to grab things and sling them around whenever he was agitated, so it may have happened during his scream session into the cushion. You know, it was funny how that worked. One moment you’re screeching obscenities into a pillow and then the next shattered pieces of table are raining down around you. Life just worked that way sometimes.

The familiar clack of heels made its way towards his moping spot, and with a heavy sigh Slim let himself slide onto the floor, staring at the space between his feet with a grumble. The boots stopped just in the corner of his vision, so Slim grabbed his hood and pulled it tight around his face. If you ignore your problems for long enough, then eventually they’ll go away, right?

Wrong.

A hand yanked his hood away, and Slim huffed as he looked up (at, really, since he was only barely shorter than his brother when he was sitting on the floor) to Razz with a glare. His arms were crossed over his armor, and his entire posture held that “you’ve fucked up once again” feel to it. Slim pressed a hand to the cushion of the shitty couch, using it as leverage to push himself up- god, it was already hard enough to get up and it was apparently going to get even  _ harder?- _ and trudge to his room. He was stopped by a harsh yank to the back of his jacket and let out a loud groan, turning around violently and smacking away his hand.

“What the fuck do you want, bro?”

Razz frowned. “I want to know why Sans called me and asked why the fuck you broke up with Papyrus.”

Slim stiffened, then looked away. “It’s none of your damned business.”

It was silent for a few moments before Razz’s eyes widened the slightest bit. “You didn’t tell him?!”

Slim scoffed, shoving his hands violently in his pockets. “Of fucking course I didn’t! I mean, how do you look at someone and tell them that you’re- you’re pregnant?”

Razz looked at him like he was a fucking idiot- given his earlier actions, that wasn’t too far off- scoffing and looking to the side. “First, you look at them, and then you say ‘Hey. I’m pregnant.’”

“Wow, thanks bro,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re a  _ wonderful _ help.”

Razz didn't respond to his jab as usual, so he chanced a glance down to see his brother looking at him blankly. The smaller sighed, pinching his nasal ridge. “Fine. Don’t. I won’t make you.”

He looked back up, and Slim held his gaze for an amazing two seconds before he snapped his gaze away, staring at the ratty sofa. “But be sure to ask yourself if this is worth losing him for.”

With that he turned, walking away and leaving Slim standing alone in the living room. He swallowed as he made his way to the couch, sitting down and burying his face in his hands.

God, he really was a fuck up.

 

**Nineteen**

Reconciling after the misunderstanding ( **mapleblossom** )

 

Slim cracked his neck as he stared at the house in front of him nervously. Psyching himself up wasn’t really working. At all. He sighed, giving an almost painful grimace as he stepped up to the front door, swallowing thickly. He could feel tears prickling his eyes, and he fought them back even as fears ran through his head.

What if Papyrus didn’t want to have anything to do with their kid? What if he made an awful fucking parent? ...What if Papyrus slammed the door in his face?

In all honesty, he wouldn't blame him. Couldn’t blame him, after what he’d done. He placed his hands in his pockets, pressing down and feeling the flat- for now- form of his ecto stomach. Only one way to find out, right?

He held his breath as he lifted his hand, pressing the doorbell once. It took longer than ten seconds to answer, and Slim found his shoulders curling in on himself. God, if Paps was home and he really was taking this long to answer then he might be in worse shape than Slim had thought. He fet a sharp pain in his soul at the hurt that he had caused the other, rubbing the heel of his hand to his chest as he waited. The doorknob jiggled, and Slim stood up straighter, hoping against hope that Paps would be able to forgive hi-

Sans opened the door, taking one look at his haggard appearance and dark circles under his eyes before his eyes light flickered out, going to slam the door shut. He stuck his foot in the frame at the last moment, hissing at the pain. Sans opened it fully, still glaring at him.

“W h a t.”

God, that was terrifying. “Is- Is Papyrus home?”

“Why the hell would he want to talk to you?” Slim flinched, looking down at the ground and wrenching his eyes shut. He wasn’t going to cry. He was not going to cry. “I think you’ve done enough damage for the day.”

No, no he had to apologize, get in there and explain things and do damage control and beg for forgiveness and- “I’m pregnant!”

...What the fuck.

Sans stared at him, eyes slowly flickering back into existence before an amused tint came into his vision. “Hey, Pregnant. I’m Sans.”

Slim let out a small huff of a laugh, sounding weak even to himself. Sans stared at him for a few moments more before he sighed. “You get one more chance in my book. And that’s  _ if _ Paps decides to forgive you.”

Slim nodded, not exactly relieved but at least relaxed slightly. That quickly went away as he thought of Papyrus, throat constricting a he took in a shaky breath. He choked on a sob, tucking his head further into his hood. God, he was such a fuck up, couldn’t even fucking apologize right. Sans took pity on him, turning and calling upstairs. “Paps! Visitor!”

It was a few seconds before his door creaked open, slow footsteps making their way down the hall in a contrast to his normal boundless energy. Slim fought down his guilt, taking in a deep breath to steel himself as he first met eyes with the other. Orange was stained under his eyes, like he had been crying, and his normally impeccable image was slouched and hurt. It only got worse when he saw Slim, visibly flinching as he stared at the floor. Slim cursed himself and his stupid decisions. 

“Oh. I was wondering when you would get here. I have a f-few of your things in the box upstairs.”  His voice got thicker as he spoke, and Slim felt his own words fail him, choking on grief. Sans flicked his gaze between the two before rolling his eyes, deciding to step in.

“Hey, Paps. Do ya know who this is? An old buddy of mine. His name’s Pregnant.”

Papyrus blinked, looking down at them in shock before turning to Slim. “What…?”

He took in a deep breath. Now or never, right? He stepped forward, grabbing one of his hands and pushing it under his shirt against his flat stomach. Papyrus watched in confusion before his eyes widened. “You’re-!”

Slim nodded, and Papyrus pulled back with an angry huff. He flinched-  _ should've known better should've known better should've known better- _ as Papyrus stomped his foot, glaring at him.

“You…! You stupid,  _ stupid _ man!” Slim winced, tears gathering in the corners of his sockets as he glanced down at the floor. That is, until two hands grabbed the sides of his face and forced him to look directly into the his sockets. “You really think I would leave you over something like that?!”

Before he could answer, Papyrus crushed their mouths together- Sans disappearing soon after with a “yeah, okay, fuck”- before he pulled back, tears flowing freely from his sockets. “Slim, I  _ love _ you.”

Slim choked on a laugh, hot magic sliding down his cheekbones. “I love you too.”

They fell asleep holding each other on the couch, fingers intertwined with hands resting over the growing soul in Slim’s womb. They would make it through this.

 

**Twenty**

Picnic ( **kustard** )

 

Sans raised a brow at Red, the other standing proudly in front of him with his arm outstretched in waiting. He snickered when Red started waggling his brow bone rather impressively, gaze taking on an amused tone. “What?”

Red winked. “I’ve got a surprise fer ya.” 

His eyelights flicked pointedly to his own hand, and Sans rolled his own. “No offense, babe, but I’m not in the mood for a prank.” He had been joybuzzed once too often during a lapse of thought. Though, he did have to (mildly) thank the other. Without him, Sans’s own pranking reflexes wouldn’t have reached the level of expertise that they were currently at.

Red groaned out a sigh before tilting forwards on his feet, flopping down on top of him. Sans made a distressed noise, limbs flailing on the couch before he went limp. Not worth the effort. A skeletal kiss was pressed against his cheek, and he managed to squirm enough to get a look at Red, his eyes blinking quickly in a mocking plead. He snorted out a laugh before giving a dramatic sigh. 

“Alright. Let’s see the ‘surprise.’”

Red grinned, wrapping his arms around his ribcage tighter, the two of them popping away with a teleport. They landed with a small oomf on a pile of blankets atop a hill, the open sky above them. Sans looked around with a small smile before he turned to look at Red. Tried to, at least. It was pretty damn dark. There was the sound of something shuffling around a bit. Then a pause. He heard Red give a low curse, and the absurdness of the entire situation made him laugh.

“What’s wrong?”

A pause. “I, uh. Forgot a flashlight.”

He snickered. “Well that wasn’t very bright of you.”

“Yep.” There was a hollow thunking noise, Sans barely able to make out the sillouette of Red knocking on his temple. “I’m pretty dim-witted.”

“A real bonehead if you ask me.”

It was silent for a few moments before they both broke out into chuckles, Sans leaning against the other’s chest and feeling his warmth seep through both of their jackets. “But I love you anyways.”

He gave a shit-eating grin at the obvious flush on Red’s face at that, the glow helping to illuminate the surrounding area enough that he could see a picnic basket. Red noticed his gaze, giving a small chuckle as his hand came up to scratch at the back of his head. “Surprise?” 

Sans took the basket by the handle, opening it up and peering into the darkness inside. “Well, it  _ looks _ delicious!”

Red snorted, smacking him on the arm. “Yeah, yeah. Fuckin’...” He snatched the basket, rummaging through the content before he pulled out two bottles, handing one to Sans. In the dim moonlight, he could just barely make out that it was ketchup. “There’s ‘sposed to be a meteor shower tonight.”

Sans stopped from where he was about to take a drink, narrowing his eyes. “No there’s not.”

“Yeah, there is.”

He rolled his eyes. “Red, I keep on the news, the only meteor shower that’s possibky going to happen tonight is in Canada.”

“Yep.”

Sans stopped from taking a drink once again, feeling laughter bubbling up in his mouth. “Red, oh my god, did you  _ seriously _ ‘port us to Canada?!”

“Eh?”

He snorted, doubling over and giving Red a harsh nudge in the side with his elbow. The other only grinned, grabbing him and pulling him closer to nuzzle into his neck. Sans laughed, swatting at his face, but left him alone after a few moments to grab at the basket to see what else it contained. 

Reading his mind, Red reached in and pulled out a familiar takeout bag. “I got us Grillbz.”

Sans grabbed the bag. “Hell yeah. You know me so well, babe.”

“I know.” He paused for comedic effect, and Sans felt his grin widening as he waited for the punchline he set him up for. “We’re practically the same person.”

 

**Twentyone**

One teaching the other a craft/skill (like playing the guitar) ( **mapleblossom** )

 

“And then you chain three more before moving to start in the other direction.” Papyrus did so as he looped the yarn over the hook, pulling it through and pausing after, looking up to watch Slim. His eyes were narrowed, mouth hanging open slightly as he watched his deft fingers, looking as if he was watching someone commit some terrible crime.

He looked up at Papyrus, then down at the yarn in his hands, then up again. “What the fuck.”

He huffed, gathering the hook and yarn in one hand as he used his other to smack lightly at his arm in chastisement. Granted, it wasn’t the easiest, but there was no need for crude language. Slim grinned at him before it fell off of his face in concentration as he focused on the hook and string in his hands. He simply stared at it for a few moments before his hands fell back down to his lap. There was a heavy sigh. “Okay, so you’re gonna have to do that again.”

Papyrus snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “You’ve been chaining them this whole time! You just have to make three more and then stop.”

Slim picked up the crochet chain he had made, shaking it in his hand and making the creation sling around in any which direction. “So this sh- stuff is the chain?”

Papyrus nodded, and Slim focused back in on his hands, holding the hook and yarn how he had been shown. He pulled three more loops through before letting his head fall back with a groan. “This is so fucking tedious. How many more of these do I have to do until I have a scarf?”

Papyrus laughed. Slim had lit up when he saw him casually crocheting on the sofa, immediately asking to be taught such a skill himself. Though it seemed that such a task was too much for his lack of patience. “Quite a few more, actually.”

Another groan. Papyrus nudged him, making sure Slim was watching before he started the next stitch. Count back three to start off, loop it over and stick the hook through, loop again, pull two, pull two, and then all the way down for the rest of the chain. Slim repeated his motions slowly a few times, and once he was certain that he had it, Papyrus turned back to the stitching in his hand, going faster down the yarn. It was silent for a few moments, the only sound being their breathing and the occasional click of a branch hitting against the window with the wind before Slim sighed again.

“How the fuck are you so fast at this? Fucking. Quick Hands McGee over there.”

Papyrus shook his head fondly. “I’ve just had a lot more practice!” At Slim’s grumble he lowered his hands, looking over. “Though I do have to ask: Why are you so insistent on making this scarf if you're complaining about doing so?” He realized his words, then quickly backpedaled. “I mean, I think that it’s wonderful that you’re trying something new! But if you truly wanted a scarf, then they sell them at pretty much every establishment!”

Slim was quiet for a few moments before he mumbled something, making a few more stitches on the scarf. At Papyrus’s noise of confusion he sighed, dropping his hands into his lap. “I said that ‘I wanted to make you something,’ but it’s just really stupid. Nevermind.”

He started to get up, setting his work off to the side as he tucked his head into the fluff of his hood. Papyrus would not stand for anyone he was dating to think badly of themself like this! Before he could get too far away, Papyrus grabbed Slim and pulled him back onto the couch before giving him a peck on the cheek. He immediately flushed a charming shade of burnt orange, coughing into his fist. “Well, I think it’s very sweet! I’ll love anything you make me!”

Slim was silent for a few moments before he shook his head, grinning confidently as he tucked his hands into his pockets. “Well, I’m not called the The Sweet Slim for nothing.”

Papyrus smacked him on the arm, rolling his eyes fondly. Though, he did make a mental note to change his contact name to “Sweet Slim Jim” later.

 

**Twentytwo**

Wiping tears away ( **supreme edgeberry** )

 

“I j-just don’t get it!” Fell flinched at the slight anger in Blue’s tone, seeing Razz do the same a bit to the side of him. Part of him felt a surge of satisfaction that the asshole was just as cuffed as he was, but he quickly shoved it down. This was supposed to be about Blue, dammit, his own personal feelings about his lover’s edgier counterpart aside. “I don’t understand why you two can’t get along!”

Fell quickly moved his gaze away from the smaller’s glare, trying to ignore the twisting in his soul that came when he saw the hurt in his eyes. Beside him, Razz folded his arms over his chest as he tucked his chin down to his chest, staring at the floor. The bastard was just staring blankly at the floor, not even having the decency to look like he regretted it at all since the entire damn argument was  _ his fault- _

His train of thought was derailed when he heard the hitch of breath in front of him, head snapping up to see Blue rubbing at his sockets as his form trembled and shook in small sobs. “I just w-wish you two didn’t h-hate each other!”

He pulled his gloves down, sockets watery as he moved his gaze back and forth between the two of them. “I love both of you, and I w-wish that you could at least tolerate each other!”

Transparent blue tears began to leak out of the corners of his sockets as he doubled over, scrunching his eyes shut and wrapping his arms around his abdomen. Fell widened his eyes, rushing forward to console him at the same time as Razz, hand coming out to wipe away some of the tears on his face. Razz gently took one of Blue’s hands, pressing a kiss to the back as he wrapped an arm around Blue’s waist, comforting him in an embrace. He knelt on one knee so that he was about the same height as Blue, wiping more of the tears away as he pressed a gentle kiss to his temple.

A broad arm wrapped around his ribcage, pulling him closer to his lover at the same time that he saw the arm Blue snaked around Razz’s waist close him in an embrace. He tensed up as he was pressed flush beside Razz, struggling to keep a look of distaste off of his face as he maneuvered to comfort, pulling Blue into his chest. Glancing up, he caught Razz’s gaze, and a flicker of understanding passed between them. They would try to get along.

For Blue’s sake.

Both of them moved in tandem, placing Blue in between them as they surrounded him in comforting embrace. Fell closed his eyes as he listened to the sobs change from cries, to hiccups, to shaky breathing, pressing a kiss to the top of the other’s skull. He would always do whatever he could for Blue.

 

**Twentythree**

Taking care of while sick ( **tripleberryparfait** )

 

Razz rolled his eyes with a huff as his walking through the door was met with two groans. He set the tray of soup down before glancing up at the two in front of him, both bundled in the same blanket on one end of the couch. Blue shifted a bit, jostling Red- who let out a displeased noise- as he reached his arms out of the blanket, stretching them towards the soup in a “gimme” motion. Razz stared at his toddler-like motion before he sighed, motioning for the two to scoot apart and sit up so they could eat.

Blue complied, carefully taking the bowl in his hands and sipping at it. Trying to get the same from Red, however, was a difficult task.

“M’not hungry.” His voice was scratchy from his coughing, catching in the middle of his words because of the magic corrupted in the back of his throat. 

Razz made a face at the noise, using his magic to set the other up and shove the bowl into his hands. “I don’t give a fuck. If you don’t eat then you won’t get better as quickly, and I’ll be fucked if I babysit your ass for any longer than I have to.”

Red muttered a “gee, thanks” and Razz ignored his sarcastic tone, taking the nearly empty bowl from Blue once he was done. The smallest of the three sniffled. “I think I’m gonna die.”

Razz stopped mid-setting the bowl down, looking over his shoulder with the same expression as a drastically overworked single parent (currently, he was about on that level). “Blue, for the last fucking time, you have the flu. You’re not dying.”

Blue whined, falling onto his side. “You’ll tell Papy I love him, right?”

He ignored the other, taking the bowl from Red now that it was empty. He stacked them on top of each other, walking into the kitchen and setting them beside the sink. He’d wash them later when he was certain the two were well enough to not be up his ass every three seconds. He grabbed two rags from one of the drawers in the kitchen, running cold water over both before wringing out the excess, walking into the living room and setting the folded cloths on their foreheads. Red gave a grateful sigh, burrowing further into the blankets around him, as Blue made a distressed noise, smacking the rag off of his forehead. Razz huffed, picking it up and going to put it back where it went when Blue’s flailing arms smacked it out of his hands.

“No! It’s cold!”

He groaned. “That’s the fucking point! You have a fever, Blue.”

Red butted in. “I hate bein’ sick. This is bullshit.”

Razz turned his glare to him. “You wouldn’t be sick if you didn’t have a fucking fetish for illness.”

Both skeletons on the couch in front of him made various noises of embarrassment. “Takin’ care of someone who’s sick ain’t a fetish!” “Razz, no!”

He rolled his eyes, smacking the rag down on Blue’s head, the other giving a shout but leaving it be. He sighed, rubbing at his sockets, letting out a yelp when two hands grabbed at his shirt and yanked him forward, trapping him between the two sick skeletons on his couch. Before he could get up and run away, Red flopped down over his lap as Blue latched his hands around his waist, both stubbornly refusing to move.

Razz swore, trying to push them off, but failing against their (surprisingly strong) grips. “Fuck off! I’m not letting you two make me sick as well!”

“Join us, babe.”

“Razz, I just want you to know that I love you before I die.”

“Same.”

“Also I was the one who ate your leftovers a few days ago.”

Razz sighed as they went back and forth, their fevers combined with the medication- he’d walked in on Red chugging a straight bottle of Nyquil, and hadn’t been able to smack it out of his hands in time before the other could take what was definitely more than the recommended dose- making them near delirious.

He tried to shift again, but found that the blanket was tangled around him as well, leaving him thoroughly ensnared. He would just have to wait for the other two to pass the fuck out. With a heavy sigh he let his head flop back against the couch, closing his eyes as he resigned himself to his fate.

 

**Twentyfour**

Moving in together ( **bledgeup** )

 

Fell huffed as he set the shitty couch that his brother and Sans had  _ insisted _ on keeping despite its inherent awfulness. The springs were creaky and it smelt like the community sofas at the YMCA, unappealing in any manner. Though, in the end, it was two against three, so the couch moved with them.

He and Red had both agreed that leaving Sans alone after Papyrus moved to go to college wasn’t the smartest idea, so they had suggested he move in with two of them in their new apartment. It took little convincing to get him to agree, and after that it was a simple matter of moving Sans’s things in. Or, more specifically, Fell moving Sans’s things in as Red ad Sans refused to help.

He huffed, giving the ratty furniture a kick before glaring at the two. “You know, this would go by a lot faster with some help from your teleports.”

Red smirked, shrugging in a casual manner. “Can’t. Gotta stay up here and supervise.”

He stared at him in annoyance as Sans snickered, swinging his legs casually under the table he was sitting on. “I did help.”

“Taking in one oddly-shaped lamp doesn’t count as helping.”

Sans shrugged a he popped away, reappearing a few feet from the table with his hand on their fridge. “And there. Now I’m even more useful than Red.”

The insulted made an offended noise, the two beginning to banter back and forth lightheartedly as Fell shook his head fondly, turning to go and carry a few more items in. They were both assholes, and he found himself looking forward to being able to see their faces every morning for years to come.

 

**Twentyfive**

Adopting a pet together ( **rottenberry** )

 

Blue was busy chopping peppers and onions to put in the pan for his fajitas when he heard the front door open. He smiled, wiping his hands off on a towel and setting the knife to the side as he went to go greet Razz. The grin fell off of his face in shock at the mass of white fur held in Razz’s arms. The other coughed, then set the dog on the ground, where it happily shook itself off before trotting over to a nearby table to sniff around the ground. Blue watched the dog explore for a few moments before he turned to Razz, raising an eyebrow.

Razz cleared his throat. “So. I can explain.”

Blue crossed his arms, watching as the large dog lifted up, nudging its nose at a few pictures that were sitting on the table before sitting down, its hind leg coming up to scratch violently at its ears. The motion sent fur flying around the area surrounding the dog, the few clumps of dirt in the white fur being shaken off and landing on the floor. He turned back to Razz, the other trying to hide a flinch as he wrapped a leash in his hand up. 

“I was walking down the road and this human was dragging it along behind him, and the dog wasn’t following at a quick enough speed for the asshole, so he went to kick it.” His hands lifted up in an exaggerated fashion as he glared at the ceiling, obviously angry about it. Blue honestly couldn’t blame him, because he would be more than ticked if he saw something like that as well. “And so I ran up and knocked him unconscious, and now the dog belongs to me.”

...Blue couldn’t really blame him for that either. But…

“You assaulted a human and then stole his dog.”

Razz nodded. “Pretty much. I put a few twenties in his pocket to pay for it. Close enough to a legal transaction, right?”

Blue sighed, pinching his nasal ridge between his fingers. “Not really.”

Something nudged his upper arm, and he looked down to see the dog, wagging its tail slightly as its droopy eyes stared at him, small stains in the fur from tears. He furrowed his brow as he looked at it before he sighed, guilt sitting in his chest. “Alright. I have to say I’m a little upset at you for bringing a  _ stray _ home but since it obviously didn’t have a home I suppose we can take care of it.”

Razz grinned, catching his undertone, as he walked up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “That’s great, because I may have bought toys and food and shit already.” Blue shifted his teeth as he stared at him, but he fell into a smile when Razz only grinned in return.

The dog boofed loudly beside them before it sat on its haunches, seeming content to stare. Razz moved away after giving him another peck on the cheek, grabbing a bag from the pet store that he hadn’t noticed before as he walked away. “I’m going to get a bath started for her.”

Blue huffed, watching him go, before turning back to the dog. He placed a hand on her head, to which she nudged, tail giving a small wag. “Hey, Razz! What’s her name?”

“Scaevola!”

He huffed, giving the dog a small scratch behind the ears before walking back to continue to cook, muttering to himself.

“What is it with him and Roman history?”

Scaevola huffed out a sigh of her own as she followed him, laying down and resting her large head on her paws. Blue picked up the knife, beginning to chop the vegetables again as he heard Razz calling for the dog, who responded by yawning and not moving. It certainly was lucky that their apartment building allowed pets.

 

**Twentysix**

Bad habits ( **rottenberry** )

 

“Razz?”

Razz looked up from his crossword, brow furrowing. “Yes?”

There was a slight pause, and the faint sound of shuffling came from their bedroom before Blue let out a huff. “Could you come and help me?”

He set the small book down on the table, pushing himself up and walking into the bedroom. He stopped with a snort at what he saw.

Blue was standing with his back facing the door, fingers violently tugging at the knot tied behind his head, only succeeding in pulling it tighter. Blue eyes met his own, his face turned up in an upset expression. “Can you untie this?”

Razz grinned, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can.”

They stood there, looking at each other for a few moments, before Blue huffed, letting his arms flop down to his sides as he turned around, mirroring the other’s position. Razz held it for a few seconds longer before he let his arms drop, stepping forward and reaching to help. Blue turned, letting Razz begin to loosen the knot that it was tied on.

“Jesus fuck. How the hell did it get this bad?”

Blue was quiet for a few moments before he sighed, head falling forward. “Just a stressful day at work. It’s fine.”

Razz tugged at one of the ends of the bandana, loosening it enough that he could pull a loop of the cloth through. It was silent for a few moments as he deftly worked at the knot, Blue shifting slightly in front of him. He always tugged at his bandana whenever he was nervous, though it had been a while since the knot was this bad to undo. It must have been one hell of a day at work.

After a few more tugs, the cloth was loose enough to easily untie, the bandana sliding off of his neck smoothly. Blue turned to him with a grateful smile before he folded up the cloth, setting it on the dresser beside their bed. Razz looked at him for a few moments before he walked over, scooping him up into a bridal-style carry. A shocked burst of laughter came from his mouth as he was manhandled into the living room and thrown onto the couch.

“Get ready, bitch. We’re watching a fucking movie.”

Blue laughed again, giving him an amused look. “I was about to take a shower.”

Razz closed the crossword book, setting it on top of the other puzzle books before he went to the couch and pulled Blue into his lap, pressing a kiss to his now-bare neck. “We can take a shower later. We’re watching a fucking movie.”

Blue rolled his eyes as he leaned back into the embrace. A blue aura surrounded the remote before it floated over to his hand, the tv clicking on soon after. Razz shut his eyes, pressing another kiss to the side of Blue’s skull before he began to flip through the movies on Netflix. The other leaned into the affection, settling down into his hold.

“I love you.”

Razz could feel the other relaxing against him and smiled, tightening his embrace. “I love you too.”

 

**Twentyseven**

Painting a room together ( **BBQhoney** )

 

“You’re supposed to use the roller for the big parts of the wall.”

Stretch scoffed, waving his brush around as he dropped his voice into a mocking imitation of the other’s, dipping in the consonants and making soft vowels. “The roller’s for the big part of the wall.” 

Slim made a face in his direction as he rolled the correct utensil in the tray of paint. He sighed, heavily, as if weighed down by a great burned as he lifted it to press against the wall. It was immobile for a few moments before Slim groaned again, head falling forward on his neck. “This is so fucking stupid.” He turned his head to look at Stretch. “Why are we doing this again?”

Stretch rolled his eyes, taking the brush and smacking it against a non-painted spot against the wall. The action sent splatters over his clothes, and he was glad that he was just in a cheap pair of track shorts and an older tee, because he looked like a fucking abstract expressionist painting at the current moment. “Because, everyone hated the color of our living room apartment, and they said that they would never come over again if we didn’t repaint it.”

Slim turned the roller so it was perpendicular to the ground, starting to walk around the circumference of the room in a way that was definitely not meant to actually be painted as, excess dripping down over the uncolored portions and leaving wet trails of gray down the wall. “And why is that a bad thing, again?”

Stretch took a step back, dipping his brush in the can of paint before swinging his arm quickly across the wall, sending splatters of paint across the entire area. Jackson Pollock could kiss his ass. “Cuz.” Another swing of his arm. “If they don’t come over then they don’t bring snacks and shit or potluck, and we have to buy our own.”

Slim grunted his approval- always with the fucking noises, that guy, and if they weren’t skeletons then he would be near convinced that the other was a subterranean reptile humanoid (he still wasn’t 100% convinced he wasn’t)- as he finished his lap around the room. He rolled it in the tray of paint before placing it on the wall just below the line he just made, starting to make another lap.

“You know,” Stretch drawled, “that’s not how you’re supposed to paint a wall.” With that he turned, continuing to violently sling paint at the wall in a manner that most certainly wasn’t the most correct either.

A harsh scoff came from behind him, and he turned to glare over his shoulder at Slim’s condescending look. “Oh, and I’m sure you could definitely show me the right way to paint a wall, hm?”

Stretch stared at him for a few moments before he hefted his paintbrush, chucking it full-force at the other’s chest. It hit against him with a small plop, and Slim looked down at his soiled tank top with a gasp. “This was from  _ Goodwill!” _

His offended tone made Stretch snort, turning his head to the side. The action left him entirely unaware of Slim darting up to him until it was too late. You know, it’s hard to truly realize how great your life was when unmarred by the horrors of paint until you truly know the pain of having a cold, wet paint roller streak up the side of your arm with its nefarious color-soaked cotton of misery. He shrieked, arms coming around to throw Slim away from him, but the other’s grip held tight, causing both of them to stumble. Looking back on his life now, Stretch became infinitely aware of how every choice he had ever made had led to this exact moment, falling to the floor, covered in paint and grip tight on his infuriating asshole of a boyfriend, their bodies moving towards a very familiar can of paint.   
Yes, Stretch thought as the contents tipped over them and bathed them in monotonous gray, life had lead him in this direction to be so cruelly damned by fate itself. The door creaked open, and Stretch looked up to see Blue and Razz walking in, bags of what looked like fast food in their hands. He could pinpoint the exact moment when the two of them realized the mess that was now their younger brothers’ living room, stopping to stand in the doorway to enter.

“How the hell do you mess up this badly at something?”

Slim shrugged. “Why the hell did anyone think us capable of performing a simple task that every adult should be able to accomplish? These are both mysterious questions.”

Needless to say, neither one of them got fast food that day.

 

**Twentyeight**

Laundry surprises ( **uf paps/sf paps** )

 

Fell was loading the washing machine with Slim’s clothes- normally he would pick the other up and just lock him in the bathroom until he did the fucking laundry- but he knew that it would just be quicker if he did it himself. He sighed as he picked up a shirt covered in god-knows-what between two fingers, making a face as he dropped it in the top of the washer. Now he just had to-

He picked up a pair of pants, furrowing his brow at how heavy it was. There was no way that the other’s track pants weighed this damn much. Tossing the garment around in his hands a few times, he hit something in one of the pockets, reaching into it and pulling out a plain metal flask. He tossed the pants carelessly in the washer along with the rest of the clothes, adding a bit of soap before closing the top and starting it up.

His footsteps were silent as he made his way into the kitchen, stopping in the doorway for a few moments. Slim was idly chewing on a toothpick as he looked at a recipe he had printed out for ravioli, his sleeves rolled halfway up his arms and flour covering the front of his pants and shirt. Fell sighed at the mess on his clothes- he’d probably have to fucking wash  _ those _ too- as he stepped into the kitchen, making himself known.

Slim grinned at him before his gaze flicked down to a small streak of sauce on his elbow. He made a face, lifting his arm up and sticking his tongue out, trying to lick it off. Fell cleared his throat to get the other’s attention, holding the flask in his hand up questioningly. Slim’s arm dropped as he moved forward, taking it out of his hand and looking at it, the tip of his tongue still sticking out of his mouth.

Fell rolled his eyes. “Do you know what that is?”

Slim hummed, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig. He sputtered as he pulled it away from his face, coughing into his fist. “Ah, fuck.” Another round of coughing. He smacked the other on the back as he caught his breath. “Well, I thought it was whiskey, but I honest to god have no idea.”

Taking it from his hand, Fell brought it up to his nose, sniffing at it before his face twisted in a grimace and he pulled it away. Slim gagged, shaking his head with a shudder. “Oh my god, the taste is getting worse the longer I stand here.

Fell smelt it again. “It smells like bug spray.”

“You know I honestly wouldn’t be fucking surprised.” 

 

**Twentynine**

Wearing each other clothes ( **edgelord supreme** )

 

Razz lifted his arms up, the ends of the sleeves flopping down over his hands. He stared at them apathetically before moving his gaze up to Fell. “You have to be fucking kidding me.”

Fell shrugged, folding up the few button-up shirts he had dragged out of his drawer. “I told you not to pick him up. He doesn’t like it.”

There was a small hiss from the direction of the bed, and Razz glared at the cat that was laying on top, half an ear missing and patches of fur gone from scar tissue. He tried to flip the damned thing off, but the overly-long sleeves covered up his gesture. “It was in my fucking spot on the couch.” Doomfanger hissed again, and Razz managed to turn his face down into an even deeper frown. 

His arms dropped down to his sides, the sleeves of his borrowed shirt coming to stop just above his knees. The edges of his shorts were just barely visible, and he huffed at the entire ensemble. He looked fucking ridiculous. Fell didn’t seem to mind his plight, walking over to his bed and extending his hand for Fang to rub his cheek against with a purr. The hand was soon pulled away, and the happy look on the cat’s face fell as he went back to glaring at Razz.

He growled at its glare before he moved his gaze over to where his shirt was shredded without any hope of recovery. His gaze snapped away at Fell’s snorted laugh, the other standing at the door and holding it open with a smug as fuck look on his face. “Relax. You can go and get a new shirt once the machine cools down enough for you to go back home.”

Razz grumbled as he walked out of the bedroom, trying (and failing) to flip the cat off one last time before he exited. The damned beast was just lucky that its claws hadn’t scratched his armor. “It’s less about the shirt and more about the fucking principle of the matter.”

Fell laughed, and Razz fought to keep his mouth turned down. He was angry, for fuck’s sake. “At least let’s finish the movie.”

The couch creaked as he sat down in his spot- take that you fucking cat- adjusting himself to something similar to comfort before waving his hand at the tv. Fell sat beside him with a grin, grabbing the remote off of the arm of the sofa before sitting beside him, draping his arm none-too-subtly over the back of the sofa. Then again, neither one of them were very skilled with “subtle.” 

The movie started back up, and Razz shifted a bit, pausing in confusion as he smelt vague undertones of bone cologne. A discreet sniff later helped him to determine that it was the shirt he was wearing, Fell’s scent embedded in the cloth. He lifted his head back up, not wanting to be caught huffing the shirt when he was already embarrassed once tonight. He filed a mental not to make sure to never give the shirt back.

It was only fair, after all.

 

**Thirty**

Falling asleep together ( **edgeberry** )

 

A warm arm wrapped over his back, the hand smoothing over his spine in a soothing pattern. Blue let out a content sigh, adjusting himself on his uncomfortable, boney pillow as he leaned into the embrace, closing his eyes with a soft smile.

He liked these quieter moments, he thought, where they were just around each other, being held close and not worrying about anything else. Oh, he loved the puzzles (more traps, on Fell’s part) that they did together, cooking and trying new dishes, going out and, as his boyfriend liked to put it, “owning the town,” but the softer moments, where it was just breathing and gentle touches, those were his favorites, hands down.

Fell shifted again, and Blue nearly lifted his head off of the other’s collarbone to ask what was wrong before the weight of a blanket was drawn over his back, the comforter trapping in the heat and making him hum softly. Fell’s chest rumbled with his quiet chuckles as he stopped moving, settling down into a normal breathing pattern. Blue closed his eyes, tilting his skull just so in order to hear the quiet thrum of the other’s soul.

His head rose and fell with the rise and fall of Fell’s breaths, the other’s breathing so pure that he almost couldn’t hear it. Blue felt himself being lulled into sleep, eyes drifting and staying shut in their heaviness, his entire body relaxing as he slowly slipped into the warm darkness of sleep, the small motions on his back slowing until they came to a stop, Fell following soon after.

 

**Thirtyone**

Halloween! ( **classicherryberry** )

 

Red snickered as Blue stomped his foot. The other usually tried to play cool, but in the end he was still just as energetic as any of the other Papyrus-types. “Both of you! Go! Change!”

Red gave an offended gasp, and beside him Sans did the same. He reached his hands down to smooth down his skirt, adjusting the rope at his side. “Actually, I think that you should be th’ one ta change.”

“No!” His hands were thrown up in the air with a disgusted shout as he turned on his heel, stomping away a few feet before coming back, throwing his arms wide. “We can’t all be Wonder Woman for Halloween!”

A golden lasso was tossed in Blue’s direction, landing sadly about two feet to the left of his figure. Sans gave a small curse before he shambled forwards, grabbing the rope and placing it around Blue’s torso. It hung loosely just above his golden bracelets, and Blue gave Sans an exasperated look. “Speak the truth, doubter.”

“We can’t all be Wonder Woman.”

Sans paused. “Huh.” He took his lasso off, giving the rope a sad few shakes before looping it back over the hook on his belt. “Must be outta batteries.”

Blue whined. “You guys!” Red adjusted his tiara as the ranting continued. “You guys suggested the Justice League. And I was fine! But I called Wonder Woman!”

“You called her? What did she say?”   
“SANS!!!”

Red snickered as Blue began to scold their lover, ending with another shouted “I’M WONDER WOMAN!”

Red grinned. “No, I’m Wonder Woman.”

A rope hit him in the face, and he cursed before he turned to glare at Sans, the other shrugging. “I just wanna know who’s the real WW here. This Spartacus shit is confusing.”

There was a sudden pounding on the door, and Blue sighed as he walked to open it. He was stuck staring out of the door in utter shock for a few moments before Fell strode in, followed soon after by Papyrus and Stretch. All three were dressed as Wonder Woman. Red snickered, then doubled over as he started to laugh, ribcage hurting from the force of his mirth. 

“Heh. Talk about a Wonder-ful night.”

The room of Wonder Women groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this bullshit was almost 17,000 words


	40. Rabble Rousers 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The last time he had trusted that face, it had ended up with the two of them hiding in a tree at a nearby Walmart parking lot at two in the morning, being searched for by angry humans and him holding a large pillowcase full of soap, with Blue wearing almost nothing but a princess crown and a fairy tutu.  
>  That had been a crazy New Year’s Eve. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i didnt hear anyone saying they wanted more of this! what a surprise! me doing something that isnt wanted and isnt new! just me expanding off of old things!!

This would end very badly. That was the only thought that was running through Papyrus’ head as he watched Blue stumble drunkenly around the room, grabbing a pair of swimming trunks and a towel to shove in his inventory. His “New Year’s” glasses were lopsided on his face from where the tape had slipped from dancing, and a drunken flush was over his cheeks. Papyrus was watching his friend’s uncoordinated movements with concern, for both Blue  _ and _ himself.

Blue laughed suddenly at something that only he found funny, hands both coming up to rest on the sides of his hips as he posed proudly. And then he turned to Papyrus.

“You ready!?”

He shook his head. No, no he was  _ not _ ready considering the fact that he was undoubtedly sober, and that Blue had that all-too-familiar gleam in his eyes that only meant trouble. Though being inebriated of any kind when Blue was in full-on Mischief Mode was an awful, awful idea.

Blue just huffed, giving an exaggerated roll of his eyes, his entire head moving with the motion.

“That’s boring. You’re boring.”

Papyrus huffed himself, arms crossing from where they had been slightly extended to make sure that Blue wouldn’t topple over. “Not wanting to break into a hotel to swim in the rooftop pool in the middle of the night  _ isn’t _ boring. Following the laws put into place by the state  _ isn’t _ boring.”

Blue seems to think over his statement for a minute, and Papyrus is relieved, thinking that maybe- just maybe- he’ll be able to get out of whatever the smaller was planning. And then Blue straightened, a look of triumph causing his eyes to sparkle. “It is if they’re boring laws!” He nodded sharply at his own, intelligent logic.

…

Papyrus found that he couldn’t really argue with that. Yet he still stood motionless. Boring or not, they were still the  _ law, _ and he did not want another run in with the police. Especially considering that Blue had been drunk last time as well, and had waved his fists threateningly at three armed state troopers. Thank god that he was so small that the cuteness of the factor weighed out the broken bottle end that he had brandished at the humans. (Boy, wouldn’t Razz be proud.)

Plus, he wasn’t so sure that their brothers would be very happy if they had to pay bail again.

Blue walked up, arms wrapping around him as he used him for support in his drunken stupor. “C’mon, Papyrus! It’s New Years!”

Papyrus huffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t see what the date has to do with anything.” He looked down to see Blue staring at him with starry, puppy dog eyes. No. He would remain firm! He looked up as stoically as possible, staring at an ant that was slowly making its way across the windowsill.

Blue gave him a little shake. “Papyruuuuuuuuuu-” He would not give in. “-uuuuuuuuuuuuu-” He would remain strong in his decision! “-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-” He was training for the royal guard, after all! Such a feat meant that he had patience and diligence that the average monster did not! “-uuu _ uuuuuuuuuuuuuu-” _

Oh for goodness sake. 

“Alright! Fine!” He threw his hands up in the air, moving his eyes from the insect down to the smaller skeleton latched on his leg. Sometime during the extension of his name, Blue had hopped up and used his legs to wrap around Papyrus’ own, holding on like a particularly stubborn child.

Blue stopped drawing out his name, taking a deep breath of air before removing his death grip from his femur and bouncing up, pumping his fists in the air. “YEAH!”

Papyrus shushed him, going and grabbing his own swimming trunks and a towel before they walked out of his room. Blue marched proudly in front of him, walking to the door and throwing it open before strutting his way down the sidewalk. He watched him from the doorway with a small sigh before looking back longingly at the living room. Everyone was far too distracted by their drinks or the game console to notice their departure. Aside from Fell, of course, who nodded in his direction and mouthed a “good luck.” Papyrus nodded before he turned to follow Blue down the sidewalk, getting into his car and watching as the smaller snatched up the aux cord.

He needed all the luck he could get.

It wasn’t long before they reached the hotel that Blue had picked out, parking along the side of the street. Papyrus went to walk into the front door, but Blue grabbed his arm, yanking him off to the side and over to the alleyway beside of the building. “We have to sneak in!” Blue shouted, un-sneakily.

Papyrus sighed, watching as he went up to the fire escape, getting a running start before jumping at the wall and launching himself off of the brick. He grabbed the lowest rung of the ladder, pulling himself up on top of the railing before removing the lock, letting it fall to the ground. Papyrus gave it a worried look before he sighed once again, climbing up the ladder.

Blue obviously knew his way around the area and steps, occasionally pointing at different spots with various warnings about twisted metal and creaky steps. Papyrus wasn’t sure whether or not to be grateful for the warnings, or worried because of the ease at which Blue was able to call forth this information. Eventually, they reached the top of the steps, pulling themselves up the rest of the way to the rooftop pool. Papyrus leaned over the edge of the building, peering down to the ground below. He swallowed. It was a long,  _ long _ fall down.

Blue gave an upset shout and Papyrus turned away from the edge in confusion, looking over. There was a large mat over where the pool was, the water being closed for the wintertime. Briefly, Papyrus recalled the fact that humans were apparently very sensitive to temperature. He walked over, giving the drunk, upset skeleton a few awkward pats on the shoulder. 

“We can go illegal swimming some other time?” He tried. That seemed to perk Blue up, since he snapped his head up with a huge grin and jumped to his feet, starting to walk over to the door that would lead inside of the hotel-

“Let’s get some soap!”

Papyrus winced, looking longingly over to the fire escape before flicking his gaze back to the short chaos in front of him. “Blue, that doesn’t seem like a very not stupid idea.”

Blue sighed. “Papyrus, Papyrus, Papyrus.”

“That’s my name.”

Blue huffed. “Everyone knows that when you stay at a hotel you take all the tiny soaps!” He swung his arms to his side, looking to the sky in fury as he shouted at God himself. “Everyone knows!”

Papyrus shushed him, looking anxiously around before hunching slightly in defeat. “Alright, goodness, we’ll get some soap! Calm down!”

With a whoop Blue started to the door once more, trailing a nervous Papyrus behind him. They entered a well-lit hallway after a short time, ugly carpet softening their footsteps. A small click made them both stop, and Papyrus tensed as he saw a human exiting their room. They stopped at seeing both skeletons staring at him with dread and excitement, respectively.

“D-don’t worry!” Papyrus assured. “Definitely nothing conspicuous or suspicious going on here!”

The human stared at them for a few moments before they shrugged, walking to the other side of the hall and entering the elevator. When the doors clicked shut, a streak of blue ran to their door with a triumphant laugh, picking up the small bone he had used to keep it propped open before swinging the room wide, walking in smugly.

Papyrus winced as he entered, looking around in worry. Blue yanked a pillow off the bed, shaking the cover off before walking into the bathroom. There was the clatter of many bottles falling in the shower and Papyrus sighed as he went in after the other. The pillowcase had been filled to the brim, and Blue had thrown it over his shoulder in pride. Though, his gaze was focused on a very not pile of soap.

Blue shoved the bag in his hands, picking up a child’s tutu from the ground with a laugh. He turned to the taller. “Papyrus, I’m putting this on.”

Before he could protest, Papyrus was picked up with blue magic and thrown onto the ground just outside the bathroom. He frowned, rubbing his tailbone as he stood. That was probably going to leave a m-

“What the  _ hell _ are you doing in my room?!”

He tensed, looking slowly over to the entry of the room to see a rather livid-looking human standing there - the human from earlier, he reminded himself - with a small child’s hand in their own. The child blinked up at him with wide eyes, and Papyrus realized that, oh, he’d been asked a question.

“We’re… room service?”

It was that opportune moment that Blue chose to exit the bathroom, proudly showing the fact that he had literally nothing on but the tutu from earlier and a small, plastic princess crown. This was out of hand. Papyrus snatched up the shorter and threw him over his shoulder, darting around the humans and to the stairs, taking them three as a time as he ran.

It was a while before he made the bottom - why had Blue chosen  _ such a big building _ \- and as he ran out into the lobby, the shouts of various hotel security met him. Though he would not recommend this to anyone  _ ever, _ he continued to run, darting out the front door as footsteps started to follow. Luckily for himself, his legs were much longer than most humans, and he didn’t really need to breathe, so he was fine with sprinting full-speed to the nearest hiding place.

Which just so happened to be the parking lot of a Walmart.

He skidded to a stop right under a tree, tossing Blue up into the branches and holding the bag of soap between his teeth as he scrambled up the branches himself. Not a moment too soon, as the near-empty parking lot was soon occupied by many angry-looking humans scouring the area. Papyrus held his breath as they passed under the tree, waiting until they moved past to pull out his phone.

1:57am.

Wonderful!

He sent a quick text to Sans, letting him know that he was on the run with soap and a fairy at the current moment, and that he would be home as soon as possible, before pocketing it once more, looking at the skeleton beside him. There wasn’t a single ounce of regret on his face.

“We should do stuff like this more often!”

His eyelights lit up, still hazed with alcohol, and Papyrus let out a small sigh, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge on his nose. It was that face again.

He couldn’t say no to that face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i guess??? i might do a 50 chapter thing????? im not 100% sure how that works but uh i guess vote?????? for ships?????????? (also i mean its free reign but know that i reserve the right to like not do a ship if i dont want to lol but free game other than that?) ((i have no idea how the fuck this works just do it or dont, im uncreative and want attention))


	41. Turned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> expansion on a request from my tumblr. fresh wanted more vampire shit (and honestly i did too)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whAT? an update TWO DAYS IN A ROW??/?//??/ lucky you guys lol

Fell vaulted over the collapsed trunk of a tree, landing heavily on the other side before he continued to sprint through the woods. His eyes scanned the trees above him and the area around as he ran, leaves and branches breaking under his feet. Not that he really would have been able to see anything, with how dark it was, even though the individual he was currently running from had a ugly-ass, neon orange-

He swore under his breath as a particularly sharp turn caused him to catch a branch that was sticking out from the side of a tree, tearing a patch of his sleeve off and cutting down to the bone. He felt the warm trail of marrow begin to drip down his arm and swore again, louder as he pushed his exhausted body to move even faster. Well this was just fucking wonderful, if the asshole wasn’t after him before then he certainly would be now.

He came upon a clearing, but any relief he may have felt was immediately frozen by the cliff that brought him to a halt, fencing him in. The walls were far too steep for him to climb in a timely manner, so he would just have to go around. He turned, chest still heaving for breath, but stopped in his tracks when he saw the orange asshole leaning smugly against the tree.

“Hey, Papyrus. Long time no see.”

He growled, reaching down to his belt and pulling out a small chain of silver and a metal stake, dropping into a defensive stance as he watched his movements carefully. “My name is  _ Fell,” _ he hissed.

The other just laughed, pulling one of his hands out of his pocket to unwrap a sucker crumpling up the plastic and tossing it on the ground as he popped the candy in his mouth. “Right, right. I forget sometimes that you hunters have special code names for yourselves.”

He chose not to respond, simply watching the other carefully as he forced his breathing to slow. The cut on his arm was aching, but he ignored the stinging pain. He’d had worse. 

Rus laughed. “What, no response? I’m hurt. We used to talk all the time.”

That  _ fucker. _ “Shut up!” He snarled, face twisting into a grimace. He lifted the wooden stake higher in threat, grip on it tightening enough for the splintered wood to dig into his hands. “Or I’ll fucking skewer you!”

There was a flicker of something dark in Rus’s eyes before he slipped back into his easy grin, eyes flicking down to the sharpened object he was being threatened with. He started to walk forwards, and Fell took a few stuttering steps back before his wall hit the cool rock, trapping him.  “And, though I appreciate your offer,” the other continued, “I prefer my steak  _ rare.” _

His grin became terrifyingly wide, and the clouds that were blocking the moonlight moved away, causing his fangs to glisten in the low light. There was a blur of orange, and Fell swung the stake as hard as he could, only to have his wrist captured in an iron grip. He swung the chain around, the metal wrapping around Rus’s wrist. His bone let out a sickening hiss where the metal touched, blistering up in smoke.

The vampire didn’t release his grip, simply flinching at the pain before snatching his other hand, gripping both of his wrists tight enough that he was forced to release the objects in his hands. The night was silent aside from the sound of his struggling and the occasional hiss as the chain swung back to hit the bone. Fell stopped after a few moments, panting for air and glaring at the skeleton in front of him that was watching him passively.

“You done?”

He spat in his face, and Rus made a disgusted noise, loosening his grip on his hands. Fell yanked away, bending down into a sweep and knocking the other onto the ground. He grabbed the stake, bringing it down in an arc over his sternum, just above the other’s twisted soul. Hands stopped his own, and he let out a cry of frustration at being stopped for a second time that night. He twisted in the other’s grip, trying to bring the spike down further, to no avail.

Rus started to sit up, and Fell found himself pulled with it, coming face to face with the vampire. Rus seemed almost upset as he watched him. “You really do hate me, huh?”

Fell went to snarl something back but was stopped by teeth pressing against his own, his filed to a point in a mocking imitation of those that he hunted. Fangs scraped against him in the surprisingly gentle kiss before Rus pulled back with a smirk. He stared at the other blankly, feeling a pang in his chest despite him trying to shove it down.

“Or maybe you don’t.”

And just like that he was gone. Fell sat on the cold dirt ground for a few moments before he swore loudly, standing and throwing the stake in his hands violently to the ground. His hands came up to clutch at the sides of his head as he stalked around the small clearing. He’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t allow himself to fall for the other’s silver tongue ever again.

His eyes landed on the stake that he had thrown, and he paused for a moment before walking over and grabbing it, clutching the blessed wood in his hand.

He intended to keep that promise.

\---

When he got home, it was early morning, the pinks and oranges of the sunrise stretching across the sky. Fell fought down a yawn as he entered his house, walking forward and adjusting the metal cross that sat right in front of the door. He shrugged off his cloak, hanging it on one of the two hooks on the wall by the door, before he reached down, undoing his belt. He stared at the few items on it, taking mental stock of what he had and what he needed more of, before he set the belt down on the small entryway table.

He entered his study with a soft sigh, pulling out the heavy desk chair and sitting on the polished wood. The heavy, draping curtains blocked any of the new light from coming in, and for that he was grateful. Funny how, despite his hatred for them, he had essentially become a creature of the night himself.

It wasn’t really that funny at all, but Red probably would have laughed.

He came to the sudden realization that he was fiddling with the dog tags around his neck and he sighed again, tucking them into his tattered scarf. He hated the damn things, but it was policy that all hunters wear them. At least, policy for their ragtag group. It made it easier to identify corpses and dust (and, occasionally, the pile of ashes and singed clothes, death being preferable to some as opposed to staying turned) so kept his on, despite not having anyone for his own to be sent to, really.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, turning on the device to see ten missed calls and thirty unanswered texts from an unknown number. He rolled his eyes, swiping to call them back as he held the phone to his head with his shoulder, starting to unlace his boots. It picked up on the second ring.

“Yo.”

“You’re aware that keeping the same phone won’t hurt you, right? They don’t track us.”

There was a snort from the other end of the phone as Slim adjusted the receiver. “Tell that to short, dark, ‘n edgy over here.”

There was an offended shout from the background, followed by a muttered “Aw shit” and a small scuffle. The phone changed hands, and Fell found himself talking to the short asshole himself. “Where the hell did you run off to?!”

“Technically speaking, I was chased off somewhere.”

There was a small growl from the other end. “Excuse me for trying to be concerned,  _ asshole.” _

There was no real venom in the voice, and Fell rolled his eyes at the shitty attempt to be angry. He appreciated it, though. As of now, Razz was the closest thing to a brother he had. Aside from Slim, he supposed. Despite this fact, he didn’t know either of their real names. He stifled a yawn, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth as he slowly spun around in the large chair. When his eyes moved over the leather jacket that he had hanging on the hook by his door, he winced, turning back to face his desk.

He’d come into the…  _ profession _ after the other two, of course, and had been taught almost everything he knew by them. Razz was fairly adamant about not sharing the reason why he had chosen the name that he did, but Slim was much less inconspicuous. (“Do you know about Eminem?” “Yes?” “He’s the real Slim Shady.”)

Exposition aside, the other hunters were like his family. And, despite the rather brash manner of showing it, he appreciated their concern.

“Did you manage to get him?”

Fell sighed. “No. And before you say anything: Fuck off.”

A grumble was very obviously heard, the sound almost resigned. “Well, I suppose that it would be difficult for you to manage to take down one of the oldest creatures around on your own. He’s almost as much of a shit as his brother.”

“You’re only sayin’ that because we came back to blood all over your bike.”

“Where the hell did the little shit even  _ get _ that much blood!?” The unfiltered rage in his voice made Fell fight to hold back a laugh. There was a faint thudding sound and he lost it, the image of Razz stomping his heel on the ground in fury too much for him to handle. He kept the phone pressed to his head, of course, and was able to hear the conversation that passed between the brothers. 

“My theory is that they store it in their cheek pouches. Like chipmunks.”

“They do not fucking-!” The voice came back closer to the phone. “He knows nothing about vampire anatomy, they do  _ not  _ have cheek pouches.”

“Not thatcha know of.”

The bickering started again, and with a chuckle Fell ended the call. If they wanted anything else, then they could just call him back. The wheels of the chair creaked as he scooted it back, exiting the dark room to enter his kitchen. He opened one of the drawers, pulling out a bag of herbal tea from the compartments, before walking to the stove, opening the cabinet right above and pulling out a clean mug. 

He filled his kettle with water, setting it above the flame to boil before moving into the living room. He preferred the study with its darker, more luxurious atmosphere, but something about the open windows and high ceilings of the other rooms of the house were appealing as well. The room seemed sterile, despite the openness of it - or, perhaps, because of it, like freedom was so close by yet terribly far away at the same time - yet it always seemed as such since it had been his father’s.

Three years, and yet somehow the other’s presence was still prominent. 

The high whistling of the tea kettle sounded from the other room, shaking Fell out of his thoughts, and he sighed, pouring himself a cup and turning off the heat. He walked back into the darker study, blowing air and stirring up the steam that was steadily drifting up from the top. He went to take a sip but stopped dead in his tracks, his grip on the mug tightening at the sight before him.

Rus must have noticed his entrance as he turned his head with a smirk, moving his gaze away from the glyphs and formulas on the tattered leather notebook. His phalanges trailed over the page as he pulled away, standing to his full height and slinging his hands in his pockets. 

“Interesting reading you’ve got there.” Fell tensed. “I couldn’t fucking read any of it.” Oh thank fuck.

“How- how the hell did you-”

Rus chuckled, the sound low and silky. His grip on the mug tightened, using the burn of pain that was coming from the heat seeping through the glass onto his bare phalanges as focus. “You invited me in once. Remember?”

Fell growled. “How the hell did you  _ survive?” _

Rus grinned, grabbing something of moderate size from his pocket and holding it up. It was a compact umbrella, with what looked to be the design of small ducks all over it. Fell glanced from the umbrella to the thick curtains behind the other. If he could get the cover from his hands and remove the drapes, then the sun should do the rest of the work.

He threw the scalding water at the other, darting forward once he hissed in pain, the umbrella falling from his hands. He moved past him, managing to grab one edge of the drapes in his hands before he felt arms encircle himself. Refusing to give up so easily, he twisted in the other’s grip with a snarl, feeling the drape give as the hooks broke on part of it, letting sunlight in.

A hiss sounded right beside his head, the acrid smell of burnt bone filling the air as the sunlight brushed over Rus’s hand. The grip stayed, though, tightening and twisting him in such a sense that he lost his grip, the both of them stumbling backwards until they hit the floor with a thud. He swung his leg out, hitting something solid and relishing in the grunt he got in return, pushing himself up to let in more light to finish the job.

A hand grabbed his ankle and he stumbled, grabbing onto his bookshelf and taking down as shelf with him. Books rained down on his head, dazing him long enough for the other to pin him despite his struggles.

Rus’s face was twisted in pain - smug bastard deserved it - as he spoke, greatly out of breath. “Jesus fuck, Fell, would you calm the fuck dow-”

The hollow resound of skull hitting skull cut him off, his hand flying up to clutch at his nose ridge. Fell ignored the throbbing pain in the center of his head, turning and going back to the curtains. If he had been more focused on something other than the panic in his soul then he would have realized that such an action was predictable, and probably wasn’t the best idea. However, as it was, he more likely than not had a light concussion from Shakespeare and headbutting vampires, so he wasn’t in the clearest mindset.

Tackled once more, he gave a few weak struggles before a growl sounded from beside his head, breath ghosting over his neck. “Would you calm down for just a fucking moment, please?!”

Fell renewed his struggles. If the asshole wanted to feed from him, then dammit he wasn’t going to make it easy. “Fuck off!”

Rus sighed, managing to keep him pinned through his struggles until he finally calmed down, exhausted. “You done?”

A growl rumbled up in his chest, but he stayed still, recovering his energy. “For now. Asshole.” The last part was tacked on almost like an afterthought.

Rus chuckled. “Fair enough.” He let out a huff of air, the breeze blowing across Fell’s exposed vertebrae. He suddenly became aware of just how exposed he currently was. He could only hope that the other wouldn’t use the opportunity that was presented to him. “Though I gotta say, you really put up a fight, don’t ya?”

Fell grumbled. “Yes, well I’ve been training for the past few months to learn how to kick your ass.”

“You’ve been thinking of me the past few months? I’m flattered.” Fell growled, jerking up once more. The weight shifted, but didn’t move.

“You can go fuck yourself, asshole.”

“With as much as you’re insulting me, I’d go so far as to say that you’re really, really into me.” He could see the other’s grin widening salaciously and he scowled. 

“You typically insult the people that you hate.”

Rus snickered, tightening his grip and pressing his face in close. “Oh, come on, Papyrus. You don’t hate me.”

He snapped. “You  _ don’t _ get to fucking call me that.”

“Call you what?  _ Papryus?” _

Fell started struggling again, despite knowing that it would get him nowhere. “You lying, miserable fucking son of a  _ bitch.” _ How fucking dare he even think that he had the  _ right _ to come into his fucking house and just pretend like he did nothing wrong when it was  _ all fucking his fault. _

A low curse came from the skeleton above him - vampire, he reminded himself, stay detached - as his elbow got loose, catching him in the jaw. He managed to get his arm under himself, lifting up and throwing the other off of his back. He moved to straddle him, bringing his fists down to strike the form beneath him, even as his knuckles started to ache at the lack of give, and the fact that Rus was barely moving from the blows.

Before he could bring his fists to connect with the other’s face once more, Rus caught both of his hands in his own, glaring at him. Fell swallowed, ignoring the sickening sight of the charred bone of the other’s right hand, flakes scabbing and peeling off to turn to ash on the carpet below.

“It wasn’t me, Fell.” The other’s voice broke the tense silence, but instead of relieving his anger, it just opened the gates, more fury pouring into him until he was sure that the other could see the flames that felt like they were licking up out of his soul and across his entire body.

“It may have well been.”

He yanked his hands out of the other’s grip, standing and walking to the door. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

“I can’t.” He turned his head with a glare, but surprisingly Rus was staring at the floor, shoulders slumped. “It’s too bright out. Umbrella won’t cover all of it.”

His gaze flicked up to Fell’s, something hopeful in it. It had been a while since he’d seen an expression like that. He sighed. “You stay until it’s dark. Then you leave. And if I ever catch you in my home again so help me god I’ll waterboard you with holy water.”

And with that threat he turned on his heel, storming out of the room. It was his fault. It was. He needed someone to hate for this.

Hate was all he really had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **leave votes for ships for the chapter 50 special!** or dont. either way im gonna write it. may as well try to make it something you wanna read, right?


	42. Oh My God They Were Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part two of "So I See That You Go for the Edgy Type" mostly because i dont want to have the same chapter title for every chapter of this i write

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i know that me updating for this again instead of something new _might_ not be wanted, but im honestly kinda excited about this story, and im fairly proud of the plot that ive come up with so
> 
> poly relationships are hard

 

Fell was used to rooms going quiet when he walked into them. Back underground, monsters were afraid of what would happen if they gave him anything other than “respectful” silence. At least, that may have been part of it. Likely, they just didn’t want to give him any advantage over them aside from his already terrifying strength. So, when he walked into the kitchen one afternoon for hushed whispers to immediately silence, it wasn’t anything new.

Odd, perhaps, since such hadn’t really happened since they had gotten to the surface, but not strange.

Papyrus and Red were leaning over the table, both with varying expressions of guilt on their faces. Fell fully intended on ignoring it. It wasn’t any of his business, and he didn’t feel like prying. Besides, it was likely just the two finally sorting their shit out for a relationship, which would be greatly fucking appreciated. He had some online courses to finish for college anyways, then he had to go to the monster capitol building to help guard for the night. His plate was full.

He picked up the pot of coffee, looking suspiciously at the brown sludge inside before pouring it in a mug regardless. Adding a spoonful of sugar, he stirred it, the spoon clinking against the inside of the glass as he mixed his drink. Once he was satisfied, he set the spoon by the counter, turning and bringing it up to his mouth to take a sip.

Papyrus and Red had been obviously staring at his back, and looked away quickly as he turned. He paused with the drink an inch from his mouth, then let out a heavy sigh, setting it off to the side as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “What the hell do you two want?”

They both looked away again, slowly starting to crumple under his scrutiny. Papyrus cleared his throat. “Did…” He looked away to Red for assurance. His brother only shrugged. “Did you and Blue break up?”

Fell tensed, grip on his arms tightening enough to hurt. His claws were digging into his upper arms, and he became thankful that he had changed what gloves he often wore from the metal-tipped ones to regular leather. Drawing marrow wouldn’t be a good thing. “No. Why do you ask?”

His voice sounded strained, and he silently cursed himself for it. They were still together. They were. Blue loved him, and he loved the other, and despite the new…  _ addition, _ that wouldn’t change. There was no need for him to be as weak as he was.

Red’s growl snapped him out of his thoughts, and he glanced over to see his brother standing up, snarling, as Papyrus tried to calm him down. “M’gonna fuckin’  _ dust _ ‘im.”

The violent intent filling the room started to drown out any calming pulses that Papyrus was frantically trying to send, and Fell felt himself bristling in spite of it. “What the hell are you talking about?”

The waves stopped, and Red sat back down, trembling in silent fury. Papyrus seemed relieved at this fact, but his face was still turned into an uncomfortable grimace. “We think that Blue…” The taller glanced at Red, but he was far too focused on his clenched fists to offer any support this time. “Blue might be cheating on you.”

It felt like his soul dropped lower at the cautious speech, though he did his best to hide it well. He picked up his mug and his spoon, starting to stir the coffee once more. “No he’s not.”

Red let out a shuddering breath, hands clenching and unclenching in barely restrained anger. “Look, Boss, I know ya love ‘im, but…”

“I saw Blue and Razz hanging out in a… less-than-platonic way.” Papyrus finished.

Fell stopped stirring his coffee for a moment to take a testing sip. It was far too hot to drink. A bit of cream would help cool it down, but he preferred his coffee black. He didn’t want to have this conversation at the moment. “I know.”

He started to exit the kitchen, but was stopped by Red’s incredulous voice. “Ya  _ knew?” _ The unspoken “and you didn’t break up with him?!” was obvious enough to make Fell flinch.

He sighed, stopping in the doorway. “Yes, I knew. Blue confronted me about want to be in a polyamorous relationship, as he was attracted to both Razz and I. I, obviously, agreed. End of story.”

He started to walk away again when the sharp crack of a teleport made him start. Red appeared directly in front of him, gaze intense. “So ya know that they’re movin’ in t’gether?”

Fell hid his flinch by taking a large drink. The coffee scalded his mouth, but he ignored the pain for now. “I did not.”

Red growled, intent starting to bubble under the surface once again. “Dammit, Papyrus!”

“Why do you care?” He hissed, and he vaguely realized that the anger burning in his chest shouldn’t be directed at Red when his brother was showing concern. No matter. He could apologize later.

Red bristled, the tattered and stained fluff on the back of his hood rising up in defense. “Because,  _ asshole, _ yer obviously not fine with any a this!” He took in a breath. “So fuckin’ excuse  _ me _ fer being concerned about yer stupid ass when ya refuse ta talk ta him about any of it!”

“Fine.” He sneered as he turned around, slamming the shitty coffee down on the counter and storming over to the door. “You want to me fucking talk things out? Then I will!” Papyrus went to stand, but a withering glare made him sit back down, looking quickly away. Fell ignored the reaction, storming out.

He could apologize for that later too.

The walk over was tense and short, his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket as he went. The sidewalk was littered with cracks, grass and weeds growing up from them (the aesthetics of the Monster District, capitals and all, was far from the city’s priority), Fell focusing on the green in the gray, crushing the plants beneath his boot when the thoughts became particularly distracting.

So they were moving in together.

It was to be expected, if he was entirely honest. Blue and Razz were suited for each other in a way that was far superior to his and Blue’s own relationship (likely the reason why Blue had sought out other romantic entanglements in the first place), both being older brothers and holding many of the same similarities that Fell and Blue had as well. It only made sense for-

He stomped particularly hard on a weed, twisting his heel before lifting it back up. The green was smeared around the concrete, the leaves now tattered. After staring at it for a few moments, he moved on. He refused to entertain such self-depreciating thoughts.

Razz wasn’t better than him in any way; he refused to believe it. In fact, when he got to Blue’s house, he was going to have a talk with the other. Just who did he think he was, first refusing to have anything to do with anyone and then just butting into their lives like he had a place at all, like he really fucking-

Fell stopped, looking around. In his thoughts, he had passed the house, and he silently cursed himself for his inattention. In the Underground, such lack of awareness would get him dusted. They weren’t Underground anymore, of course, hell, they weren’t even in Underfell. His eyes flicked across the street to one of the human houses that tended to line the edge of the district, making eye contact with a man mowing his lawn. The human held his stare for a moment before he growled, shaking his head and continuing to mow, animosity radiating off of him.

It certainly wasn’t the safest on the surface either.

He turned on his heel, walking up the sidewalk to Blue’s house. Stretch’s car was idling in the driveway (his actual car, not that pink, Barbie nightmare, though he could see the plastic jeep peering out of the backseat window behind other suitcases), the trunk of it open and halfway filled with various boxes label “socks,” “weed,” and “probably not dildos.”

He honestly wasn’t surprised.

Fell brought up a fist, knocking twice on the door and waiting for one of the brother’s to answer, folding his arms behind his back. Then he realized just how stiff his posture was, like he was on guard duty, and he cursed himself, forcing his body to relax. He’d been here countless times, some of them he hadn’t even bothered to knock for, and he refused to be cowed by any meanings of Razz moving in.

The short asshole could go fuck himself, honestly.

The door swung open, and Fell raised his brow in surprise as he was greeted with the sight of a very frazzled, but still smiling, Blue. The shorter lit up at seeing him, adjusting his bandana (a bit off-kilter, so he’s been tugging at it again) before stepping aside, letting him in.

Fell looked around the house. Most things seemed to be in order, and - aside from the few unlabeled boxes that were stacked over in the corner of the room - Fell could almost pretend that he was just coming over for a regular visit. A loud crash sounded from the other room, following a curse from what sounded like... Slim? His thoughts were confirmed by the nervous laughter that followed.

“Uh, Stretch? I dropped another one of your fuckin’ boxes!”

“What?!” The voice was muffled, and it was soon followed by the creak of a door opening, footsteps coming down the stairs. There was a moment’s pause. “Slim, for fuck’s sake!”

“S’not my fault that you wanna pack your whole damn room.”

“And it’s not my fault you’re a clumsy asshole who’s incapable of taking care of other people’s shit!”

Slim gasped in offense, more bickering beginning to sound. Fell listened for a few moments before he turned to Blue, raising a brow. “Care to explain just what the hell is happening?”

Blue laughed nervously, a hand coming up to scratch at the back of his head. His clothes looked like they had been thrown on in a hurry, jeans and shirt wrinkled in a way that was out of character. “Well, uh, shoot, where to start?” He moved his hand from his hand, grinning, and despite how tired the look was, there was an underlying excitement in it.

“You know how Slim and Stretch have been working on that album?” Fell nodded. He hadn’t heard much of it, but he couldn’t deny that the two had talent. A few of the tracks had been featured on the radio (and since they hadn’t really shown their faces to the public, they’d gained popularity fairly quickly.) “A record label wants to sign them!”

Fell felt his mouth start to twitch up in a smile, relaxing. Blue’s excitement was contagious. “That’s great.”

“Yep!” Blue was moving back and forth in place when suddenly his face dropped, hands coming up to his mouth. The exaggerated humor of the action wasn’t lost on him, but Blue seemed actually upset about something. Why would he-?

The sound of heels clicking on the tile entered the room, and Fell snapped his gaze up to see Razz walking in, brushing his hands against one another. “I went through most of the Mutt’s stuff, and I threw away most of the unnecessary items.” His gaze moved up, meeting with Fell’s, and he stopped, face blank. Blue looked between the two of them anxiously.

Fell felt himself bristle at the sight of the asshole, and how the other was looking at him like he was somehow intruding on them. Remembering the statements from Papyrus earlier that day, he supposed that he was. Razz crossed his arms over his chest, staring at him in disgust.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Fell clenched his jaw, keeping his breathing slow even as Blue scolded his counterpart. He hadn’t wanted to snap in his temper before, and especially not now that he was competing with someone. “I’m here to talk to  _ Blue, _ which has nothing to do with yourself.”

Razz gave him a sarcastic smile, tilting his head slightly. “Well, if you can tell him, then you  _ certainly _ can tell me.” He raised his brows, adopting an almost pleasant expression on his face. His tone was patronizing, and Fell clenched his fists in restrained anger. “You should know that this whole thing is about open and honest communication.”

Blue winced. “That’s not what-” he looked between the two of them with a hurt expression, with an underlying guilt in it, before settling his gaze on Razz. “Can you give us some privacy? Please?”

Razz held Fell’s gaze as he replied. “Of course.” Fell looked away as he walked past, cold anger bubbling in his soul, making his chest feel like ice.

It was quiet for a few moments before Blue looked at him, face twisted into so much hurt. “Oh my god, Fell, I am so, so sorry, I-” He brought both his hands up to rub at his eyes. “I guess you heard about Razz moving in, right?”

Fell nodded. He didn’t fully trust his voice at the moment. Blue kept his gaze on the floor. “This is no excuse, but Papy woke me up this morning and he was so excited, and he and Slim had to leave because the label wanted them fairly close to the studio which is all the way in California, so we just started packing stuff and I realized that I was going to be alone at home-” he took in a deep breath before continuing “-and I didn’t know what to do about  _ that, _ but then I realized that Razz would be alone too so I just suggested it without thinking and he agreed and things got even busier because we’ve been moving stuff in and out all morning, and I should have called you but I was just going to do so after things calmed down and I’m so sorry I wanted to be able to tell you myself and-”

“Blue.” He set his hand on the other’s shoulder, jolting him out of his explanation. Blue took in a shaky breath. “It’s fine.” His chest was hurting, but it was fine. Blue wouldn’t do something like this on purpose. Or… he had, but he hadn’t meant to hurt him. It was okay.

Blue’s face twisted up as he looked at Fell, tears in the corners of his sockets. He blinked them away, taking in another breath. “It’s not, though!” He rubbed at his eyes. “I was the one who came to you about this first, and I should be responsible enough to keep open communication.” Blue hunched over, arms crossed over his chest. “I’m sorry.”

Fell watched him for a few moments before he sighed out of his nose, kneeling down and spreading his arms. Blue simply stared at him for a few quiet moments. Hugs were a rarity. Blue latched around his torso, tucking his head into his scarf, and Fell rested his chin atop the smaller’s head. 

“We’ll work on it,” he said, knowing that they would. Something like this, he wasn’t letting it go so easily.

Blue sniffed, hugging him tighter for a few moments before he stepped away, giving him his space. For the first time, after a hug, Fell found himself wanting to pull the other close once again. He didn’t want to let go so soon.

And then Blue smiled at him, rubbing at the corners of his sockets. “Okay.” He looked at the door that led to the living room, three distinct voices bickering. It sounded like Slim and Stretch had started punning, if the frustrated groans and threats from Razz were anything to go by. “I’ll… I’ll talk to Razz about it too, okay? There’s a lot of talking that needs to happen.”

Fell frowned at mention of the other, but decided not to say anything. Blue was dating him. Mention of Razz was to be expected. He sighed regardless. “I should get back home for work.”

Blue blinked, watching him stand, before he smiled. “I’ll talk to you later then. I love you!”

Fell grinned back, leaning down and giving Blue a peck on the teeth. “I love you too.”

He left the house with a few more words (and a few rude gestures thrown Slim’s way, but that was a given), taking the walk back to his house. It was foolish, but he had hope to make this work, determined to not let go.

There was a loose thread in the right pocket of his jacket, and he picked at it as he walked back home, twisting it around the joint between the small bones of his phalanges until he was certain that it was coming close to severing the piece from his hand. They would be living together now, something that in all his time of dating Blue Fell had never considered for the two of them, and beside the determination and refusal to give up, there was something else.

There was worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be sure to vote for the 50 chapter special! im lazy so im just gonna count them all at the end but hey!! people are voting!! thats great, thank you!!!


	43. You Don't Have to Be Great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> itsladykit:  
> Mapleblossom. On the surface. Papyrus is struggling—‘cause humans are dicks, or because his dream of being in the royal guard has fallen to pieces, whatever—and Slim is trying his best to comfort him...but he doesn’t know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a while back i did a thing on tumblr where people sent me in requests and i chose to do shitposts or serious based on the flip of a coin. and just now i realized that ive been neglecting this collection, and i have all this shit written already so... apologies to those of you who already read this shit on my tumblr, but if you havent then here you go!
> 
> for this one i did a serious _and_ a shitpost so the shitpost is after the cutoff if you dont want that

Slim walked out of the house, the din of voices suddenly becoming muffled as the door shut behind him. There was a small breeze in the yard, making the leaves rustle in the dark and bringing a slight chill to the cool summer night. His eyes scanned the porch before they landed on the figure he had been looking for, sitting on the edge of the porch with his knees drawn up to his chest. 

The floor creaked as he walked over to sit beside his counterpart with a groan, setting his drink down to the right of himself with a sigh. “Hey, Paps. What’s up?” There was no response, and Slim shifted the slightest bit before continuing. “Your bro said you were out here.”

Papyrus still didn’t answer, but there was a slight shifting sound as his hand came up to his face, wiping at the space just under his eyes. Slim felt his own sockets widen in sudden realization. He was… crying? He’d never seen Papyrus cry before- at least, not in real sadness- hell, he’d never even seen the other look even remotely sad about anything. So of course his mind immediately went to the worst.

“Are you hurt? Fuck, are you okay?” He was panicking a bit since he couldn’t see anything physically wrong with the other, so it must have had to do with his soul. Green magic started to spark down his arms and hands, and he tried not to flinch at the prickling sensation, counting his breaths so he didn’t hyperventilate as he shoved down old memories. He reached out to touch the other’s shoulder. God, even in their universe, only the sickest bastards attacked the soul itself, when he was certain the other was okay he was going to find out who had hurt him and  _ hunt them down and  _ **_make them fucking pay-_ **

The magic simply swirled over the other’s form, not finding any injuries, before it started to trail back to Slim, working its way up his arm. He felt the prickle of the small chips in his bones beginning to pull together and yanked his hand away, cutting off the magic flow immediately. He wasn’t injured? Then why the fuck was he-

Papyrus turned to him, wiping off another faint orange trail of tears before dropping his hand down, shifting so he was sitting cross-legged as opposed to hugging his knees to his chest. He sniffed, his voice thick. “H-hey, Slim.”

The hands came up to his knees, rubbing his palms against the loose jeans he was wearing before he wrapped them around his torso in a semblance of comfort.

Slim swallowed, looking back to the window of the Tale brothers house where warm light was pouring out to the skeleton in front of him. It was funny, Papyrus was almost a head taller than him, but he seemed so small in this moment.

He swallowed, arms jerking forward before he forced them to come back to his sides. Fuck. “Uh, do you- do you want me to go get Sans?”

“N-no.”

Well  _ fuck. _ “Do you, uh, want to be alone?”

His voice was quieter this time, and Slim found himself wishing that the other would go back to his loud and boisterous self. “No.”

Papyrus took in a shaky breath, shifting a bit, before he sat up straighter. His hands were gripping his knees tightly, and his eyes were closed as he tried to calm his breathing. “Slim? You’re my friend, right?”

“Of course.” The answer was out of his mouth before he even had to think about it. “You’re my best friend, probably.”

It was quiet for a few moments, and Slim started to relax, thinking that the other just needed a reassurance- he just needed those too, sometimes. A few leaves that had been knocked loose by the wind blew across the yard, and Slim tracked their movement with his eyes. It was almost peaceful. 

Papyrus shifted. “So I can count on you to be honest with me, right? If I were to ask you something?”

Fuck.

He chuckled, trying to emulate the easygoing shrug that the other “lazies,” as they were called, were so skilled at doing. As it was, he just gave an awkward, unnatural jerk of his shoulders. “That would depend on the question, I guess.”

It was quiet again. Slim glanced sideways at his plastic cup, wishing to god that he had managed to get at least some alcohol mixed in before Red had grabbed the whole bottle, chugging it straight as he flipped everyone off.

Papyrus let out sigh. “I supposed as much.”

Slim flinched at his tone, moving his gaze anywhere but the other. “Sorry, I uh.” He cleared his throat, crossing his legs and starting to bounce his knee. “What do you want to know?”

“Do you…” He trailed off, brow furrowed as he tucked his head down into his scarf. And then he seemed to steel himself, closing his eyes as he took a slow breath. “Do you think that I’ll ever make it into the guard?”

Slim opened his mouth-  _ of course you will, man, you’re the greatest- _ but paused, hesitating. It must have been enough, since Papyrus let out a heavy sigh, slumping forwards as his hands came up to rub at his eyes. Slim let his teeth close with a small click, looking away, then back, then away again, before finally settling his gaze on the other. He reached a hand out slowly, resting it on his shoulder and lifting it up and down in the semblance of a pat. You’re supposed to encourage people that are upset, right?

“Paps, with as great as you are you can do anything that you set your mind t--”

_ “Don’t patronize me.” _

Slim winced, yanking his hand away. Fucking abort, he fucked up again, fucking fuck. Papyrus rubbed at his eyes again before he looked up to the sky. “I obviously wasn’t ‘great’ enough, since I’ve been working for years and…” He laughed. It was bitter. “Did you know that there was a competition for all the trainees today?”

He nodded, opting to stay silent. How could he not know about it? It was all that Papyrus talked about for the past month. “I came in first. On everything.”

Slim turned with a grin, intending on answering brag how it was intended to be answered: with agreement. The look on the other’s face stopped him. He didn’t seem happy about it.

“They didn’t let me in.”

...Oh.

Papyrus continued with another laugh, arm waving in front of himself before he let it flop down beside him. “One of my best friends was the one who chose, and I still didn’t get in! Not that I would have wanted a pity vote, mind you, but… I was the best there, in a non-bragging, completely honest truth! Why wouldn’t they-  _ she- _ let me in?”

Slim shifted. His mouth was moving before he could filter out his words. “Maybe you weren’t the best there.”

He’d regretted a lot of things in his life- choices that he’d made, relationships that he’d ruined, MERCY ignored- but at the current moment his lack of foresight in that sentence took the fucking cake.

Thankfully, Papyrus didn’t seem upset. Shocked, maybe, but curiosity winning out. “What do you mean?”

Great. Now he had to come up with reasoning as to why. “Maybe it’s not that you couldn’t be a guardsman, but that you shouldn’t.” It made more sense, now that he’d said it out loud, and he found his confidence in the topic growing as he continued. “The guard- they don’t do the best things all the time. Even here.” More than one news story of a royal guard’s job being investigated after they defended themselves flashed across his mind before he pushed them back. “Undyne’s doin’ what she thinks is best for you, and that just so happens to be keeping you away from what she’s had to do.”

He wasn’t the most holy of them all (a LV like his own can’t be gained solely from self-defense, even in a Fellverse), but he knew the flicker in someone’s eyes- eye, in Undyne’s case- that came with holding the weight of someone’s dust on your back, the EXP in your SOUL. And some monsters were just too good to carry that.

Papyrus included.

“Regardless of the reason why, I  _ still _ just wasn’t good enough!” His face was twisted into something pained. “I’ve been trying for so long, and I just seem to keep failing!”

“Maybe…” Looking away, his eyes found the leaves in the yard again. They’d stopped moving around. The night was still. “Maybe you’ll keep failing.” Wow, Slim. Crush someone’s dreams, why don’t you? “Maybe you’ll try over and over again, but fail every time, but the thing is that you have to  _ keep _ failing.”

Chuckling, he turned back to look at Papyrus. Or at his shoulder, more like, since he wasn’t totally sure that looking him in the eyes was the best idea at the current moment. “Honestly? It’s fucking incredible that you keep failing like you do. I’d have… I  _ did _ give up a long time ago. But you? You keep failing and you keep getting up and just moving on or trying again.” His face started to heat up a bit. He shoved it down. “It’s probably the coolest thing about you.”

It was quiet for a few moments and he swallowed, going to apologize, before Papyrus lunged forward, wrapping his arms around his torso and hugging him tightly. Slim tensed, arms hovering above the other awkwardly before he slowly brought them down to rest on the other’s back. It was odd, how the other smelt like chalk and something sweet, and Slim found himself relaxing into his hold.

The embrace ended far too soon, Papyrus pulling back and wiping at his face with something resembling a small smile. “Sorry, I know you don’t like to… Thanks.”

He grinned, ignoring the odd tightening of his chest, as he nudged the other’s shoulder with his own. Fuck yes, he was the actual best at encouragement. “No problem.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Or, at least, probably comfortable on Papyrus’s part since Slim was intensely aware of the heat of the other’s body from the closeness of their seating. Keep calm, Slim, don’t make it weird.

There was shifting from beside him, and Slim glanced over out of the corner of his eye to see Papyrus taking off his scarf, adjusting it so it was folded evenly in half before wrapping it back around his neck. “So do you think I should keep trying for the guard?”

And there was the million dollar question. I’ll take “answers that are likely to shove away the ones that I love” for $500 Al. It would be so easy for him to just say yes. Yet, as he looked at Papyrus, he realized that the other would take what he said to heart. He swallowed, reaching into the pocket of his jacket and pulling out a toothpick, starting to gnaw on the end. Sans would probably kill him for this. Most of the others would, more likely than not.

“No.” He let out a huff of air through his teeth, breaking the toothpick in his mouth before flicking the splinters away. “It’s not- You could do something so much greater.”

He really could.

* * *

 

Papyrus looked over as Slim walked out of the house, holding a blunt that was the size of like a really big blunt. “Hey, Papyrus. I heard that you were depressed about the guard or something. It sounds really fake edgy and I, the awkward shitstain that has a crush on you is going to do some hella comfort.”

And right now I’m really fucking tired but they both got lit with the blunt and it was cool, and they were just hanging like bros when Snoop Dogg came up, and it was kinda like his new album with him holding his phone with that smile that he does except Trump’s corpse wasn’t there. “Hey, Papyrus,” He said like Snoop Dogg, since he was, in fact, Snoop Dogg, “so I heard that you were fucking bummed. Don’t do that.”

And Papyrus was immediately better comforted than the shitty conversation he might have had with Slim, since that conversation was entirely fake edgy and just really waxing poetic. He didn’t like wax. It would always stick between his bones really weird and uncomfortably. Yes, that conversation that they didn’t have was really, really awful.

“Wait!” He cried, hands throwing up in the air. OH GOD HIS HANDS WERE GONE. But it was fine, because he needed to talk to the Dogg. “How did you know that I was upset?!”

And the other smiled his creepy, knowing smile. “I’ve been Snooping around.”

\---

Papyrus jerked awake with a small snort, blinking quickly around his surroundings. There was the yard, the leaves, and- He looked down to the warm weight on his shoulder, seeing Slim leaning against him, deep in sleep. Papyrus brought his hand up to his face, rubbing at the dried tear tracks around his sockets that had left an uncomfortable tightness around his eyes.

That.

Was a weird dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is this ship a rarepair, and why am i the only one providing content for it? it pisses me off boi.


	44. Colorful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anon: Fell learns how to paint his nails, it's a super calming activity (Im hoping you roll serious so you have to figure out how to actually paint skeleton nails)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been on tumblr a lot recently writing shit from that, so i hope yall are okay with me moving some of this shit over here (mostly me moving the shit that im proud of or that i like)
> 
> anyways, just a heads up, short chapter is short

There weren’t many colors in the underground. Blacks and reds and grays, yes, but bright colors? There were no greens, no yellows, no pinks, no anything that made it harder to hide and stay in the shadows. Everything was dark, muted, like the surrounding atmosphere itself had absorbed the malintent of the individuals that resided within it to the point of becoming darker itself. The only bright color really used was the purple of the kingdom’s flag. Even then, the oppression of such a color made it ugly, its brightness diminished by what it stood for.

Papyrus longed for color.

That was probably the reason why he continued to allow himself to see the flower that popped up on his trap routes. The message of peace was dangerous, and if any passerby were to hear it, and were to see that Papyrus was listening intensely, he would be stripped of his title and executed for treason. Yet it was worth the danger to be able to see the brightness the other boasted.

A few of his petals were torn, but were still such a bright yellow that it almost hurt his eyes to look at it. The other had been to the surface before, apparently, and told many stories about how his short visit had opened his eyes to just how large the world was. Greens blanketed the ground, with rainbows of other flowers peering through the midst, vast skies of blue with tuffs of pure white, and bright light that washed over everything. The more he tried to imagine it, the more that he associated that light with the other’s petals.

One time, he had been walking home from training with the Captain when he heard cries coming from the dump. Normally, he would keep the same slow stride over to the voices, but the cry was so obviously that of a child’s that he ran, jumping over the mad dummy and coming to a halt right in front of where the sound was the loudest. He picked up a large sheet of metal, grunting at the weight, to be greeted with the sight of Monster Kid, their shirt dirty and mud caking their legs. He frowned at them.

“What the hell are you doing here.”

They bristled, the spines on their head lifting up in defense as their tail wrapped around their front. “I-it’s none of your stupid business!”

Papyrus tossed the garbage off to the side, the heavy metal landing with a thud and splash, making the child jump. “You could have been killed.”

They growled at him, the sound holding little real threat behind it. “W-whatever!” They ran past him, stumbling a bit before they stopped, turning to glare over their shoulder. “D-don’t you dare tell my parents I was here!” And with that they ran off, striped shirt disappearing from view.

Papyrus watched them go before he shook his head, turning to leave himself, when a color caught his eye. He glanced around the area and, finding it empty, leaned forward to get a closer look. It was a small glass vial of green, and as he bent to pick it up he looked over to see more laying on the ground, right beside an overturned box. Looking around once more, he quickly scooped them all into the container before adding it to his index, standing fully and walking home. The walk back was quicker than it normally was by about twelve seconds due to his excitement, and he hoped that no one noticed the change in schedule as he opened their door, taking off his boots and hurrying upstairs.

Once he got there, he pulled out the box, locking his door and spreading the colors out on display one by one. He picked one up, fiddling with it like one would a puzzle, before he managed to get the cap loose enough to unscrew, pulling it out to see a small brush at the end, ladened with a drop of paint. He blinked. It was almost like MTTs patented claw paint.

A few moment of thought later had him pulling off his glove with his teeth, hesitating for only a moment before he pressed the brush to his finger, painting along the very tip of his talon. Hot pink greeted him, standing obviously out against the off-white of his bones. He stared at it as it dried before moving onto the next finger, and the next, and the next, until the tops of each of his claws boasted the color. He closed his hand into a fist, then opened it again.

It was… beautiful.

He grabbed another color, doing the same to his opposite hand, looking at the cracked phalanges in amazement once he was done. Glancing down at the box, he put the paints back in before sliding it under his bed. It would be a death sentence for him if anyone found out about this. It was weak.

Yet, as he pulled on his gloves, trapping the colors inside, he found that he didn’t care so long as he could carry their brightness with him wherever he went.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im pretty sure my tumblr is still linked somewhere.
> 
> also voting is still a thing so leave votes or dont (i have to be the most apathetic person about all of this i swear to god)


	45. 2 Yandere 2 Furious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dating advice from a fell-verse is probably the most terrifying concept in the multiverse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who else likes shitposts where i take literally nothing seriously

The use of a book could often be measured in its wear. Frayed pages meant a lot of age or popularity, and crips edges of paper meant that it was either uninteresting or new. The book he was holding now was in the first category, the leather binding on the front worn down and barely hanging on by its stitching, faded almost to the point of the title being unreadable. Letters were imprinted, though, and although Papyrus couldn’t see the gold leaf that had apparently once decorated the front cover, it was still clear what the title was.

“Dating Manual”

He leafed through the pages carefully, trying not to further the book’s aging any more than needed. It was certainly…  _ different _ than his own dating manual. The few steps that he was able to glance over were in a lot more detail than what his own covered. Almost  _ graphic _ detail, if he were to be honest.

“And you’re sure that this will work?”

Slim shrugged from his casual lean in the chair at the table, arm tossed over the back of the chair and legs spread like he was trying very hard to be cool. Then again, every time that Papyrus had glanced down at the before looking up again, Slim had changed positions. This was likely just another pose in a vast majority of poses.

“Course I’m sure! What, ya don’t trust me?” Papyrus gave him a look out of the corner of his eyes, raising a brow. Slim snickered. “Look, you came to me about how to woo him, right? And I can assure you that  _ that-” _ he jabbed a finger in the direction of the book, “would cause me to swoon my little ass off within seconds.”

Papyrus frowned, carefully sliding off one of his gloves and gently turning to a marker that was set in the center, humming as he read over the page. It was nowhere near anything that he had tried before, or anything that he had even thought of trying. But… His own dating manual was getting him nowhere, and Slim was the closest thing to Stretch he could get. In terms of a Papyrus, at least. He  _ could _ ask Sans or Blue, but Sans would just give him the teasing older brother look before making crass jokes about “boning,” and Blue would probably give him false information so that his attempts resulted in failure.

Embarrassing either way.

“I’m not trying to woo you,” he groaned, frustration building in his chest, “I’m trying to woo Stretch!”

Slim hummed, tenting his fingers in front of his teeth. “And I assure you, Stretch will be wooed out of his fucking mind.” He paused after that, looking off to the side as he muttered to himself. “Woo. That’s a fun word. Woo woo woo woo woo woo w-”

Papyrus sighed, waving as he left Slim to his woo-ing, rubbing his temples as he walked down into the basement. He was getting tired of the word ‘woo.’ Seduce was too sexual, though, and although that may be in the future. He shook his head with a grumble, clicking on the machine and letting it start up so he could go back home. The loading bar moved slowly across the screen, and he opened the book once more in his boredom, flipping through the first few pages. One phrase in particular caught his eye.

_ “Capture their heart.” _

The machine beeped when the loading was done, and with a satisfied nod Papyrus closed the book, tucking it under his arm and stepping through. He was going to capture Stretch’s heart, and the book was going to help him do that.

It hadn’t taken long to put his plan into effect. There were some part in the new manual that were very similar to his own! For example, they both said that being kind and affectionate were crucial first steps, and since he had already accomplished that with his first manual, he decided to skip it. The next step was to assure the other’s affection for yourself, and the book gave him a situation that he should set up for the greatest amount of success.

Stretch was lounging at the kitchen table behind him, occasionally saying a pun or two as he watched him prepare spaghetti. Stretch was funny, in that sense, not really overdoing the puns but using them as starters for conversation. Either he felt similarly to himself about puns (they were both Papyruses, after all) or he was aware of the fact that he was able to tolerate puns better when they weren’t rapid fire like Sans’s own.

He heard the other yawn. “How’s the food coming?”

Papyrus leaned over the pot, looking down at the tortellini inside the broth before going back to his chopping. “It’s cooking!”

Stretch snorted, laying his head down on his arms and closing his eyes. Papyrus glanced over his shoulder at Stretch, seeing the other had closed his eyes, and with a grin he cleared his throat, slowing his chopping of the tomato in front of him. “Stretch?”

“Yea, Paps?” The other cracked open an eye, and Papyrus took in a slow breath as he cleared his face of any expression.

He turned, knife held tight in his grip and the blade still dripping red from his cutting, looking Stretch dead in the eye. “You enjoy being around me, right?”

Stretch gave a soft smile, opening his mouth to respond, but his eyelights flickered and his grin became strained as he looked at the knife. “Uh, y-yea?”

Papyrus stared at him for a while longer before he grinned, turning and giving one final chop to the tomato before lifting the cutting board and scraping the pieces off into the pot. The first step was complete, and it went exactly as the book had detailed! Granted, the methods seemed a bit unorthodox, but if the steps were this easy to follow, then-

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor drew him out of his thoughts, and he turned his head to see Stretch paused mid-step, eyes wide and direction very obviously towards that of the door. He was… trying to leave?

Stretch chuckled, looking away and scratching the back of his head. “It’s getting kinda late, huh? I should, uh, probably get going. Don’t want Blue to worry about me.” Papyrus looked up at the clock that was hanging above the entryway, seeing that it was barely past two in the afternoon. Stretch flicked his own eyes up to follow his gaze, posture becoming more rigid and nervous. “So I’ll see you some other time, right?”

Papyrus had already skimmed over most of the next few steps- it was never good to read instructions as they came in a manual- and the chapter on “Keeping Your Lover” suddenly made sense. He had assumed it was just a brash way of ensuring the relationship’s continuation, but now the chains and rope had an actual place. It was… a bit concerning, if he were to be entirely honest.

Stretch tucked his head down, making his way quickly to the door, and in a moment of panic Papyrus turned him blue, moving him back to the table and sitting him down. The other was wide-eyed and tense, looking like he had that one time he had gotten off of a roller coaster at a nearby amusement park. Though that expression likely had less to do with adrenaline-fueled terror and more to do with the fact that Papyrus had basically kidnapped him at this point. Oh boy.

There was a chapter in the manual about kidnapping that he had remembered seeing, though he had yet to read it. Maybe there was something in there that would help him? He pulled the book out, quickly flipping to the page and skimming through the chapter. He closed it shortly after, resting it on the counter and tenting his fingers in front of his mouth. No, he was going to do none of those things.

The blue magic holding Stretch dissipated, and the other took in a slow breath, hand rubbing over his sternum. “Hey, Papyrus, what the  _ hell.” _

“Language,” he chided, though the tone of it made him flinch. He chanced a glance up to see Stretch looking at him in some fear and confusion, with something like anger ticking around the edges. Honestly, he couldn’t blame him. “I’m… sorry?”

Stretch ran a hand over his head, the dull scrape of bone on bone making him wince. “What  _ was _ that?”

Papyrus took in a breath, clasping his hands behind his back as he looked down at the floor. “The… dating manual that I’ve been using hasn’t been the most effective, and since you and Slim are somewhat similar I asked him about what I should do, and he gave me-” he moved a hand, giving the evil book a harsh poke with his finger-  _ “that, _ which also wasn’t the most effective.”

Stretch stared at him for a moment before motioning for the book, and with a small sigh Papyrus handed it to him, watching as the other read the cover. “ _ The Yandere’s Guide to Dating- _ Slim, what the  _ fuck.” _ Stretch looked up at him, and Papyrus was relieved to see that the fear had faded, though he still seemed fairly ticked. “Why would you trust Slim with anything ever?”

He huffed. “He’s my friend!”

“Then you should  _ know.” _

He crossed his arms in front of his chest, tucking his head down. “...I was running low on options.”

Stretch huffed out something that may have been a laugh, carelessly tossing the book to the side. It was awkwardly silent for a few moments before the other clicked his tongue. “A… date?”

Papyrus stiffened, giving a curt nod before turning back to his soup. “Yes, it’s a type of fruit. Very high in fiber, from what I’ve heard.”

The laugh that Stretch gave at that was genuine, and Papyrus relaxed a little, looking down at the broth inside of the pot. “Would you… still be willing to go on a date with me? An actual date,” he said, before the other could make some kind of pun about fruit.

Stretch gave a small hum, a light blush on his cheekbones as he shifted from foot to foot. “As long as that’s not involved,” he murmured, jerking his head in the direction of the manual with a glare at the paper, “then yes.”

Papyrus nodded before he could stop himself. He was just grateful that he hadn’t ruined things.

* * *

 

**slim jim:** so it worked

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** Technically, yes, but that doesn’t make it okay!

**slim jim:** but it worked

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** SLIM.

IT WORKED.

BUT IT WAS A BAD THING TO RECOMMEND TO ME.

**slim jim:** buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut 

you guys are dating now.

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** You’re intolerable.

**slim jim:** eh 

i can prob live with that

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** Why do you even have that book to begin with?!

**slim jim:** remember when fell disappeared for a few days

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** …

**slim jim:** and then after he reappeared him and my brother started dating

or fucking

something like that

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** You’re joking.

**slim jim:** no lol

works every time ;)

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** And Red was just fine with this?!

**slim jim:** once they explained it to him yea

and such is the manner of courtship in a fellverse

isnt romance beautiful

get all up in that good affection

**COOLEST_PAPYRUS:** Words cannot describe the emotions that I am currently feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> make sure you leave a vote for the 50 chapter special if you want

**Author's Note:**

> want to yell at me? want to not yell at me? want to just go to a blog that rarely ever posts at all? well, hop on over to my [tumblr](https://ollie-oxen-free.tumblr.com/) and just fuckig,,., do whatever
> 
> i crave attention


End file.
